Team at a glance:
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In-Depth:


Uxie (?) @ Leftovers
Ability: Levitate
EVs: 252 Hp / 228 Def / 28 Spe
Bold Nature (+Def, -Atk)
- Stealth Rock
- Psychic
- Energy Ball
- Toxic
Uxie starts things off nicely by getting hazards up and hopefully crippling some shit with Toxic. Basically Uxie was chosen when I already had the other 5 pokemon and the team was really fighting and ground weak, so I was in dire need of a bulky Ghost or Psychic type…I originally wanted to lead with Specs Rotom but that would mean I’d have to put SR on Registeel which I wanted to avoid, as I like it better as a status absorber/sweeper. So instead I fell on Uxie, who doubles as a great physical wall and defensive partner for Registeel. Toxic may seem odd on this set but it makes a ton of would-be switch-ins think twice before coming in, especially the ground types who switch in expecting to absorb a Thunder Wave. The 28 EVs in speed allow Uxie to outrun Jolly Torterra and Toxic it, which is important since LO Torterra can dismantle this team if given the chance to set up.
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Registeel (?) @ Leftovers
Ability: Clear Body
EVs: 252 Hp / 40 Atk / 216 SpDef
Careful Nature (+SpDef, -SpAtk)
- Curse
- Iron Head
- Rest
- Sleep Talk
With Venusaur being on 90% of the teams I was facing I needed a sure-fire counter, and Registeel fit the bill perfectly. The giant slab of braille is my switch into almost every threatening special sweeper; Mismagius, Venusaur, Alakazam…this thing can just take so much abuse it’s ridiculous. As the cherry on top, Curse allows it to turn into an offensive beast as well, setting up one of the many pokemon it walls and becoming incredibly hard to kill. Seriously, Cro Registeel is a forgotten threat in this metagame, and when given the chance to set up it can completely run through unprepared teams.
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Lanturn (F) @ Leftovers
Ability: Volt Absorb
EVs: 40 Hp / 192 Def / 100 SpAtk / 176 SpDef
Calm Nature (+SpDef, -Atk)
- Surf
- Thunderbolt
- Ice Beam
- Thunder Wave
I was getting sick of using Milotic on every team I made, and so I started looking for something that could take its place while not being complete setup bait for Venusaur. Lanturn just happens to be a very underrated yet viable pokemon in this F/W/G dominated metagame, as it has no trouble switching into 2/3 of that core, and Grass types have to be wary of switching in due to the threat of Thunder Wave and Ice Beam. Anyways, this thing starts off my own F/W/G core as my main switch into Fire and Water types such as Milotic, Arcanine, Moltres…you get the idea. Lanturn’s greatest weakness is probably its lack of reliable recovery, but in most matches I’ve had it has been able to stay alive long enough to do its job. The EVs were ripped straight from the analysis, with the addition of 40 speed EVs to outrun Adamant Rhyperior and 0 speed Hitmontop, but if there’s a better spread out there, feel free to me know.
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Torterra (F) @ Life orb
Ability: Overgrow
EVs: 4 Hp / 252 Atk / 252 Spe
Jolly Nature (+Spe, -SpAtk)
- Earthquake
- Wood Hammer
- Synthesis
- Rock Slide
I’ve always been a fan of Sub +3 Attack Torterra, but I decided to give this set a try and its fucking amazing. Torterra takes advantage of the bulky Ground types that come in to stop Registeel setting up, mainly Donphan, Steelix, and Rhyperior, and tears shit up with its powerful stab attacks. Earthquake and Wood Hammer are two incredibly powerful attacks, and backed up with stab and life orb there’s nothing that can take two neutral hits without being severely damaged or KOed. Rock Slide is of course to hit Altaria and Moltres, and although the former is only 2HKOed, it’s still better than having Stone Edge missing 9/10 times. Max attack and speed with a Jolly nature allows Torterra to outrun Milotic and KO it with Wood Hammer before it even gets a chance to Ice Beam me, and the power lost by using Jolly isn’t really that notable anyway.
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Tauros (M) @ Life Orb
Ability: Intimidate
EVs: 252 Atk / 4 Def / 252 Spe
Jolly Nature (+Spe, -SpAtk)
- Double-Edge
- Earthquake
- Payback
- Return
Tauros was put on the team more for the lolz than anything, but it has proven to be highly useful on many occasions as a support pokemon / late-game cleaner. Tauros does an excellent job of weakening walls that hinder my other pokemon from sweeping. For example, 252/56 Bold Weezing takes 47% - 55.7% from Double Edge, a 2HKO with SR. Even if it switches out, it’ll be incapable of walling Torterra, as Wood Hammer will deal a 2HKO to it. Similarly, max/max bold Milotic takes 45.3% - 53.4% from Double Edge, an almost guaranteed 2HKO with SR. With Milotic gone, Ninetales will have its main counter removed, and it should have an easier time sweeping. The moveset is meant to give Tauros the most coverage possible; Earthquake pairs well with Double-Edge, hitting the Rock/Steel types that resist it for super effective damage. Payback nails any ghost not named Spiritomb for the OHKO, and I prefer it to Pursuit because I need to be able to hit them on the switch, and if a Mismagius or Rotom decided to stay in and Will-O-Wisp me Tauros would be crippled for the rest of the match. Lastly, Return is there so I have a stab attack that doesn’t deal recoil to Tauros, as Double-Edge tends to shorten Tauros’ life span significantly.
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Ninetales (F) @ Leftovers
Ability: Flash Fire
EVs: 72 Hp / 216 SpAtk / 220 Spe
Timid Nature (+Spe, -Atk)
- Nasty Plot
- Fire Blast
- Energy ball
- Hidden Power [Rock]
Ninetales has been interesting me for a while now, and I finally got around to making a team with it. Although Ninetales doesn’t quite pose the immediate threat Moltres does, it has a few things going for it. Its base 100 speed makes it the fastest fire type in UU, meaning it can outpace Moltres, Arcanine, Houndoom, Rotom, and all the other pokemon that hang around the 90-95 speed tier. Also, a way to boost its SpAtk (Nasty Plot) is shared only with Houndoom, who is considerably frailer and slower. While it may not seem that significant, Ninetales higher SpDef allows it to survive 0 SpAtk Milotic’s Surf, and 2HKO it with a +2 Energy Ball, something that Houndoom can’t do. The moveset is standard, but with Hidden Power Rock over Hypnosis. This is mainly due to the fact that every fire type walls Ninetales to hell without it, and in case you haven’t noticed I’ve been staying away from moves with low accuracy so as to not give hax the chance to fuck me over. (Hax still does fuck me over a lot, but that’s getting off-topic) Anyways, I only run 220 EVs in speed because HP Rock lowers Ninetales speed IV, so running max to tie with other base 100’s (Miltank?) would be pointless. 220 EVs puts me at 319 speed, enough to outpace base 95’s.
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So yeah, that’s the team. It was created mainly as a fun team to get away from all the standard shit that was going around, but it ended up being pretty successful, [sentence removed because Folgorio can't comprehend it]. Besides, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, its that pokemon is not meant to be fun, its serious fucking business.
changes in Bold