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Considering I've posted in the thread maybe once (and am an atheist myself), uh, I'm not sure how I would even have any stakes in it here to be selfish.

Your post is poorly-supported (if those are actually your proofs, I can outline your logical issues if you like), contributes nothing new, and is excessively facetious. We expects posts to be of a certain standard and routinely delete posts that fall below it.