Serious lack of fulfillment

[RODAN]

anyone else have this. i've suffered from pretty bad depression most of my life and its been a really tough struggle to reconcile with it. anyway recently a lot of good things have happened in my life, minor things but they add up. the problem is even with all of these positive things, i still don't feel any better. i feel like there is no joy in the things i do. i cant commit to anything for a long period of time and i can't find something that i truly wish to do with my life.

even though i should be getting better, i feel like im staying the same. and its starting to make me go a little stir crazy.

 

[Kink]

Are you satisfied with the relationships in your life?

 

[EV]

Small, incremental changes are hard to measure day-to-day, which is why when I start to doubt myself, I look back at where I was a ~year ago as a reminder of my achievements. If I feel like progress is happening too slowly, I'll set goals at the month, 6-month, and year marks. I don't always achieve them, but knowing that I've gotten somewhere is usually enough motivation to keep me going.

Depression muddles the conversation. You feel stuck, even though you might not actually be. If you don't have a year's worth to reflect on, start documenting things now. Make an assessment of your surroundings, both good and bad, and focus on what you want to change. Later, you can prove to yourself that you're capable of improvement.

 

[GatoDelFuego]

You are depressed. You shouldn't feel guilty or worried that even though good things are happening to you, you don't feel different. If depression was cured by positive vibes from everybody around you, then it would be easy to treat. These things do not cure depression.

But, once you have stability in the events happening around you, now you can treat your own health problems at the source

 

[Jerry the great]

Dang. Sure sounds horrible. I wouldn't wish this onto anyone.

Anyways, I'll try giving the best advice I can. As Gato above me has said, you are certainly depressed. So I might as well try whatever I can to make you happier in life.

You see, it's natural to get depressed at some point in your life. So you could try seeing someone who is made to deal with stuff like this. I think Therapists were. That's a great start to getting yourself happier in your life.

But try thinking about all the things you do like in life, and try being around the things you really like, and stay away from the stuff you don't (if possible). That's how I ultimately was able to deal with depression when I got it. Also, if that doesn't work, then think things like this. Life will absolutely get better later on. But in the meantime, make sure all the bad gets to you as little as possible. Then before you know it, life will get better, and you'll have adapted to the bad stuff and it won't be nearly as bad for you. I promise you will find a hobby or something like that that could keep you happy.

If I could help, then that makes me happy. After all, it's like I said before in another thread in Congregation of the masses. Nobody deserves to be depressed. Everyone should be able to have a happy life. Trust me, I used to be depressed myself. It ain't fun. You're not even a bad person either. You deserve to feel better than this. I hope life gets a lot better for you soon. Besides all of this though, I figured I had even more of a reason to make this message because like I said, I just want folks to be happy, and if I can make you happier, then that's great. For my parting message, I'll just say: I truly hope you find happiness in the end and escape your misery. Because I don't want you to feel miserable and hopeless. Or much of anyone for that matter.

 

[Myzozoa]

in my experience gato is entirely right, you need stability in the events happening around you to do inner work.

For depression, even if there is stability around you imo it isn't quite enough because often depressed ppl only feel a sense of guilt and shame when things are going well around them and they still feel terrible and hopeless like there is no way forward for them. Imo, the key here is hope. you need something to hope for in your life, maybe a goal to work hard to achieve or a creative outlet that you can do nearly everyday, even a sport or pokemon can be that thing or video games generally. But the key is to have compassion for yourself but also honesty in evaluating what will actually make you happy.


Also, a feel like a lot of depressed ppl with progressive ideals tend to get bogged down in how a capitalist system ruins their chances of moving forward in life, and it's especially ironic how it's usually white man who say believe this. The truth is depressed white men need to realize how hard capitalism is and how the ppl they see succeeding around them 1. worked really hard 2. most of the time are just faking there way through unfamiliar situations using confidence. there are a lot of illusions and cognitive distortions that go with depression and I've noticed a pattern where white men expect that their lives will all be 6 figure jobs and sorry youre gonna have to dig deep to try to figure out how to be satisfied with your lives in the absence of a huge salary and accept how much work it will be either way (i.e whether you decide to work hard at capitalism or to work hard at self-compassion, it's rly difficult work). I myself go to therapy every week.

anyway i hope this post has not offended anyone I was just trying to make some comments on depression based on my experiences.

key concepts: self-compassion, hope, acceptance <-these are really difficult things that will not be easy or quick to work on

 

[Surgo]

This was a huge issue for me in my 20s as I got out of college.

As a naturally extroverted person who ended up moving around a lot, I was never really able to connect with others and get a good circle of friends that I would regularly hang out with and I fell into a pretty deep depression that affected a lot of aspects of my life. I ended up feeling a lot of the symptoms you did.

What ended up making me better was a combination of antidepressants (Lexapro has been a godsend) and, once I finally was able to settle down in an area, finding and dedicating myself to hobbies. I don't see friends nearly as much as I'd like, but I ended up feeling a lot better. I'm not sure if you're in a position to do the latter two or not. But take a look into doing the former at least.

 

[Plague von Karma]

Around 5 or so months ago, I was primarily contributing to Smash and had done so since roughly late-Smash 4. My contributions were exceptionally large, and you can see them here. I ended up producing around 130 spreadsheets across multiple hub documents, along with extremely long guides (often exceeding 100 pages) that helped many people. I also ended up moderating multiple SmashCords and contributing help to multiple other websites. I even ran the high-level King K. Rool Discord where players like Ben Gold and KirbyKid often hang out.

However, I ended up not actually feeling...fulfilled, or even satisfied for that matter. I rarely got recognition for my work and was even plagiarised multiple times with no recompense. Some people even reviled my presence on the basis of my identity...let's say it leaves me with a lot of targets on my back. The only people who would recognize my work were the top King K. Rool players and a few friends. I ended up getting really depressed, and I see the list of Smash resources on that spreadsheet as a symbol of a very dark time in my life.

No matter how much I did, I rarely felt like I was actually getting anywhere. Once a new spreadsheet was done, I'd post it in the relevant places, and that was that. Nothing. When I was moderating the Terry SmashCord, pouring my fucking heart into it and making it the best thing it could be, I just got...nothing. I was just dead, trundling along doing labwork. I increased accessibility through a meta updates channel, which actually got resounding success, and despite that, not many places have adopted it since. My work was finally increasing user engagement thanks to that thing. But...there was stuff missing, and that was, well...I think I was just burned out. I think it was just too late. During that period, I got caught up in multiple bouts of drama. One time, the SmashCords Owner at the time really had it in for me, and it reached boiling point due to dating a friend of his (we still are, and it's great!). The owner was eventually axed after I left, not sure if it was due to me or not. It's kind of some personal stuff but mixed with being gaslit by a few people and the like. Not to mention being sexually harassed on three separate occasions, not getting help for a single fucking one. I just couldn't take it anymore. I genuinely did not feel any attachment to my work anymore, let alone the community. I never felt so dead in my life. I felt like I was in a fucking asylum.

In the end, after one confrontation with someone, I deleted the app and chucked away my password, before leaving every Smash Discord and selling the game. I bawled my eyes out that day, but not from sadness, but from...release, I guess? The resources just stay on that document as some kind of resume. I don't think I'll ever touch Smash Ultimate again.

And, well, I ended up returning to where I came, and that's Smogon. I wasn't very active back in 2014, though I lurked a lot. If you look through my old posts you'll see the old "loud and dumb" personality that came with me being a teenager. I wisened up a lot over time though, and when I finally decided to become active, well, I had a lot of fun. My experience I picked up from being a "resource factory" in Smash ended up helping me a lot. Never had I been so easily accepted somewhere in my life...I just kind of went into the fold and ended up becoming super active here. I think Smogon fits what I've become really well, and I appreciate this place for that. Best of all, I actually feel fulfilment here. I feel happier than ever.

I guess I owe a lot to this place, more than I thought.