Introduction
I won’t lie- this is a joke team. We all know the metagame is pretty fast right now- a few nights ago, I got exasperated and decided to throw together a team that was even faster. My only rule was that I was not allowed to use any pokemon with a base speed below 100. I expected it to be an amusing distraction before switching back to a real team- instead, I found myself winning game after game, and against good players. A few hours ago, I ended up hitting #7 on the ladder with an ACRE of 2047- a personal best, and from a team I made in under 10 minutes at that.
By Order of Speed
Miltank @ Leftovers
Trait: Scrappy
EVs: 4 Atk / 252 HP / 252 SDef
Nature: Careful
Speed: 236
Weighing in at an uninvested base 100, Miltank is by far the slowest member of the team. Nonetheless, she plays an important role- for starters, she’s the only legal user of Stealth Rock available to me. Second, since my team is dedicated to outspeeding the opponent, paralysis absolutely sucks. Between Heal Bell and Stealth Rock, Miltank more than pulls her weight.
I chose to use Scrappy over Thick Fat because, unlike with most of my other teams, stuff like Charizard and Jynx can’t really do much to me. Sub Haunter can, however, and dealing with one of those thing with a free turn of set up is a complete pain in the ass. The added utility of being able to paralyze Missy, Golurk and Drifblim is just gravy.
Simipour @ Flying Gem
Trait: Torrent
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 Atk / 4 Def
Nature: Jolly
Speed: 331
I love this set- I really do. Sweet Jesus posted it I don’t know how long ago in the Next Best Thing thread, and I just tried it out for the first time with this team. When I said earlier that Jynx and Charizard can’t hurt me, this is the reason why- with a nice, trollish speed of 101, Simipour can actually outspeed both of them and KO with Acrobatics and Waterfall, respectively. This set also lures in stuff like Jynx and Roselia that expect a Hydro Pump and KOs them with ease. It gets better, though- if your opponent tries switching in a wall that can actually deal with your attacks, just sub on down to 1% and hit them with a nasty Endeavor, basically eliminating them from the match. With good matchups against some of the premier offensive and defensive threats in NU, Simipour is an incredibly underrated force and one of the team’s star players.
Kadabra @ Focus Sash
Trait: Magic Guard
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 HP
Nature: Timid
Speed: 339
because fuck assist
Seriously, though, Kadabra is a super versatile and effective mon. Apart from being the perfect emergency button when you’re getting swept by [anything], it can also stall break with its immunity to residual damage and Encore or stop set up sweepers with the same. It’s also no slouch offensively, with a Psychic stronger than Scarf Jynx’s and perfect neutral coverage except for Shedinja. The lack of Thunderbolt or STAB Ice Beam is a pain, since Mandibuzz can switch in without much risk, but team mates can manage that. Especially since (poison type) spikers are all over the tier right now, a fast Psychic type that hazards can’t touch is a great thing to have.
Scolipede @ Life Orb
Trait: Swarm
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 Atk / 4 Def
Nature: Jolly
Speed: 355
Everybody knows it- Scolipede is boss. It’s an awesome spikestacker and sweeper in one, and (in my opinion) the single most defining pokemon in the metagame. It’s also fast as hell, so it was basically a shoe-in. Even though I don’t actually set up spikes very often, it’s good to have the option, and Scolipede can sweep just fine with its awesome two move coverage. Anyhow, I can’t understate how awesome STAB Megahorn has been on the ladder, from fucking over Musharna to fucking over Jynx to fucking over- really- just about everything slower than max speed Scolipede.
Serperior @ Leftovers
Trait: Overgrow
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 HP / 4 SAtk
Nature: Timid
Speed: 356
tbh, I really don’t like Calm Mind Serperior. Hits like a pussy without a few turns of set up, and gets completely screwed over by most scarfers and pretty much all birds. Wallbreaker Serp, on the other hand, is just awesome. The combination of Taunt, Leech Seed and Giga Drain can wear down pretty much any defensive poke in the tier bar grass types. This guy is my go to for all the annoying stuff like Musharna that the rest of my team can’t handle. We don’t want anything that’s a dead weight against offense, of course, but Serperior also gets the semi exclusive Glare. Along with Miltank, Serperior basically makes sure that I outspeed everything on the opponent’s team, and if I don’t, I can paralyze it. Also, with max investment in HP, Serperior is a bulky mofo, doing cool stuff like taking Scarf Jynx’s Ice Beam if it’s at full health.
Charizard @ Choice Scarf
Trait: Blaze
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 Def
Nature: Timid
Speed: 492
ScarfZard = BestZard. Apart from outspeeding fucking everything without breaking a sweat, Zard also brings a really cool- and often unprepared for- fire STAB to the table. It can clean with Flamethrower, Wallbreak with Fire Blast and Focus Blast, and flinch shit to death with Air Slash. Also, pretty much nobody expects him to be scarfed for some reason, so you can net some easy KOs against stuff that thinks it can outspeed (nothing feels better than roasting a Scarf Jynx that imagines that 1 HP is somehow a liability). Speaking of which, whoever says that SR breaks Zard has clearly never felt the wrath of Blaze boosted Fire Blasts. With only a bit of prior damage, fuckin’ Lickilicky can’t switch in. And when the fattest pink blob NU has to offer can’t take 2 hits, you know you’re in trouble- particularly when you probably can’t outspeed, either.
Also, the question that everyone wants answered-
How does this team fare against assist spam?
Pretty well, all things considered. Everything on the team can break Liepard’s subs, and thanks to the combo of Focus Sash and Signal Beam, Kadabra can beat sub-less Liepard 1 on 1 as long as you don’t get flinched with Dark Pulse. Unfortunately, once Miltank is switched in, there’s not much you can do to keep SR from going up. Still, as long as you can avoid letting Kadabra get tricked or thieved you should be good. It helps that he can OHKO both Shiftry and Arbok.
Also, Serperior’s taunt is awesome here, since once Drifblim’s tricked his Scarf away you can outspeed everything except Ditto and shut them down.
Replays
For those who want to see the team in action, these are probably my two best games going up the ladder-
http://pokemonshowdown.com/replay/nucurrent-54896834
http://pokemonshowdown.com/replay/nucurrent-54888125
Also, since I was talking about AssisstPard earlier, http://pokemonshowdown.com/replay/nucurrent-54874079
Shout Outs
To FLCL for being the only one to actually beat me with AssisstPard, out of ~5 matches against it.
To Sweet Jesus for the awesome Simipour set.
To NeverUsedTier for the awesome Serperior set.
And the NU community in general, for being pretty low on assholes compared to a lot of other sites I’ve visited.
Importable
I won’t lie- this is a joke team. We all know the metagame is pretty fast right now- a few nights ago, I got exasperated and decided to throw together a team that was even faster. My only rule was that I was not allowed to use any pokemon with a base speed below 100. I expected it to be an amusing distraction before switching back to a real team- instead, I found myself winning game after game, and against good players. A few hours ago, I ended up hitting #7 on the ladder with an ACRE of 2047- a personal best, and from a team I made in under 10 minutes at that.
By Order of Speed
Miltank @ Leftovers
Trait: Scrappy
EVs: 4 Atk / 252 HP / 252 SDef
Nature: Careful
- Heal Bell
- Milk Drink
- Stealth Rock
- Body Slam
Speed: 236
Weighing in at an uninvested base 100, Miltank is by far the slowest member of the team. Nonetheless, she plays an important role- for starters, she’s the only legal user of Stealth Rock available to me. Second, since my team is dedicated to outspeeding the opponent, paralysis absolutely sucks. Between Heal Bell and Stealth Rock, Miltank more than pulls her weight.
I chose to use Scrappy over Thick Fat because, unlike with most of my other teams, stuff like Charizard and Jynx can’t really do much to me. Sub Haunter can, however, and dealing with one of those thing with a free turn of set up is a complete pain in the ass. The added utility of being able to paralyze Missy, Golurk and Drifblim is just gravy.
Simipour @ Flying Gem
Trait: Torrent
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 Atk / 4 Def
Nature: Jolly
- Substitute
- Acrobatics
- Waterfall
- Endeavor
Speed: 331
I love this set- I really do. Sweet Jesus posted it I don’t know how long ago in the Next Best Thing thread, and I just tried it out for the first time with this team. When I said earlier that Jynx and Charizard can’t hurt me, this is the reason why- with a nice, trollish speed of 101, Simipour can actually outspeed both of them and KO with Acrobatics and Waterfall, respectively. This set also lures in stuff like Jynx and Roselia that expect a Hydro Pump and KOs them with ease. It gets better, though- if your opponent tries switching in a wall that can actually deal with your attacks, just sub on down to 1% and hit them with a nasty Endeavor, basically eliminating them from the match. With good matchups against some of the premier offensive and defensive threats in NU, Simipour is an incredibly underrated force and one of the team’s star players.
Kadabra @ Focus Sash
Trait: Magic Guard
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 HP
Nature: Timid
- Psychic
- Signal Beam
- Hidden Power [Ground]
- Encore
Speed: 339
because fuck assist
Seriously, though, Kadabra is a super versatile and effective mon. Apart from being the perfect emergency button when you’re getting swept by [anything], it can also stall break with its immunity to residual damage and Encore or stop set up sweepers with the same. It’s also no slouch offensively, with a Psychic stronger than Scarf Jynx’s and perfect neutral coverage except for Shedinja. The lack of Thunderbolt or STAB Ice Beam is a pain, since Mandibuzz can switch in without much risk, but team mates can manage that. Especially since (poison type) spikers are all over the tier right now, a fast Psychic type that hazards can’t touch is a great thing to have.
Scolipede @ Life Orb
Trait: Swarm
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 Atk / 4 Def
Nature: Jolly
- Spikes
- Swords Dance
- Megahorn
- Aqua Tail
Speed: 355
Everybody knows it- Scolipede is boss. It’s an awesome spikestacker and sweeper in one, and (in my opinion) the single most defining pokemon in the metagame. It’s also fast as hell, so it was basically a shoe-in. Even though I don’t actually set up spikes very often, it’s good to have the option, and Scolipede can sweep just fine with its awesome two move coverage. Anyhow, I can’t understate how awesome STAB Megahorn has been on the ladder, from fucking over Musharna to fucking over Jynx to fucking over- really- just about everything slower than max speed Scolipede.
Serperior @ Leftovers
Trait: Overgrow
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 HP / 4 SAtk
Nature: Timid
- Taunt
- Leech Seed
- Giga Drain
- Glare
Speed: 356
tbh, I really don’t like Calm Mind Serperior. Hits like a pussy without a few turns of set up, and gets completely screwed over by most scarfers and pretty much all birds. Wallbreaker Serp, on the other hand, is just awesome. The combination of Taunt, Leech Seed and Giga Drain can wear down pretty much any defensive poke in the tier bar grass types. This guy is my go to for all the annoying stuff like Musharna that the rest of my team can’t handle. We don’t want anything that’s a dead weight against offense, of course, but Serperior also gets the semi exclusive Glare. Along with Miltank, Serperior basically makes sure that I outspeed everything on the opponent’s team, and if I don’t, I can paralyze it. Also, with max investment in HP, Serperior is a bulky mofo, doing cool stuff like taking Scarf Jynx’s Ice Beam if it’s at full health.
Charizard @ Choice Scarf
Trait: Blaze
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 Def
Nature: Timid
- Fire Blast
- Flamethrower
- Air Slash
- Focus Blast
Speed: 492
ScarfZard = BestZard. Apart from outspeeding fucking everything without breaking a sweat, Zard also brings a really cool- and often unprepared for- fire STAB to the table. It can clean with Flamethrower, Wallbreak with Fire Blast and Focus Blast, and flinch shit to death with Air Slash. Also, pretty much nobody expects him to be scarfed for some reason, so you can net some easy KOs against stuff that thinks it can outspeed (nothing feels better than roasting a Scarf Jynx that imagines that 1 HP is somehow a liability). Speaking of which, whoever says that SR breaks Zard has clearly never felt the wrath of Blaze boosted Fire Blasts. With only a bit of prior damage, fuckin’ Lickilicky can’t switch in. And when the fattest pink blob NU has to offer can’t take 2 hits, you know you’re in trouble- particularly when you probably can’t outspeed, either.
Also, the question that everyone wants answered-
How does this team fare against assist spam?
Pretty well, all things considered. Everything on the team can break Liepard’s subs, and thanks to the combo of Focus Sash and Signal Beam, Kadabra can beat sub-less Liepard 1 on 1 as long as you don’t get flinched with Dark Pulse. Unfortunately, once Miltank is switched in, there’s not much you can do to keep SR from going up. Still, as long as you can avoid letting Kadabra get tricked or thieved you should be good. It helps that he can OHKO both Shiftry and Arbok.
Also, Serperior’s taunt is awesome here, since once Drifblim’s tricked his Scarf away you can outspeed everything except Ditto and shut them down.
Replays
For those who want to see the team in action, these are probably my two best games going up the ladder-
http://pokemonshowdown.com/replay/nucurrent-54896834
http://pokemonshowdown.com/replay/nucurrent-54888125
Also, since I was talking about AssisstPard earlier, http://pokemonshowdown.com/replay/nucurrent-54874079
Shout Outs
To FLCL for being the only one to actually beat me with AssisstPard, out of ~5 matches against it.
To Sweet Jesus for the awesome Simipour set.
To NeverUsedTier for the awesome Serperior set.
And the NU community in general, for being pretty low on assholes compared to a lot of other sites I’ve visited.
Importable
Miltank (F) @ Leftovers
Trait: Scrappy
EVs: 4 Atk / 252 HP / 252 SDef
Careful Nature
- Heal Bell
- Milk Drink
- Stealth Rock
- Body Slam
Simipour @ Flying Gem
Trait: Torrent
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 Atk / 4 Def
Jolly Nature
- Substitute
- Acrobatics
- Waterfall
- Endeavor
Kadabra @ Focus Sash
Trait: Magic Guard
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 HP
Timid Nature
- Psychic
- Signal Beam
- Hidden Power [Ground]
- Encore
Scolipede @ Life Orb
Trait: Swarm
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 Atk / 4 Def
Jolly Nature
- Spikes
- Swords Dance
- Megahorn
- Aqua Tail
Serperior @ Leftovers
Trait: Overgrow
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 HP / 4 SAtk
Timid Nature
- Taunt
- Leech Seed
- Giga Drain
- Glare
Charizard @ Choice Scarf
Trait: Blaze
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 Def
Timid Nature
- Fire Blast
- Flamethrower
- Air Slash
- Focus Blast
Trait: Scrappy
EVs: 4 Atk / 252 HP / 252 SDef
Careful Nature
- Heal Bell
- Milk Drink
- Stealth Rock
- Body Slam
Simipour @ Flying Gem
Trait: Torrent
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 Atk / 4 Def
Jolly Nature
- Substitute
- Acrobatics
- Waterfall
- Endeavor
Kadabra @ Focus Sash
Trait: Magic Guard
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 HP
Timid Nature
- Psychic
- Signal Beam
- Hidden Power [Ground]
- Encore
Scolipede @ Life Orb
Trait: Swarm
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 Atk / 4 Def
Jolly Nature
- Spikes
- Swords Dance
- Megahorn
- Aqua Tail
Serperior @ Leftovers
Trait: Overgrow
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 HP / 4 SAtk
Timid Nature
- Taunt
- Leech Seed
- Giga Drain
- Glare
Charizard @ Choice Scarf
Trait: Blaze
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 Def
Timid Nature
- Fire Blast
- Flamethrower
- Air Slash
- Focus Blast
Last edited:
