Fashion Statement or Over-encumbered? Pokémon Held Items and How it Works
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Art by Albatross.
Introduction
Ever since held items were introduced in Gen II, they've had a massive impact to both in-game and competitive play. They've ranged from health and status-healing, power and defense-boosting, to enhancing effects of various moves and battle conditions. Since the majority of them are hidden in regular battles and only activate under the right conditions, it begs the question: How would held items actually work and look like on the Pokémon? In this article, we'll take a look at some of the more prominent ones in competitive play and analyze them, from the simple to the strange!
The straight-forward ones
Let's start with an easy one: Rocky Helmet. You slap this crude, hardhat on your Pokémon's head and it's to no surprise that it hurts when you punch it. Assault Vest, on the other hand, is fashionably easy but mechanically a bit more complicated. Extra protection is to be granted from a vest like this and the restriction of status move usage might be because of its bulky nature, which messes up the finer nature of status moves. Heavy-Duty Boots is a fan favorite in both competitive and aesthetic aspects, and its prevalent usage has led to plenty of memes of its users wearing "timbs" (from the Timberland brand of boots) or simply when its users deviate from the typical two-legged beings, which might be expected of those wearing boots, to produce hilarious results. Sticky Barb is a bit of an unorthodox pain in that it's simply stuck to its user, dealing passive damage in the process, and can even transfer to any unlucky foe making contact without an item of their own. Utility Umbrella, Protective Pads, Covert Cloak, Punching Gloves and even installed Drives / Memories on Genesect / Silvally are all examples that are easy to understand as well, rounding up this first section of held items.
Questions start to arise
Now we'll get into something that is more about the nature of held items: actually having to hold many of the items. Because, when you think about it, it's not like most Pokémon have easily available pockets or other avenues where the smaller non-wearable items can be placed without incurring the risk of them simply getting lost during a heated battle. This is especially a concern when some items like Mega Stones and Z-Crystals, while both immune to being removed by Knock Off and Trick, are vital to the execution of Mega Evolutions and Z-Moves. In the XY anime, they tried to get around this problem by having the Pokémon wear the Mega Stones attached to gear that's similar to the trainer's own Key Stones, but this was subsequently omitted in later seasons. But, to circle back, the need of actively having to hold items would probably be a great distraction and hindrance, forcing them to actually punch foes with a Life Orb or holding up a pouch of Bright Powder in their face for a chance at a missed attack to name some examples. Berries and Leftovers might be exceptions in that they can just stuff them in their mouths during battle to get them out of the way, assuming they aren't going to use some bite or breath attack, though the trigger conditions of many berries might prove complicated in such cases. To instead focus on a specific item, Lagging Tail has always been peculiar. Compared to Full Incense, the appearance of this item leaves you with a few questions: Why does an item resembling the tail of an Onix, a relatively fast Pokémon for a Rock-type, induce this kind of slowing effect? And why does it not drop from wild Onix but instead wild Slowpoke or Lickitung, both significantly slower than Onix to boot? Do you wear the Lagging Tail like a fake tail? Then there's Air Balloon, which must have some kind of unstable anti-gravitational field to be able to lift behemoths weighing in at a ton a piece, yet breaking after even the weakest hit. Loaded Dice is another item that makes you wonder: Does the Pokémon stop what they're doing and roll the dice before executing the multi-hit attack? Do other Pokémon using multi-hit moves simply roll legitimate dice before their attacks? Is there a gambling association orchestrating the battles, doing periodic checks to ensure fair play among all contestants and weeding out the poor actors? Maybe some questions are best left unanswered; gambling was silenced in the games already and who knows who they'd go after next.
Huh? I don't even...
We'll start off with the more broad nature of held items once more to focus on the bigger mysteries: How do ethereal Ghost-type Pokémon wear or even hold any item? How many Heavy-Duty Boots does a Tentacruel or Centiskorch wear? Does Hydreigon have one Rocky Helmet for each of its three heads? And for the biggest mystery of them all: How does Wooper, a Pokémon that realistically shouldn't even learn Ice Punch, wear and benefit from Punching Gloves? To save ourselves from the headache of figuring these out, we'll focus on some weird items instead, starting off with Room Service. First off, how is this even remotely a held item? It's a freaking full-on wheeled cart with a cloche on top of it, presumably hiding some delicacy under it. Is this the first held item that drags the Pokémon around instead of vice versa? Then there's Blunder and Weakness Policy. Both of these are essentially insurance papers that activate in adverse situations: Blunder Policy sharply boosting Speed when missing an attack and Weakness Policy sharply boosting Attack and Special Attack when hit by a super effective attack. Now why is it that one cannot even experience escapism in Pokémon without running into insurance companies, the very symbol of grey adulthood life? What's the premium on these policies, do I have to worry about deductibles, and would getting hit by Light That Burns the Sky void them both under the Nuclear Exclusion Clause? Onto another group of items, we have Scope, Wide, and Zoom Lens. Why do these look almost indistinguishable at a glance, yet offer such distinct effects? A lens is only as effective as the target it's looking at and would all have advantages and disadvantages at certain ranges, hardly practical in the midst of a shifting battle. While I haven't mentioned much of type-enhancing items before, Metal Coat deserves its special mention. Instead of some small token to represent its corresponding type, Metal Coat is a container with a metallic liquid inside. This immediately raises concerns, as there aren't that many metal substances that are liquid at room temperature, with the most notable example being mercury, which is highly toxic. Is it assumed that the Pokémon covers itself with this film to gain this bonus to Steel-type attacks? Even if it's something less toxic, this is surely a hassle to deal with and might even prevent perspiration in some species. To finish off, we'll take a look at Terrain Extender, the terrain counterpart to the weather-enhancing rocks, increasing the amount of turns that a Terrain stays active. While Heat / Damp / Icy / Smooth Rock all sort of imbue some energy to achieve this lengthening effect when activated, Terrain Extender is literally a spray bottle that you coat the ground with to make these Terrains last longer. This must be the most tedious labor ever for a Pokémon to perform, covering the entire area of the battlefield with this tiny spray bottle before the Terrain is ready to take effect. Hopefully one won't mistake this for a Throat Spray, because that could turn out ugly.
Art by Albatross.
Conclusion
Okay, that should cover a lot of the practical implementations of held items in this scenario. Hopefully you've been enlightened by these conundrums and queries that came to mind. Just don't make us explain Fling or Poltergeist of all things...
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