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Short and to the Point! (an OU Warstory)

Discussion in 'Stark Mountain' started by Comet, Aug 1, 2010.

  1. Comet

    Comet

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2010
    Messages:
    148
    Hello, and welcome to my first Warstory! :D While surfing the ladder today and falling time after time across lame battles, I finally fell across a short, but nonetheless intense battle with JSND. If you'd like a nice, short read, please stay and enjoy, but if you like long matches, I'm afraid I cannot oblige.

    Anywayzzzzzzzzz,
    THE TEAM!:

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Artemisian's moves will look like this.
    JSND's moves will look like this.
    other text will look like this.
    Scores will be shown after each KO.
    Commentary will look like this.

    [​IMG]
    Ladder Match,
    Sleep Clause,
    Freeze Clause,
    OHKO Clause,
    Evasion Clause,
    Species Clause,
    Strict Damage Clause

    Artemisian sent out Yanmega (lvl 100 Yanmega ?).
    JSND sent out Legolas (lvl 100 Azelf).

    Perfect! He sends out an Azelf, which is the best match for my AntileadMega. I can set off a Bug Buzz, and if he's got Colbur berry, he's dead in one shot and I get a +1 Speed boost, and if he has a Focus Sash, I can kill him in two shots and get a +2 Speed boost.

    Legolas used Stealth Rock.
    Pointed stones float in the air around the foe's team!
    Yanmega used Bug Buzz.
    It's super effective!
    Legolas lost 100% of its health.
    JSND's Legolas fainted.
    (6-5)
    Yanmega lost 10% of its health.
    Yanmega's Speed Boost raised its speed!
    ---
    [​IMG]- 90%
    [​IMG]- 0%

    Ahh, it was a Colbur Berry. People should be smart and just carry Focus Sash. Anyhow, he got up Stealth Rocks, but that isn't much of a problem anyway since half my team is resistant to it and the others are only neutral-ly hit by it. And I got my +1 speed boost. :D

    JSND switched in Akravator (lvl 100 Gyarados ?).
    Akravator's Intimidate cut Yanmega's attack!

    Hmm, JSND was smart to switch out a Gyarados. Hidden Power Ground doesn't affect it, and Bug Buzz isn't much effective at all. He already has SR up, so there's no use in using U-turn to switch. All I can aim for is Air Slash for neutral damage and maybe hope for a critical or flinch.

    Yanmega used Air Slash.
    Akravator lost 47% of its health.
    Yanmega lost 10% of its health.
    Akravator used Dragon Dance.
    Akravator's attack was raised.
    Akravator's speed was raised.
    Yanmega's Speed Boost raised its speed!
    ---
    [​IMG]- 80%
    [​IMG]- 53%

    Hmm, that did more than I thought. Although, on his person, Dragon Dance was a mistake. He could've knocked out my Yanmega right then and there with Stone Edge or Waterfall. Since I didn't notice any leftover's heal, he's probably equipped with a Life Orb. So unless I miss, his Gyarados is going out too.

    Yanmega used Air Slash.
    Akravator lost 44% of its health.
    Yanmega lost 10% of its health.
    Akravator used Waterfall.
    Yanmega lost 70% of its health.
    Artemisian's Yanmega fainted.
    (5-5)
    Akravator lost 9% of its health.
    JSND's Akravator fainted.
    (5-4)
    ---
    [​IMG]- 0%
    [​IMG]- 0%

    Great job, Yan! You net me two kills before you died. You certainly filled your role as an antilead, and even went a little farther. I'm going to switch in Raikou, maybe force a switch on something and get in a Calm Mind.

    Artemisian switched in Raikou (lvl 100 Raikou).
    JSND switched in Freedom (lvl 100 Tyranitar ?).

    Damnit, goddammit! Terrible play on my part. I should've sent Clefable out to get a T-wave down but I made a petty move instead. All I can hope for is that he'll do an EQ that my Starmie can take.

    Raikou is exerting its pressure!
    Pointed stones dug into Raikou.
    Raikou lost 12% of its health.
    Freedom's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm!
    A sandstorm brewed!
    Artemisian switched in Starmie (lvl 100 Starmie).
    Pointed stones dug into Starmie.
    Starmie lost 12% of its health.
    Freedom used Crunch.
    It's super effective!
    Starmie lost 88% of its health.
    Artemisian's Starmie fainted.
    (4-4)
    The sandstorm rages.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 0%
    [​IMG]- 100%

    Ugh... An incredible prediction on his part. That's a shame Starmie had to go without T-tar's hesitation. That was my second terrible play. I should've switched out Breloom who could've taken a Crunch, EQ, OR Stone Edge. Hopefully I can recover from such a boneheaded move.

    Artemisian switched in Breloom (lvl 100 Breloom ?).
    Pointed stones dug into Breloom.
    Breloom lost 6% of its health.

    I switch out Breloom, which is what I should've done in the first place, to hopefully Spore T-tar or whatever he's going to switch in.

    Breloom used Spore.
    Freedom fell asleep!
    Freedom is fast asleep!
    The sandstorm rages.
    Breloom is buffetted by the sandstorm!
    Breloom lost 6% of its health.
    Breloom was badly poisoned!
    ---
    [​IMG]- 88%
    [​IMG]- 100% - SLEEP

    An odd move for him, keeping in his T-tar. He probably wanted it to absorb the sleep, and then when he ASSUMES I go for a Superpower, he switches to something that can absorb that. But... I think a little bit ahead and attempt a Seed Bomb...

    JSND switched in Destruction (lvl 100 Starmie).
    Breloom used Seed Bomb.
    It's super effective!
    Destruction lost 100% of its health.
    JSND's Destruction fainted.
    (4-3)
    The sandstorm rages.
    Breloom is buffetted by the sandstorm!
    Breloom lost 6% of its health.
    Breloom's Poison Heal restored health!
    Breloom restored 12% of its health.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 94%
    [​IMG]- 0%

    A direct hit! Either way, if he hadn't switched, his T-tar would've been killed in 2 shots.

    JSND switched in Judgment (lvl 100 Magnezone).

    He switches in a Magnezone, which makes me a little wary. Superpower will 2HKO it, but he probably carries HP Fire, so I switch in my Clefable to take a hit.

    Artemisian switched in Clefable (lvl 100 Clefable ?).
    Pointed stones dug into Clefable.
    Judgment used Explosion.
    Clefable lost 73% of its health.
    JSND's Judgment fainted.
    (4-2)
    The sandstorm rages.
    Clefable is buffetted by the sandstorm!
    Clefable's leftovers restored its health a little!
    Clefable restored 6% of its health.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 34%
    [​IMG]- 0%

    I knew there was something fishy. He went straight for the explosion, which my Clefable takes with near flying colors.

    JSND switched in Archangel (lvl 100 Torterra ?).

    A Torterra? Torterra?! In OU!?!? Wtf is going on in the world?! Well, Clefable can outspeed it so I'll get up a Softboiled and then a Cosmic Power.

    Archangel used Double-edge.
    Clefable lost 34% of its health.
    Artemisian's Clefable fainted.
    (3-2)
    Archangel was hit by recoil!
    Archangel lost 13% of its health.
    The sandstorm rages.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 0%
    [​IMG]- 87%

    Well what a waste. It's scarfed, so now it can pose a moderate threat to my team.

    Artemisian switched in Breloom (lvl 100 Breloom ?).

    I switch in Breloom because hopefully it can take a Double-Edge and hit Torterra back with a Facade.

    Pointed stones dug into Breloom.
    Breloom lost 6% of its health.
    Archangel used Double-edge.
    Breloom lost 60% of its health.
    Archangel was hit by recoil!
    Archangel lost 16% of its health.
    Breloom used Facade.
    Archangel lost 50% of its health.
    The sandstorm rages.
    Breloom is buffetted by the sandstorm!
    Breloom lost 6% of its health.
    Breloom's Poison Heal restored health!
    Breloom restored 12% of its health.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 34%
    [​IMG]- 31%

    That did a little less than I had wanted it to, but still, did a fair amount of damage. Sadly, I'm going to have to let me Breloom take the heat of another Double-Edge to deal a little more damage to Torterra and then switch out Lucario to force a switch and then take care of T-Tar.

    Archangel used Double-edge.
    Breloom lost 34% of its health.
    Artemisian's Breloom fainted.
    (2-2)
    Archangel was hit by recoil!
    Archangel lost 9% of its health.
    The sandstorm rages.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 0%
    [​IMG]- 22%

    Thanks Breloom. You did well. I'm going to switch in Lucario, in hopes of him switching in his T-tar. In case he doesn't switch though, I go with Ice Punch.

    Artemisian switched in Lucario (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
    Pointed stones dug into Lucario.
    Lucario lost 3% of its health.
    JSND switched in Freedom (lvl 100 Tyranitar ?).
    Freedom's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm!
    Lucario used Ice Punch.
    A critical hit!
    Freedom lost 69% of its health.
    Lucario lost 10% of its health.
    The sandstorm rages.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 87%
    [​IMG]- 31% - SLEEP

    Well, the crit wasn't needed that much, as CC would've killed in one hit. But, anyway, I go with Ice Punch again for the KO.

    Lucario used Ice Punch.
    Freedom lost 31% of its health.
    Lucario lost 10% of its health.
    Freedom is fast asleep!
    The sandstorm rages.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 77%
    [​IMG]- 1% - SLEEP

    But of COURSE, it leaves it with 1 HP, making me lose another 10% of MY HP just to kill the damn thing.

    Lucario used Ice Punch.
    Freedom lost 1% of its health.
    JSND's Freedom fainted.
    (2-1)
    Lucario lost 10% of its health.
    The sandstorm rages.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 67%
    [​IMG]- 0%

    JSND sends out his last Pokemon, Torterra. Since my Lucario can't outspeed it as it's scarfed, I have to sacrifice him to save Raikou.

    JSND switched in Archangel (lvl 100 Torterra ?).
    Archangel used Earthquake.
    It's super effective!
    Lucario lost 67% of its health.
    Artemisian's Lucario fainted.
    (1-1)
    The sandstorm rages.
    ---
    [​IMG]- 0%
    [​IMG]- 22%

    I send out Raikou... And the final part is upon us? All I can do is hope Raikou will outspeed Scarfterra...

    Artemisian switched in Raikou (lvl 100 Raikou).
    Raikou is exerting its pressure!
    Pointed stones dug into Raikou.
    Raikou lost 12% of its health.
    Artemisian: Oooh....
    Raikou used Shadow Ball.
    Archangel lost 12% of its health.
    JSND's Archangel fainted.
    (1-0)
    Artemisian wins!

    Overall, it was a fun match for me, and hopefully for JSND too.

    JSND's Team:

    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]

    PROPS AND SLOPS!
    Props
    • Yanmega for netting two kills.
    • Torterra for netting three kills.
    • Raikou for narrowly outspeeding Torterra and winning the game for me.
    • Breloom for Sporing T-tar and predicting Starmie.
    • Clefable for taking the Explosion.
    • T-tar for predicting Starmie.
    • JSND for being awesome and naming his pokemon.

    Slops
    • Gyarados for D-dancing first.
    • Losing Starmie to Crunch.
    • Not using Lucario's Agility on the Torterra-Ttar switch.
    • Not using Close Combat on T-tar.
    • Clefable for not doing that much.
    • Me for being lame and not naming my pokemon.

    Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed this warstory. Have a nice day :D
  2. ParadoxFtw

    ParadoxFtw

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2009
    Messages:
    36
    No great plays, decent comments, not too intense. Interesting teams nonetheless however.

    6/10 Good job for your first try.
  3. Epic Cherubi

    Epic Cherubi

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2009
    Messages:
    239
    Does your Lucario lack Extremespeed? You could have killed Torterra right there.

    Good first warstory. Comments and format were nice, just try to get a more competent battle!
  4. ParadoxFtw

    ParadoxFtw

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2009
    Messages:
    36
    Extremespeed or not, max speed positive nature ScarfTerra won't even outpace positive nature base 110's so Raikou had him anywho.
  5. Chateau

    Chateau

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2010
    Messages:
    440
    ScarfTorterra can hit a Speed stat of 346 with a Jolly nature. . . I'm wondering why not just use a Scarfgon, who can hit way over that with Adamant, and use Outrage instead of Double Edge.
  6. Comet

    Comet

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2010
    Messages:
    148
    Yea, I was running Agilirio. Agility/CC/Crunch/Ice Punch. I should maybe drop Agility for Extreme Speed. Lucario doesn't get to set up often.
  7. Darkamber8828

    Darkamber8828

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Messages:
    2,938
    It's an Agility Luke.

    I liked it. Props for using Scarfterra and Clefable!

    Yanmega>Colbur Azelf.
  8. Angel Diva

    Angel Diva

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    181
    Kinda funny to see both Starmies fail so badly in this battle. Decent for a first warstory, I guess. Nothing much but watching the team beat each other out -_-.
    Good job with using not-so-OU Pokemon though!
  9. EpicTurtle

    EpicTurtle

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2010
    Messages:
    429
    Nice job using not OU pokemon =D, also I liked the lay. The battle might have not been the best battle, but your enjoyable attitude made the war story much more funnier.
  10. roberto22

    roberto22

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2009
    Messages:
    595
    Like everyone else, i appreciate the usage of non-OU pokes and i thought it was an excellent first warstory. what i liked the most was that it was easy to read. often times the first warstory is illegible and full of formatting issues. this one was clean and enjoyable. Thanks for a good read!
  11. Chinese Dood

    Chinese Dood

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,072
    I agree that it was fairly easy to read and it was mildly interesting that non-OU pokemon were used on both sides, but the comments weren't too spectacular and neither was the battle (especially the end).

    I wouldn't say Tyranitar using Crunch was "an incredible prediction" for your opponent. It's its most accurate STAB move that hits many things for neutral. Your opponent hasn't even seen your Starmie yet. Crunch was just the best neutral option that turned out to your opponent's favor (since most teams will have at least a couple EQ immunities).

    The end was also not too well thought out. You said you knew Torterra was scarfed (By the way, unless your Clefable was running nearly max speed with +speed nature, how would you know for sure? Clefable's base 60 speed and Torterra's 56 aren't that far apart). If you know it's scarfed and stuck on double-edge, and you know that your opponent only had Torterra and Tyranitar left, why did your Lucario use Ice Punch instead of Agility (since obviously Torterra is going to switch, and even if it doesn't you will still come out on top taking the resisted double-edge)?

    Oh, and yeah, it's fairly common knowledge that +base 115 outspeeds scarfed +base 60 speed by 1 point. Torterra being base 56 speeds meant Raikou would obviously outspeed (unless yours wasn't timid...)

    It was an easy and fast read though, so that was good. :)
  12. Instinctive

    Instinctive

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    306
    Speed at the end was NOT common knowledge...but a decent guess would be that Raikou would outspeed.

    I liked the comments, but the "suspense" thing has been way overdone and just kinda pissed me off as a reader...like "oh, no...another guy hit enter 8 times so I have to scroll down more."

    I would have used Agility against TTar, since no sleep turns had burned off yet. Agility + CC + Ice Punch woulda done it. No point having Agility if you don't take advantage and use it when you have a perfect set up opportunity and a perfect reason.
  13. The Pokemon Pimp

    The Pokemon Pimp

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2009
    Messages:
    662
    This warstory wasn't terrible, it just sort of lacked anything mind blowing that a lot of users are used to (me included). For your first warstory this wasn't too shabby, and I hope you can keep dishing them out and improving on them!

    6/10
  14. Zacchaeus

    Zacchaeus
    is a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2009
    Messages:
    3,261
    It seemed lackluster and overly sporadic. There wasn't a lot of prediction and I think it was too short overall. It didn't seem worthy of a warstory to me, although you did format it very well and the commentary was decent, but as Instinctive said, the forced suspense is kind of unprofessional for the lack of a better word
  15. TubaKing

    TubaKing

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2009
    Messages:
    315
    Besides the use of UU Pokemon, there isn't anything particularly special about this warstory. The commentary was so-so and the battle was mediocre, but the formatting was good and you didn't do bad for your first try.
    I hope you keep contributing to Smogon!
    5.5/10
  16. JSND

    JSND

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2010
    Messages:
    951
    sad to say that my azelf not carrying sash either
    since it carry light clay because i forget to chnage the item
    still the ttar switch is the hardest decision in this match
  17. Delko

    Delko was a tab-made man
    is a Tutor Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Super Moderator Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus
    RMT Leader

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2009
    Messages:
    3,293
    Decent warstory, not to great though but I've seen worse.
  18. Comet

    Comet

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2010
    Messages:
    148
    I think I was just really excited about making a warstory that I didn't think much about the battle. Personally, it was an interesting match, but no great predictions on either side and several really bad plays on my part probably made it boring for the reader.
  19. Ice-eyes

    Ice-eyes Simper Fi

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2010
    Messages:
    1,658
    The battle was pretty bad - not much prediction and some horrible misplays on both sides. The commentary wasn't much better, though if the battle had been better maybe the comments would have been too.
  20. mtr

    mtr

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2009
    Messages:
    1,773
    The misplays (switching Starmie into Ttar? I know your team is Ttar weak, but at least send in Breloom) and lack of commentary make it a meh warstory. Better luck next time, but not bad for a first try.
  21. kokoloko

    kokoloko yes, this is dog.
    is a member of the Site Staffis a Super Moderatoris a Smogon Media Contributoris a Tiering Contributoris a Contributor to Smogonis a Past SPL Winner
    Underused Leader

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2009
    Messages:
    3,297
    I could be nice and give you some constructive criticism, but instead I'm going to do exactly what you did in my warstory, ok? =)

    Teams: Bad, too gimmicky. .2/2.5
    Formatting: And I quote "meh." .2/2.5
    Battle: Bad teams, coupled with bad playing make for a terrible battle. .1/2.5
    Comments: The following statement made me laugh pretty hard: "A Torterra? Torterra?! In OU!?!? Wtf is going on in the world?! Well, Clefable can outspeed it so I'll get up a Softboiled and then a Cosmic Power." Even though it was most likely unintentional, the irony is too great too ignore. For that I'll give you a full 2.5/2.5!

    Now I'm going to add them all up and give you a completely arbitrary number which I pulled out of my ass as a grade for your warstory! 3/10! yay!

    NOTE: This post is not meant to be offensive in any way, shape, or form. I'm simply using the same technique he used to rate my warstory to rate his. =)
  22. Cyrrona

    Cyrrona blessed unrest
    is a Tiering Contributor

    Joined:
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    185
    The battle wasn't spectacular and there were some pretty glaring misplays throughout the course of this, but I think the errors will drop off as you gather more experience. Keep on practicing and team building with strong players--your game will gradually improve, and you'll have a handful of high-quality matches to write about in no time. Another bit of advice: try and develop your comments more fully. Remember to give us your long-term game plans in addition to the immediate reactions. The more insight you offer up, the more engaging the warstory is. This will probably become easier as you improve as a player, but it's just something else to keep in mind when you go to write. Good luck in the future!

    EDIT @ below: yes, I agree--that's why I included "improve" in my list of suggestions.
  23. mtr

    mtr

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    Honestly, the glaring things about the teams were Cosmic Power Clefable, a set that is bad against offense and still not great against stall, who can simply set up on it and PP stall it. Double Edge Torterra is just lol, since normal moves have horrible coverage in OU.

    You don't have to be august to write a warstory, but we want to see a team that looks like you know what you're doing.
  24. Comet

    Comet

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2010
    Messages:
    148
    *cough* Lolwut. How? I didn't see you use anything remotely near BL.

    At least it was colorful. Your red and blue needs to be put to rest.

    1) Go back to the first thing I said.
    2) Well, that is true. I was a little trigger-happy.

    'Scuse me. It's not everyday you see a Torterra. I've NEVER seen one in Shoddy Battle, even in my UU days.

    61 | Clefable | 23243 | 2.33
    100 | Torterra | 8594 | 0.86

    But yea, I realize the irony now and how much I'm a noob.
  25. 1338

    1338

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2009
    Messages:
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    I think this guy is probably a troll. He knows that competitive players hate it when people use UUs in OU for fun, and he's using this fact to piss others off. Also, he went out to kokoloko's warstory, which is clearly superior to his, and gave him a rating that is .1 lower than what he gave his own warstory. In his actual warstory, he made trolly moves such as not using Agility against a sleeping Tyranitar, even though he probably knew that it would've lead to him outspeeding Torterra at the end and winning very easily. Same with the Starmie switch-in, which was absolutely retarded as well.

    I think this topic should be locked at this point because I think he's obviously trolling:

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