Copyediting Kamen Rider (Swords Dance Lokix / Bug) [QC 2/2] [QC 0/1]

[Murphy Lawden]

[SET]
Lokix @ Darkinium Z
Name: Kamen Rider (Swords Dance) (Bug)
Ability: Tinted Lens
EVs: 252 Atk / 4 Def / 252 Spe
Adamant Nature
- Swords Dance
- Leech Life
- Knock Off / First Impression
- Sucker Punch

[SET COMMENTS]
Access to Swords Dance, a nearly unresisted STAB combination thanks to Tinted Lens, and priority options in Sucker Punch and First Impression make Lokix an excellent wallbreaker and cleaner for Bug teams. Leech Life allows Lokix to take advantage of and beat passive walls, 2HKOing Gliscor, Blissey, and Ting-Lu at +2, while keeping itself healthy. Knock Off lets Lokix makes progress against defensive switch-ins like Archaludon, Skarmory, and Great Tusk by removing their items. Alternatively, First Impression is an excellent tool to pick off faster threats like Alolan Raichu, Greninja, and Ogerpon-W. Sucker Punch lets Lokix function as an effective late-game sweeper, picking off weakened threats like Iron Boulder, Meowscarada and Tapu Koko or outright KOing them at +2. Furthermore, Sucker Punch, when boosted by Darkinium Z, allows Lokix to outright OHKO or heavily dent walls like Heatran, Mega Sableye, and Celesteela. Choice Scarf Kleavor uses its Rock typing to serve as a revenge killer that targets Flying- and Fire-types like Tornadus-T, Mega Charizard Y, and Cinderace while also setting Stealth Rock with Stone Axe. Araquanid and Galvantula provide Sticky Web support, allowing Lokix to outspeed threats like the Ogerpon formes, Mega Gallade, and Nidoking. Araquanid leverages its high special bulk and Fire resistance to handle foes like Volcarona and Iron Moth, while Galvantula pressures Flying- and Water-types like Skarmory and Toxapex. Volcarona threatens Steel-types like Skarmory, Celesteela, and opposing Mega Scizor. Mega Scizor eliminates Rock- and Fairy-types like Mega Aerodactyl, Mega Diancie, and Iron Valiant. Mega Pinsir eases Fighting matchups, threatening foes like Keldeo and Kommo-o, and it can also break through walls like Toxapex and Mega Venusaur that Lokix struggles with.

[SET CREDITS]
Written by:
https://www.smogon.com/forums/members/murphy-lawden.594972/
Quality checked by:
https://www.smogon.com/forums/members/irys.635656/
https://www.smogon.com/forums/members/mateeus.321991/
Grammar checked by:

 

[Irys]

Copyedit

[SET]
Lokix @ Darkinium Z
Name: Swords Dance (Bug)
Ability: Tinted Lens
EVs: 252 Atk / 4 Def / 252 Spe
Adamant Nature
- Swords Dance
- Leech Life
- Knock Off / First Impression
- Sucker Punch

[SET COMMENTS]
With a decent Attack stat and access to Swords Dance, a nearly unresisted STAB combination thanks to Tinted Lens, further bolstered by Darkinium Z, and excellent priority options in Sucker Punch and First Impression, Lokix solidifies itself as a potent wallbreaker and cleaner for Bug teams. (Try to shorten this sentence down as a lot of this is filler. It is a great description, just make it shorter.) Leech Life allows Lokix to take advantage of passive walls, 2HKOing Ting-Lu, Gliscor, specially defensive Ferrothorn, and Blissey at +2, while keeping itself healthy. Knock Off lets Lokix makes progress against defensive switch-ins like Archaludon, Skarmory, and Great Tusk by removing their Leftovers, Rocky Helmet, or Heavy-Duty Boots. First Impression is an excellent tool to pick off threats like Alolan Raichu, Hydreigon, Iron Boulder, Greninja, and Ogerpon-W. Sucker Punch OHKOes frailer offensive threats like Blacephalon and Alolan Raichu (You'd rather just First Impression this than play Nasty Plot mind games, I suggest using another frailer offensive threat.) , and at +2, it can also OHKO Iron Boulder, Sneasler, and Greninja (This one should be cut out as well due to you just already hitting it with First Impression). Furthermore, Sucker Punch, when boosted by Darkinium Z, allows Lokix to outright OHKO bulky Heatran and Mega Sableye, has favorable odds of OHKOing mixed defensive Celesteela after Stealth Rock, and heavily damages defensive staples like Corviknight and Toxapex. Choice Scarf Kleavor uses its Rock typing to serve as a revenge killer that targets Flying- and Fire-types like Tornadus-T, Mega Charizard Y, and Cinderace while also setting Stealth Rock with Stone Axe. Araquanid and Galvantula provide Sticky Web support, allowing Lokix to outspeed threats like the Ogerpon formes, Mega Gallade, and Nidoking. Araquanid leverages its high special bulk and Fire resistance to handle foes like Volcarona and Iron Moth, and it can also potentially grab a KO on threats like Kommo-o with Mirror Coat. Galvantula pressures Flying- and Water-types like Skarmory and Toxapex, and with Thunder Wave, it can cripple setup sweepers like Mega Charizard X and Volcarona, even after a boost, as well as Choice Scarf users like Hisuian Arcanine if it retains its Focus Sash (Shorten this to at least one sentence). Both Scizor and Mega Scizor (Just use Mega Scizor) eliminate Rock- and Fairy-types like Mega Aerodactyl, Mega Diancie, and Iron Valiant, while Mega Pinsir can dispatch Fighting-types like Keldeo and Kommo-o as well as +1 Volcarona; these teammates also ease Steel matchups for Lokix, weakening or eliminating the likes of Archaludon and Celesteela. (Whittle these down to 1 sentence each. Describe Mega Pinsir as an alternative that can check Fighting types.) Volcarona also threatens Steel-types like Skarmory, Celesteela, and opposing Mega Scizor. Buzzwole, with its impressive physical bulk and access to Bulk Up and Drain Punch, can assist Lokix in taking on Fighting-, Rock-, Ground-, and Steel-types like Iron Hands, Ogerpon-C, and Excadrill.

[SET CREDITS]
Written by:
https://www.smogon.com/forums/members/murphy-lawden.594972/
Quality checked by:

Grammar checked by:

Very good writing. Qc 1/2 Stamp of A-Provale.

 

[Mateeus]

[SET COMMENTS]
- Remove "A decent Attack stat" from the first period; it's not really a quality here. The STAB combination is, in fact, unresisted with TLens;
- "Leech Life allows Lokix to take advantage of and beat passive walls such as Gliscor and Blissey by keeping itself healthy" (Ting and Ferro are not really taken advantage of...);
- No need to mention each item separately in the Knock writeup. Just say it removes their items;
- "Alternatively, First Impression is an excellent tool to pick off faster threats like ..." (give at max 3 examples; think AChu, Ogerpon and maybe Eleki/Gren are the most relevant);
- Just say Sucker lets Lokix act as a sweeper late-game thanks to its priority - that's far more important than saying what it kills;
- "Furthermore, Sucker Punch, when boosted by Darkinium Z, allows Lokix to outright OHKO or heavily dent bulky Pokemon like Heatran, Corviknight and Toxapex (you can change examples) with a +2 Black Hole Eclipse." (No need to explain every situation about killing or not);
- Remove the Mirror Coat part about Araquanid (too particular and not Lokix-centric). Same goes for the Twave mention on Galv;
- Bump Volcarona up on the teammates section, and say it appreciates Lokix's wallbreaking + removes physical walls for it;
- Mention Mega Pinsir severely damaging or outright removing some of the walls Lokix struggles against (pex, mvenu) instead of the +1 Volcarona mention (which is too particular and in less relevant MUs).


Good job, 2/2

 

[Murphy Lawden]

GP Team hiii!!!!

 

[wisteriapurple]

reserving