Hi friends.
I’m making this thread as a place where anyone can discuss anxiety, of any kind and form. The idea is similar to the depression thread, except about anxiety! I know the two go hand-in-hand but I think anxiety can be insidiously debilitating in a way that I think affects many people, so in that sense I think it appeals to a broader base of people. I think it may be helpful to have a space to talk about anxiety where others can sympathize. I do realize this overlaps a bit (possibly a lot) with the depression thread but I would hope that this thread encompasses more experiences and is thus useful for those who may feel that their anxiety, while an issue, is not quite as severe as depression.
Also because anxiety encompasses so many things, I don’t want to limit this thread to just personal experiences of anxiety in their lives (as important as that is). You are also free to discuss anxiety in popular culture, eg films/books, anxiety in science, as a part of nature/evolution, whatever you feel relates. I took a course based around anxiety and some of the works we read included Kafka's The Castle (a book I really enjoyed) and films such as Vertigo and The Lobster. I think there's definitely some interesting conversations to be had around how anxiety manifests itself in contemporary society.
Here’s my personal experience(s)/journey with anxiety to kickstart this thread.
SOCIAL ANXIETY
EXISTENTIAL ANXIETY [please forgive me in advance if my understanding of something is incorrect]
I’d like this thread to be a place where people can share and discuss their anxiety. I don’t really want this thread to be about fighting others’ beliefs. Even if you disagree with someone’s viewpoints, I’d like people to at least have and show some sympathy for another person’s positions/concerns/struggles. I also know I spoke a lot about religion/science in my own personal experience. I do not want this thread to be about science vs. religion. I am definitely open to people discussing science/religion but I would ask that it be done so in a way that is respectful to the other person who holds those thoughts. Maybe easier said than done, but I guess please don’t post if you aren’t interested in trying to understand another person’s viewpoint?
Thanks for reading and sharing if you choose to do so.
[I suppose technically there have been threads on anxiety in the past, but I would say that with this thread I'm trying to create a singular thread for all types of anxious experiences not just my own. I'm interested in hearing about how it affects people in general, not just putting forward how I feel]
I’m making this thread as a place where anyone can discuss anxiety, of any kind and form. The idea is similar to the depression thread, except about anxiety! I know the two go hand-in-hand but I think anxiety can be insidiously debilitating in a way that I think affects many people, so in that sense I think it appeals to a broader base of people. I think it may be helpful to have a space to talk about anxiety where others can sympathize. I do realize this overlaps a bit (possibly a lot) with the depression thread but I would hope that this thread encompasses more experiences and is thus useful for those who may feel that their anxiety, while an issue, is not quite as severe as depression.
Also because anxiety encompasses so many things, I don’t want to limit this thread to just personal experiences of anxiety in their lives (as important as that is). You are also free to discuss anxiety in popular culture, eg films/books, anxiety in science, as a part of nature/evolution, whatever you feel relates. I took a course based around anxiety and some of the works we read included Kafka's The Castle (a book I really enjoyed) and films such as Vertigo and The Lobster. I think there's definitely some interesting conversations to be had around how anxiety manifests itself in contemporary society.
Here’s my personal experience(s)/journey with anxiety to kickstart this thread.
SOCIAL ANXIETY
Social anxiety is tough because of how it stops us from participating in things we really want to. I guess it's maybe more accurate to say that anxiety distorts (or maybe creates?) reality to the point where the easiest way to respond is with avoidance. It’s that fear of uncertainty – it’s deciding not to act or pursue an interest/thought/desire because the sense of knowing that you won’t fail if you don’t try is stronger than what might happen if you do and succeed.
For me, as tough and limiting as it has been, I feel pretty fortunate that I’ve lived a pretty ok existence even with it. I think a large part of my social anxiety stems from my parents who are also quite anxious (especially my dad). Overall I am pretty ok with this – sure, I wish I had been less anxious about certain things and maybe if I hadn’t been I would’ve done x instead and be “more happier” but ultimately I think things turned out ok and I am grateful for the experiences I have had regardless of how much my social anxiety interfered.
I have taken medication to try and deal with the problem. I think it was ultimately helpful in freeing myself from typical anxious thoughts (e.g. overanalyzing every single social situation). Right now I’m not taking it anymore even though it probably would help me, for whatever reason I’m just not interested. But I think for people who have really really bad anxiety, it’s definitely an option to explore and try out if it helps improve your life. I also have decent experience with therapy (I'm doing cognitive behavior therapy atm as well), so if anyone has any questions about that process, let me know. I definitely think that therapy can be very useful in dealing with anxiety. That said, you have to approach it with a desire to improve and overcome it, which can be difficult.
For me, as tough and limiting as it has been, I feel pretty fortunate that I’ve lived a pretty ok existence even with it. I think a large part of my social anxiety stems from my parents who are also quite anxious (especially my dad). Overall I am pretty ok with this – sure, I wish I had been less anxious about certain things and maybe if I hadn’t been I would’ve done x instead and be “more happier” but ultimately I think things turned out ok and I am grateful for the experiences I have had regardless of how much my social anxiety interfered.
I have taken medication to try and deal with the problem. I think it was ultimately helpful in freeing myself from typical anxious thoughts (e.g. overanalyzing every single social situation). Right now I’m not taking it anymore even though it probably would help me, for whatever reason I’m just not interested. But I think for people who have really really bad anxiety, it’s definitely an option to explore and try out if it helps improve your life. I also have decent experience with therapy (I'm doing cognitive behavior therapy atm as well), so if anyone has any questions about that process, let me know. I definitely think that therapy can be very useful in dealing with anxiety. That said, you have to approach it with a desire to improve and overcome it, which can be difficult.
EXISTENTIAL ANXIETY [please forgive me in advance if my understanding of something is incorrect]
I think in the past week, I’ve just been hit by this realization that at some point me/my family/others will die and that is it and the thought is just so incredibly scary. It’s so bad that my normal social anxiety has almost evaporated. I guess it didn’t bother me that I didn’t exist 400 years ago but now that I “exist” it certainly bothers me that there will be a time in which I don’t. I suppose that the anxiety is great because I already am anxious about the world at large. I can imagine that for those with minimal anxiety, death is not so bad because 1. You can’t do anything about it right now so what’s the point in worrying about it? and 2. It’s better to have lived and existed and gone through that whole experience than never having it all. I get 1 is true but it’s hard to keep in mind and I am just not so sure about 2.
I think my existential (I hope that is that right word) angst really just stems from me being selfish and arrogant, from a desire to preserve my sense of existence that is just quite free of suffering I suppose. I think my life right now is so meaningful, maybe even as meaningful as it ever may be. I won’t say it’s great, more like ok – yes, I’m probably underachieving, I’m probably not as happy or successful as I could be, I’m probably not doing things that really fulfill me/help improve the world and the situations of others. But at the same time I am in a consistently solid family environment and all my most immediate wants and desires are fulfilled. I love my family, they love me, and I don’t want anything more than that. I think “selfishness” comes into play because I want to hold on this situation for essentially forever, without really any regard for others who are unfortunate not to have the same situations as I. Perhaps it’s not even the situation I crave, but an overattachment to a sense of myself that I want to hold on to for as long as I can, possibly forever.
And then I think I am arrogant in the sense that I feel as if I am more compassionate, loving than many other people on Earth. I suppose that’s not an incredibly high bar, for I’m not a mass murderer, I genuinely try to do good things, sympathize with the plight of others (definitely not to the extent that I could be though). I’m definitely not perfect or all-loving or anything like that but from what I have seen I do at least feel as if I do a better job than most of those things. That is probably arrogant of me but that is how I feel. Perhaps subconsciously I think that as a result it’s unfair that I lose that love even though loss is inevitable. I guess I am putting myself up on a pedestal even though there’s no real reason for me to do so. But at the same time I do truly believe that I want others to also feel and have the same experience of good things and feelings.
So I guess what my anxiety breaks down to is a fear of losing the world that I have. Some people say that eternal life is boring or what not, but I would rather know nothing else that be loved and love eternally. It’s selfish because I am better off (not just materially but primarily emotionally – and there’s the fact that literally nothing bad has happened to me! My family and are in good health, good financially, etc! Why am I grieving about the potential loss when it hasn’t even happened!?) than so many others who genuinely suffer and arrogant because in some sense I feel as if what I have is so meaningful and nothing else can top it, as if my own personal emotions are so much more important than anyone else's.
But at the same time my fear is not only about myself and my world. I think and I guess am anxious about others around me and I suppose this is where religion comes into play. Why am I so lucky when others have to suffer, when others have suffered? It’s not just me that I want to be happy, I want (and I truly hope) that others truly find happiness and meaning in their existence and post-existence. I wish I was religious and was brave enough to have faith but at the same time the religion I am closest to (Christianity) seems so unreal because it offers me unsatisfactory conclusions about the world beyond me. In a way, Christianity comes off as selfish to me. I genuinely want non-believers to share the same supposed post-existence happiness that a supposed Christian would. What about those who never learn about the so-called greatness of Christianity? I mean I could go on and on about “God” and how he might act and what not but that’s not really interesting at this point. Maybe it’s all the Abrahamic religions, but I feel as if they are off with regards to how non-believers are treated.
In that sense, I feel Buddhism (from really just reading one book sort of related to it) comes closest to fulfilling the values that I hold in life. And yet, it doesn’t help me with the idea of the self. I don’t know enough about Buddhism to really “know” if it is right one way or the other, but my sense is that while it perhaps comes the closest to aligning with my values, it seems conceptually hard to accept from my limited knowledge. I guess I am just so attached to the idea of having a “self” that not having one seems to defeat the entire purpose of pretty much everything. The idea of not existing, not being able to experience is so foreign at this point that it is terrifying.
Perhaps what I fear the most though is science and maybe even philosophy, which I’m sure is a sacrilegious thought among some group of people or another. I think I fear the confirmation that there is no greater purpose to life, that our experience of existence is just chemicals/neurons in the brain (sorry for the lack of scientific accuracy here), that there is no self, that my conscious experience is simply an illusion. I fear that my purpose in life is to simply reproduce and continue on the human race. Perhaps I fear this because I think this is what is most likely to be true. I’m not sure what is worse: not knowing, or it being the truth. I want to believe that there is some higher meaning in existence, even though how we understand the world suggests that there isn’t so why should existence for humans be more meaningful than anything else? In this respect, for my anxious mind, it seems like consciousness is incredibly cruel. To be given the gift to recognize and hold so many beautiful and great things only to be faced with the realization that it will and must be lost. In this sense, I think non-religious people are especially brave to be able to live knowing these things. Maybe that thought right there though is truly what separates an anxious person from a non-anxious person. I'm not sure.
I think my existential (I hope that is that right word) angst really just stems from me being selfish and arrogant, from a desire to preserve my sense of existence that is just quite free of suffering I suppose. I think my life right now is so meaningful, maybe even as meaningful as it ever may be. I won’t say it’s great, more like ok – yes, I’m probably underachieving, I’m probably not as happy or successful as I could be, I’m probably not doing things that really fulfill me/help improve the world and the situations of others. But at the same time I am in a consistently solid family environment and all my most immediate wants and desires are fulfilled. I love my family, they love me, and I don’t want anything more than that. I think “selfishness” comes into play because I want to hold on this situation for essentially forever, without really any regard for others who are unfortunate not to have the same situations as I. Perhaps it’s not even the situation I crave, but an overattachment to a sense of myself that I want to hold on to for as long as I can, possibly forever.
And then I think I am arrogant in the sense that I feel as if I am more compassionate, loving than many other people on Earth. I suppose that’s not an incredibly high bar, for I’m not a mass murderer, I genuinely try to do good things, sympathize with the plight of others (definitely not to the extent that I could be though). I’m definitely not perfect or all-loving or anything like that but from what I have seen I do at least feel as if I do a better job than most of those things. That is probably arrogant of me but that is how I feel. Perhaps subconsciously I think that as a result it’s unfair that I lose that love even though loss is inevitable. I guess I am putting myself up on a pedestal even though there’s no real reason for me to do so. But at the same time I do truly believe that I want others to also feel and have the same experience of good things and feelings.
So I guess what my anxiety breaks down to is a fear of losing the world that I have. Some people say that eternal life is boring or what not, but I would rather know nothing else that be loved and love eternally. It’s selfish because I am better off (not just materially but primarily emotionally – and there’s the fact that literally nothing bad has happened to me! My family and are in good health, good financially, etc! Why am I grieving about the potential loss when it hasn’t even happened!?) than so many others who genuinely suffer and arrogant because in some sense I feel as if what I have is so meaningful and nothing else can top it, as if my own personal emotions are so much more important than anyone else's.
But at the same time my fear is not only about myself and my world. I think and I guess am anxious about others around me and I suppose this is where religion comes into play. Why am I so lucky when others have to suffer, when others have suffered? It’s not just me that I want to be happy, I want (and I truly hope) that others truly find happiness and meaning in their existence and post-existence. I wish I was religious and was brave enough to have faith but at the same time the religion I am closest to (Christianity) seems so unreal because it offers me unsatisfactory conclusions about the world beyond me. In a way, Christianity comes off as selfish to me. I genuinely want non-believers to share the same supposed post-existence happiness that a supposed Christian would. What about those who never learn about the so-called greatness of Christianity? I mean I could go on and on about “God” and how he might act and what not but that’s not really interesting at this point. Maybe it’s all the Abrahamic religions, but I feel as if they are off with regards to how non-believers are treated.
In that sense, I feel Buddhism (from really just reading one book sort of related to it) comes closest to fulfilling the values that I hold in life. And yet, it doesn’t help me with the idea of the self. I don’t know enough about Buddhism to really “know” if it is right one way or the other, but my sense is that while it perhaps comes the closest to aligning with my values, it seems conceptually hard to accept from my limited knowledge. I guess I am just so attached to the idea of having a “self” that not having one seems to defeat the entire purpose of pretty much everything. The idea of not existing, not being able to experience is so foreign at this point that it is terrifying.
Perhaps what I fear the most though is science and maybe even philosophy, which I’m sure is a sacrilegious thought among some group of people or another. I think I fear the confirmation that there is no greater purpose to life, that our experience of existence is just chemicals/neurons in the brain (sorry for the lack of scientific accuracy here), that there is no self, that my conscious experience is simply an illusion. I fear that my purpose in life is to simply reproduce and continue on the human race. Perhaps I fear this because I think this is what is most likely to be true. I’m not sure what is worse: not knowing, or it being the truth. I want to believe that there is some higher meaning in existence, even though how we understand the world suggests that there isn’t so why should existence for humans be more meaningful than anything else? In this respect, for my anxious mind, it seems like consciousness is incredibly cruel. To be given the gift to recognize and hold so many beautiful and great things only to be faced with the realization that it will and must be lost. In this sense, I think non-religious people are especially brave to be able to live knowing these things. Maybe that thought right there though is truly what separates an anxious person from a non-anxious person. I'm not sure.
I’d like this thread to be a place where people can share and discuss their anxiety. I don’t really want this thread to be about fighting others’ beliefs. Even if you disagree with someone’s viewpoints, I’d like people to at least have and show some sympathy for another person’s positions/concerns/struggles. I also know I spoke a lot about religion/science in my own personal experience. I do not want this thread to be about science vs. religion. I am definitely open to people discussing science/religion but I would ask that it be done so in a way that is respectful to the other person who holds those thoughts. Maybe easier said than done, but I guess please don’t post if you aren’t interested in trying to understand another person’s viewpoint?
Thanks for reading and sharing if you choose to do so.
[I suppose technically there have been threads on anxiety in the past, but I would say that with this thread I'm trying to create a singular thread for all types of anxious experiences not just my own. I'm interested in hearing about how it affects people in general, not just putting forward how I feel]
