Entertainment A Pokemon-themed advice column

[Edacosis]

I'm not sure if there are too many entertainment articles in the upcoming issue, but I figured I'd throw this out there.

The article would be a sort of advice column. The format will involve a person writing in to complain about their problem (pertaining to Pokemon) in some form. A self-proclaimed "expert" will then respond with some sort of worthless, brief information to an otherwise serious issue.

I've written a brief sample:
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Dear X,

I think Magcargo makes a friendly household pet, but my limbs keep getting amputated after attempting to pet it in an affectionate way. Moreover, my newly-varnished wooden floors do not respond well to trails of magma; they incinerate pretty quickly. My love for gastropods is indeed great, but I cannot help but feel as though this Magcargo is ruining my life and my valuable waterfront property. My wife is also divorcing me. What do I do?


Hi, Y,

It seems like your Magcargo has a temperature control problem. I find that whenever I chew mint-flavored gum, I get a nice cooling sensation in my mouth area. Give some of that to your fiery buddy.

Keep it cool,
X
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[Bummer]

If the responses are a bit longer than the one above (although that in turn depends on the legnth of the question), then I'd love to read this. Approved!