Top 10 Most Fabulous Pokémon

By Oglemi. Art by Rocket Grunt and aragornbird.
« Previous Article Home Next Article »


In recent times it's become common to call anything that's generally stupid "gay". But often people forget that gay is actually used to refer to homosexuals, and before that it meant that you were happy. So in the spirit of going back to a simpler time of when gay meant homosexual, I've decided to present the gayest of the gay Pokémon that can be encountered in the Pokémon world and all of their fabulous glory. Calling these Pokémon gay is anything but an insult.

Disclaimer: If you are easily offended, DO NOT continue reading. I know that some people will be slightly offended with this article in the assumption that I wrote it to possibly hurt people and "fit in" with the Internet crowd, but you should know that that was not my intention and I'm playing off typical gay stereotypes from an actual gay person's perspective. I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality and in the culture, and mature enough to make fun of myself. If it was going to be an offensive article, I would have used different language entirely, including slurs and bashing gay people along with the Pokemon themselves. Instead, I poke fun at how Game Freak (probably) unintentionally made some Pokemon designs and habits a bit fabulous and (in my opinion anyway) obviously homosexual. Again, if you are easily offended, click to the next article. Happy Reading!

10. Mr. Mime

While it normally exudes the air of a pedophile, it also can't be denied that Mr. Mime is dipping in the gay pool as well. Ignoring the fact that he may enjoy Neverland Ranch more than Michael Jackson, Mr. Mime's appearance is totally marvelous. While the male-patterned baldness may be a bit of a turn off to some, Mr. Mime's pink and white ensemble is totally fashionable, and the blue-curled shoes accentuates the outfit perfectly. The giant pink button in the middle of the chest is gaudy in all the right ways, and the rosy cheeks give Mr. Mime a bit of a childish charm. Mr. Mime's fingers are also extremely sensitive according to the PokéDex, possibly alluding to all the pleasure he must have with his partners. Perhaps the best part of Mr. Mime's image is the knee caps on his knees; this guy is ready to get down anywhere, anytime. It should also be mentioned that the females of the species also go by "Mr." Mime....

9. Jynx

Jynx is an interesting case; on one hand it seems like it's trying to seduce all the males in the world, but on the other, only females of the species exist, bringing up questions as to how the species even propagates. Perhaps some Jynx are hermaphrodites? In any case they must seduce each other at some point: it can get pretty lonely up in the North Pole all alone with only Santa Claus and Stantler to keep them company. Its overly done make-up, bleached hair, and botox enhanced lips brings out the image of the "lipstick lesbian". Her secret language that sounds like English but isn't can only be a language of one to seduce others of her kind from across the bar, and her hips probably shake more than Shakira's on the dance floor. Not to mention that she's wearing her bra on the outside and a flowy dress that can probably be stripped off in a manner of seconds. Look at the sprite. She's even wearing an O face at all times. Totally, absolutely, fabulous.

8. Cinccino

Look at that scarf. No, really, look at it. That is the most intricate, gaudy, over-the-top scarf in existence. You can probably only get that thing in Paris, the fashion capital of the world, for some insane amount of money. The thing is bigger than Cinccino itself, and I bet you that the hamster wears it when it isn't even cold outside. The best part is how it's holding it; it's just barely caressing it, with its other hand free to possibly carry a cup of coffee or a murse. It even evolves through the use of the Shiny Stone, possibly the most fabulous Stone in the Pokémon world. I wonder if there's a correlation between the size of the scarf and the size of the package. I can only see females of the species being the rich snobby types that carry around a tiny dog in their purse and have a cellphone hidden somewhere in that scarf.

7. Male Gardevoir / Female Machamp / Male Lopunny

These three are tied for being extremely similar gender-benders, not just gay. The male Lopunny sports voluptuous curves and prominent breasts, leaving one to wonder where he's hiding his male parts. He even went the extra mile and put on the furry boots and cuffs. The male Gardevoir has not only opted for the flowing dress and the Jane Lynch-esque haircut, but has even adopted the ballerina mannerisms of the females. And we all know male ballerinas are gay. Finally, female Machamp are the epitome of the "butch lesbian"; I mean, she's so muscular you can't tell the difference between the male pecs and the female breasts. It's also interesting to wonder what could possibly be pressing up against those briefs on the females.

6. Sawsbuck

You could probably make the argument that it's very typical for the male to be prettier than the female in the animal world in order to attract mates. But Sawsbuck is an interesting case because, not only is it completely fabulous, only a gay animal would need to keep up with the fashion trends of the seasons. The autumn and winter variations are particularly fabulous, with the autumn variant sporting an amazing display of red leaves that match its color very well, and an extra chest puff to accentuate its apparently hot bod. The winter variant is extremely chic with its white garb and furry boots. Its spring variant is particularly feminine with its pink flowers. Fashionably fabulous in every way, no matter the season.

5. Sudowoodo

Look at this picture.

Yeah, if that's not fabulous, I don't know what is.

4. Clefable

Well, for one, it's entirely pink, so we're off to a good start there. But I think the part that really signifies its gayness above the other pink blobs like Wigglytuff and Chansey is the fact that it has wings. It's a fairy. Can you imagine it flitting around the battlefield? It's just too perfect! It's a bit of a chunky fairy too, filling the role of the huskier gay men that you'll find in the bars. Its hairstyle is also decidedly fabulous with the whole curl going on. According to the Stadium games, Clefable also does a bit of a jig and waggles its finger when it attacks, exemplifying the whole "gay fairy" image. The only thing that's missing is a wand in its hand, and then the image would be complete.

3. Mienshao

Oh, man, where to start with this guy. The entire purple ensemble should be a good indicator of his gayness; he even added differently-hued stripes to make it more fashionable. But the thing that really makes this guy gay is the fact that I can only see him as French, saying his name and stuff with a French accent. I mean, look at that mustache. The striped shirt. Look at that smug look. He's totally a gay French guy. I can only imagine him sitting at some café in Paris with a croissant and a cup of coffee with a cigarette in his mouth. The only thing that's missing is the beret. Don't even get me started on the fabulously long sleeves that he uses to "whip" his opponents, or more likely his sexual partners.

2. Ditto

I'm sure most of you saw this coming—I mean, what could be more fabulous than something that can pick any outfit for any occasion right on the spot? It's like Sawsbuck's seasonal fashion sense to the extreme. Rainy out? Ditto can transform to put on some fabulously purple galoshes and a rainbow parasol. Sunny out? Ditto can transform some sensible sunglasses and sandals. Snowy? Pssh, Ditto can whip up some snow shoes, and, of course, a scarf. Ditto also happens to be the epitome of the stereotype of the promiscuous gay guy; I mean, it'll literally have sex with anything. If it's not gay, it's definitely bisexual, and that's close enough in my book.

1. Simisear

Ah, Simisear. Just take a look at that sprite. This Pokémon is so gay I just could not believe it when I first saw it. For one, it has the typical fabulous scarf. Its tail is exceptionally flowing, puffy, and fabulous. Its hair is puffed and curly. And we're not even up to the good parts! Perhaps my favorite feature is the placement of the hands. He's holding them like he just got a manicure and can't touch anything, or he's just so high on his pedestal that he's just waving people off. In any case that is the most fabulous pose of any Pokémon I've ever seen. But, the real best part? It's a Fire-type. It's a flamer! No matter which way you swing it, this monkey is a homosexual through and through. And it's even smiling about it. Thank you, Game Freak, for this masterpiece of fabulousity.

« Previous Article Home Next Article »