The need to relate :>

[cloud]

lately i've been going through this whole thing where i'm over-empathizing with people. like i have the NEED to relate to people and it sucks because i don't think i was like this before :emo:.

it's not really a need to relate as much as it is that i'm finding i am feeling more sad for people i didn't normally feel sad for. like i ended up talking to a hot dog lady for like 20 minutes the other day about her kids and shit, and as far back as i can remember i didn't have conversations like that with strangers. i always figured if people had issues they wanted to talk about, they'd talk about it, but now it feels like everyone has issues and everyone wants to talk.

i'm trying to figure out if it's normal to feel the need to relate to people on a regular basis. like if you see your friends every so often and they're having troubles that you normally wouldn't talk about, and all of a sudden you find yourself talking to them about that shit is that normal? is it necessary to being a functional friend? also what kind of person are you, are you the kind that delves into people because you find the need to figure out everything about them, or are you just a 'whatever' kinda guy?

also this may be my turning 21 blues or something i don't know.

 

[Glen]

im an empathy freak and it kinda fucks with me sometimes.

i can get way too emotional over other people sometimes, but surprisingly enough, not really with my friends or family or love interests. its more like hearing stories about people i've never met and imagining them, and it breaks my heart sometimes.

even like photos and stuff will do it for me once in awhile, my mind just starts rolling and i wonder so many things and ultimately end up kinda sad!

i guess it's a good thing if i ever decide to be a writer or something but it's more of a burden at the moment.

that said i really don't know how to help you. to be honest our problems are a bit different, and i would say yours is much more of a good thing because you're just caring really hard about people and that's something the world seriously needs more of.

if it's bothering you because of too much 'emotion' then thats a drag, but if its only bothering you because you dont know anyone else that does it and you think its weird then youve gotta move beyond that, cause seriously man, its a good thing to care.

 

[Layell]

I may not have the life experience you have but sometimes if you're going through some crap it's nice to know you're not the only one in the world with problems.

 

[cloud]

okay i guess i'll elaborate a bit.

i don't know if it's bothering me or not. i guess i was just used to being a certain way.

this drags back to about two months ago, my girlfriend and i got into this huge argument about how i'm a dick (not to her, albeit i did upset her too) to everyone in general and that can be a drag sometimes. since then i've been feeling this way and i feel that it's somewhat consequential, and therein lies the problem that i don't want to be a certain way because someone else told me that i was a certain way.

this one time after said argument, i told her i had treated someone poorly and i felt like shit and she had told me she was 'proud of me'. that sucked lol.

but back to the point, it's more that i'm HEARING a lot more of the sad stories from people than finding myself caring. obviously the overexposure makes you realize that 'oh yea, people have it hard' but it's more that i'm confused as to why i'm realizing it now (or why i'm hearing more of it now) and didn't before. i also think i alienated one of my friends very recently and maybe it was because i wasn't empathetic enough towards his issues (it was a falling out of my group of friends with him as a whole, and although i tried to prevent it i feel alienated towards him).

this is probably more complicated than i'm leading on lol

also: controllerofflames: it's not even that i have a whole of shit to deal with, i'm leading a relatively easygoing existence right now :>. it's just that everyone else has something to talk about.

 

[Deck Knight]

As a general rule, I care, but I don't empathize. Empathy requires feeling others emotions, and I generally don't recognize anything but my own. "Feeling" what others are feeling is not my strong suit.

To be totally honest I just try and block it out. Emotions screw with your head, impair your judgment, and get manipulated by others. Discretion is the better part of valor, so they say.

So I guess my post is pointless since I can't really help you, and certainly don't really feel what you feel. The only person whose ever been able to get me to emote anything other than say fury or fundamental concern is my ex.

Maybe its just to balance you out a little. Sometimes there is nothing you can do no matter how much effort you expend. Do what you can, help them through their loss or whatever their concern is. After that you just have to let it go. Even if you feel their pain as your own, it is not your pain or your loss, and feeling it with them may only magnify their own sorrow.

 

[NichMcCoolStratus]

I usually don't post here, but I'll say this because I'm somebody who likes to listen to people's feelings, deal advice out and empathise with their lives and stuff. I think it's a good thing that you're a sensitive person (at least now) and that it is a virtue that many people have neglected in this fast-paced world. Also, I take it that the sense of emotional attachment that comes with this seems to bother you, and trust me, this never really goes away.

So, I guess you could see this "gift" as a bad thing, but really it's gonna give you this new perspective on life, and you'll subconsciously be a nicer and kinder person which is definitely good. When I feel weird about being so sensitive to other people's plights, and at the same time feel that I am helpless to aide them in life... I always try to comfort myself that I've at least tried to help them by listening to their problems and helping them rationalise it.

Many people in the world today have many problems that they don't have someone to consult with and to caucus with and it's because they don't feel comfortable with many people in their lives. So that's the reason why they consult in you. Because they feel that you could possibly relate to them and make them feel better despite their 'situation', no matter how sucky it is. So take their acts of confiding in you as a compliment to the (new) you!

(Okay, at this point I realise that the psychobabble I just said doesn't really relate directly to what you said, but I hope it helps.)

 

[Raj]

I think everybody likes to know that they're not alone, that everyone goes through shit. When you go to to someone to "hear them out" your not really just aiding them, but yourself as well. Life is dark when you cannot relate to anyone. Ever noticed how teenagers tend to listen to sad music when they're sad? I do it; I like to play Nirvana and Chili Peppers when I know I'm moody.

 

[gorm]

I'm having these realizations too cloud and the fact is that it's never a bad idea to have common ground with people. the fact is you probably have some kind of common ground with every single person in the world :D

needing to relate to people is just an affirmation that everyone is human and everyone deserves respect. There is never anything wrong with wanting to learn about a person, in fact i'd call it incredibly noble because it means you find them interesting enough to spend time on

To be totally honest I just try and block it out. Emotions screw with your head, impair your judgment, and get manipulated by others

let's talk about this. if you truely feel an emotion there must be a reason for it. Whether that reason is "worthy" or not is something you should explore. If you're angry when a girl you like talks to other people, often you really have no reason to because often she just likes having friends. however if youre with a relationship with her and a dude keeps ogling her and wantin in her pants, you have every reason to get angry enough to confront him. I dont think emotions are ever worth blocking/refusing to examine. If you examine your emotions critically, you cannot have them manipulated or impair your judgement. its not easy but yeah.

 

[Jenigmat]

A couple of years ago, I went through some pretty depressing shit, and it was pretty much thanks to some really kickass people, who at the time I didn't really know at all, that I came back from it. I think it's kinda because I was the one being empathised with, and I felt how good and uplifting it was to be able to find people who relate to you, that since then I've tried my best to do that for others. And to be honest, I can't say it's made my life any better. I'm one of those people that finds it really depressing that everyone has problems, and when you empathise with people, you feel how shitty that is. But I'll keep doing it. At the very least, you know that someone might feel just a little bit better, and if you're there for your friends they'll be there for you.

 

[Outlaw]

For me, I find it hard to relate to people in the first place.


Maybe Im just to cynical.