(So, I guess I couldn't think of a great title for this but I guess it works. I also hope this is the right place to post this, not sure where else it would go)
About a week ago my girlfriend broke up with me. The result left me with a lot of guilt which lead me to return to Smogon after nearly 4 years away in order to suppress it. I've since cut communication with the friend group the two of us had been in and have been in a better state of mind since. However, I still miss interacting with people and I guess I need an outlet for my feelings; somewhere my friends are unlikely to find it. After talking with the few friends who were not in that friend group, I have a lot of things on my mind about why things ended the way they did and how to best move forward. I hope the people reading this can help give me some insight, this was my first breakup and the more input the better.
1. The biggest thing on my mind was if the break up could have been prevented. I will admit, I was the main one at fault for this. While the reason for the break up is personal, the main point is I hurt my girlfriend's feelings and even seemed ungrateful at times. Before anyone starts hating me, let it be known that I am not a scumbag who abuses women. It was more me not understanding her feelings correctly and I am taking what I learned to better myself as a person. And while I don't mean to play the blame game, apart of me is wondering if most of this would have been prevented if she told me what I was doing and how she felt. A few times in the relationship, when something that was troubling her, she never came to me to talk about it. She would always go to either her two best friends from the past few years, or a guy we are both friends with (nicknamed her "Nugget") before if ever coming to me about things. It weighted a lot on me and looking back, made me wonder if our communication was just never there...
2. After I apologized, forgiveness was given, and we decided to be friends, I decided I needed some time away from the friend group for some reflecting. I posted a message to the Snapchat group everyone was a part of giving a brief explanation for why I needed some alone time. However, I accidently worded it to imply something happened between the two of us, a breach of privacy (we were keeping things a secret to surprise people later). The result was she got mad at me again and I only learned about what happened when her "Nugget" texted me and cussed me out for the message. To try and stop the bleeding, I physically left the Snap group, hoping to delete the message before too many other saw it. It was at this point I began to cry, I felt as if my life had fallen apart as I was sure I would hated by my friends. This upcoming years was supposed to be the greatest year of college for me; most of my friends were getting a dorm suite that I could crash in and everyone was planning different activities such as movie nights. Now everything appeared to be gone within a single day. I want to return to this friend group but I'm scared to go back. I fear a lot of people will have found out what happened about the message and turn on me. I have no clue if my ex will forgive me again after what happened and I'm still scared of what everyone else thinks, I don't know what to do...
3. Even though this post seems all doom and gloom, I would like to date again once things get better. However, I'd like to know what to look for in a strong relationship before I date again and what warning signs to look out for from people who have much more dating experience. I really have next to no dating experience and my ex and I only really texted since she lives 2 hours away and we only started dating during quarantine. There is still a lot I don't know and I would prefer to try to avoid another ugly breakup.
4. This post has been way to much about me complaining about my life, so to end things I'd like to know how people are getting through quarantine. Yes places are beginning to open up but the virus hasn't gone away so people still need to be careful. Just something positive to end this post on a high note.
For those who took the time to read through all of this, I thank you. And I really appreciate any responses to any of the four topics, any input is valuable. I hope to see everyone around the forums, in a more cheerful thread next time.
About a week ago my girlfriend broke up with me. The result left me with a lot of guilt which lead me to return to Smogon after nearly 4 years away in order to suppress it. I've since cut communication with the friend group the two of us had been in and have been in a better state of mind since. However, I still miss interacting with people and I guess I need an outlet for my feelings; somewhere my friends are unlikely to find it. After talking with the few friends who were not in that friend group, I have a lot of things on my mind about why things ended the way they did and how to best move forward. I hope the people reading this can help give me some insight, this was my first breakup and the more input the better.
1. The biggest thing on my mind was if the break up could have been prevented. I will admit, I was the main one at fault for this. While the reason for the break up is personal, the main point is I hurt my girlfriend's feelings and even seemed ungrateful at times. Before anyone starts hating me, let it be known that I am not a scumbag who abuses women. It was more me not understanding her feelings correctly and I am taking what I learned to better myself as a person. And while I don't mean to play the blame game, apart of me is wondering if most of this would have been prevented if she told me what I was doing and how she felt. A few times in the relationship, when something that was troubling her, she never came to me to talk about it. She would always go to either her two best friends from the past few years, or a guy we are both friends with (nicknamed her "Nugget") before if ever coming to me about things. It weighted a lot on me and looking back, made me wonder if our communication was just never there...
2. After I apologized, forgiveness was given, and we decided to be friends, I decided I needed some time away from the friend group for some reflecting. I posted a message to the Snapchat group everyone was a part of giving a brief explanation for why I needed some alone time. However, I accidently worded it to imply something happened between the two of us, a breach of privacy (we were keeping things a secret to surprise people later). The result was she got mad at me again and I only learned about what happened when her "Nugget" texted me and cussed me out for the message. To try and stop the bleeding, I physically left the Snap group, hoping to delete the message before too many other saw it. It was at this point I began to cry, I felt as if my life had fallen apart as I was sure I would hated by my friends. This upcoming years was supposed to be the greatest year of college for me; most of my friends were getting a dorm suite that I could crash in and everyone was planning different activities such as movie nights. Now everything appeared to be gone within a single day. I want to return to this friend group but I'm scared to go back. I fear a lot of people will have found out what happened about the message and turn on me. I have no clue if my ex will forgive me again after what happened and I'm still scared of what everyone else thinks, I don't know what to do...
3. Even though this post seems all doom and gloom, I would like to date again once things get better. However, I'd like to know what to look for in a strong relationship before I date again and what warning signs to look out for from people who have much more dating experience. I really have next to no dating experience and my ex and I only really texted since she lives 2 hours away and we only started dating during quarantine. There is still a lot I don't know and I would prefer to try to avoid another ugly breakup.
4. This post has been way to much about me complaining about my life, so to end things I'd like to know how people are getting through quarantine. Yes places are beginning to open up but the virus hasn't gone away so people still need to be careful. Just something positive to end this post on a high note.
For those who took the time to read through all of this, I thank you. And I really appreciate any responses to any of the four topics, any input is valuable. I hope to see everyone around the forums, in a more cheerful thread next time.
