Looking for some advice

Nolando VII

Hey I'll try to make this as short as I can because I know people dont like reading massive posts.

Basically one of my friends who I've known for almost six years has gone and pulled some shit behind me and my closest friend's back. Now this isn't the first time he's done this and I was able to bring myself to forgive him the first time. However, this time I really just had enough.

I suppose I should tell you a bit about him first. This is the kid who supposedly has a ton of friends, but would be willing to just throw most of them away if only for himself. He is also completely oblivious to anything negative about him even if you bring it to his face. Now this really annoys me because I do my best to be extremely loyal to my friends and to see someone like this really pisses me off. He's hurt a lot of people pretty badly (including a very close friend).

Now, I got to thinking about it and I realized that I have three friends who I would trust with my life and really have no problem with it. Basically they're the greatest people I could ask for. I say this because I really dont want to mess around with people who are either going to hurt them or me, or just plain not like that. Am I wrong for expecting this out of people, or should I lower my standards because people are just a bunch of dicks? I mean I really would never want to lower them but I guess I have asked myself that...

By now it probably just sounds like a lot of highschool drama and I realize thats probably all it is, but some things about it just concern me about myself.

Well by now I've really gotten pissed off at him so I decide to just tell him about this - Ive tried several ways to hint at my feelings, but he's, yet again, oblivious. So I call him and basically what I tell him is Im tired of his shit and if he thinks he's anywhere close to my other friends (one of which he tried to drag into the argument which pissed me off even more) he's completely wrong. Honestly I realized that not only was this best for me, but it could help him out if he actually realizes he cant use people and do what he does to them. Honestly, I was very harsh, but at this point I was standing up for not just me but my friends too. I basically told him he needs to mature up, grow some balls, and be a man.

All of this is ok, but then he tried to appologize. I could tell it wasnt quite sincere because he was still telling me i was wrong and I was the one who was the bad person. So I decided to tell him (truthfully) that sorry just wont cut it for this and honestly there may not be any mending it because not only does it seem like he wont change, but he shows no interest in doing so.

Now this brings up a few questions: Was I wrong for being so straightforward with him? Should I have accepted his appology? Did I do the right thing? Was I wrong for just giving up on him after six years? Am I loyal to a fault?

Eh... I dunno I just feel like I could use a little bit of help understanding the big picture with this all... So thanks for reading this and thanks in advance for any help.

- Nolan
 
If he can't say sorry without still assuming that he's right and you're not then you absolutely did the right thing. From what I read it's about time he sees what he's pulling on you.
 
On a less serious note, this reminds me about the drama that involves Wilson and House.

On a serious note, no, if he was being an asshole, you did the right thing. I've had friends like those, who seemed pretty cool to hang out with at first, but in the end, they just ended up screwing you over if they had to save their own skin, or worse, they ended up proving how your relationship with them don't work the way you want them to.

I'd do the exact same thing you did, and repeat it if necessary, because in the end, a good friend will come through for a good friend.

I'm soft on my friends though, I'd try and make it possible to remain his friend and try to change his attitude, if you think it's worthy keeping him as a friend, then you should try and make up with him.
 
You told him that straightforward and that's good, but you can't expect him to just accept what he's done and apologize to everyone. If you still want to be his friend but he still hasn't apologized, the best thing you can do is apologize. I know that sucks since you didn't do anything wrong, but it sounds like someone who has a big ego and you apologizing will help a lot. Either that or you work on getting rid of that ego until he actually wants to be friends with you guys.
 
Yeah see the thing is I dont think that his big ego is going to make it possible for us to be friends again. I mean he still thinks he is right and hangs out with people who I quite frankly want nothing to do with (not drug usesrs/etc., but rather just a bunch of dicks)

I mean it would be nice of me to appologize, but honestly I dont think it will do any good in that it really encourages him to keep going. Part of the reason I was so harsh was so he would realize that he needs to change... I mean I was kind of trying to help him out in the process as well. Honestly I dunno if appologizing is the best idea or not at this point at least - I should prolly give it a few days I think. Of course Im not sure if I still want to be friends with him... I mean I'm perfectly happy without him and I dont want to put my other friends in a position where Im forcing them to make up with him =/

Thanks for all the fast replies. I really appreachiate this =D
 
Yes, it does sound as if maybe you are loyal to a fault, and I am basically the same way. There's no reason that you shouldn't be able to trust your closest friends, and if he broke that trust once, yes, you can and should forgive it, sensing that he is repentant. But once he does it again, it's time to realize that he might not be as good of a friend as you hoped. In this case, I think you did everything that should be done, just maybe not in the right way. You told him that his apology wouldn't cut it, but I think that maybe the whole "all your other friends feel the same way" didn't have the desired effect, because I imagine he thinks you only said it because you were mad at him. Eventually? ...Yeah, he'll find out the hard way. As for right now, I say keep your distance from him. If he realizes his errors and finds you again, then deal with that when it happens. If he doesn't... don't be too choked up about. I'd say you're better off without him around.
 
Yah, man, if someone isn't getting the hint, you really have to be direct. Probably he's going to apologize profusely later, make promises, etc, but stay tough and don't accept him back unless you feel he's truly changed, for good.
also, don't underestimate high school drama, that's 4 of the most formative years of your life.
 
Thanks guys yeah I guess I probably did go about it the wrong way... But I guess its better to do that than nothing at all to be honest. This has really helped me figure this out so thanks a ton.,
 
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