pandemic messed with my self image for the latter half of 2020!! i was already working in a hospital before the pandemic started and while my working life didn't change too much (i wasn't in a position that required extra PPE protocols) it became toxic to my psyche that the one place i got to go to to leave my apartment was also a place actively struggling with the pandemic in the most acute sense, otherwise i was on campus but that time is even less your own than on the clock imo, so it just added stress, even (and especially when) all that stress had to be taken home with me when courses all went online
i graduated virtually in june for class of 2020 (lol) and i moved in august 2020 to downtown seattle which was super bizarre because it was a ghost town. i had lived an hour south of seattle for a few years before moving but still had visited the city several times, and knew FULL well what the city was like when life was "normal." i left seattle before anything really opened up, so it's strange cataloguing my time actually living there as distinctly suffocated by the pandemic.
in the midst of my time living in seattle i stopped working with that hospital group and only had school work to focus on before i found another job in december, but it was in september 2020 that i shaved my head!!!! this was a super bucket list thing for me to do, and seeing as i was depressed, didn't care about how i dressed when i went outside, amongst other personal things, i did it. no ragrets! i had developed some pretty persistent body dysmorphia about my hair— it was to my shoulders and full but when i regarded it it felt like looking at a wig. i was so detached from it because i love my hair as self-expression but all i had to express was: not much. cutting it all off helped my daily life a LOT because it was like a box i got to uncheck on my daily list of things to tend to, and i looked great with a buzz so more than anything i was satisfied finally doing something i had wanted to do at least ONCE in my life!! no more shaved heads in my future though!!!! or i'll never get back to mermaid status...
currently my climate is much sunnier and i'm vaccinated and generally in a healthier environment, in all senses of the word. i'll probably still wear a mask on the days i want to block the world from interacting with me haha, although it will be nice to return to a living state where wearing one is not innately required... but i admit i have enjoyed seeing humanity's egregious lack of compassion for one another wreak hubris-laded havoc against the worst perpetrators, as i believe in balance overall