Jolteon owns!!

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I was testing my semi-new toxic spikes team on Shoddy, and I fought this gem of a battle.
[brackets] are my comments regarding comments in game, below the --- is my comments regarding the turn.
Sorry if this thread is in the wrong place, I'm kind of new here.
Jolteon OWNS!!



Rules: Ladder Match, Sleep Clause, Freeze Clause, OHKO Clause, Evasion Clause, Species Clause, Strict Damage Clause
Fshy95 sent out Gengar (lvl 100 Gengar ?).
alaxam sent out Nidoking (lvl 100 Nidoking ?).
the lol factor has entered the room.
Gengar used Hypnosis.
Nidoking fell asleep!
Nidoking is fast asleep!
---
So he hypnotizes me right away... not good.


Iluvtogekiss has entered the room.
Fshy95: hey togekkiss
Iluvtogekiss: hiya
Fshy95: blasted comp is on the fritz
alaxam: argh no hypnosis [hypnosis starters own me]
alaxam: XD
Fshy95 switched in Snorlax (lvl 100 Snorlax ?).
Nidoking woke up!
Nidoking used Toxic Spikes.
Spikes were scattered everywhere!
Toxic Spikes were scattered around the foe's team!
---
Yay hax! I wake up right away and get a layer of toxic spikes down.


Iluvtogekiss: everything is lagged up today
Fshy95: wat?lol
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Nidoking used Counter.
But it failed!
---
A Curselax, no problem. Because I'm Sashed, I wait for his earthquake.


Nidoking used Toxic Spikes.
Toxic Spikes were scattered around the foe's team!
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
---
Here I decide to take a chance and get another layer of spikes down. He must've thought I would switch, because no EQ.


Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Nidoking used Counter.
But it failed!
---
And back to waiting for EQ.


Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Nidoking used Counter.
But it failed!
---
More of the same.


Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Nidoking used Counter.
But it failed!
---
Yeah, yeah.


Iluvtogekiss: have you a spinner
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Nidoking used Counter.
But it failed!
---
Still waiting.
Fshy95: not really. [uh oh!]
Iluvtogekiss: um I see pain for nido [not really]
Fshy95: noFshy95: he's got a trick up his sleve
Fshy95: its sashed...sigh... [and he figures me out!]
Iluvtogekiss: what?
Iluvtogekiss: oh
Fshy95: only reason he'd keep it out with curselax
alaxam: XD [i smile because i know i will beat the curselax]
Iluvtogekiss: kerrap huh
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed won't go lower!
Snorlax's attack won't go higher!
Snorlax's defence won't go higher!
Nidoking used Counter.
But it failed!
---
So he figures my strategy, but leaves Snorlax in, I assume so he doesn't waste his curses.


Iluvtogekiss: lol
Snorlax used Rest.
But it failed!
Nidoking used Counter.
But it failed!
---
I keep countering, to psyche him out. I have another trick up my sleeve...


Iluvtogekiss: heh
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed won't go lower!
Snorlax's attack won't go higher!
Snorlax's defence won't go higher!
Nidoking used Roar.
Fshy95 switched in Umbreon (lvl 100 Umbreon ?).
Umbreon was badly poisoned!
Umbreon was badly poisoned by the Toxic Spikes!
Umbreon is hurt by poison!
Umbreon lost 6% of its health.
---
And Roared! Great for me, not so great for him.
Fshy95: blast...
alaxam: XDDD
Umbreon used Taunt.
Nidoking fell for the taunt!
Nidoking used Roar.
Nidoking can't use Roar after the taunt!
Umbreon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Umbreon restored 6% of its health.
Umbreon is hurt by poison!
Umbreon lost 12% of its health.
---
I try to Roar again to get another pokemon poisoned but he Taunts.


Fshy95: heh
alaxam: argh
Nidoking used Earthquake.
Umbreon lost 19% of its health.
Umbreon used Mean Look.
Nidoking was trapped!
Umbreon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Umbreon restored 6% of its health.
Umbreon is hurt by poison!
Umbreon lost 18% of its health.
---
So I EQ because I don't want to switch and ruin another poke.


Iluvtogekiss: toxic spikes is annoying huh [yup XD]
Nidoking used Earthquake.
Umbreon lost 17% of its health.
Umbreon used Baton Pass.
Fshy95 switched in Salamence (lvl 100 Salamence ?).
Salamence's intimidate cut Nidoking's attack!
---
He BP's to Salamence for the kill.


Taunt prohibits the use of this move. [i tried to roar. whoops]
Salamence used Draco Meteor.
Nidoking lost 100% of its health.
Nidoking hung on using its Focus Sash!
Salamence's special attack was harshly lowered.
Salamence lost 10% of its health.
Nidoking used Counter.
But it failed!
Nidoking's taunt wore off!
---
I counter, hoping it's a physical Mence. Not a great possibility, considering he knows I have Counter, but oh well.


Fshy95: hehe
Iluvtogekiss: lol
alaxam: special mance [stating the obvious ftw]
alaxam: *mence
Salamence used Brick Break.
It's not very effective...
Nidoking lost 0% of its health.
alaxam's Nidoking fainted.
Nidoking's Poison Point poisoned Salamence!
Salamence lost 10% of its health.
Salamence is hurt by poison!
Salamence lost 12% of its health.
---
So I die, but not before Poison Point nails Mence.


the lol factor has left the room.
Iluvtogekiss: that sucks
alaxam switched in Jolteon (lvl 100 Jolteon ?).
Iluvtogekiss: hp ice
Fshy95 switched in Snorlax (lvl 100 Snorlax ?).
Snorlax was badly poisoned!
Snorlax was badly poisoned by the Toxic Spikes!
Jolteon used Protect.
Jolteon protected itself!
Snorlax is hurt by poison!
Snorlax lost 6% of its health.
---
I switch to Jolteon, planning to stall him out. Iluvtogekiss warns him of HP: Ice possibility, so he switches to Snorlax.I hadn't even thought of carrying HP: Ice on Jolteon...


Jolteon used Substitute.
Jolteon lost 25% of its health.
Jolteon made a substitute!
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Snorlax's leftovers restored its health a little!
Snorlax restored 6% of its health.
Snorlax is hurt by poison!
Snorlax lost 12% of its health.
---
I get a sub up, ready to stall with Substitute + Protect.


alaxam: no hp
Jolteon used Thunderbolt.
Snorlax lost 19% of its health.
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Snorlax's leftovers restored its health a little!
Snorlax restored 6% of its health.
Snorlax is hurt by poison!
Snorlax lost 18% of its health.
---
Since I've already subbed, why not hurt him a little?


Fshy95: hehe
Fshy95: you knew i'd fear that though
alaxam: ? [this hadn't occurred to me, as stated before]
Fshy95: hidden power ice
alaxam: no, i just know my moveset is incredibly sheap
Jolteon used Thunderbolt.
Snorlax lost 19% of its health.
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Snorlax's leftovers restored its health a little!
Snorlax restored 6% of its health.
Snorlax is hurt by poison!
Snorlax lost 25% of its health.
---
He keeps Cursing, so I keep Tbolting.


alaxam: *cheap [stupid typos]
Iluvtogekiss: resty rest time
Jolteon used Thunderbolt.
Snorlax lost 19% of its health.
Fshy95's Snorlax fainted.
---
Rest won't help him, since Toxic spikes will soon 1HKO him...


alaxam: protect, substitute, tbolt, shadow ball [i go ahead and brag about my moveset]Fshy95: blast...
Iluvtogekiss: ouch
Fshy95: 1 hp less... [guess i got lucky]
Fshy95 switched in Gengar (lvl 100 Gengar ?).
Fshy95 switched in Umbreon (lvl 100 Umbreon ?). [maybe i shouldn't have bragged XD]
Jolteon used Shadow Ball.
It's not very effective...
Umbreon lost 8% of its health.
Umbreon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Umbreon restored 6% of its health.
Umbreon is hurt by poison!
Umbreon lost 6% of its health.
---
Battle of the Eeveelutions!


Jolteon used Thunderbolt.
Umbreon lost 29% of its health.
Umbreon used Wish.
Umbreon made a wish!
Umbreon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Umbreon restored 6% of its health.
Umbreon is hurt by poison!
Umbreon lost 9% of its health.
Fshy95's Umbreon fainted.
---
I still have my sub.


Fshy95 switched in Skarmory (lvl 100 Skarmory ?).
Iluvtogekiss: lol wut! [my thoughts exactly]
Fshy95: jolty's special is pretty bad...might work [i wouldn't call 313 bad...]
alaxam: jolty owns XD [of course he does]
Jolteon used Thunderbolt.
It's super effective!
A critical hit! [yay!]
Skarmory lost 100% of its health.
Fshy95's Skarmory fainted.
---
I might have 2HKO'd anyway, but I got lucky.


Fshy95: its speced though [he thinks i'm speced because i 1HKO'd]
Fshy95: aww
Fshy95: no fair....
alaxam: yay hax!!
alaxam: no specs
Iluvtogekiss: poor you
alaxam: petaya berry [i don't like choice items]
Fshy95: oh rite
Fshy95: alrite, jolty sweeps [of course]
Fshy95 switched in Salamence (lvl 100 Salamence ?).
Jolteon used Thunderbolt.
Salamence lost 51% of its health.
Salamence used Roost.
Salamence restored 50% of its health.
Salamence is hurt by poison!
Salamence lost 12% of its health.
---
So he Roosts with Mence for a while, until poison gets him.


Iluvtogekiss: poo
Jolteon used Thunderbolt.
Salamence lost 53% of its health.
Salamence used Brick Break.
The substitute took damage for Jolteon!
Jolteon's substitute faded!
Salamence is hurt by poison!
Salamence lost 1% of its health.
Fshy95's Salamence fainted.
---
My 8 turn sub is finally gone, but so is Mence.


Fshy95 switched in Heracross (lvl 100 Heracross ?).
Heracross was badly poisoned!
Heracross was badly poisoned by the Toxic Spikes!
Iluvtogekiss: heh guts
Jolteon used Protect.
Jolteon protected itself!
Heracross used Facade.
Jolteon protected itself!
Heracross is hurt by poison!
Heracross lost 6% of its health.
---
Heracross would've been an ideal switch to take advantage of the poison, but Jolteon is a beast.


alaxam: lol no problem [he won't even be able to touch me]
Fshy95: ya
Jolteon used Substitute.
Jolteon lost 25% of its health.
Jolteon made a substitute!
Heracross used Swords Dance.
Heracross's attack was sharply raised.
Heracross is hurt by poison!
Heracross lost 12% of its health.
---
I stall Heracross out.


Jolteon used Thunderbolt.
Heracross lost 54% of its health.
Heracross used Close Combat.
A critical hit!
The substitute took damage for Jolteon!
Jolteon's substitute faded!
Heracross's defence was lowered.
Heracross's special defence was lowered.
Heracross is hurt by poison!
Heracross lost 18% of its health.
---
Stalled.


Jolteon used Protect.
Jolteon protected itself!
Heracross used Facade.
Jolteon protected itself!
Heracross is hurt by poison!
Heracross lost 10% of its health.
Fshy95's Heracross fainted.
---
What can I say, Jolteon owns.


Fshy95 switched in Gengar (lvl 100 Gengar ?).
Iluvtogekiss: good handling of jolteon [tyvm!]
Jolteon used Substitute.
Jolteon lost 25% of its health.
Jolteon made a substitute!
Gengar used Hypnosis.
But it failed!
---
+Spe nature ftw!


alaxam: XD ty
Fshy95: ya
Fshy95: gg
alaxam: gf u 2 [i guess i say good fight instead of good game]
Jolteon used Shadow Ball.
It's super effective!
Gengar lost 77% of its health.
Gengar used Focus Blast.
The substitute took damage for Jolteon!
Jolteon's substitute faded!
---
I let him break my sub and Shadow ball.


Jolteon used Shadow Ball.
It's super effective!
Gengar lost 23% of its health.
Fshy95's Gengar fainted.
alaxam wins! [all right!]
Fshy95: gg
Iluvtogekiss: battle fsh?
Fshy95: sure
alaxam: gf
Fshy95: gg
Iluvtogekiss has left the room.
Fshy95 has left the room.
---
So the only conclusion I can draw is that...JOLTEON OWNS!! (and Fshy95's team has a Jolteon weakness XD)
 
Beyond the formatting errors, the majority of the commentary is just oneliners reiterating the log.

The fact that you didn't even think about HP ice on jolteon is rather telling as well.
 
tl;dr

add a bit of colour to it, to make it more appealing. Don't go overboard. Make sure your comments add something to the log e.g. your thoughts, potential strategy, what you think your opponent is running etc. Don't just add cliché phrases. And if not is happening in the battle skip out some of the log and just add a couple of sentences to summarise.
 
There is nothing to make this war story interesting or appealing.

Read another well-written war story to see what makes them good before submitting another. What you have is a shoddy log with some "lol"s thrown in between rounds of attack. That's bullshit.
 
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