Game Freak's Birdchievements and Blunders

By ballabrown24. Art by V0x.
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Ash Ketchum had the right idea when he caught a Pidgeotto as his third career Pokémon. It became one of his most trusted Pokémon throughout Kanto, and consequently, he has always carried a bird Pokemon with him. Despite the amazingness of birds in general, Game Freak decided to lay an egg with a select few. That is, they decided to think it would be a good idea to disgrace the bird legacy by including failures that lacked the essentials to being a bird. To be exempt from such an unfortunate list, the bird Pokémon in question must be able to learn:

In addition to possessing bird-like qualities such as:

Of course, as you will see in this article, there are some exceptions that will appear. However, not all had gone wrong when Game Freak designed their birds, as there are a multitude of standouts ranging from aesthetically pleasing designs, all the way to genetic history. This article will separate the inferior from the superior, and grant certain birds the right to kacaw.

Top 3 Least Birdy Birds


Although not the least birdy of all birds, Tornadus-T is probably the most disappointing "bird" in this article. Everything in its appearance indicates that it is a bird. Its design, that sleek elegance in each of its feathers, the two beautifully angled bird-legs, the stout mustache on its face! All that crumbles to dust as soon as you learn that it doesn't learn not only Brave Bird, but yes, the bird-like species with wings, does not have the capability of learning Roost. It is a disgrace to birds everywhere, and I'm sure everyone would prefer if you resist typing "kacaw" in the PS! chat when you send out your Tornadus-T, because it brings shame to REAL birds everywhere.


Blaziken is a bird??? Yes, even I was surprised when I learned of this shocking information. Apparently chickens do in fact fall under the bird category in the animal kingdom. What truly makes Blaziken a disappointing bird is the fact that it can't fly, and not only can it not fly, but it doesn't even have wings! How can you be a bird without wings? Even in real life chickens have wings, but Game Freak seemed to have forgotten that detail when they designed Blaziken. I suppose Game Freak realized that blunder two generations later, and in order to receive Blaziken's forgiveness, they ended up giving it Speed Boost. Later, it got banned from standard OU play for that. Well at least it beat Ash's Charizard in the Johto League!


Like Blaziken, it would be hard to identify Golduck as a bird at first glance. Obviously it is a duck; it even says so in its name, though its appearance looks nothing like the amazing animal species known as the duck. The thing has no wings, has no feathers, and is shaped like a human. At least Blaziken has feathers; this thing is a bigger disgrace to birds than Tornadus-T. It doesn't learn Brave Bird or Fly, indicating that it is mediocre at best. It doesn't even learn Roost. It essentially lacks any three of the moves that qualify a Pokémon as a bird (among other things). The other two disgraceful mess-ups have at least one of the three. Its abilities don't even make sense with its species origin. If you're a duck, I'm fairly certain that you're not going to be the fastest animal in the pond, so why give it Swift Swim? Give it to a real bird, such as a penguin instead. Do not waste this ability on a lowly figure such as Golduck. The thing on its face isn't even a beak—it's a bill. What a horrible Pokemon.

Top 5 Birdy Birds


If you go back and watch the very first Pokémon episode in existence, you will find that Dodrio is the first real Pokémon ever seen by the viewer (all prior Pokémon were either in a dream or on TV). What I always questioned was the fact that it was used as a rooster in the way that it woke up Ash, but I guess that just means it is a very versatile bird. What's a better way to kick off one of the most successful animes in TV history than the beautiful kacaw of a Dodrio? Although Dodrio is based off the the ostrich species, a flightless bird, it still learns Fly, which in itself is quite a feat. When you're defying real-life logic, you know you must be beasting it up. Not only that, but it gets Brave Bird AND Roost. The wingless bird has the ability to Roost, which is almost as logic defying as Dugtrio knowing Sucker Punch. It is also the quickest bird in terms of land speed, which basically means that not only does it rule the airspace, but also Usain Bolt. Not bad, Dodrio; not bad at all.


It would be a crime to not include the bird of presents into the top five Birdy Birds for two reasons. One, a bird that hands out presents is probably the coolest thing in the world, and two, I don't want Santa Claus to put me on his naughty list for not including his little helper. I'm pretty sure this thing is based off a penguin, so the fact that it is able to fly is awesome, if I do say so myself. Fittingly enough, Delibird has access to the ability Hustle, which not only makes it an excellent choice on Christmas night, but automatically pumps up his swag levels tenfold. It also has one of the coolest signature moves imaginable in Present. True, it is a horrible move, 50% of the time you're healing the opponent, while the other 50% you do pitiful damage, but honestly how can you resist using it? The ultimate combination of cuteness and hard work, Game Freak did an excellent job on this bird.


In terms of pure coolness, Honchkrow automatically tops the bird list. I mean come on, just look at the hat on top of its head. All you need is a glance to realize that this bird just doesn't give a damn about anything. Not only is it a thug, but it even has Moxie to boot. Honestly it's like Game Freak realized that they messed up with making Murkrow a sissy back in GSC, so they made up for it by pimping it out in DPP with Honchkrow. Game Freak modeled Honchkrow after two things, the crow, a bird almost everything hates, and the mafia, who everyone hates. The only way Game Freak could have made Honchkrow look any more OG than it does now is if they took a picture of Al Capone and stuck it onto a bird body. It's a shame that the bird doesn't learn Trick, cause that's all I would imagine it doing to me if I met it in a dark alley. Well that and Sucker Punch...and Foul Play...and Thief... Yeah, not a bird I would want to meet in a dark alley.


Ah, yes, Chatot, the bird that represents the macaw, which rhymes with kacaw, which means that it is a true bird. I am not quite sure why Game Freak decided to give a macaw parakeet-esque traits, what with Chatot repeating everything it hears, but I guess Chatot was up to the challenge. Since it is technically the only bird that is able to talk, it was catapulted up this list all the way to #2. Its signature move, Chatter, is quite the move, especially considering its in-game effect. I remember every time my Chatot used Chatter in Pokemon Platinum, I was met with the beautiful sound of "Eo is a smelly gobstopper" as it proceeded to OHKO the opposing Starly. I do not know of anyone who wouldn't agree that that's pretty damn cool.


You know how Pikachu's species categorizes it as the "Mouse" species? Well, Archeops's species is literally "First Bird Pokémon". I mean, I just felt like it would be a crime if the first bird Pokémon isn't the most birdy of all the birds. Don't get me wrong; even though Archeops kinda fell into this spot by default, it still has many characteristics that make it #1. If all birds derive from Archeops (this is discounting the whole meteor ending all dinosaur life situation), then how could it be less birdy than its nieces and nephews? You can thank Archeops for your Skarmory because without it, all you would have is a lump of iron and coal, and you know what else that means. You wouldn't be getting a visit from Delibird anytime soon. Archeops just saved your Christmas. You're welcome.



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