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Self hatred, outside of smogon I also use names that are degrading in some way. But those aside one that has stuck with me for a while its "Xed", It started as a mix of XD and erick (My first name) but after too many lucky games I like to say its short for Haxed.
Not in a good mental state, I'm comfortable saying that I'm currently getting psychological and psychiatric help for my problems, I don't think I'll return to pet mods anytime soon but its still nice to see you all are still around. I'm still far from getting back on tournament play but I'll...