If you are an insect, arthropod, or anything stupid enough to be eaten by a plant, then this thread is not for you
Hello Smogoff users, and anyone else who stumbles upon this thread, and welcome to the Carnivorous Plant Appreciation Post. This is the #1 place to talk about carnivorous plants according to me, and if anyone has a problem with that then they can appreciate my fist in their face.
Wikipedia defines a carnivorous plant as "Plants that derive some or most of their nutrients from trapping and consuming animals or protozoans, typically insects and other arthropods," and I believe this to be a perfect summary of these vibing little dudes. You've probably heard of Pitcher plants and Venus Fly traps, they're both classics, we all know and love them. But what about the lesser known stars of the carnivorous plant world? Well, dear Smogoff user, today I will talk at length about the wonders of the carnivorous plant world, and bring light to some of the most fascinating plants known to me at this current moment
Off to a great start with the Sundew plant, a type of Flypaper trap. That means it uses a sticky substance/glue to trap its prey, just like flypaper. Each tendril secretes glue at its end, and this glue contains chemicals that can digest a small insect in a matter of days. But that's not all; it can also fold each segment in on itself, which is does whenever prey becomes stuck. The plant folds in on itself, the prey becomes attached to more and more of the tendrils, and as such is digested faster. Because of this they're considered to be combinations of both flypaper and snap traps
Pretty funky if you ask me. I first saw it during a David Attenborough documentary and I've thought about it ever since. They live basically anywhere too, which is cool. They're not little pussies and I admire that in a plant. Also I reckon if you slapped one against a wall it would stick like one of those sticky hand toys, which is pretty nifty
With a name as badass as that you'd expect an equally badass plant, right? Well feast your eyes on this beauty:
What's that, user? Looks like a bog standard boring ass flower? Well then, you've already fallen into their trap you absolute dunce. While above ground they look like normal, photosynthesising flowers, under the ground they're actually running a trafficking ring. What kind of trafficking? The worst kind, dear user: protozoa trafficking. What's a protozoa? Bro I don't fucking know, but they sound cool don't they?
Anyways, as a universal rule of life, cool shit is stored in the balls, and that's precisely where we find the magic of Bladderworts
Yeah you see these? These are considered one of the most sophisticated structures in the plant kingdom. That's right, these plants are more sophisticated than 75% of Smogoff posters. When prey brushes against trigger hairs that are connected to these wonderous bladders, they activate the trap. Water is sucked inside, alongside the poor unsuspecting fool that triggered it, and the bladder then closes. The absolute brainlet inside will then be digested. Know any Smogoff users than can do that? Yeah, didn't think so, punk
What's that, user? Looks like a bog standard boring ass flower? Well then, you've already fallen into their trap you absolute dunce. While above ground they look like normal, photosynthesising flowers, under the ground they're actually running a trafficking ring. What kind of trafficking? The worst kind, dear user: protozoa trafficking. What's a protozoa? Bro I don't fucking know, but they sound cool don't they?
Anyways, as a universal rule of life, cool shit is stored in the balls, and that's precisely where we find the magic of Bladderworts
Yeah you see these? These are considered one of the most sophisticated structures in the plant kingdom. That's right, these plants are more sophisticated than 75% of Smogoff posters. When prey brushes against trigger hairs that are connected to these wonderous bladders, they activate the trap. Water is sucked inside, alongside the poor unsuspecting fool that triggered it, and the bladder then closes. The absolute brainlet inside will then be digested. Know any Smogoff users than can do that? Yeah, didn't think so, punk
Just look at this specimen. You wanna stick your finger in it, don't you. I know I do. And so do it's prey, who stop by for a lil sip of that sweet-smelling liquid inside, only to find that the walls are slippery and it can't climb out of the liquid. It will then drown, and be digested. Apparently they also reflect ultraviolet light, which is neat ig. I wouldn't know because I can't see it
If this was a tierlist for most fuckable carnivorous plants then this would be S+, easily, but the fun police said that's illegal so no having sex with plants today
A classic example of a carnivorous plant, these absolute predators are the quintessential snap traps. The insides of those sick fuckin leaves hold tiny hairs, and when two are brushed against in quick succession then the plant will snap shut, and digestion will only begin after another five brushes. Very cool. And here's another groovy fact; Venus Flytraps have flowers that grow above their traps, meaning they don't accidentally trap pollinators. Pretty swagalicious, right?
Anyways I don't know how to close this off, honestly I wrote this at 1am last night and I feel like if I don't post it it'll be a waste of effort and time but also it's not that good so in the end nobody wins. I guess that's the morale of this story. Never post on Smogoff, kids, because you'll just start spiralling into the never ending abyss of regret and cool posting until you lose sight of what is and isn't poggers and you'll become the very thing you sought to destroy.
Now I'm gonna go draw big booby milves. Maybe if you're lucky I'll post some of them here, but who knows at this point. Life is a gacha game and I'm a seven year old with a stolen credit card
