A Totally Unbiased Top 50 Pokémon Sprites (#50-26)

Kicking off this list is one of the best frames from DPP, a generation where the sprites are typically devoid of personality. This guy's fuckin' pissed. Maybe things didn't go his way today at work; he probably spilled his Starbucks into his lap while his boss solidified his permanent position in middle management hell—whatever. He's just itching to tear something to shreds.

This is a fish that has seen things—horrible, horrible things. His thousand-yard stare is haunting, and it gazes into your soul—like a certain terrible Canadian Pokémon battler. His skin has been singed off due to the napalm traps in PokéVietnam, and he has been left like this. But do not fret, as there is a silver lining to this; his insurance allowed him to afford some plastic surgery, and soon he shall be the most handsome fish on the block.

Onix looks stoned out of his mind. He looks like he's tripping balls and has just hallucinated some fairly sick shit, and he's so desperate to get away from it that he's backed himself up into an extremely uncomfortable position. Hopefully he knows a good chiropractor.

By god, he's broken in half. Stop the damn match!! This is inhumane; he has picked up a steel chair and is slamming it into Pikachu's head. What are you doing, refs!?!

People would usually choose the male Jellicent sprite for this list, but we decided to go with his female counterpart. Her mom probably told her to stop making fish faces too much for her selfies, or it was gonna get stuck that way; however, she didn't believe her and did it anyway. A grave mistake.

This sprite is only on the list due to the immense amount of trauma it inflicted on me, RODAN, as a child. Just looking at it creeps me out—next entry.

Are you not entertained??? Yeah. Haha. That's the only joke I have for this one.

This summer, Jynx will be starring in the newest Disney musical: Frozen 2: Now She's Black. A lot of crowds reacted negatively to the strange focus on racial transformation that the movie decided to spearhead. Many critics say that it could end up as a cult film, but there is an air of uncomfortableness surrounding the movie, especially after they just removed the Pokénfederate flag from most places.

(??´???`)???? My parents will be home soon; show me your tits, and let me touch them! HURRY!

Will Red defeat Mewtwo before he blows up the entire Kanto region?! Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!

This Haunter echoes the sentiments of Mr. Mime, but he's way, way, way hungrier, tenfold at least. He's probably a virgin.

This guy is such a fucking dick; he's so sour over absolutely nothing. He is just so full of hate, probably due to the fact that Hitmonlee is getting all of their parents' support right now due to the terrible life situation he found himself in. Hitmontop was always the middle child and therefore had that sense of insecurity about him—which turned him into a big bully.

This sprite oozes aesthetics. Literally (haha). Seriously, though, it's probably one of the best-looking RB sprites in the game. It gets onto the list for no other reason than how good it looks.

Out of the way, buckos! Pidgeot's coming through! Pidgeot has one of the most dramatic animations in all of Pokémon; it just puts it all out there. I feel deep down that this Pidgeot is deeply seeking approval from its friends and is like: "Hey, hey, look, I'm doing a flip—YOU AREN'T LOOKING. C'MON, GUYS." The sad thing about it is that it's still just a Pidgeot and therefore inherently boring, and no number of flips will impress anyone; sorry.

This little guy has the only Pokémon sprite that actually shakes the earth to this extent when it moves. His sheer force combined with his dead-eye stare is sure to intimidate anything that squares off with him on the battlefield. There's also something incredibly Freudian about this image that makes it a winner to everyone who looks at it.

Hitmonlee is a real tough customer; as you can see here, he is poised to attack. This is mostly due to the high stress of his day-to-day life, though, because he is a single father. Taking care of two baby Tyrogue is tough enough as it is, but on top of that, he is ordered by the government to spend at least three days a week in the Fighting Dojo. How is a Pokémon supposed to cope with that? You will find out in a bit.....

All of Tentacruel's early sprites are really solid, but this one hits space 34 because of his expression. He's confident, single, and ready to step out onto the floor and kick it... and he's eyeing YOU!!!

Now this is a man of excess; you can just picture him gesturing towards a whole roast Blaziken and being like, "Fetch me that wonderful bird—I am famished." But I just absolutely love how expressive this one is; it's really out of the ordinary for most DP-onwards sprites, a very nice surprise.

featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Crobat.

This one just seems like a nice guy; he's just finished working out, and a child comes up to him and is like: "Wow, Machoke, I really like your belt," so he kneels down and is like "Hey, kid, thanks." and then he takes off his belt and gives it to the kid, and then his muscles literally explode out of his body. Read his fucking Pokédex entry.

One of the most expressive animations in the game. You can see both his fatigue and his determination to sit up so he can type "/nick ResidentSleeper" into his mIRC window... but the life of Snorlax is a difficult one.

WHOA, Hitmonlee has had a crazy night. He snorted some Shoal Salt, puffed a few Odd Incenses, and drank a shit ton of "Berry Juice." Looks like he can't find his way home, a downside to his wild nights at his favourite bar—Mystic Water. It's a rather hip bar located in the center of Cerulean City. But that is pretty far from his home in Saffron; let us pray he makes it back in one piece.

This guy wears his heart on his sleeve. Throughout the generations, Poliwag has always been one of the most expressive mons in the franchise. He has the emotional depth of any good novel protagonist, and analyzing his expressions always gives you a very relatable emotional takeaway. Anyways, here he's clearly disgusted because he stepped in some really gross shit.

So here we have one of the fucking strangest art decisions of all time; giving Mew a brain tumor. I assume they wanted to make it look like it had a large brain and therefore was a special, powerful 'mon, but the art is botched so badly that it looks like it's suffering from leukemia. This sprite is super memorable just for how absolutely disturbing it is. A pale rat with beady little eyes and a grossly misshapen head. This is more at home in a game like Fallout than Pokémon—absolutely bizarre.

Flea markets really are amazing; there are so many cool things you can find there. Books, bootleg video games, what-have-you. I was an avid Pokémon fan when I was younger, although I had only touched Red and Gold—I hadn't even known that Pokémon Green was a thing until reading about it online years later, so it was a great surprise when I found a slightly worn copy of the game on sale for only 50 cents. I didn't think much of the low price at the time, simply attributing it to a faulty or forgotten game, and snatched it up without thinking. After all, it was only 50 cents. I rushed home and loaded it into my Game Boy, going straight into a new game—the save file that was already on the cart was unloadable, hanging at a black screen upon play—and started playing. Everything was going well, until my Graveler evolved into a Golem. The evolve animation took slightly longer than normal... and... when it finished, the most ungodly hyper-realistic face was looking back at me. I instantly took the game out of my Game Boy, turned it off, and threw it against the wall. The face haunted my dreams for weeks. So next time you guys see a cheap Pokémon Green game, heed my warning and don't buy it—the creepypasta shit you read online is actually true.