Hello, thought this be an appropriate place to start. Also PB I know if I have to have extensive "real life experience" I think I would die, possibly in a literal sense seeing how people do get beaten for this kind of thing. I do not have a feminine figure so if I had to do that I could not blend in or be close to convincing in my opinion. I always envy those with great figures. As for the topic of coming out about this kind of thing for those of you who have that issue, I say be careful. I was lucky enough to have loving parents who are open minded. However I know not everyone gets parents like that so I say make sure you have a firm grasp on where they stand.
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Serious LGBTQ
- Thread starter Chinchou
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Princess Bubblegum, didn't you say you already came out to your mother and she was being supportive and helping you find therapists to discuss it further? I would that is quite impressive from her, and also the rest you mention she is doing.
You say you are in college, but in a rural area? Anyway I think it might be worth a trip to talk to a great therapist about the questioning you are going through.
I am doing a psychoanalysis, which is not exactly the same, in Paris where I live. In the waiting room I see people who come from anywhere in France, they come less often (once a month instead of every week), but she lets them have three appointments in the afternoon to make their trip worth the while. Maybe you could make some such arrangement to have sufficient time to talk all you need?
And you will see if that therapist is a good match for you, if not then she/he will certainly know who to refer you to closer to where you live.
P. S.: Going through this topic I have seen you have come to terms with a lot of things in the span of not even two months. I find it very impressive. Which is why really the other debate should really be taken elsewhere, you and others should not feel like you are interrupting something when posting here.
You say you are in college, but in a rural area? Anyway I think it might be worth a trip to talk to a great therapist about the questioning you are going through.
I am doing a psychoanalysis, which is not exactly the same, in Paris where I live. In the waiting room I see people who come from anywhere in France, they come less often (once a month instead of every week), but she lets them have three appointments in the afternoon to make their trip worth the while. Maybe you could make some such arrangement to have sufficient time to talk all you need?
And you will see if that therapist is a good match for you, if not then she/he will certainly know who to refer you to closer to where you live.
P. S.: Going through this topic I have seen you have come to terms with a lot of things in the span of not even two months. I find it very impressive. Which is why really the other debate should really be taken elsewhere, you and others should not feel like you are interrupting something when posting here.
Yes my family is supportive, but my mother is also busy working all weekdays, and my father is a lazy, a lot of this I am doing on my own initiative.
Again I do have plans on going down to Phili at some point which has a whole host of therapists, as well as the mentioned consent clinic.
As for how fast I have dealt with this, a part of it is because with me coming out I just have felt so much better. Before I came out there was easily a solid 2 weeks where I was depressed, and long before that I had depression spouts. With that mostly lifted, I have also started to eat better, exercise, ect, it has really been a life changing experience for me. Also online I have been taking to a transgendered person who has been very helpful my various questions and ponderings. I am almost questioned out actually and am pretty sure of where I am. :P Although as common sense dictates, I really shouldn't take life changing desisions to the internet fully and need to talk to a professional.
They actually say you shouldn't either take life-changing decisions during a therapy session. ;)
Again I can't reiterate how impressive it is that you are taking all those decisions, doing so much self-acceptance and making such changes in this short amount of time. To go with my comment above, I think it will be important once you start seeing a therapist — and I hope that is what she/he will tell you too — that you truly take the time for yourself to mature every thought slowly.
It feels liberating now but don't rush and lose contact with the rest, principally with your studies. Do you have friends upon whom you can count for support IRL?
Again I can't reiterate how impressive it is that you are taking all those decisions, doing so much self-acceptance and making such changes in this short amount of time. To go with my comment above, I think it will be important once you start seeing a therapist — and I hope that is what she/he will tell you too — that you truly take the time for yourself to mature every thought slowly.
It feels liberating now but don't rush and lose contact with the rest, principally with your studies. Do you have friends upon whom you can count for support IRL?
Late as fuck, but I probably wouldn't. Not really because I have some enormous sense of pride for being gay or because I wouldn't want to change who I am as a person, but because I don't really see any reason to lol. Being gay isn't really even "a part of who I am" anymore. I mean, it is, but not to the same extent I used to hold it to? I used to be super proud of being gay and being open with myself etc. but now it's no bigger part of me than my extreme love for alcohol or my blue eyes or my knack for public speaking blah blah etc.
Also, that pride pic is stupid because 1. it's people letting go and having fun and 2. the kind of shit you see in the older portion of that pic still happens today, but it's not appealing for THE MEDIA (AKA THE SOURCE OF OUR KNOWLEDGE ON THIS SHIT) which means you don't see it either. A bunch of quiet gays holding up picket signs isn't going to attract media attention because no one would watch it, while a bunch of gays wearing hardly anything and dancing on floats to Beyonce and Gaga is obviously interesting. Ignorance is tacky.
anyone else feel extremely lonely sometimes because of how difficult it is to actually meet genuine gay people around your area? Like, seriously. Making friends shouldn't be this hard but literally everyone at clubs and on grindr is just looking for a good fuck and it's so frustrating and I'm so done.
tbh I hate being gay a lot of times but not because of what it means to be gay, but if life was a game, it would be like playing it on expert without instructions
this has homophobia written all over it and I can't even be bothered to explain why if you cannot see it for yourself.
tbh I hate being gay a lot of times but not because of what it means to be gay, but if life was a game, it would be like playing it on expert without instructions
this has homophobia written all over it and I can't even be bothered to explain why if you cannot see it for yourself.
If you would've read my next post I had a change of mind realizing I was being a bit stupid, so um yeah...
lol, coolbiz deserves very much to be hated for this post
also, I think the pill question is much more appropriate for 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, when even the PC "right" answer wasn't necessarily as absolutely accepting as it is now
Not going to say that the culture is more accepting now (I have no idea if it actually is), but with social media taking off and various organizations (government, corporation, educational institution) extremely concerned with their brand, I have to say that acceptance at the very least seems to be the default answer
now obviously you have your deckknights and your coolbiz (and...the baptists), but personally speaking, it seems like the culture is moving towards general acceptance
Doesn't mean it isn't hard and doesn't mean the general acceptance of terms like "gay" or "(BAN ME PLEASE)" (that I myself have little issue using) for negative meanings isn't brutal each, but I think the question would be much more interesting in the past when the seeming default PC answer wasn't acceptance
I agree with myzozoa that it won't be long until questions about equality are looked back upon with revulsion
also, I think the pill question is much more appropriate for 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, when even the PC "right" answer wasn't necessarily as absolutely accepting as it is now
Not going to say that the culture is more accepting now (I have no idea if it actually is), but with social media taking off and various organizations (government, corporation, educational institution) extremely concerned with their brand, I have to say that acceptance at the very least seems to be the default answer
now obviously you have your deckknights and your coolbiz (and...the baptists), but personally speaking, it seems like the culture is moving towards general acceptance
Doesn't mean it isn't hard and doesn't mean the general acceptance of terms like "gay" or "(BAN ME PLEASE)" (that I myself have little issue using) for negative meanings isn't brutal each, but I think the question would be much more interesting in the past when the seeming default PC answer wasn't acceptance
I agree with myzozoa that it won't be long until questions about equality are looked back upon with revulsion
This is true overwhelmingly, but I assure you there are gems out there too. I am not ashamed to say I met the guy I'm seeing on grindr. There are certain strategies to avoid the horndogs and actually find the other lost souls out there like you. Namely, be upfront that you're not looking for sex. Early. Not on your profile description, not in your first message. But not too far into the conversation. This will obviously result in a lot of people moving on, but the people who stick around aren't always awful. And if they seem not horrible, move the conversation pretty soon to a more reasonable place than grindr, whether that's an online dating site, facebook, texting, or whatever else you could think of. I'd say just start on a dating site, but in reality so many people aren't there or aren't on there often. Grindr is a terrible place to be searching, but it's still one of the better options, strangely.
I happened to be very pleasantly surprised. Give it a chance.
(To give more detail, in my case we talked for about 6 months off and on before ever meeting. We also happen to be a 99% match on OkCupid lol.)
i don't think there is any shame in that as well, but tbh i'm not even looking for a relationship at this point. all i really want is just a good/close gay friend to hang around with and be comfortable with and just not feel like i'm all alone. i have plenty of good girl friends and straight friends i am comfortable hanging around with but it's not the same. they don't get me. we don't have similar interests at all, and they just don't get my interests. its the whole "you can be surrounded by people but still feel all alone" sorta thing
i think maybe the most offputting thing for me about grindr and jack'd and a4a and other dating apps/websites is that it's purely based off superficial attractions and i'm just not about that life (it doesn't help that i'm highly self conscious even tho i don't even have any reasons to be (my brain is just dumb and overthinks everything))
i dunno tho. it's just so hard :(
I too shall be your friend. Everyone is open to be my friend, I like people. Also dating when Trans is also a pain. Especially if you haven't started transitioning yet without an overly feminine form (me sadly). You can't find anyone, guy or girl, really, at least in my experience. I've always had that sad and alone feel albeit off and on. Lately, been in that slump and it suuuucks and I have no idea what to do about it, or where to go to find people.
ur neither gay nor living in sydney, bye.
i can't imagine how difficult it must be for a trans* person because, as sad as this is, there is still a negative stigma to it evne in the lgbtetc. community :( i wish i had advice or could do something for you but i can do neither except listen/read your posts.
i should really count my blessings hey
I use "gay" and "(BAN ME PLEASE)" in a negative manner pretty much daily. PERSONALLY, I don't see any reason to get worked up about it when you're among friends or obviously joking or what have you, but I know I'm not speaking for everyone when I say this. Some people are disgusted by "derogatory terms," and I used to be among those people. But as I grew older, I just got tired of being defensive about everything and offended whenever the situation called for it. Seriously, if people would stop getting so butthurt about things, they'd probably be happier people. =8-0 #norupaulogies
Some people are made uncomfortable by the words "gay" and "(BAN ME PLEASE)", and that is respectable. I personally use this words in a silly manner, never in a serious one, unless referring to someone who is actually gay. However if people are uncomfortable with me saying these words, I simply stop using the words around them. People are allowed their preference. Although to say someone is a "horrible person" for using said words in a light hearted manner is just silly and more offensive.
It's been a while since I've posted here, so I'm a bit out of the loop.
Maybe it's because I'm horribly inconsistent, but for this situation I feel it usually depends on the context of the situation. I have no problems with people using "gay" to describe something idiotic, though "(BAN ME PLEASE)" can be a bit harder to shrug off. Usually its meant as a joke so I just move right on, but usually you can tell when it is directed specifically to hurt you. I'm pretty lucky because I rarely deal with homophobia in NYC, so it rarely is a big deal unless someone makes it a big deal out of it. I actually get more annoyed because people STOP using those words just because they are worried that it'll offend me (probably won't), or apologize to me when they accidentally use it. It's how people speak nowadays, so I don't honestly see what the big deal is if you aren't trying to attack me. I personally don't use those words, but that it more due to my wallflower-ish personality.
Now for junior's question, yeah I understand the difficulties of making gay friends through apps and such. Sadly I'm not a club/bar person (I will try to be one day) and I am a very cautious person as well, especially when talking to people I have never met online/on app. I'm also a shy person and a bit of a loner, so it really makes it harder to keep even straight friends let alone gay friends (who all seem to end up in a relationship anyways). What I REALLY HATE is the sentence "I don't want to ruin our friendship" since I've heard it a few times already
. I guess I'm pretty lucky though, I have still made a few gay (and straight/bi) friends through dorming and/or work. Am i weird for wanting a relationship rather than a hook-up? It feels like playing the field is one of the calling cards of "gay-culture", but I know many LBGTQ people who are totally dedicated to relationships/monogamy. With people I know, more are focused on relationships rather than hook-ups; media and culture dictates otherwise. Anyone feel like that stereotype is completely wrong, or is it just because I'm lucky enough to make friends with those kinds of people?
I heard you missed me Treecko
Maybe it's because I'm horribly inconsistent, but for this situation I feel it usually depends on the context of the situation. I have no problems with people using "gay" to describe something idiotic, though "(BAN ME PLEASE)" can be a bit harder to shrug off. Usually its meant as a joke so I just move right on, but usually you can tell when it is directed specifically to hurt you. I'm pretty lucky because I rarely deal with homophobia in NYC, so it rarely is a big deal unless someone makes it a big deal out of it. I actually get more annoyed because people STOP using those words just because they are worried that it'll offend me (probably won't), or apologize to me when they accidentally use it. It's how people speak nowadays, so I don't honestly see what the big deal is if you aren't trying to attack me. I personally don't use those words, but that it more due to my wallflower-ish personality.
Now for junior's question, yeah I understand the difficulties of making gay friends through apps and such. Sadly I'm not a club/bar person (I will try to be one day) and I am a very cautious person as well, especially when talking to people I have never met online/on app. I'm also a shy person and a bit of a loner, so it really makes it harder to keep even straight friends let alone gay friends (who all seem to end up in a relationship anyways). What I REALLY HATE is the sentence "I don't want to ruin our friendship" since I've heard it a few times already
. I guess I'm pretty lucky though, I have still made a few gay (and straight/bi) friends through dorming and/or work. Am i weird for wanting a relationship rather than a hook-up? It feels like playing the field is one of the calling cards of "gay-culture", but I know many LBGTQ people who are totally dedicated to relationships/monogamy. With people I know, more are focused on relationships rather than hook-ups; media and culture dictates otherwise. Anyone feel like that stereotype is completely wrong, or is it just because I'm lucky enough to make friends with those kinds of people?I heard you missed me Treecko
you have no idea ;)I heard you missed me Treecko
WhiteDMist I've never known any LGBT people who were focused only on sex at the expense of (or at least over) actual relationships, and my friends in the community don't know very many either. I realize this isn't enough data to make a good inference, but every little bit helps, right?
My hypothesis regarding the media/cultural stereotype of gays as sex-crazed is that it originates with religious leaders and other conservative figures who associate the "sin" of homosexuality with that of promiscuity, and things just evolved from there. I might be wrong, but it's consistent with what I've observed so far.
My hypothesis regarding the media/cultural stereotype of gays as sex-crazed is that it originates with religious leaders and other conservative figures who associate the "sin" of homosexuality with that of promiscuity, and things just evolved from there. I might be wrong, but it's consistent with what I've observed so far.
Yeah I can agree with you that personally I don't know many people who value sex/hook-ups over relationships. However, I do use Jack'd and occasionally Grindr/OK Cupid, and many guys there are ONLY interested in hooking-up (at least the ones I see/ones who talk to me).
Well, that's kind of to be expected. Isn't that what some of those sites are for? I've never used it myself, so I can't comment from direct experience, but with a name like Grindr, I don't expect much in the way of meaningful connection. Maybe that's just me, though.
Admittedly the focus is a bit narrow, but there are people on those apps/sites that want relationships too. It's just that on those sites/apps there is more of a bias towards hook-ups rather than dating. But is that only limited to these LGBTQ dating apps? The fact that you DON'T expect any meaningful connection, is that from subconsciously thinking that the LGBTQ community focuses more on hookups or just because you feel like online dating ends up being a hook-up oriented thing more often than not?
Yeah, I do. Quite a few. It's not a totally false stereotype.
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