Serious Controlling Temper

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Hey all.

I wasn't sure where to post this, but I am in need of help. Lately, I've been getting into some issues. In the past six months, I've been forced to leave three different places. Tonight made the fourth. I just have an issue I believe. Every time someone pisses me off, I just snap, and it's not pleasant. I'm worried it'll lead me to some dangerous shit. And it's usually over petty stuff as well.

The first time was in a Pei Wei where a lady told me to get off of the phone while I was talking to my sister to get her order. I was forced to leave for "causing a scene". Next, I was on an airplane and a lady smacked her seat into me and glared and I yelled. The flight attendants moved me to the back of the plane. Then, I was at a school event. A girl cut me in line and I asked her why, and she said something nasty. Security kicked both of us out.

Here comes tonight. I was at another Chinese restaurant with my sister and a ton of her friends & their family. Basically, they were loud. And slightly drunk. Yes, it was loud. However, an old man came over and told my sister she should be "absolutely ashamed for dressing and acting like a fucking whore" and... I snapped. I was removed from the restaurant.

So basically, specific things piss me off and I just go on unbelievable angry spouts that end up with me being kicked out of places. Does anybody know of any possible way to calm down and work on this? Does anybody else suffer from a similar issue?
 
Definitely feeling similar lately. Getting kinda angry over petty stuff. I think it's mostly due to being irritated with my school work and other things going on, rather than the petty things really getting to me.

I'm taking a little time off school to see if it helps.
 
OP, have you considered seeing a psychologist/counselor? I would strongly suggest this as they can hopefully tailor something to your needs and work with you to fix the problem. Regardless, good luck all the same. I would hate to see/hear about you harming someone else
 
the pugilist said:
OP, have you considered seeing a psychologist/counselor? I would strongly suggest this as they can hopefully tailor something to your needs and work with you to fix the problem. Regardless, good luck all the same. I would hate to see/hear about you harming someone else
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Yes, I go to a psychologist every weekend. And a counselor every Wednesday. Thank you for the good luck :)
 
Basically a lot of the time snapping at small things points to anger at other issues that you deflect to the matter at hand; do you bottle yourself up a lot? Maybe you should look for a way to vent safely in the future. Just my 2 cents, and the first step to controlling your temper, is understanding that you have one so good on you !_!
 
Might sound lame but if you have your phone on you, just type out in your notes or messages something ab the situation venting how you feel (i.e.: "so this bitch kicked tf outta my seat") and you'll feel better hopefully. Recognizing that you have an issue with snapping is important so good for you, and good luck.
 
wishes said:
Yes, I go to a psychologist every weekend. And a counselor every Wednesday. Thank you for the good luck :)
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And yet you still have these outbursts? They're supposed to help you develop some type of small exercises to control and prevent these types of situations, either they failed to do so or your temperament just kicks said exercises to the curb without a fuck given.

That said in all honesty a lot of your reactions to these altercations aren't all uncommon and especially due to the fact a lot of these individuals start said altercations for whatever asshole tighter than a pickle jar reason. I feel like the majority of the community as well as myself would have responded similar to you, just maybe not to the point of getting kicked out. I hope you figure something out as I would hate to see you go missing from the forums, wondering what occurred only for someone to direct us to a rated mature liveleak video of a woman laying down the SmackDown on someone's candy ass in a public venue, seriously best of luck.
 
I used to be like that when younger. I'd just reply awfully for the littlest things. i learned how to control it but I think it's because I'm on a better place now. I believe the anger was just things that were pending and kept accumulating; making me angry. But I was mostly pissed off at myself, at my situation. Definitely solving my problems helped me, and the other part came from myself. Trying my best to live a happy and nice life. This comes from personal experience, but to me there's no better answer than therapy. People usually take therapy as a negative solution, "I'm not crazy", etc.. But that's just plain wrong. Idk if you've tried it before, but you can always give it a chance :)
 
This does not look like just being stressed in school/ work, etc. It looks more serious than that.

If you weren't like this when you were young, you might have certain medical issues such as mania/ bi-polar.
You might need medication.
However, it is also possible that certain psychotic medication can cause people to be aggressive. I think I heard somewhere that you do have a medical condition?
It is possible that your current medication is causing aggression as a side effect.
My experience is that even my political views can be changed due to medication, not to mention behavior.

I understand your worries because it is rational.
One very possible example is, it is possible for you to upset someone from China enough who can hire a hacker to hack you, without legal consequences because there is no extradition between USA and China. People in China know this and do like to hack people and a lot of them know how to hack computers themselves.

At the moment, I think it is best for you to see a psychiatrist. Seeing a psychologist is not enough if you have something that's mental because it is not of their area of expertise.
I think you can ask your psychologist to give you a referral letter or something.

If you are already seeing a psychiatrist, tell him/ her that you are currently being abnormally aggressive.
 
Okay, that last one was totally rational. I'd do the same thing in a heartbeat. That old man sucks.

Since you already go to a psychologist, why not carry something with you to let your anger out? A ball full of sand, silly putty, one of those toys that when you squish the eyes pop out, pretty much anything malleable helps me calm down. They're fairly cheap and just fun to have. Sorry I don't really have anything else to add, but everyone else has said good advice. Best of luck to you!
 
As many people have said your reactions were definitely not uncommon or anything but as you made this post you're obviously aware that if this can't keep happening.

I'll probably edit this post tomorrow or sometime to expand and just tidy it up. From the info you gave I can think of a number of things that might help in some way.

Expressing your anger before it piles up like this (this may not be happening in your case but it's quite likely that it is at least to some extent) - If you find other means of expressing your anger/frustration then you'll be in a better state of mind when situations like this arise because in life things like this do happen, even if it's unfair, unjust or wrong. Honestly everyone has different ways in which they express their anger (instead of bottling it up) some people like boxing, martial arts, running, expressing things through writing or words, etc. The important thing is to have an outlet for expressing your anger that isn't harmful and can prevent it from bottling up inside you because that just increases your feelings of aggression/anger.

Another thing is finding things that help calm you down (both 'in the moment' and just in general) - Having a more calm and relaxed mental state is naturally very helpful when dealing with stressful or frustrating situations. This may sound weird and it's definitely not for everyone but have you considered something like meditation? Can be very calming and I know a lot of people who have found it helpful when they've been dealing with a lot of stress and ended up doing things they wouldn't normally have done because they lost their cool. This is incredibly basic but nevertheless helpful - when you find yourself in situations like this, stopping for a few seconds and just taking some deep breaths can help you keep your head in situations where you're being provoked like the ones you listed. Personally, as I live near a pretty giant forest I like to just take myself off for walks once every couple of days, just being with nature I find quite nice and it allows me to clear my head a bit.

I'm sure your psychologist knows more about your situation than anyone posting here so if you haven't already you should ask him/her about things like controlling your temper, an outlet for your stress/anger/frustration and/or calming yourself down. Everyone has their own methods of doing these things so I'm sure you'll find something that works for you.

One final thing I'd like to stress is that your situation is by no means uncommon, irrational or your actions unjustified. I've known many people who have struggled or are struggling with similar things, it can be very difficult but it's definitely worthwhile. Don't beat yourself up about this, it happens to a lot of people, especially in situations where you're being provoked. You understanding that it's a problem is a pretty big step, whether you realise it or not. This may not be my last post in this thread as I imagine it will expand through other people's experiences with similar problems but good luck
 
I literally faced a few of the same situations as OP. It was about 4 years back when I got annoyed by everything that I didn't like. I think it had to do with being aware of 'how cruel and sad the world really is' and not wanting to deal with that. You know.. chemtrails, government poisoning us, illuminati, gender, racism. Yes, that kind of stuff kept me really busy. Therefore I was automatically annoyed by every 'sheep' and 'normie' that spoke to me, just because I hated everyone who seemed ignorant. I slowly got rid of that mindset and with that my anger also went away. I still feel it sometimes, but I can easily control my emotions now.
 
If you're a female I suggest dressing up as a guy and acting up. Nothing will teach you to calm your temper like an ass whooping. I'm joking but also a little serious. I don't think that you have ever been in the wrong side of a beating. It seems like you are having some issues though and I'd recommend you ask your psychologist and counselor to lead you in the right direction of anger management. You don't need to potentially ruin your life over petty shit.
 
This is what I've done. I can't promise it'll work for you, though.

First, just start pacing. I'm a person who tends to trail off on other thoughts radically different from when I started thinking, so just walk and think. It can be about anything, really. Even the incident you were just in. You can think about who you're mad at, and then just pretend to go on a long rant at them about why you're mad (in your head, of course).

This has worked a lot for me, and good luck!
 
Drangonn. said:
This is what I've done. I can't promise it'll work for you, though.

First, just start pacing. I'm a person who tends to trail off on other thoughts radically different from when I started thinking, so just walk and think. It can be about anything, really. Even the incident you were just in. You can think about who you're mad at, and then just pretend to go on a long rant at them about why you're mad (in your head, of course).

This has worked a lot for me, and good luck!
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seconding this, ranting to myself about shit that im pissed about helps me to release those feelings in a way that doesn't harm anyone, id definitely recommend it.
 
If you're having issues where you're blowing up on people, there's likely some underlying issue that you haven't addressed yet. I'd be pissed as hell if someone said that to my sister, but I'd respond with something snarky.

It's pretty similar to people that get really depressed easily. I got into a point last year where i was constantly getting drunk, and a really depressed side of me came out that I didn't even realize I had. Once I addressed the underlying issues that were giving me grief, I started to feel better.

Try to figure out where the anger is coming from. Are you stressed about something? Are you not getting enough sleep?

Otherwise, finding outlets to release anger works. Working out has done wonders for me whenever I get pissed about something
 
tbf I would say you were pretty validated in the last scenario. I used to have some issues with my temper in my earlier teens but after I started getting into the age where hockey got more physical I just left it out on the ice either through scraps or just physical play. Maybe try working out, jogging, or something else where you are either completely focused on the task at hand or absolutely nothing at all. I find that being overly consumed with a lot of stuff going on in your life is going to cause a ton of pent-up stress and anxiety so just let it out in some productive manner. That may have been overly obvious but I hope it helps somewhat.
 
Twisted Kneebar said:
If you're a female I suggest dressing up as a guy and acting up. Nothing will teach you to calm your temper like an ass whooping. I'm joking but also a little serious. I don't think that you have ever been in the wrong side of a beating. It seems like you are having some issues though and I'd recommend you ask your psychologist and counselor to lead you in the right direction of anger management. You don't need to potentially ruin your life over petty shit.
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Huh?

Listen, I know for a fact that this is about as untrue as something can be. I've struggled horribly with controlling my temper over even the smallest things, even smaller than what was mentioned in the OP, and someone attacking me would be the absolute last thing to remedy that. Quite frankly, I feel that the goal here is not to just choke down and bottle up anger (what your supposed "ass whooping" would do) but rather, to find a way to not be angry or at least be non-aggressive with expressing it. It's not the 1900s and beating the shit out of people won't solve nearly as many problems as people think it would.

That said, I rant. I don't know if it would work for you, but I just keep it together until whatever is making me angry is gone, then I find someone (usually someone else who didn't like the incedent) and kinda just go over all of the ways it was complete BS. I feel it's a healthy release of anger. Still, most people have covered seeing a professional about this, so I'm just gonna leave it here.

Getting beat up doesn't make you a more calm person.
 
Thatwackycruton said:
Huh?

Listen, I know for a fact that this is about as untrue as something can be. I've struggled horribly with controlling my temper over even the smallest things, even smaller than what was mentioned in the OP, and someone attacking me would be the absolute last thing to remedy that. Quite frankly, I feel that the goal here is not to just choke down and bottle up anger (what your supposed "ass whooping" would do) but rather, to find a way to not be angry or at least be non-aggressive with expressing it. It's not the 1900s and beating the shit out of people won't solve nearly as many problems as people think it would.

That said, I rant. I don't know if it would work for you, but I just keep it together until whatever is making me angry is gone, then I find someone (usually someone else who didn't like the incedent) and kinda just go over all of the ways it was complete BS. I feel it's a healthy release of anger. Still, most people have covered seeing a professional about this, so I'm just gonna leave it here.

Getting beat up doesn't make you a more calm person.
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I already said it was a joke. Clearly the thread starter is more than just a spoiled brat that is presumptuous because he/she has never been disciplined in one way or the other. That is why I said that professional help is needed.
 
Twisted Kneebar said:
I already said it was a joke. Clearly the thread starter is more than just a spoiled brat that is presumptuous because he/she has never been disciplined in one way or the other. That is why I said that professional help is needed.
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then dont post so stupidly lol it isnt that hard

i know this is a serious thread but im not going to put effort into a reply to a person who doesnt know how to post in a serious way when necessary, especially with such stupid suggestions
 
Hey wishes,

It's good you're already seeing a counsellor and a psychologist, and you can bring this up with them

I've struggled with something a bit different all my life: repressed anger, which resulted in a lot of lashing out at myself violently, and as I've learned to express it outwardly, I've still failed to learn how to express it appropriately. It comes out as either isolating silences or lashing out, and it's not good. What I've learned from this is that I'm often right to be angry but my inability to control my reaction to it endangers myself or others with extremely impulsive reactions, some of which are extreme in themselves

I want to first make the distinction between the feeling of anger and the behaviour of lashing out. I know what's in your OP is in an example, but it is perfectly reasonable to be angry at someone for sexually and verbally harassing your sister in such a manner. Most people would have trouble keeping their cool. But it may not have been what your sister wanted, and could have invited a lot of danger onto you to react in such a manner. If I'm not incorrect, what you would have preferred to do would be to have the staff deal with that guy, right? After all, he was definitely in the wrong. So, it was the lashing out (which wasn't wrong, but was undesirable) that was the problem, and the fact you couldn't control your reaction, not your anger

So, impulse control would be a good thing for you to work on too. At the point when you can control your impulses a bit better, you can reflect on your reactions a bit better beforehand, whether the anger is justified or not. Undoubtedly you've gotten angry over things you shouldn't have, or reacted wrongly to the anger, and being able to go away and deal with that anger would've been ideal. Sometimes you can't take yourself out of situations where you're angry, and you need to get control in order to defer that thought work and in order to deal with the situation as it stands. Things like venting etc. are healthy, but being angry all the time isn't great in the first place. I practice mindfulness and some anti-anxiety stuff in order to stay calmer (I know anxiety makes me irritable)

Empathy helps as well. Would I have empathised with that old man? Hell no. But there I might've tried to think, my sister probably doesn't want me to get kicked out over this. That type of measured reaction has helped me avoid doing things that might not help the situation where I have every right to be angry, especially if the anger isn't on my behalf, and allow me to reflect on it or talk it over later. Sometimes it just helps to work through your anger because you're gonna have it. I try things like listening to music that helps me work through the intensity of my feelings as a way of venting without lashing out, or spending time by myself, giving time to that anger, then letting it go

I'm not lecturing you btw, I know the problem likely has to do with how quick your temper rises and I wish you all the best on working on that. If you have any other problems that you think are likely to predispose you to anger or an irritable temperament, I definitely recommend examining them with a psychologist (for example, some of mine are the fact that I'm profoundly hard of hearing, which makes me irritable in crowded situations; I'm an abuse survivor, so I'm quick to react in a defensive manner to perceived threats due to a tendency to perceive situations as more violent than the norm; I'm very sensitive and easily hurt, etc.; lashing out makes me feel in control temporarily; I feel like anger allows me to protect myself better than I could before; etc.).

I agree with the suggestion with physical things that vent energy and raise your endorphins btw, it's not suitable for me but it's suitable for a lot of people. Even quiet walks where you can think, as long as you agree to let go and not use the walk to stew, and ground yourself in your surroundings, could be helpful. If you like to write, consider keeping a diary as well; that's a way of physically allowing the feelings to exist, acknowledging them and even thinking throuigh them, then shutting the door on them. I don't mean write every day, but sometimes when I'm really mad about something I might open a text editor and write something describing the incident and my feelings about it, sometimes with no judgment or sometimes examining all of our behaviour, then leave it

Work with your psychologist on things you can do in the moment, even if it's just a breathing exercise or counting to ten before you do something, that's a good start

Gl gl
 
you sound sensitive af, but think logically before you enter an argument like "is this really worth getting into a big fuss about" (that old nigga vs sister thing i get tho, but sounds like his mind is going to shit anyway no need to choke out grandpappy), avoid anything that causes your anger, if you sense that a confrontation will escalate into a shouting match or even fisticuffs, walk away, learn to let things go (especially, again, if it isn't worth fighting over), and just try to ignore it/ laugh or smile it off if you can (w/e that chick called you dont take it to heart, words aint shit)

I do all this and im chill af 99.9 % of the time
 
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