All of These Freakin' Fairies!

By Deck Knight. Art by paintseagull.
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Yes, it is real. The 18th type of Pokémon has been revealed at E3. And it is the Fairy type. It is said to be designed around rebalancing the types, and Dragon was considered a bit too powerful. The obvious answer for Game Freak? Fairies. Freakin' Fairies.

Fairy-type. No, really.

When I think of typings, I think of them as descriptors of what the Pokémon will be based around. Fire-types like it hot. Ice-types keep it cool. Dragon- and Dark-types are generic badasses. A Psychic-type is like the annoying know-it-all jackass at all your parties.

And now we have Fairy-types. Look, I get that dragons are supposed to be creatures of myth and legend, and fairies are also creatures of myth and legend. Here's the thing: fairies are mostly known for being scantily clad, usually female tricksters whom mostly exist just to mess with you without doing any actual harm. In contrast, dragons: the ruthless killing machines of the ancient world.

You cannot be serious about fairies.

I mean this in both senses. I certainly can't be serious about fairies. When I think about fairies, the first thought that comes to mind is Winx Club. Now admittedly, those girls were particularly badass fairies even if they were very overtly stereotypical regarding various female archetypes. You really aren't supposed to take fairies seriously—their entire concept is a joke and a troll.

If you're going to build a type with countering Dragon-types as your stated purpose, I can think of a better typing name: Troll-type. Trolls are also mythical beings, except they are known for being stupid louts that kill things with clubs and/or unwashed body odor. Rather than dual-typing a bunch of Normal-type Pokémon, you could have made the Poison-types dual typed with Poison / Troll. All of a sudden you've taken a type with useful resistances already but poor offensive STAB and given them a way to take down the most OP type in the game. Weezing would have been a great Poison / Troll type—it even had Levitate to deal with stuff like Earth Power Hydreigon and Earthquake from Dragonite.

I can't believe you are serious about Fairies, Game Freak.

Freakin' Fairies. Now I know that some people might think it's cute to make all the fluffy pink stuff counter the epic dragons and such, but let me tell you something, Game Freak. It's been done. It's been way overdone. An entire subculture of bronies has been created on this premise. My rainbows are not just pretty—they also cause nuclear devastation off-screen! My pink beam of love spreads happiness as well as the impact force of an oncoming train!

Now I'm not gonna lie, Wigglytuff needed a boost. But you're also boosting Clefable and probably a bunch of other pink stuff in the process, which largely defeats the purpose of doing this for balance reasons whatsoever. My male Gardevoir is not a freakin' fairy!

Need something more MANLY

I have a modest proposal. It is simply that we take all references to the Fairy type and call it the MANLY type. This will instead bring an air of toughness and masculinity that will justify its place as a designated Dragon slayer. "What type is your male Gardevoir?" "It's Psychic / MANLY!" Hell yeah!

Jigglypuff as Normal / MANLY? It goes around singing its song, and if you fall asleep, it'll mess up your face. You don't get manlier than that. Dope skills on the mic, punishment for haters? MANLY. Azumarill as MANLY? That thing has 438 Attack when Adamant, showing off its huge MANLY power. Draining Kiss? You would be too if you got smashed by lips that strong and manly.

MANLY Wind? Watch out ladies, men are coming through!

Moonblast? That's a Picollo move. MANLY.


I got a problem with Fairy-types. I don't have a problem with Troll types, I don't have a problem with MANLY types. But Game Freak just dealt a serious blow to its street cred. I'm not Freaky with your Freakin' fairies, Game Freak. Get the Freak(in' Fairies) Out! We gotta go with something more MANLY. Who is with me?

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