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Unbeatable team

After a lot of games people have told me that they hate me, but do what it takes to win right? Unless they hax me out then I win every game, so this team is amazing. To make this team I pretty much took all of the best pokemon and put them on a team, and I put heatran on because the smog told me to. So anyway here's my team.

machamp.png

Machamp (M) @ Lum Berry
Ability: No Guard
EVs: 240 HP/248 Atk/4 Spd/16 SDef
Adamant nature (+Atk, -SAtk)
- Dynamicpunch
- Payback
- Bullet Punch
- Ice Punch

I love machamp lead. It beats every other lead except for weird ones. My plan is to use dynamic punch against everything except azelf, and I use payback on that. Unless they get hax and manage to attack me, I can just keep spamming dynamic punch. Even leads with focus sash or colbur berry still die, so they just get rocks up and attack me then die so I win. It's kind of useless after it kills the leads that set up rocks, so I just let it die. Sometimes I don't and it can come in later and confuse more things which is fun. Sometimes jirachi uses iron head and flinch haxes me which is annoying so I switch to heatran and fire blast it. Stealth rock's kinda overrated so I don't care about them setting it up because I usually kill their lead, so I'm up 6-5, which is better than some stupid hazard that does barely any damage. Machamp lead is great because you can hit the other lead hard and won't get hit in return because other leads are concerned with strategy and stuff like that. I just like using dynamic punch until I die :justin:.
vs other leads:
Azelf: use payback then bullet punch. I win
Machamp: unless they hax by winning the speed tie I win
everything else: dynamic punch best attack in the game then bullet punch when they're low

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Heatran (M) @ Shuca Berry
Ability: Flash Fire
EVs: 4 HP/252 Spd/252 SAtk
Naive nature (+Spd, -SDef)
- Earth Power
- Explosion
- Fire Blast
- Stealth Rock

I don't really like heatran very much because it can't beat its counters, it can just fire blast and switch out when they bring in something that resists fire. It's kinda lame. Shuca berry is pretty cool because I can survive a surprise earthquake and fire blast back. It can also explode on things that threaten Jirachi and Togekiss like Jolteon and Electivire who can't be paralyzed. That's about it. It's too slow to do anything except when everything's paralyzed, and my other sweepers can do that better anyway. I really only use it because the smog told me to, but those "top players" probably don't win games like I do so I'm starting to think that I know what I'm doing more than these "top players". My basic strategy with Heatran is to come in after machamp's dead and fire blast whatever my opponent has in. Sometimes I switch him in later to take fire moves or just to die so I can switch in something else safely. If I do get a flash fire boost its kinda cool because my fire blast becomes stronger but kinda lame too because he can't outspeed anything thats not paralyzed. One thing I do like is explosion because its strong so it takes down anything my team's having trouble with if breloom already used his spore. So yeah, help me change this pokemon.

070418jirachi.jpg

Jirachi @ Leftovers
Ability: Serene Grace
EVs: 164 HP/168 Def/176 Spd
Jolly nature (+Spd, -SAtk)
- Substitute
- Thunder Wave
- Iron Head
- Fire Punch

Pure sex. I would just leave it at that but then the mods would lock my topic and this wouldn't get into the rmt archive, so I have to bs for a few sentences. I basically just come in and thunder wave or sub if they switch out, then start flinching away. Some people say this is hax, but its a really high chance that you wont attack so its not hax, you attacking is hax. I lose so many games because my opponent hax and actually attacks its ridiculous. Anyway what should and usually does happen is that I start flinching away and my opponent yells at me in chat while they hope for hax. One time I paraflinched a magnezone to death doing like 8% per hit it was funny. Usually I win my games because of Jirachi because he is just so good. Sometimes Togekiss and Breloom do stuff too but mainly its jirachi and how good he is. Seriously every team ever should use flinch jirachi. Whats really good is sometimes you get behind a sub with a paralyzed opponent and you know that you auto-win because even if they get lucky and attack you once you still win. Fire punch is kinda stupid because nothing is immune to steel and it can't flinch, so whats the point. But one time I killed a forretress with it so that was fun.

togekiss.jpg

Togekiss (M) @ Leftovers
Ability: Serene Grace
EVs: 252 HP/4 Def/252 SDef
Calm nature (+SDef, -Atk)
- Thunder Wave
- Air Slash
- Roost
- Aura Sphere

lol for a while this was accidentally hustle and I'm like togekiss sucks who would use this then thunder wave missed once and I'm like :happybrain:. Anyway this gives me a second flincher outside of jirachi so now other people have NO excuse to be attacking me. Sometimes air slash misses (hate hax...) which really bogs me down, but unlike jirachi togekiss has roost and really good defenses which means that it can stay in long. One time a starmie thunderbolt did like 30% and I just loled. Because of roost under the right circumstances this can be even more dangerous than jirachi. Aura Sphere kinda helps get some one hit kos against things like tyranitar but it doesnt flinch so again whats the point. A lot of times when heatrans in somebody will earthquake me and the shuca berry will eat it up then I can switch to togekiss on the next earthquake and come in for free. I think other people are noticing that stealth rock kinda sucks because I dont see it much anymore so the weakness isnt really a problem.

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Breloom (M) @ Toxic Orb
Ability: Poison Heal
EVs: 12 HP/252 Atk/244 Spd
Adamant nature (+Atk, -SAtk)
- Spore
- Substitute
- Focus Punch
- Seed Bomb

I love breloom because he has spore and a really strong focus punch so at minimum I can really hurt two pokemon on their team. Every team should have a breloom because spore takes out one pokemon and focus punch takes out another, and if your opponent doesnt have a good answer for breloom then you can go on a sweep really easily. I can't even count the number of games breloom has won for me by himself. The strategy is to go spore right when you go in then substitute then focus punch. Auto two pokemon down. Breloom should be uber, but until then Ill keep using him :justin:. One time my opponent had a honchkrow which you cant put to sleep apparently so the next time I sent breloom out I focus punched right away and killed it, if thats the best answer to breloom then breloom is uber. Also how awesome would it be to use darkrai in ou. Its like breloom but EVEN STRONGER! Anyway sometimes I use seed bomb to hurt water and ground types, but its kind of unnecessary because focus punch hurts so much more.

electivire.png

Electivire (M) @ Expert Belt
Ability: Motor Drive
EVs: 36 Atk/220 Spd/252 SAtk
Mild nature (+SAtk, -Def)
- Thunderbolt
- Hidden Power [Ice]
- Cross Chop
- Flamethrower

After I made those five pokemon I'm like oh man, what if jirachi or togekiss gets paralyzed? I would be screwed. Thats why I use electivire. If they try to thunderwave me then electivire becomes UNSTOPPABLE! The only problem is I dont have a gyarados to complete the deadly combo (he's kinda like heatran cant beat his counters so no point in using him). Thunderbolt is the attack I usually use but sometimes I use the other ones if there super effective. Other than taking a thunder wave hes kinda useless, he goes down really easily and doesnt do that much damage. Im thinking about using meditate but boosting attack REALLY SLOW isnt my thing. Something I noticed is that he shares an earthquake weakness with heatran which isnt fun but I can deal with it, togekiss and breloom love earthquake.

THREAT LIST (dun dun dun dun)
Nothing. If its threatening I can flinch it or put it to sleep. Now THATS team synergy.

Anyway this team has been really successful. Feel free to use it, and I expect everyone to, its that good just dont use it against me because I will be VERY ANGRY :kongler: :cloud::chaos:. I'm looking to change up heatran and electivire mostly but Ill look at changes for the others too so say all you want. Thakns!
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I recommend choice scarf/band flygon and wish/protect/heal bell/ice beam Vaporeon as sub ins.

Choice Flygon is a nifty, powerful guy that resists ground, electric and fire, making him a safe backup for Jirachi in case jolteon switches in on thunder wave. Vappy resists ice beams aimed at togekiss, as well as some other stuff and can pass wishes back to you guys, as well as beating resttalk suicune.
 
There's really no point in using Togekiss here, other than "ok I don't have any real strategy, so I'm going to try and flinch my way through every counter that shows up", which simply isn't reliable enough to be used seriously. The Jirachi set you have alone should give you all of the opportunities you need to try that. What your team is lacking is any real form of immediate damage outside of Machamp, which is often going to be heavily weakened early on in the game. You're also lacking a fighting resist, which is a pretty big thing to not have. I'd suggest replacing Togekiss with a Salamence using Draco Meteor/Fire Blast/Brick Break/Roost, which will give you the power you need to break through walls without huge amounts of luck, while still being extremely solid against offensive teams, much moreso than Togekiss, as well as a decent check to fighting moves when necesarry.

Now even with that done, you've horribly weak to Infernape, Gyarados, Jolteon, DDMence, Heatran, Offensive Suicune, etc . . . which is a pretty big list of pokemon to be weak to. Pretty much as good a solution as you're going to get on this team is a Choice Scarf Flygon like the previous poster suggested, using Dragon Claw/Earthquake/ThunderPunch/U-turn, which will give you a general pokemon to fall back on and deal with all of those pokemon. You should drop Electivire, as it's really not very good in OU in all honesty. Assuming you use a Salamence like I suggested, you'll have a much better wall breaker, and Flygon is a much better choice of electric immunity here.
 
I doubt this team is truly unbeatable, and for one main reason; Scarftran rips this team to shreds. If it gets a Flash Fire boost from Electivire while your Heatran is down, you probably lose, because nothing on your team takes a Fire Blast well. Togekiss, which takes it the best, takes 51% minimum. Machamp, who takes it the second best, takes 86% minimum and can be outright KO'd with no prior damage. Besides Heatran, everything else dies. Period.

Why are you using Breloom on a parahax team? I suggest you change it to Swampert, which gives another thunder-wave resist, and can roar to shuffle around pokemon and rack up stealth rock damage.

Good day.
 
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