A Quick Comeback - My First (OU) Warstory

Disclaimer: Long time lurker, not the best battler. I dont expect that this warstory will be highly rated, but being my first i think it is very good, and the battle itself was good. I welcome any constructive critism on how i can improve my future Warstory-ing.


Well after having to delay testing for my new Bulky offence team with the Smogon Official Server (and none of the other servers wanting to load for me) going down, I was able to get back into battling with it, and had this Quick, but good battle. I did not get a chance to ask permission from my opponant to use his name in the warstory, so his name will be omitted.

My Team:
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Opponant's team will be at the bottom, since i had no prior knowledge of it.

Blue Text is my moves, Red is opponants, Black is normal battle log, Italics are my comments.

Leftovers will be removed. (Celebi and Suicune on my side, none of the opponants)
Nicknames will be removed.
Sandstorm/hail damage will be removed.
Scores will be shown after each KO.


Rules: Ladder Match, Sleep Clause, Freeze Clause, OHKO Clause, Evasion Clause, Species Clause, Strict Damage Clause, Soul Dew Clause
zephyr711 sent out Mamoswine (lvl 100 Mamoswine ?).
Opponant sent out Heatran (lvl 100 Heatran ?).


Lead Mamo vs Lead Tran. I know with Shuca i likely wont OHKO. I know he will probably SR up and i can survive any hit with sash so i choose to SR up as well, even though ive never felt like it was that great of a move.


Heatran used Flamethrower.
It's super effective!
Mamoswine lost 100% of its health.
Mamoswine hung on using its Focus Sash!
Mamoswine was burned!
Mamoswine used Stealth Rock.
Pointed stones float in the air around the foe's team!
Mamoswine was hurt by its burn!
Mamoswine lost 0% of its health.
zephyr711's Mamoswine fainted.

(5-6)
---
zephyr711 switched in Heatran (lvl 100 Heatran ?).

Well that didnt turn out well. The burn made me lose Mamo when i could have still dealt a heavy blow to the enemy Tran. I was also outsped, which since i run Adamant max speed on Mamo, means the enemy Tran is running a +Speed nature unlike most lead Trans. This + Flamethrower makes me think it might possibly be specs to try and OHKO enemy lead Trans and Metas through Occa/Shuca. I decide even if its still Shuca my best bet is my own Heatran. I can possibly fake scarf making him switch after SRing up, force a switch if hes Specs, or 2HKO him with EP as he SRs and live through his EP with Shuca if he hits me with it.


(O)Heatran used Earth Power.
It's super effective!
(Z)Heatran lost 65% of its health.
The Shuca Berry weakened Earth Power's power!
(Z)Heatran used Earth Power.
It's super effective!
(O)Heatran lost 74% of its health.
The Shuca Berry weakened Earth Power's power!
---

Well my "surprise" is shown right away. Im surprised he didnt SR up or switch, but with hindsight i realize he probably saw an easy OHKO while being able to live through my EP. I learn that he is 100% max speed as well. I think with the damage hes caused so far hell just try and SR up before he dies, since he doesnt know if i run max speed or not, and decide to EP for the KO.


Opponant switched in Azelf (lvl 100 Azelf).
Pointed stones dug into Azelf.
Azelf lost 12% of its health.
Azelf makes ground moves miss with Levitate!
Heatran used Earth Power.
Heatran's attack missed!
---

Azelf switches in for free, but what can it possibly do to Heatran? Standard Psychic/Fire blast/Grass Knot Set is walled by Tran, Exploding would be stupid, and Tricking Scarf or Specs would be beyong stupid. Theres no point in him trying to bait a Flashfire for his Tran since he would still likely be facing a speed tie (in his mind, we know he would be), and even if he was suicune would laugh at his fire attack. I decide not to try and predict and just Fire Blast away.


Opponant switched in Infernape (lvl 100 Infernape ?).
Pointed stones dug into Infernape.
Infernape lost 12% of its health.
Heatran used Fire Blast.
It's not very effective...
Infernape lost 50% of its health.
---

Nape comes in, and is already down to nearly 1/3rd his health, although if i had EPed like i should of hedve been OHKOed. I know he outspeeds me and will KO me with his STAB Fighting attack, but with all the possible sets Nape can run, i decide to sac Tran to try and figure out which one, and if he tries to NP or SD predicting a switch he'll lose his nape.


Infernape used Vacuum Wave.
It's super effective!
Heatran lost 35% of its health.
zephyr711's Heatran fainted.
(4-6)
Infernape lost 10% of its health.
---
zephyr711 switched in Suicune (lvl 100 Suicune).

Vaccum Wave with Life Orb. Its got to be a Nasty Plot set. Since most Napes wouldnt like to be walled by Blissey, i assume hes still running CC and switch in Suicune to threaten it. I dont think hes running GK but even if he is i can easily live an unboosted hit from it, so i decide to CM up.


Suicune is exerting its pressure!
Infernape used Nasty Plot.
Infernape's special attack was sharply raised.
Suicune used Calm Mind.
Suicune's special attack was raised.
Suicune's special defence was raised.
---

I was hoping hed either switch out or attack with Cune threatening a KO. If hes got GK hes gonna take off alot of health now, and i cant risk anything other then surf now.


Infernape used Focus Blast.
Suicune lost 66% of its health.
Infernape lost 10% of its health.
Suicune used Surf.
It's super effective!
Infernape lost 18% of its health.
Opponant's Infernape fainted.
(4-5)
---
Opponant switched in Heatran (lvl 100 Heatran ?).

Focus Blast... Forgot about that. Wish it wouldve missed, but oh well. He brings in Heatran for some reason. He cant do anything to me other then SR or Explode, and either way i get a kill. Suicune is my most expendable poke i feel, so hes my choice to take the explosion anyway.


Pointed stones dug into Heatran.
Heatran lost 12% of its health.
Heatran used Explosion.
Suicune lost 40% of its health.
zephyr711's Suicune fainted.
(3-5)
Opponant's Heatran fainted.
(3-4)
---

Predictably he exploded, i hope Suicune wont be needed later. I look at his team and see alot of special sweepers, and since he seems to be very offensive, so i expect a physical sweeper, and so i decide to send out celebi who can handle most things pretty well, even Scizor with HP Fire.


zephyr711 switched in Celebi (lvl 100 Celebi).
Opponant switched in Gengar (lvl 100 Gengar ?).
Pointed stones dug into Gengar.
Gengar lost 12% of its health.

UHOH. Gengar destroys Celebi, this was a bad blind switch-in for me. Both Scizor and T-tar can handle Gengar well enough, unless its got Sub and HP Fire, in which case its GG (Unless FB misses T-tar twice in a row). Either way Ttar is my best choice, since if its choiced i can force it out and get in a free DD.


zephyr711 switched in Tyranitar (lvl 100 Tyranitar ?).
Tyranitar's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm!
A sandstorm brewed!
Gengar used Shadow Ball.
It's not very effective...
Tyranitar lost 18% of its health.
Gengar lost 10% of its health.
---

The weak blow bounces off my Tyranitar's hide. I see he is running LO so he probably doesnt have HP Fire and sub. I decide i want to get Scizor in on him to BP him away, but i dont want him taking a Focus Blast on the way in so i switch in Celebi to take it.


zephyr711 switched in Celebi (lvl 100 Celebi).
Gengar used Focus Blast.
Gengar's attack missed!
---

Miss doesnt matter much, since Celebi would LOL at the damage anyway. Even though he might predict a T-Tar switch in with FB expecting me to try and wear him down with SS + LO, i still switch in Scizor to take or force him out.


zephyr711 switched in Scizor (lvl 100 Scizor ?).
Gengar used Shadow Ball.
It's not very effective...
Scizor lost 35% of its health.
Gengar lost 10% of its health.
---

No prediction, just a straight out BP since his Tran is dead, and Gyara is handled easily by Celebi, Rotom by T-Tar, and Zappy by both. Not much else will enjoy switching in on Scizors CB BP.


Scizor used Bullet Punch.
Gengar lost 49% of its health.
Opponant's Gengar fainted.
(3-3)
---
Opponant switched in Empoleon (lvl 100 Empoleon ?).
Pointed stones dug into Empoleon.
Empoleon lost 6% of its health.

zephyr711: F

F is right. I kill his Gengar, but Empoleon switches in. Him leaving it till now obviously means its the deadly Sub Petaya version, who outspeeds all my pokes, and OHKOs all after a Petaya boost. If he was a rare one to use GK over Ice Beam he would not have brought it out with Celebi still out there. Emp has high Sp.D so i know Celebi wont be able to touch it w/ no SP.A evs, and Scizor is locked in so T-tar is my only choice.

zephyr711 switched in Tyranitar (lvl 100 Tyranitar ?).
Empoleon used Substitute.
Empoleon lost 25% of its health.
Empoleon made a substitute!
The sandstorm rages.
---

Tyranitar used Earthquake.
It's super effective!
The substitute took damage for Empoleon!
Empoleon's substitute faded!
Empoleon used Agility.
Empoleon's speed was sharply raised.
---

Empoleon used Substitute.
Empoleon lost 25% of its health.
Empoleon made a substitute!
Tyranitar used Earthquake.
It's super effective!
The substitute took damage for Empoleon!
Empoleon's substitute faded!
---

Empoleon used Substitute.
Empoleon lost 25% of its health.
Empoleon made a substitute!
Tyranitar used Earthquake.
It's super effective!
The substitute took damage for Empoleon!
Empoleon's substitute faded!
The sandstorm rages.
Empoleon's Petaya Berry raised its special attack!
---

Empoleon used Surf.
It's super effective!
Tyranitar lost 82% of its health.
zephyr711's Tyranitar fainted.
(2-3)
---

Nothing i could do to stop him from doing that. At this point its Game Over i think. Both pokes are outsped and OHKOed, and Scizors BP is to weak to OHKO even at 19%...

Wait! I remember my team building. I though to myself, ill never use pursuit on Scizor, so what are my other options for that spot...

And i saw a chance!

zephyr711 switched in Scizor (lvl 100 Scizor ?).
Scizor used Quick Attack.
It's not very effective...
Empoleon lost 19% of its health.
Opponant's Empoleon fainted.
(2-2)
---

YES!!! Quick Attack finishes off Empoleon, and i still have a chance. Unfortunately his Azelf can survive a QA and probably a BP with its current health, and can KO Scizor with Flamethrower and cripple Celebi as well, so if his last poke can deal much damage to Celebi its probably still over.

Opponant switched in Jolteon (lvl 100 Jolteon ?).

Jolteon??? Wow hes all special sweepers, but why would he send this out now? Azelf could finish Scizor off most likely. Jolteon often carries Signal Beam or Shadow Ball which will kill Celebi, and since its switched in now, its probably not Specs which would give Celebi a free switch in if it Thunderbolts, and allow me to freely T-Wave his Azelf and seal the game. Staying in is the best option, and i can 2HKO with QA while Scizor should hopefully live through a T-Bolt.


Pointed stones dug into Jolteon.
Jolteon lost 12% of its health.
Scizor used Quick Attack.
Jolteon lost 67% of its health.
Jolteon used Hidden Power.
It's not very effective...
Scizor lost 8% of its health.
Jolteon lost 10% of its health.
---

Hp Ice? Thats surprising since if he was expecting a Celebi switch in Shadow Ball or Signal Beam wouldve done more, and most Sweeper Jolts carry at least one of those. QA for the KO


Scizor used Quick Attack.
Jolteon lost 5% of its health.
Opponant's Jolteon fainted.
(2-1)
---
Opponant switched in Azelf (lvl 100 Azelf).

His Azelf comes back in. I decide to stay in and KO it with QA knowing my Celebi can survive a hit and finish it off if i fail a KO

Pointed stones dug into Azelf.
Azelf lost 12% of its health.
Scizor used Quick Attack.
Azelf lost 55% of its health.
Azelf used Flamethrower.
It's super effective!
Scizor lost 57% of its health.
zephyr711's Scizor fainted.
(1-1)
Azelf lost 10% of its health.
---

Azelf is left with 4% so it wont survive LO Recoil or if it doesnt attack, My attack/SS. With LO Celebi should be able to survive a Flamethrower with plenty to spare barring a crit.


zephyr711 switched in Celebi (lvl 100 Celebi).
Azelf used Flamethrower.
It's super effective!
Celebi lost 66% of its health.
Azelf lost 4% of its health.
Opponant's Azelf fainted.
(1-0)
zephyr711 wins!

No crit-hax and Celebi escapes to win me the battle. Oh, and btw:

Scizors CB QA vs 12 Hp/12 Def Empoleon (Standard SubPetaya spread):

591 Atk vs 215 Def & 312 HP (60 Base Power): 59 - 70 (18.91% - 22.44%)

which means he has little chance to survive, but had i not had SR up he would have survived and swept.

(CB BP does only 14.10% - 16.67%, no chance to KO)


Props:
- Scizor (who i hate tbh) Pulling off a sweep with a Priority move not named Bullet Punch
- Suicune for taking a Stab +2 120 BP Move and koing back
- Celebi for surviving to win me the battle
- His Empoleon for nearly pulling off the Sweep for him
- His Heatran for Killing 2 pokes and cripling another
- Very little Hax
- A quick but exciting fun battle
- Defeating a full out Special team without any dedicated Special wall

Slops:
- Mamoswine for not wearing sunblock D:
- Tyranitar for not sweeping End-Game
- Switching my Heatran into an obviously Shuca Tran
- battle wasnt long enough :(
- Me for misspelling Comeback >.>

Opponants Team (In Order of appearance):

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Hope you enjoyed my first warstory! Any constructive criticism is accepted and will hopefully make future ones better.

This log was formatted using Warmachine Version 1.0
 
I liked this warstory, i dont read much of them though so i dont know what a "good" warstory is. but i enjoyed this battle!
 
Thanks Viper, ive read em all pretty much, so i think my formatting itself is pretty good, i know the battle isnt the best, but since most of my teams not having a ton of OU pokes (ie most of my teams) usually have me win easily or lose badly ive been on the lookout for a decent battle to story
 
You never expect your opponent's name to be Opponant, lol.

The battle is okay, and your comments are good. I like how you predict.

8/10
 
I liked the warstory quite a bit since it's no fluff, no hax, just good. A note on the props, Suicune had CMed so that +2 STAB Base 120 move survival isn't as cool :P


Good job.
 
Well, it isn't bad, but it could've been better. The thing that gives warstories the kick that they need to be exellent is the above average prediction and in-depth strategy. This battle was plain out Sweep-Counter-Threaten-Sweep-Counter.
Though for a first, your writing was very good, though a bit strategy (for winning, ect, ect, not for the next 2-3 turns...) will never hurt next time.

I was a bit dissapointed from the first scenario though: Running Adamant Mamo is asking for ShucaTran problems.
I was also outsped, which since i run Adamant max speed on Mamo, means the enemy Tran is running a +Speed nature unlike most lead Trans.
99% of them run Timid, so your statment isn't correct.
Well that didnt turn out well. The burn made me lose Mamo when i could have still dealt a heavy blow to the enemy Tran.
Also, the burn didn't matter much. The only thing you could've done with him afterwards was Ice Shard, or leaving him for fodder of course. Actually, a free switch in via death fodder would've helped you greatly in this battle, but that wasn't even in your thought process, so there you go. I don't blame you though - who knew?

I liked the Quick Attack action though, witch was a big refreshment from all of the standard-CB-Scizor running around. Nobody uses Pursuit anymore, as people prefer to U-Turn out to KO a pokemon waiting for Pursuit for some odd reason, and then the opponent has a switching advantage. So basicly, Pursuit is usually a waste of a moveslot. It's nice to finally see someone who acts and does something new, and to great affect. QA Scizor is somewhat like BP Lucario, just with a 'free moveslot' to put it in. Pursuit is basicly only for those who actually plan to use it. 0_0

Well, this isn't the place for my Scizor-chatter, so to make a long story short, it was an above average warstory, mostly thanks to your above average writing. This was a good read.
 
Hmm i thought most Trans used +SpA, but i cant check stats cause it freezes my comp everytime i try, im definately switching to Jolly on Mamo then. And death fodder would definately have helped alot.

Also, pretty much my thinking when i put QA on Scizor, if i pursuit a Starmie/Zelf/Gar/etc... i give SDCario a free SD and if its got crunch its got me, wheras with QA i just instead U-Turn out in thos sits, and QA helps when i need to revenge certain pokes that resist BP like Nape, Jolt, and of course, Empoleon.

I also realize the battle itself wasnt the best, so hearing that my writing was pretty good is nice, since i put alot of effort into trying to make this a good warstory, and specifically tried to make sure it wasnt like alot of other peoples first warstories, which usually arent very good.
 
I quite liked this warstory, definately enertaining. Pretty hax free, and quite short.

I especially liked your comments, they were really explanitory and the right length. Well done.
 
The assumption on LeadTran at this point is that it is always Max+ Shucca. Expecting otherwise leads to situations like the one you just saw.

In addition, one of the main reasons to use lead mamo in the first place is that he can OHKO ShuccaTran through Shucca berry with Earthquake.

Other than that this was pretty interesting. I have no idea what his Infernape was doing with Vacuum Wave/Focus Blast/X/Nasty Plot, since that is not a great set. I also don't know why he switched it in when he did.
 
I liked this warstory, it was pretty good and well written (except maybe with some grammar mistakes E.G:opponant)

What I found weird was Azelf switching in to Heatran (to take EP maybe?)
But overall, good warstory, and great for a first.
 
Overall, this was not a bad warstory. Albeit, the battle could've been better, but not bad.

and btw:
394 Atk vs 246 Def & 332 HP (100 Base Power): 344 - 408 (103.61% - 122.89%)

Your Mamo always OHKOes 32 HP / 0 Def ShucaTran.
 
Thanks for the comments, ive only started doing damage calcs more since this story, so i wasnt sure id OHKO Tran through shuca with Mamo, but now that i know that i can that will help with future battles, oh and Opponant wasnt his name, i subbed out his name since i didnt ask if he was ok with being in a warstory
 
This wasn't bad. Maybe not the best battle to warstory, but your thought process was clear and you made some nice plays.

Nice job, especially for a first!
 
This wasn't bad. Maybe not the best battle to warstory, but your thought process was clear and you made some nice plays.

Nice job, especially for a first!

Thank you, i know the battle wasnt the best and my team is kinda generic, but its the best battle so far that ive found, and for my first i feel like i really did a good job myself, and i hope people will judge more on that then against the really great ones in the Archive, which before i made this i knew it would have no shot getting in there, but you gotta start somewhere.
 
I'm surprised no one noticed that your opponent is using the Greek RMT team modified for standard. He just switched in Heatran over Manaphy and used that as a lead instead of Azelf.

He predicted too much though. Otherwise he might have won. It was cool howb you sort of just played it strait and let him implode on himself lol. It seemed that you never really had a longterm plan though. I think that showing a longterm strategy is important in worstories. For an example go check the newest one in the warstory archive by Eo Ut Mortus.

Overall good warstory for the first time. You should explain your thinking more and add more comments, and maybe show a battle with more prediction in it. Having your opponent collaborate with you is also cool, but since he is using hyper offense he might not have had much to say. I think that the battle you used was the problem. Warstories involving two bulky offense teams are usually more interesting, longer and have more prediction.
 
I'm surprised no one noticed that your opponent is using the Greek RMT team modified for standard. He just switched in Heatran over Manaphy and used that as a lead instead of Azelf.

He predicted too much though. Otherwise he might have won. It was cool howb you sort of just played it strait and let him implode on himself lol. It seemed that you never really had a longterm plan though. I think that showing a longterm strategy is important in worstories. For an example go check the newest one in the warstory archive by Eo Ut Mortus.

Overall good warstory for the first time. You should explain your thinking more and add more comments, and maybe show a battle with more prediction in it. Having your opponent collaborate with you is also cool, but since he is using hyper offense he might not have had much to say. I think that the battle you used was the problem. Warstories involving two bulky offense teams are usually more interesting, longer and have more prediction.

This is the kind of comment i like to see. Says what i did well and what i need to work on. I didnt have a long term strategy, because i act a bit too fast sometimes, plus i didnt know all of his pokes until it was basically at the end.

I have read nearly all the warstories in the Archive though, some several times because i like them alot. It was through that that i was able to try and apply what ive seen make those successful into my own Story, although first-hand experience also helps when making them and ive got some now.

I also think the battle was the problem, but as im not the best, i end of facing not as good opponants, so very few of them do too much predicting, and the ones i have noticed who do it usually ends up with one or two predictions either costing me a pokemon and makes me unable to break the stall team, or me being able to get off a DD with Tar and sweep with it, making them not that close, and not much prediction after those happen
 
i dont think the guy should have brought out empoleon as early as he did.

he brought it out at a good time, because he outsped and OHKOed my entire team after a Petaya boost, and he had a prime set-up opportunity in a CB BP. Few Scizors carry QA which was the only thing that could have stopped him at that point, so it was a pretty easy decision for him, and in that situation i would have done the exact same thing in setting up Emp
 
I actually used SubPetayaEmpoleon once,and Scizor stopped my sweep every time. But personal expierences aside, it was a great warstory.
 
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