Cousin Twice Removed of Vendeur Brand Purses: The Soliciting (Gale Wing Srock vs. Ragnarokalex)

The Wanderer · Apr 23, 2015

Gale Wing Srock:
AOOXAX:

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Round 5: THEY...fuck it, the Rapidash is dead.

Who the hell are those gu-GHAA!

Gangway!
Forgive us, we must pass!
Comin' through!
Gomen!
HELLO. I AM A ROBOT.

Gah, what the hell! Hey! People-remover! Come remove these pe-

HI THERE! OUR LEGION COMES REPRESENTING VENDEUR BRAND PURSES! WITH VALENTINE'S DAY JUST AR-

(I knew I shouldn't have eaten that Volcano Bakemeat last night...)

Order: Gallade, Fidgit, Eelektross, Golurk

Action 1 (Priority: Eelektross, Gallade, Fidgit, Golurk)
Zaragoth used Protect!
Zaragoth protected himself!
-Move chance (hit self <= 5000): 2104 = NOPE.
Rajny hit himself!
-Damage: 4 + 10 - 4.5 = 9.5 damage
Taggie used Drill R-NO.
-Damage (for energy cost): (8 + 3 + 4.5 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 16.5 damage
Armstrong used Bulldoze!
Bulldoze, Gallade:
-Crit chance: 3664 = NOPE.
-Damage: (6 * .75) + 3 + 7.5 - 4.5 = 10.5 damage
Rajny's speed fell! (-1 Spe, 1 round)
Bulldoze, Fidgit:
-Crit chance: 7544 = NOPE.
-Damage: ((6 * .75) + 3 + 7.5 - 6) * 1.5 = 13.5 damage
Taggie's speed fell! (-1 Spe, 1 round)
Taggie was powered up by mind-numbing legalese! (+2 Atk and SpA, Now decays toward +2)
Bulldoze, Eelek-NO.
-Energy cost (Protect): 7 + (16.5 / 2.5) = 13.6 EN
Numbers:
-Gallade: -20(!) HP, -3 EN
-Fidgit: -13.5 HP, -5 EN
-Eelektross: -13.6 EN
-Golurk: -4 EN

Action 2
Rajny snapped out of his confusion!
Rajny used Drain Punch! (Target: Eelektross)
-Crit chance: 303 = EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYUP.
-Damage: 8 + 3 + 3 + 2 + 10 - 4.5 = 21.5 damage!
-Absorption: 21.5 / 2 = 10.75 HP
Taggie used Drill Run! (Target: Eelektross)
-Hit chance (Hit <= 9500): 7909 = Hit
-Crit chance (Crit <= 1250): 9792 = NOPE.
-Damage: ((8 + 3 + 4.5 - 4.5) * 1.5) + 4 = 20.5 damage!
Zaragoth leapt into the air!
Armstrong used Shadow Punch! (Target: Gallade)
-Crit chance: 1811 = NOPE.
-Damage: 6 + 3 + 7.5 - 4.5 = 12 damage
Zaragoth used Bounce! (Target: Gallade)
-Hit chance (Hit <= 9500): 660 = Hit
-Crit chance: 6297 = NOPE.
-Damage: (9 + 3 + 6 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 20.25 damage!
-Energy cost: 9 + (4 / 3) = 10.33 EN
-Effect chance (Paralysis <= 3000): 9094 = NOPE.
Zaragoth was hurt by his Life Orb! (-2 HP)
Numbers:
-Gallade: -21.5(!) HP, -11 EN
-Fidgit: -9 EN
-Eelektross: -44(Holy shit!) HP, -10.33 EN
-Golurk: -3 EN

Action 3
Taggie used Heal Pulse! (Target: Gallade)
Rajny recovered 20 HP!
Rajny used Drain Punch! (Target: Eelektross)
-Damage: Eh, you know how much it does.
-Absorption: 1 / 2 = .5 HP
Zaragoth fainted!
Armstrong used Shadow Punch! (Target: Gallade)
-Crit chance: 3769 = NOPE.
-Damage: 6 + 3 + 7.5 - 4.5 = 12 damage
Numbers:
-Gallade: +8.5 HP, -15 EN
-Fidgit: -14 EN
-Eelektross: -1 HP
-Golurk: -7 EN

Final Numbers:
-Gallade: -33 HP, -29 EN
-Fidgit: -14 (13.5) HP, -28 EN
-Eelektross: -45 HP, -24 (23.93) EN
-Golurk: -14 EN

Gale Wing Srock:
AOOXAX:

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Gale Wing Srock:

Joey
Rare Candy
HP: 91
EN: 64
Stats: 5(6)/3/2/3/110/5/10
Rebound
Guts
Pressure
No ailments
0/0/0/0/0/0(+14)/0
No other

Ragnarokalex:

Kaladrimme
Charizardite Y
HP: 57
EN: 79
Stats: 4/3/4/2/100/3/4
Blaze
Solar Power
No ailments
0/0/0/0/0/0/0
No other

Your orders, Alex?

Ragnarokalex · Apr 25, 2015

well this is pretty much over @.@

Charizard: Air Slash Gallade - Fire Blast Gallade - Air Slash Gallade
IF Gallade is KOed, switch remaining actions to Fire Blast Fidgit

Golurk: Shadow Punch Gallade - Heavy Slam Gallade - Shadow Punch Gallade
IF Gallade is Normal type when you would Shadow Punch it, Hammer arm it that action
IF tormented, change all remaining instances of Shadow Punch to Zen Headbutt Gallade
IF Gallade is KOed when you would act, Zen Headbutt Fidgit that action

Gale Wing Srock · Apr 25, 2015

"What?!! @_@ Rapidash has fallen?"
"Carnage!"
"Don't leave any survivors!"
"You don't fell a Rapidash and live to tell the tale!"
"Get those salesmen guys!"

"Um ... The Battle first though?"
Rajny | Gallade (M) #Galladite #Amulet Coin
________________________
COMBO (Focus Punch + Thunder Punch) (Kaladrimme) ~ Cool down ~ Night Slash (Armstrong)

"Probably Yeah!"
"Then we wreck those Salesmen to Kingdom come!"

Taggie | Fidgit (F) #No Item
________________________
Ally Switch (Rajny) ~ Metronome (Air Cutter, Diamond Storm, Glaciate, Snarl, Relic Song, Water Spout, Eruption, Acid, Twister, Electroweb) [Both Opps] ~ Knock Off (Armstrong)

"._."

The Wanderer · Apr 30, 2015

Gale Wing Srock:
AOOXAX:

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Round 6: It ain't over just yet
♫This is like one of those zombie movies, isn't it?

RAAAAAAAAAAGH! *chucks an I-beam at the horde* Dammit, there's too many of them!

This...this is quite vexing...death hasn't truly arrived for us, has it?

HELLO. I AM A ROBOT. I DON'T THINK THEY ACTUALLY WANT TO KILL US, MEATBAG.

THE PRICE IS NEGOTIABLE!

Shit, there's gotta be something we can-hey, what's that?

*Meanwhile, in front of a giant TV in Hell...*

So remind me again how you got rid of the J-Pop weakness?

I, the ruler of the-

Get to the point, Satan!

Urgh...fine. I exploited a loophole of the Weeaboo act of '84, allowing me to trade their weakness for another. In this case, an innocent looking glowing green rock in the ground somewhere.

Zzzzzzzzomething like zzzzzzat one?

*Sure enough, Ted is on the screen, raising the green rock into the air.*

...MOTHERFU-

***

Order: Charizard, Gallade, Fidgit, Golurk

Action 1 (Priority: Gallade, Fidgit, Charizard, Golurk, Gallade)
Rajny is tightening his focus!
Taggie used Ally Switch! (Target: Gallade)
Taggie and Rajny swapped places!
Kaladrimme used Air Slash! (Target: ~~Gallade~~ Fidgit)
-Crit chance: 1339 = NOPE.
-Damage: 8 + 3 + 6 - 6 = 11 damage
Armstrong used Shadow Punch! (Target: ~~Gallade~~ Fidgit)
-Crit chance: 8335 = NOPE.
-Damage: 6 + 3 + 7.5 - 6 = 10.5 damage
Rajny used Raigeki! (Target: Charizard)
-Crit chance: 4310 = NOPE.
-Damage: (23 + 3 + 2 + 10 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 50.25 DAMAGE!!!
-Energy cost: ((6 + 10) * 1.5) - 1 = 23 EN
Numbers:
-Gallade: -23 EN
-Fidgit: -21.5(!) HP, -5 EN
-Charizard: -50.25(Holy shit!) HP, -5 EN
-Golurk: -11 EN

Action 2 (Priority: Fidgit, Charizard, Gallade, Golurk)
Taggie used Metronome!
-Attack (1 = Air cutter; 2 = Diamond Storm; 3 = Glaciate; 4 = Snarl; 5 = Relic Song; 6 = Water Spout; 7 = Eruption; 8 = Acid; 9 = Twister; 10 = Electroweb): 5 = Relic Song
Taggie used Relic Song!
Relic Song, Charizard:
-Crit chance: 7084 = NOPE.
-Damage: (8 * .75) + 4.5 - 3 + 4 = 11.5 damage
Kaladrimme fainted!
Relic Song, Gol-NO.
-Energy cost: 7 + 6 = 13 EN
Rajny must cool down!
Armstrong used Heavy Slam! (Target: Gallade)
-Crit chance: 1611 = NOPE.
-Damage: (4 + 2(7 - 4) + 7.5 - 4.5) * .67 = 8.71 damage
-Energy cost: 5 + (7 / 1.5) = 9.66
Numbers:
-Gallade: -8.71 HP
-Fidgit: -13 EN
-Charizard: -6.75 HP
-Golurk: -9.66 EN

Action 3
Rajny used Night Slash! (Target: Golurk)
-Crit chance (Crit <= 1250): 5624 = NOPE.
-Damage: (7 + 3 + 10 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 23.25 damage!
Taggie used Knock Off! (Target: Golurk)
-Crit chance: 4920 = NOPE.
-Damage: ((10 + 4.5 - 4.5) * 1.5) + 4 = 19 damage
Armstrong's Focus Sash was knocked off!
Armstrong used Shadow Punch! (Target: Gallade)
-Crit chance: 4854 = NOPE.
-Damage: (6 + 3 + 7.5 - 4.5) * .67 = 8.04 damage
Numbers:
-Gallade: -8.04 HP, -4 EN
-Fidgit: -7 EN
-Golurk: -31.29(Ouch!) HP, -3 EN

Final Numbers:
-Gallade: -17 (16.75) HP, -27 EN
-Fidgit: -22 (21.5) HP, -25 EN
-Charizard: -57 HP, -5 EN
-Golurk: -31 (31.29) HP, -24 (23.66) EN

Gale Wing Srock:
AOOXAX:

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Gale Wing Srock:

Joey
Rare Candy
HP: 91
EN: 64
Stats: 5(6)/3/2/3/110/5/10
Rebound
Guts
Pressure
No ailments
0/0/0/0/0/0(+14)/0
No other

Gale?

Gale Wing Srock · Apr 30, 2015

"..."
"..."
"Where are we?"
"..."

"Uh ... We are in the under world?"
Rajny | Gallade (M) #Galladite #Amulet Coin
________________________
Night Slash (Armstrong) ~ Ice Punch (Armstrong) ~ Ice Punch (Armstrong)

IF Armstrong is under the effects of a P/E move when you would act, THEN use Chill that action instead and push actions back.

IF Armstrong uses Dodge, THEN use Reflect on the first instance, Chill on the second instance and Pain Split (Armstrong) on the third instance and push actions back each time.

IF You are KO'd when you would act, THEN say "GG" to Armstrong and Ragnarokalex as you fall.

"Yippie, can we visit the center of the earth from here?"

Taggie | Fidgit (F) #No Item
________________________
Encore (Armstrong) ~ Icy Wind (Armstrong) ~ Earthquake (All)

IF Armstrong is under the effects of a P/E move when you would be using Encore, THEN use Heal Pulse (Rajny) that action instead and push actions back.

IF Armstrong uses Dodge, AND you are ordered to use Encore that action, THEN Icy Wind (Armstrong) that action instead and push actions back.

IF Gallade is KO'd when you would act, THEN use Earthquake (All) that action instead.

"Taggie!!! It would be hot in there."
"No wonder I am sultry as f***!"

"Let me faint here, I had a long time dream of facing Hades!"

"Hades is not your brother to welcome you with open arms."

"I remember an Evil Demon appearing from the shadows behind the horde of salesmen."

"Could he know where I could find Hades?"

"Quit the chitchat and lets get to the action!"
"My friends are waiting for me in the underworld too you know."

Ragnarokalex · May 1, 2015

Shadow Sneak+Drain Punch Gallade - Cooldown - Earthquake

The Wanderer · May 5, 2015

Round 6: Okay, now it's over

DAMN IT ALL! We were this close! THIS CLOSE!

I still think we should've just said fuck it and break loose directly.

Now why didn't I think of that? Oh! BECAUSE OF ALL THE RED TAPE!

There'zzzzz a reazzzzon we're full of lawyerzzzzzzz!

I swear, you assholes have to be roundabout about everyth-

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKS! *CRASH!*

Ugh, as if this day couldn't get any worse...Mara, this better be important!

Guys, there's a couple of dicks tearing up the place.

Dammit, I said this better be impor-

No seriously! We've got intrud-

So you were the ones behind the salesmen act!

What is the meaning of thi-

Time to pay for your terrorizing of mankind!

And killing that Rapidash!

...Rapidash?

I think he meanzzzzz the title of round 5, Zzzzzzatan.

Pretty sure that's a figure of spee-

CHAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

Order: Gallade, Fidgit, Golurk

Action 1 (Priority: Fidgit, Gallade, Golurk)
Taggie used Encore! (Target: Golurk)
Armstrong was flattered! (2 actions)
Rajny used Night Slash! (Target: Golurk)
-Crit chance (Crit <= 1250): 6688 = NOPE.
-Damage: (7 + 3 + 10 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 23.25 damage!
Armstrong used Shadow Punch! (Target: Gallade)
-Crit chance: 3630 = NOPE.
-Damage: (6 + 3 + 7.5 - 4.5) * .67 = 8.04 damage
Numbers:
-Gallade: -8.04 HP, -8 EN
-Fidgit: -10 EN
-Golurk: -23.25(!) HP, -3 EN

Action 2
Rajny used Ice Punch!
-Crit chance: 9363 = NOPE.
-Damage: (8 + 3 + 10 - 4.5) * 1.5 = 24.75 damage!
-Effect chance (Freeze <= 1000): 3015 = NOPE.
Rajny said GG!
Taggie used Earthquake!
-Crit chance: 2995 = NOPE.
-Damage: 10 + 3 + 4.5 - 4.5 + 4 = 17 damage
Armstrong used Shadow Punch! (Target: Fidgit)
-Crit chance: 394 = EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYUP.
-Damage: 6 + 3 + 3 + 7.5 - 6 = 13.5 damage
Numbers:
-Gallade: -4 EN
-Fidgit: -13.5 HP, -6 EN
-Golurk: -41.75(Holy shit!) HP, -3 EN

Action 3
Taggie used Earthquake!
-Crit chance: 2807 = NOPE.
-Damage: 10 + 3 + 4.5 - 4.5 + 4 = 17 damage
♪*Bwowwwwwrrrr* GAME OVER, YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *OWRR!*♪
Numbers:
-Fidgit: -10 EN
-Golurk: -4 HP

Final Numbers:
-Gallade: -8 (8.04) HP, -12 EN
-Fidgit: -14 (13.5) HP, -26 EN
-Golurk: -69 HP, -6 EN

Gale Wing Srock:
XOOXAX:

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Gale Wing Srock:

Joey
Rare Candy
HP: 91
EN: 64
Stats: 5(6)/3/2/3/110/5/10
Rebound
Guts
Pressure
No ailments
0/0/0/0/0/0(+14)/0
No other

Prizes:

Gale Wing Srock:
+15 CC (4 + 8 from Rajny + 2 from Rajny's KOs + 1 from amulet coin)
Gallade: CC Bonus
Colossoil: +3 MC
Togekiss: +3 MC
Sableye: +3 MC and 1 KOC
Fidgit: +3 MC and 2 KOC
Pyroak: +3 MC and 1 KOC

Ragnarokalex:
+4 CC
Greninja: +3 MC
Charizard: +3 MC
Aggron: +3 MC
Aurumoth: +3 MC
Eelektross: +3 MC and 2 KOC
Golurk: +3 MC and 1 KOC

The Wanderer:
+28 UC

Nnngh...wha...what happened?

*The ASB staff come to, pulling themselves out of the rubble to notice that every last purse salesman is gone*

Did...did that rock just deliver us?

Must have...unless we're all dead or something.

Ano...I don't feel very dead.

Well, it looks like we're still in town, so unless we're ghosts, we should be-

Hey! What's going on here, maggots?!

Yeah, we're still alive.

Look, Officer Bob-

Julia.

Julia. Have you seen any purse salesmen recently?

Swarming the town all day, but not since that explosion. And the fact that you're at the blast site is suspicious!

Yeah, I think we may have just gotten rid of them somehow.
Waaaaaaai! We beat them! We beat them! ^0^
HELLO. I AM A ROBOT. THE MEATBAGS ARE GONE.

And thus, the incident ultimately ended with minimal damage. I still don't know how it happened, but Lad was probably responsible in-

-some way or other. I'd eventually take care of that, as always. So far, the salesmen haven't returned, and hopefully it'll stay that way, but if it ever-
-some way or other. I'd eventually take care of that, as always. So far, the salesmen haven't returned, and hopefully it'll stay that way, but if it ever-

-happened again...well, I'm sure we'd find a-

Okay okay, let me stop you zere, I get zee idea.

So, whatcha think?

I have a few questionz. One: Why did you write yourzelf in zere?

Well, I like to think I add a humanistic approach to things, especially with the robo-

Yez, I sink I get eet. Two: Zee descreeption on zee rock zat keelz zee salezmen eez a little...vague. Why eez zat?

...Yeah, I kinda wrote myself into a wall after I decided the J-pop wouldn't work.

Lazt question...vat's zee point of zee penis monzter?

To be honest, I think what you need to be asking is: How much would you pay to see the penis monster?

...Mon ami, you're going to go placez!

And thus, Ted would finally achieve his dream of directing movies. The Cousin Twice Removed of Vendeur Brand Purses: The Soliciting would eventually be produced, starring Dianthéa, Greg Sestero, that chick who played Rachel from Friends, and Weena Mercator as the Hopping Woman. It would turn out to be a sleeper hit, fondly remembered by many. Sadly, Ted would quickly regard it as an old shame - executive meddling had proven to be a constant plague, completely eliminating characters, rewriting major plot points and turning what would have been comic horror into a flat-out chick flick. In fact, Mara was the only thing the pitch and the finished product had in common. To top it off, there were several loopholes in Ted's contract that prevented him from getting a dime of the royalties. Disillusioned, he returned to his hometown of Sumshadagrene, going back to his day job of filming pokemon battles at the local ASB arena.

ZhengTann · May 6, 2015

This is the director's cut, right? Well played, Lad, well played.

Gale Wing Srock · May 19, 2015

Lad, I get two more KOCs. Pyroak gets one from here, And Fidgit got two KOCs (One from Charizard and one from Golurk).

Cousin Twice Removed of Vendeur Brand Purses: The Soliciting (Gale Wing Srock vs. Ragnarokalex)

Nargacuga