Smogon Tabloids

By JabbaTheGriffin. Art by Nastyjungle
« Previous Article Home Next Article »

Theorymon spotted using an Uber Pokemon in Ubers

User Theorymon, generally known for his crazy Uber strategies that don't involve Ubers, barring his obsession with Wobbuffet, was spotted by a reputable source using an actual Uber. However, this source also reports that after this Uber was forced out, Theorymon promptly switched in Toxicroak.

reyscarface witnessed by crowd graciously accepting a loss

reyscarface was seen by several reliable sources saying "gg" following the battle and admitting he thought it was a "fine battle in which his opponent played well". However, when asked the next day about the battle, reyscarface responded, "He had an extremely good team matchup; it was really gay."

chaos wins annual beard-off

In the 72nd annual world beard-off, Smogon's own chaos won by a landslide. Judges complimented his thickness, fullness, and overall badassness when awarding the Smogon founder a full 50/50. Smogon user "Chris is me" also entered, but failed to pass the "pre-pubescent girl prelims".

Little Cup users actually "under"-compensating for their ginormous penises

Usually considered the reject tier of Pokemon, it has always been unknown as to exactly why Little Cup users play the tier. However, studies showed today that the average penis size of a Little Cup user was a whopping 8.3 inches. The newly accepted hypothesis is that Little Cup users only play Little Cup to "under-compensate" for their extremely giant penises.

Brazilian spotted in main chat inquiring "would anyone like to battle?"

The nation of people normally known for the phrase "quero batalhar" surprised the world when a Brazilian user came into Shoddy main chat with perfect English asking for a battle and being extremely polite. However, he was still kicked by Scofield for breaking the rules.

Justinawe finally decided to Outrage

After several weeks of needlessly Dragon Dancing, Justinawe finally decided to click Outrage. Unfortunately, he was promptly met with a Jirachi. Experts agree that progress was made nonetheless.

Three Oceania members arrested during celebrations following WCOP

Three unnamed Oceania members were arrested during the nationwide celebration following their 2nd straight win in the World Cup of Pokemon. No official statement has been released; however, sources close to the team say the incidents involved boomerangs, kangaroos, and copious amounts of lubrication.

LonelyNess quits job at Chuck E. Cheese

User LonelyNess quit his job at Chuck E. Cheese for much bigger ventures—Dave & Buster's. Sources close to the company say that they're offering the star Underused player a three-year multi-thousand dollar contract for his services.

drcossack stripped of medical license

After repeatedly promising fellow doctors at Smogon University Hospital that he would be there for emergency surgery on Lee's abdomen, user drcossack was stripped of his medical license for once again failing to show up.

Philip7086 makes move towards admins by adding 2 more numbers to his name

User Philip7086 has quickly risen through the ranks of Smogon, something he attributes exclusively to his imposing username, which includes a whopping four numbers. In an attempt to grab even more power, Philip7086 has recently added a 5 and a 9 to the end of his name, making him Philip708659.

CAP created another Pokemon

The Create-A-Pokemon section of the Smogon Forums created another Pokemon.

Smogon users unsure if Suspect Testing is over

In a recent poll it was found that 73% of Smogon users are unsure if Suspect Testing is over or not. When questioned, user kd24 elaborated that he thought it was over after Latias was banned, but then Salamence was tested and he's heard people say something about clauses and that he thinks maybe Jirachi could be tested just for the hell of it. "I'm just completely fucking clueless," the user threw in before walking away with his arms behind his head.

If you spot anything suspicious happening around the Smogon community, hit me up on Twitter @SmogonTabloids. The best blurbs between now and the next issue will be featured in the next issue of the Smog!

« Previous Article Home Next Article »