Fantastic Beasts and How to Fight Them

TheSnoom

TheSnoom

1. Mermaid
It’s just a hot fish, and I don’t want to stare at fish cleavage. I would just sit on the beach until it has to come get me, and then just stomp on it.
2. Gorgon
Snake cleavage.... yeah I’ll stare at that. I already suck at maintaining eye contact so this should be easy.
3. Roc
It’s just a really big bird.... just throw rocks at it.
4. Phoenix
Yeah it can’t technically die.... unless I put it out with water. Also it would be like 4x weak to rock, so just throw rocks at it.
5. Centaur
Horse man, emotional damage is the way to go here. They are a freak of nature and I’ll make them know it.
Want to know how I’d beat your favorite mythical creature in a fight? Idk put it in the replies or something, join in if you want. We’re all beating up nonexistent creatures together
 
hello thesnoom. hypothetically, were you to have a flock of mischievous pixies descend on your spare bedroom, how would you go about administering pest control? please respond quickly. asking for a friend
 
I have difficulty believing anyone of us who frequent a Pokémon website could truly beat a horse much less a centaur, which is a horse with extra reach and purposeful spite.

a roc however is basically just a haasts eagle and you know where they are? extinct innit!! easiest match up of the century!
 
Total Clefairy said:
hello thesnoom. hypothetically, were you to have a flock of mischievous pixies descend on your spare bedroom, how would you go about administering pest control? please respond quickly. asking for a friend
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Well you see, pixies are really stupid
All you’ve got to do is get a jar, put some apple cider vinegar in it, leave it in the room, give it a few hours and then you’ll have some stuck pixies. From then it’s up to you what you do with them. Hope this helps your friend.
 
TheSnoom said:
Well you see, pixies are really stupid
All you’ve got to do is get a jar, put some apple cider vinegar in it, leave it in the room, give it a few hours and then you’ll have some stuck pixies. From then it’s up to you what you do with them. Hope this helps your friend.
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thank you thesnoom i hope this works because the spare room is where i keep my extensive collection of transformers(tm) toys
 
CanineIllusionist said:
I have difficulty believing anyone of us who frequent a Pokémon website could truly beat a horse much less a centaur, which is a horse with extra reach and purposeful spite.

a roc however is basically just a haasts eagle and you know where they are? extinct innit!! easiest match up of the century!
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You really overestimate the power of a horse. Just a quick kick to the legs and it’s basically down.
However a man horse can easily be defeated by using emotional damage. It is a crime against nature! It shouldn’t exist! And it will never find love. Just bullying a centaur into submission is easy, especially if you use Twitter.
 
Ironmage said:
Any tips for dealing with a Mongolian Death Worm? It gets a crazy amount of type coverage for some reason.
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What is it? Ground Bug? Easy, just get a helicopter or something, strap it with explosives, wait for it to try and eat it. Jump from the helicopter and then detonate the explosives once it’s in the worm’s stomach.
 
boo836 said:
this is a good thread for human vs fantastic beast, but what about those of us who want to see fantastic beast vs fantastic beast? Any idea on how to set up a mauthe doog fighting ring?
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You claim that "human vs fantastic beast" =/= "fantastic beast vs fantastic beast", and yet what is the most fantastic, yet evil, beast of them all? That's right: man.........................
really makes you think, huh?
 
boo836 said:
this is a good thread for human vs fantastic beast, but what about those of us who want to see fantastic beast vs fantastic beast? Any idea on how to set up a mauthe doog fighting ring?
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Hmmmmmmmm.... well I guess that falls under this but I’m the guy you go to if you need a gryphon murdered or a kelpi captured, I’m not good with beast matchups though.
 
Albatross said:
You claim that "human vs fantastic beast" =/= "fantastic beast vs fantastic beast", and yet what is the most fantastic, yet evil, beast of them all? That's right: man.........................
really makes you think, huh?
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the most dangerous game..............................................
 
Anyways back the the murder
Unicorn
Easy peasy, same thing with any other horse like creature, just give it a real hard kick in the leg! Just watch out for the horn, it hurts.
Slimes
Also really easy, get a bucket and a plate. Scoop the slime up and cover the bucket with the plate. Now I particularly like slimes, so I would definitely keep it as pet
Troll
Really really really easy
You can literally beat it with a hammer and a big nail. Stick the nail under the troll’s toenail and then smack it real hard with a hammer. The sheer pain will cause it to fall down and then you can just whack it.
I’m fairly confident in my ability to murder or capture and fantasy creature, seriously try me.
 
How do you deal with Bakenekos ;w;

They're really nice, so its preferable if you don't kill them tho, but its causing fires here and there....
 
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Surprised nobody's brought up any dragons yet

How about Bakunawa, an enormous sea serpent from Phillipines mythology? It's the guardian of the spirit world that has been known to swallow the moon, causing eclipses
 
what about otyughs (sewer monsters, can be brainy but generally chill while eating literal garbaggio)
otyugh-town-rampage.jpg
what about owlbears (very angry all the time mnaaaaaaaarrrrr)
short_faced_owlbear_by_kaek_dc753xd-pre.jpg
what about flumphs (theyre friendly but you never know when those yellow bastards could turn unexpectedly)
117117.jpg
what about neh-thalggus (brain collectors for forces that seek dominion in opposition to Great Old Ones)?
brain-collector.jpg
ty in advance
 
Neko said:
How do you deal with Bakenekos ;w;

They're really nice, so its preferable if you don't kill them tho, but its causing fires here and there....
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Big cat thing right? Just use a laser pointer, easy as that. If some supernatural cat demon isn’t fazed by a laser pointer then just use a super soaker. They hate water due to them being a cat, it shouldn’t kill them unless you use the top of the line Nerf supersoaker, then just put them in a crate or something idk.
SNAK30PRA said:
you can't kill a puffle, or to rephrase it,
YOU WOULDN'T DARE TO KILL A PUFFLE, RIGHT...?
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In the words of an Australian piss man
“Be polite, be efficient, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”


Bice said:
Surprised nobody's brought up any dragons yet

How about Bakunawa, an enormous sea serpent from Phillipines mythology? It's the guardian of the spirit world that has been known to swallow the moon, causing eclipses
Click to expand...
......
I fear no man.
But that thing
It scares me
Seriously though as someone who plays hearthstone, fucking Baku the moon eater shit on the meta for years. I don’t want to touch that thing.
 
Ullar said:
what about otyughs (sewer monsters, can be brainy but generally chill while eating literal garbaggio)
otyugh-town-rampage.jpg
what about owlbears (very angry all the time mnaaaaaaaarrrrr)
short_faced_owlbear_by_kaek_dc753xd-pre.jpg
what about flumphs (theyre friendly but you never know when those yellow bastards could turn unexpectedly)
117117.jpg
what about neh-thalggus (brain collectors for forces that seek dominion in opposition to Great Old Ones)?
brain-collector.jpg
ty in advance
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I would be inclined to ask why you are dealing with multiple eldritch beings but I’m not one to judge.
Anyways I’ll start of with the easy one
Owlbear
Just shoot it
Seriously just shoot it
Aim for the eyes and shoot it
Neh-thalguu
It eats brains right? Easy
My brain is so tainted, so corrupted by my life experiences that it would not lay a hand or claw thing on me. Now if you wanted to deal with it yourself then it’s also quite simple.
It is an intelligent being if I’m correct, right? So you can communicate with it. Now it has a very very high iq to all of those brains, and is most likely very proud of its collection. Either give it a really really hard riddle, or just insult it. And if all else fails, just go apeshit on it with a bowling ball.
Flumph
Just step on them, they look like goombas with tentacles to me, also I don’t think they’re yellow. Again, this is a case where you can probably just shoot them.
Otyugh
Just chuck a grenade into its mouth, simple as that. Nothing to complicated.
 
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