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I'm gonna be real with y'all real quick. I'm waiting for a penny to drop in my personal life. My grandpa is in hospice and once he passes, we'll be scrambling to move my grandmother out from the west coast and put her in a nice apartment here in Kansas. I'm not sure exactly when it's going to happen, other than very likely to be soon. But when it does happen, I'll be putting the walrus on hiatus until she's settled in.
Welcome to The Masked Walrus! Today begins our three part suite celebrating the celebrities who make The Masked Singer possible. This week is all about music and the music industry. Walrus is already about music, but now we get to be meta about it.
We also got to try a new format in the live reveal today. Discord and Google are still intent on killing YouTube integration for Discord bots and the current format for walrus reveals is suffering all the more for it. But with the help of Hyperbeam, we won't have to nix the use of YouTube links and limit submission options for future walruses. Heck, this might even spell the return of music video-based categories to walrus! I'll probably be simulcasting live reveals between Discord and Hyperbeam from now on.
And speaking of not restricting ourselves from a wealth of music, let's get on with today's episode.
Bit of a curious timbre to her voice. I wanna say it’s not exactly a bad timbre, but the longer I listen to it the more willing I am to accept the possibility of never hearing it again.
The pitch on the chorus is just a hair’s breadth shy of a hard no. It’s alright otherwise, but y’all keep playing chicken with pitch shifting without even realizing taking it in the other direction is better for your scores. You’ll see what I mean by that in my next walrus.
I can accept a 30 second music video intro about laying in the tanning booth while your fans are lined up outside. But did you SERIOUSLY send me the CLEAN VERSION of an EMINEM SONG?! I AM YELLING YOUR USERNAME AT THE SCREEN RIGHT NOW.
I was gonna write down a long winded anecdote about how my dad used to work as a roadie, but while I was thinking about ye olde times, I zoned out and missed the lyrics for the fifth time in a row. Shame, this is a pretty good song, but my attention keeps slipping away from it like butter on teflon. Aaaand I zoned back in to the weirdass falsetto. I, um… hmmm.
Tied for 11th Place
Submitted by Curly Insides
Score: 8.6
Okay, we at the poetry slam now. And the, uh, instrumental music slam? Oh, there’s the vocals. This is pretty pleasant tbh. It’s also somehow confbiasing my MNIN read for inexplicable reasons.
Yeah, I kinda dig this. Indie rock and/or bands that sound reminiscent of The Beatles don’t always hit with me, but I love what the keyboards are doing here.
Tied for 7th Place
Submitted by Lily of the Valley
Score: 8.8
Why does the video have timestamp points for the labeled sections of the song? No, seriously, who are they expecting to go “I love this song, specifically the post hook. I wish I could just click directly on the post hook and listen to only that part”. Thinking about it is almost distracting me from this catchy bop.
Tied for 4th Place
Submitted by Hanuman
Score: 9.0
I love how the various instruments come together behind the message of the vocals. The banjo, piano, synths, etc, jumping in and out to give it a very palpable “this could be any singer, any band you know” feeling. Bullseye on the brief, though I hadn’t really thought about qualifier strength until hearing this one. Damn, I might have to gather my willpower not to turn back to this one while judging the rest.
We’re singing the praises of Sugar, Tabby Cat, and The Cyclopes. But this suite still has two more verses!
Next episode is The Star Power Suite: Film Favorites. If the hiatus contingency doesn’t come into effect, we’ll be tearing our ticket stubs on Thursday December 7th at 2pm CST.
Welcome to The Masked Walrus! Today we're continuing our three part suite celebrating the celebrities who make The Masked Singer possible. This week's category is about movies, TV, actors, and the industry. But first, a word from our sponsors.
This episode of The Masked Walrus is brought to you by Scary MUvie Saturdays. Double features for your viewing pleasure every Saturday until... idk, the end of time? We have enough movies to last us until next November, anyway.
Tune in tomorrow for the Vincent Price Appreciation Day Double Feature - House on Haunted Hill and The Last Man on Earth, both in glorious Technicolor!
Just, uh, DM me on Discord (or check out the #muvie-nights channel if you're in Mafia Universe's discord server) if you wanna get in on some weekly horror movie watching. All times at 4pm EST, with contingency backup for any sudden change of plans being Scary MUvie Oops, It's Sunday.
I forced myself to listen to the end. I hate her voice. This song makes dogs howl. Plus I feel slightly insulted that I asked for a song about movies or TV and you gave me a woman literally singing “Movies, TV, movies, TV”.
At first I thought you were trying to torture me, but then that fucking sick drop happened and everything got better. But I think I’ve hammered the “nightcorey shit = bad” lesson home enough times that y’all will know better next walrus.
I really shouldn’t be surprised that Papa Roach took inspiration from Fight Club. And I still don’t judge by the music video, but now that we’re using Hyperbeam for reveals, everyone can enjoy it. Everyone who isn’t afraid of cockroaches, at least.
Tied for 13th Place
Submitted by Sugar
Score: 8.5
Back to Oz by Sufjan Stevens & Angelo de Augustine
Nobody here is even close to growing tired of Sufjan Stevens, right? Right? Me neither. That falsetto ain’t quite hitting, tho.
Tied for 11th Place
Submitted by The Blown Cover
Score: 8.6
Good lord, so many of you sent me memes instead of dipping into film scores and shit like that. I don’t mind the chuckles, but really, afaik you’re the only one here who actually has a memelord license for this.
Tied for 11th Place
Submitted by Tabby Cat
Score: 8.6
Pasta sent me three damn songs for this cat and one of them was a goddamn freestyle about Caillou
PASTA WHY YOU FUCKIN’ WITH ME YOU’RE MY FAVORITE DINNER
Tied for 8th Place
Submitted by The Cyclopes
Score: 8.8
I’ve judged the same song in multiple categories before, but not like this. Still, there’s no foul here since the qualifier strength can factor into scores for certain categories like this one. We’re playing N degrees of separation with James Bond, but the film references in the verses also contribute to the qualifier. So, hey, at least you don’t have the weakest qualifier in this round.
Tied for 6th Place
Submitted by Amethyst
Score: 8.9
Man, my Brickboy read is all over the place now. I feel like I’m setting myself up to be Ken Jeong Wrong. But at least you sent me a song that’s so Ken Jeong Right.
3rd Place
Submitted by Princess Bumblebee
Score: 9.2
Nine times out of ten, when it starts with a jaunty acoustic line, it’s probably mainstream 90s pop rock. And, yes, 60% of the time it DOES work all of the time. You wouldn’t expect this to be audio comfort food for me, but I do happen to be a child of the 90s.
2nd Place
Submitted by Golden Retriever
Score: 9.3
What’s that instrument in the background at the start? Kinda neat how it’s dancing around just on the edge of things. This is grandiose, it’s glorious, it’s stirring me far more than I thought it would. Damn, Kermit, who knew you had these hidden depths to you.
Cockroach, The Cyclopes, and Sugar are sporting some nice academy awards right now. But the show must go on!
In our next episode, we’re rounding out the suite with The Star Power Suite: Play Ball! Next week is my turn at bat in Hydra Season, so I’m going to need some extra time in the judging bullpen before we finish this triple play. Let’s say… Thursday the 21st at 1:30pm CST. Don’t forget to show up early for our second Game Changing Clue!
It’s Sportsball Night on The Masked Walrus! We’re capping off the Star Power Suite by celebrating sports, athletes, and sporting events.
But before we get to the title bout, we have a special exhibition match to attend.
I bet you’re all wondering why I just upgraded the Game Changing Clue announcement to a fancy gif. It’s because for this Game Changing Clue, we asked the Masked Walrus contestants to describe themselves using only anime gifs.
Of course, all clues are optional and not everyone chose to respond. Amethyst, Nikki, Cockroach, Golden Retriever, and Sugar decided to sit this one out.
Now on to the phonetically-disputed moving pictures of mystery.
This does nothing to dispel my Bloody guess.
I think I already said I prefer Gumi-chan. But it’s a mesmerizing Blender T-pose nonetheless. My MNIN guess is pretty much locked in here anyway.
Arogame? Really? Does he even play games that aren’t mafia?
Certainly looking regal in your selfie, your highness. Perhaps you’re more of a Princess nutella outside of your alias? Or a Princess Jess?
I know exactly who this is… a serial killer. I’m kidding! I’m going to stick with my Aladyyn guess until someone can convince me otherwise. Or the unmasking time comes and I get blindsided by Shad.
And you thought it was your intro clues that gave you away. Your cover’s been blown so many times, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten a burn notice yet. I must say, though, I am tickled pink that my favorite Smogon memelord deigned to grace us with his presence.
I’m sorry, I didn’t see what that said. I’ve got a smudge on my lens. As for tossing out a guess… one of our new audience members? Maybe… Nate?
One of these contestants has to be Pulsie the Dulsie, and I’m going to guess that’s our Curly here.
Hold up! Is Metal Wooper really in this game? They're a Kongregate mod, they’re not on Smogon or MU afaik! That’s gotta be Ken Jeong Wrong!
This says everything and nothing to me… but mostly nothing. I am leaning more towards Quas now in my guess.
NGL, this is kinda how running live reveals feels. Maybe this is someone who has that same hosting experience, like idk, Quas or Dobby.
Oh? Is that katze?
Wait, no, THIS one must be katze.
A bun of mystery, huh? I know who you are… you can’t fool ME, Joey Fatone!
Well, that was certainly illustrative, if not enlightening.
This concludes our Game Changing Clue for this round. Be sure to show up early for the final live reveal of the game when we will have the answers to an absolutely game changing question: Name someone you are NOT.
But now onto the Round 6 reveal, including a header which is an official Olympic theme song.
I have a confession to make. The reason I know who BC is… apart from all the OTHER reasons I know who BC is… is he slid into my DMs before signing up and complained about how Grandaddy was already on the Use List.
Tied for 13th Place
Submitted by Curly Insides
Score: 8.6
I feel like this is only very tangentially related to boxing. By which I mean that I have to mention again that videos do not factor into judging. The song itself has quite a bit of grungy shoegazey appeal to it, even if the qualifier strength is weak. I took a few tenths off for that weak qualifier, so just know you could have kept this in your back pocket for a better score in a better walrus. Heck, you still could if you don’t mind resubbing in the future.
12th Place
Submitted by The Cartoon Hero
Score: 8.7
AND HIS NAME IS… WAIT A MINUTE, I DON’T KNOW THEIR NAME, I JUST KNOW THEIR ALIAS. STOP TRYING TO TRICK ME INTO SAYING THINGS I DON’T KNOW. I CAN NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY THAT HANUMAN IS JOHN CENA!
Tied for 10th Place
Submitted by Lily of the Valley
Score: 8.8
Just one question…. Why isn’t The Blown Cover sending me this? Could it be that he did and he’s alting as Cockroach? Or maybe someone who knows I cut my teeth on Space Jam mashups is the one who’s alting… well, except that Bloods probably would have pandered and sent Slam on Me.
The guitars and the synth seem incongruent at the start. Was that an interlude that got tacked on or what? I’m not all that used to slow jams from The Strokes. Even Someday is a little peppier than this, though this song is nothing to sneeze at. I haven’t listened to The New Abnormal yet, despite my better intentions.
Kids, sit down and lemme tell you a story. This song is based on real life events from a time before most of you were born. That’s the story, the end. Now who wants to watch The Price of Gold? No? What about I, Tonya? Ehhh, fine.
Tied for 5th Place
Submitted by White Rabbit
Score: 9.0
This is one of the first songs that comes to my mind when I think “sports songs”. While y’all have thrown some interesting choices my way this round, this is indubitably one of the sportiest songs in this round.
God, I hope this is the right version of the song. One of the reasons I think Golden Retriever is Laurel is that- like Laurel does- he didn’t include any links with his song choices.
You could have sent me their Super Bowl 50 video, you know. I almost panned this as a weak qualifier. You’re lucky I’ve looked these songs over thoroughly before judging. Damn, my outro’s gonna sound kinda paltry playing after this.
Ooh, jaunty. This is gonna get stuck in my head, isn’t it? Catch of the DAAAAAAAAY! Congratulations, you’ve made me laugh out loud listening to this. Cyclopes, I don’t know how, but you’ve done it again.
The Cyclopes, Tabby Cat, Cockroach, and Sugar… uh, something something literal podium. But we’re not ready to pass out the trophies just yet! (Hey, remember how there’s actual prizes for this walrus?)
My new year's resolution is to show off some Hidden Talents. Well, that and start going to the gym. At least one of those is going to happen on Tuesday January 9th at 2pm CST.
Also, I am perfectly fine with rerunning the Round 6 live reveal on New Year's Day if anyone wants me to.
Welp, things are happening sooner than I expected. The Hiatus Contingency is now in place. The walrus will be in TBD status until things can get settled and I don't have to put 90% of my focus on irl happenings. Thank you for putting up with this plan to completely change my priorities in life. I'll probably be back to judging your walrus submissions in a few months or so.
Welp, things are happening sooner than I expected. The Hiatus Contingency is now in place. The walrus will be in TBD status until things can get settled and I don't have to put 90% of my focus on irl happenings. Thank you for putting up with this plan to completely change my priorities in life. I'll probably be back to judging your walrus submissions in a few months or so.
