In Memoriam

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We got off to a rocky start in the Ubers PS! room, but as it turned out, you are a really cool person. Even though we didn't talk much, I am glad we shared what we did, at least for a little while. We haven't seen each other anywhere on the interwebs in months, but even still, it will be strange to me that I will never see you again, in this world at least. Your presence will be very anywhere, even the beyond. Your family and friends shall be in my prayers, but most importantly, I hope you are at peace with whatever fears drove you to this tragic conclusion. I am only still human so you probably understand much more than I, or any of us still bound here do. I know you will be just as welcoming to anyone or anything you meet. I also hope to meet you someday should I not condemn myself further. Rest in peace Benja.
 
Sadly can't say I knew him as well as some of the others here, considering I haven't been visiting IRC lately nor have I been playing doubles a lot, but from what I got from the times I did see him around and from the stories friends of him post in here, it looks like we lost an amazing user and a friend of many and I am sincerely sorry both for Benja, who must have been in a state of total desperation to resort to suicide, and for everyone who was friends with Benja. Please talk to each other about it as much as possible, share how you feel about it on irc, Skype, or wherever, but please don't keep your feelings for yourself, it is essential that you have a place to vent when you're deeply affected by the loss of a great friend. Also, like others have mentioned, if you are depressed yourself, talk about it to people, and if you suspect someone here is struggling with himself, don't hesitate to give that person some extra attention and to ask if something's wrong, make sure that he feels like he belongs and that people sincerely care about him.

Finally, I just want to mention that nobody, absolutely nobody, should feel guilty about this tragedy. I know there are always people who feel like they "could have prevented it" or whatever, but that isn't true. From what I understand, many of you were happy to be around Benja and treated him like a friend, which is all you could have done. No one here could have know how he felt about himself and no one could have singlehandedly pulled him out of it. I cannot stress this enough.

I hope Benja has found peace and that in time, the doubles community, Benja's friends, will recover from this loss.
 
I didn't know you personally and to be honest i never heard about you since i used to stay in my community which is OU and don't show interest to other community, but this is a tragic news and i let you know that i'm fully affected by this, my brother once tried to take his life and i know how it feel to be in such an awful situation, my sincerest condoleances.
 
I never know what to believe when people talk about god and heaven, but with whats happened i really wanna believe right now. You were the type of dude i could sit in a retarded battle like this while we talked about inconsequential garbage over skype. We all have some skeletons in our closet and I wish I could have found out yours and helped you get rid of them before it was too late but i guess life doesn't play out quite how it should huh.

I never really had a lot of time for rap, but when you dropped your mixtape I listened to it all the way through. At first it was just friendly gesture, but as time went by I realised how fire you were. I started PMing other friends on site and I remember discussing my favorite tracks with Stratos. Going back, I just wish I listened to it more closely. It isn't just music, it was your life, and now it's your legacy. Post-mortem, the words are the same but they take on a different meaning. I find myself listening to it masochistically for closure and I'm crying dude.

It's easy to say suicide is a step you should never take, but having almost taken that step myself in the past I can see how easy it is. Depression comes from a friction between your reality and your ideals, it's very difficult to break the thoughts that suggest your reality is no where near what you want. I've spent a lot of time hating the world and how I live but I guess I found my peace somewhere along the way and I'm mostly out of that mindset.

I don't blame myself for what's happened, but I wish I could have helped you.

You were fire buddy, peace.
 
Benja, I unfortunately may not have known you personally, but you sound like a great player, and an even better friend to many people. I send my personal condolences to everybody affected by this sorrowful event; to both friends and family of Benja. Hopefully other users of Smogon/Showdown can find help and loving support with their own problems, either on-site or not. R.I.P. Benja, you will be missed.
 
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As Kyle said, I really appreciate everyone who's been stopping by the PS room to convey their condolences. It brings a smile to my teared-up face to see so many who didn't even know the guy express their grief for the terrible misfortune that has happened. Your support means so much to this community and I can't thank you enough for helping Benja's friends during this tragedy.
 
man,

you were one of the better guys ive had the pleasure of interacting with. you were a p cool guy and we got along fine as well. you were always there for testing with mons and talking about random doubles stuff like never having used Azu seriously before and shit. you were a great presence and friend, and this loss has truly been devastating.

i was there when you were first starting out doubles. i still remember the time when you tried to challenge me 7-ish times while you were just starting out and you only won 1 game; to see you as grow into one of the better doubles players ive seen was a great pleasure. you were a cool guy, you were swag, and you were real.

all condolences go to your family and friends. you're in a better place now friend
 
I've never heard of benja since I've never been involved with doubles, but this is really tragic to hear. My best friend has been struggling with depression for the past few years and I've seen repeatedly how hard it is to stay strong. It's really nice to see all the love and support from Benja's friends, from smogon staff, and from just random guys like myself. Make sure to tell people that they matter, and that you care, online and most definitely in real life, you never know how far a small gesture can go. Again, this is really a tragedy and I find myself tearing up reading all these nice posts about a guy that I never was able to meet and clearly left us far too early. Rest in Peace <3
 
Even if I don't spend a lot of time in the Doubles room and on IRC, I have heard of Benja more then once. This fact very tragic for the whole community and of course for his parents, friends, and relatives. We won't forget you Benja, rest in peace fren.
 
Rip Benja. My condolences to Benja's family and friends (whether they see this or not), having gone through similar experiences relating to the suicides and deaths of friends and family, I know how hard this is for you right now, but I can insure you things will get better and that Benja will continue to look over you all.
 
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this hits frighteningly close to home, i'm frankly tearing up reading these and i keep trying to type but i'm not sure how to talk about this

my heart goes out to benja's friends and family. i know losing someone so close to you is both unfathomably painful and deeply personal, and i only hope that you can stay strong through this difficult time.
 
like many others, i had no idea who benja was but i've had personal experience with the tragedy of suicide, both in losing someone and having those thoughts of my own. it really is terrible when something like this happens.

my sincerest condolences to his close friends and family.
 
I will forever respect this guy for being the most straightforward of us all. Even though I haven't been the most active lately, I've known Benja for a very long time, and besides the small disagreements we've had, the positives of our shared time easily outweighed the negatives. I'm glad to see all the sympathy in from the site he spent a lot of time on, but I above all hope he will be remembered even better by family and friends of his life outside this site.
 
I hardly ever visit this forum but I just wanted to pop by and say a few things. First of all, I hope that all those who were close to him are able to find peace and closure soon. Painful to imagine what you guys are feeling, and hopefully no one else will have to feel the same. For those who were close to him and/or are badly saddened, do share your emotions with others and don't think too deeply into it or keep it to yourself if you're disturbed.

Smogon is no ordinary online community. From what I've read over and over from years ago and recent times, I've learned that there are many people here who are really awesome and there will be people who will help you. I never thought you can find support from the online that is sometimes better than from irl. If you are ever troubled, badly or otherwise, feel free to approach people, especially like tennisace since he has offered to or just friends you know. Support from online can help miles. What makes Smogon special is the people, and Smogon can pretty much change lives, for the better.

My condolences to family and friends. May he rest in peace.

And to all others who are facing problems of their own, you can also find people to lend a shoulder here. Take care everybody!
 
While I certainly didn't know Benja as well as a few other doubles players, I was really hit hard by this. He was always the battler I went to when I wanted a challenge, he was always there to help me out with teambuilding or just casual talk. He was the sort of person who helped out anyone and everyone who asked that of him but never asked for help for his own real life issues. I knew he was struggling with depression and that his mix-tape was the only thing that kept him going, but nothing beyond that. I just wish I'd gotten to know him better as a person and not just as the great battler and rapper that he was.
I'd also like to echo some other people here and show my appreciation for everyone that's stopped by the doubles room to offer their condolences, it meant a lot to me and other doubles players.
 
A few days ago I saw on facebook that Benja had been missing for about a day. I shared this news with they skype group that both of us we're in and we came to the conclusion that he was probably just at a friends house or something. To my horror, I found out a few days ago of Benja's passing. I can honestly say that reading about this news, then having to relay this tragedy to my friends was maybe the hardest thing I've had to do. Benja and I joined the Smogon Doubles community at roughly the same time and became great friends as we learned the tier together. He was so genuine and willing to help no matter what my issue was. I can distinctly remember a night where I had absolutely no idea how to do any of my calculus work and I had a test the next day. Benja took the time to explain the concepts to me even though it was completely out of his way. This was just the type of guy he was. I'm gonna miss so many things about you, Banjo. Rest in peace my friend.

Thanks to everyone for their continued support during this time. It really means a lot.
 
Rip my dude, didn't know you well but we shared a few words here and there.

smogon really isn't the best place in the world and we have a lot of rude dudes here (including me at times), but if you ever need help with something like this don't hesitate to ask.
 
It's no secret me and Benja had our issues in the past, and I'm glad we could move past them and become friends. I spoke with him about our problems on a few occasions, and although I didn't know him as well as I'd like to have, I'll miss him and this was incredibly saddening to hear about.

He showed me tons of music I wouldn't have come across otherwise, and as a musician myself I can't thank him enough for that. Thoughts go out to his family and friends.
 
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