How did I come up with such an amazing and original team ??
With my brilliant brain, of course. It was a cold, lonely night like many others in November. I had lost everything : my computer, my Nesquicks and Grougrou, my most faithful stuffed tiger. Needless to say that I was bored, and thus, I was craving for entertainment. An idea suddenly came to me, like a dildo comes to a young girl when she turns 13 : I had to build a team around Charizard X. "Why ???", you are probably wondering. Shut the fuck up, whore. It's my RMT, if you want to talk then do your own, or reply in the comments, or buy a parrot.
I had one Pokémon. A great one, probably the most amazing pokemon in the entire game. He sets up on everything, is not afraid of Scald (srsly you should delete that shit, just like Crits, and random shit like that (seriously though, do that)) and is only "checked" by scarfers Landorus (who just gets fucked if he switches on a Flare Blitz anyways, that shit deals like 60% to him despite the intimidate. Fucking awesome.). And I realized there's no actual way to build around Zard, since he's only scared of scarfers and the only way to deal with those is to kill them or they're just gonna RK. So I thought "since Scald is so fucking ridiculously broken, I should play it too, because I'm an asshole.", and so I did. My next pokemon was slowbro. Because scald, lol. And also because he checks/counters like everything in the metagame. Slowbro is cool. Also, he has a fairly good synergy with Zard x, since the Zard checks Thundurus, Manectric, Rotom-W, that kind of shit. He doesn't like T-wave though. So I needed a ground Pokémon, and I chose Garchomp. "Why ???", you are probably wondering. Don't you learn ? Do not talk. Quiet. But I'm a nice guy so I'm gonna answer anyway, because he was uber in DPP, and I didn't play in BW (Uber too ?, I suppose) so I kinda wanted to play him. Also because double dragon P-P-P-POWER. At first I wanted to play him with SR but I changed my mind later. Because my forth Pokémon was Ferrothorn, and that fucker can put the SR, that's why chompy chapo got his fancy scarf, that fucker RKs everything, and is a great finisher in case Charizard can't do that himself (which is fine, he can just spam Flare Blitz and see all them fuckers die). Besides, Zard X is great against stall teams, Fancy Scarf Chompy Chapo is a great finisher against offensive teams. See the synergy yet ? I do.
You may breathe now, in case you were waiting for the end of the paragraph to do that. Please, breathe, it's important to breathe if you don't want to die. And if you were actually waiting then you are an idiot and you should feel terrible about yourself. Ok, at that point I had : DDZardX, Slowbro, Fancy Scarf Chompy Chapo and Ferrothorn. I needed a second steel Pokémon, since I don't play any fairies ((BAN ME PLEASE)s play fairies, Real men play Steel, like Hugh Jackman), and I chose Heatran. Why ? Because he's pretty cool, he checks a lot of things offensively and defensively and is just the SwagLord. Also, he's a toad and those are magnificent creatures. I wanted to try my own version of Heatran, Assault Vest. Because it's cool, I had never tried it before, but I knew it would be cool. Yaay. 5 Pokémons already, all I needed was... Defog. Fuck I kinda forgot that shit even existed, I needed a spinner or a defogger. I also needed some flying shit because right now the ground type was annoying. Only Zard pre-evolve could switch on an earthquake. Also, I had no resistance Dark and chansey n that kind of shit was annoying due to toxic, and that kind of shit. So I chose Mandibuzz because he's a bird, and I have a lot of animals in my team now, which is cool.
The Lair of the Dragon
Cunt Destoyer 666 (Charizard-Mega-X) @ Charizardite X
Ability: Tough Claws
EVs: 252 HP / 44 Atk / 28 SpD / 184 Spe
Jolly Nature
- Flare Blitz
- Dragon Claw
- Roost
- Dragon Dance
Ability: Tough Claws
EVs: 252 HP / 44 Atk / 28 SpD / 184 Spe
Jolly Nature
- Flare Blitz
- Dragon Claw
- Roost
- Dragon Dance
I kind of said it in the previous section but whatever. This guy is OP as fuck, really, he sets up on every staller in the game due to his amazing double type decent bulk, and get crush teams even without setting up. Also, you can choose not to evolve at first depending on what you want to set up against. Against offensive teams, he's usually gonna find a good time to go in, and will simply spam Flare Blitz/Dragon Claw, because ... Well, because most of the time the only way to deal with Zard X is to send in your scarfer immediately, if he's @+2 you know you've lost, because nothing can handle him. He has very little, if any weakness. With that spread, he can take 2 HPump from Rotom-W modest bulky, and outspeed Landorus-T Scarfer jolly after one DD which is good. The rest is in atk because... Well, damage.
Cunt Destroyer 666 (Slowbro) @ Leftovers
Ability: Regenerator
EVs: 252 HP / 252 Def / 4 SpA
Bold Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Psyshock
- Thunder Wave
- Scald
- Slack Off
I don't have much to say about Slowbro, he's just a huge physical wall. He walls everything, handles everything, does everything. The few things he doesn't check are checked by the rest of the team... Most of them. He's also my answer to Keldeo, as he can switch on a HPump, even from the specs with very little consequences, thanks to Regenerator. I chose T-wave because I don't want anything to set up/switch for free on him, the electric Pokémons are afraid of a Scald Burn, and everything that doesn't mind a scald burn doesn't like to be T-Wave'd. He's also my main answer to Terrakion Scarf, because that fucker checks Zard X. Also, he counters Medicham.
Cunt Destroyer 666 (Garchomp) @ Choice Scarf
Ability: Rough Skin
EVs: 4 HP / 252 Atk / 252 Spe
Jolly Nature
- Outrage
- Earthquake
- Dragon Claw
- Stone Edge
The set speaks for itself : ScarfChomp is a revenge killer/finisher. I have tried Dual Chop over Dragon Claw but I hate everything that can miss and basically lose the game because of that. I have changed back to DClaw after I almost lost due to a miss. Double stab, nothing too surprising, Outrage because sometimes, you just want to say "Fuck you, world", and get that extra bit of power. Great finisher due to outrage, great Revenge Killer due to everything else. Stone Edge because I don't like birds, I need it to RK Pinsir (since Heatran is enough for Talonflame). Jolly because you need to outspeed as many things as possible, and it's always nice to outspeed Lando Scarf (that shit is always jolly). He's also my t-wave absorber. I love him so much. :3Ability: Rough Skin
EVs: 4 HP / 252 Atk / 252 Spe
Jolly Nature
- Outrage
- Earthquake
- Dragon Claw
- Stone Edge
Cunt Destroyer 666 (Ferrothorn) @ Rocky Helmet
Ability: Iron Barbs
EVs: 252 HP / 88 Def / 168 SpD
Relaxed Nature
IVs: 0 Spe
- Leech Seed
- Stealth Rock
- Gyro Ball
- Knock Off
That image sums up what I think about Ferrothorn : no fancy picture because the pokémon itself is boring, he's the easy way to check most things, the easy way to set SR, the easy way to do everything. I don't like him. But he's insanely good and has an amazing synergy with Slowbro and Zard X. The spread is common, nothing to say about that. Nothing to say about that set either, common AF. No protect because no leftovers. I needed the rocky helmet because of Bisharp. I seriously have nothing to deal with Bisharp, nothing at all, which is why I need to deal as much damage as possible with ferrothorn.
Cunt destroyer 666 (Heatran) @ Assault Vest
Ability: Flash Fire
EVs: 208 HP / 252 SpA / 48 Spe
Modest Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Lava Plume
- Earth Power
- Ancient Power
- Flash Cannon
Ability: Flash Fire
EVs: 208 HP / 252 SpA / 48 Spe
Modest Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Lava Plume
- Earth Power
- Ancient Power
- Flash Cannon
Wowowow, Assault Vest Heatran! How great is that ?! Very very great.
Ok, why Assault Vest ? Because I didn't need anything else, basically. I need him to check as many threats as possible while still being a huge offensive threat. I also needed those 4 moves anyway, no reason not to take Assault Vest. Flash Cannon because I need a strong STAB against Clefable, Ancient Power because I rely on that adorable toad to handle Talonflame, Zard Y (although Zard X is the perfect answer to that). Even EQ from Zard Y, doesn't OHKO Hetran. 8 SpD because 250 SpD is nicer than 248, obviously. The speed to outspeed all the 200 speed bitches§.
Cunt Destroyer 666 (Mandibuzz) (F) @ Leftovers
Ability: Overcoat
EVs: 248 HP / 136 Def / 108 SpD / 16 Spe
Impish Nature
- Defog
- Foul Play
- Taunt
- Roost
To be honest, I'm not fond of Mandibuzz but I had absolutely no other choice there, it was exactly what I needed. I stole that spread from Smogon because I had no idea how to play it. Also, taunt because it allows me to send Zard X on any staller, Chansey for instance, and I really needed that taunt to deal with most annoying stallers. That's about it. I've spent like an hour on that RMT and I'm getting bored and I just want it to be over. Also, all the 0 IV's atk (heatran, slowbro) is to reduce the damage taken from Foul Play.
I'll do the threat list later. Or never. Most likely never, I don't know yet.
SDBisharp is extremely hard to handle : I have to send ferro, to damage it with the rocky helmet + ability, Heatran can also tank a sucker punch @+2, and that's about it. He can't really set up though, as even Mandibuzz deals A LOT§ to that guy with Foul Play (if he SD'd).
Landorus is annoying as hell too, although Mandibuzz can tank a few hits and actually fight him. If it doesnt have rock slide, Zard pre-evolve can handle it too. Easy to RK with Chompy.
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