The noob effect:
Overtime it seams many people have forgotten the most important ingridient to a good gaming experience
The good game.
A by game, I'm not referring to shader effects, high polygon count,
compelling story or any of the irrelevant nonsense I don't give a submarinien phoque about.
I mean the actual GAME PLAY, the part where you control stuff,
have it interact with other stuff, and then your brain generates FUN
If I wanted a compelling story i´d read a book, there are only a few million of them already in existence
the mayority which are written by people which talents compared to the best
video game writers is the same was as coby Brian penis might compare to that of a poorly undoubted titmouse.
If enduring 90 minutes of CGI cut scenes dubbed with pornography-grade voice acting sounds exciting to you,
I suggest u imidietly navigate your web browser to the neighborhood torrent site and start downloading something called a movie.
Any of them really, cause apparently your very easily satisfied,
Perhaps I'm romanticizing the past here
but I remember a time when most games were about
being challenged to explore new game play mechanics, about learning and solving new puzzles, about improving your skill
against all types of adversaries
and about feeling proud over your acomplishment, now the mostly shiny particle effected vessels,
guiding any soccer-mom caliber gamer through a generic 3rd grade level story, where anyone with a brain
the size of a steroid shrunk testicle, can pretend to be a hero and maintain a fantasy of not sucking balls at video games
"but but , Gammal I need a reason for what I'm doing and motivation for my character, a back story"
Would you really need a back story to play donkeykong you twat? How about football? Or poker?
If the process of playing a game isn't fun for you, then maybe your NOT A GAMER?
Of course not to sound apriciative to all my free kills in COD4 but lately i´ve been rather miffed over the
notion that this overwhelming number of noobs have negatively influenced the direction of video game design for ever.
Instead of humanity pursuing the development of the next chess,
we have an endless supply of hour long interactive B-movie experiences at 60 dollars a pop with unimaginably re skinned sequels anounced exactly three seconds after the current product is launched.
Congratulations NOOBS you´ve effectively raised an army of consumer gaming zombies who continently seam to lack not only artistic standards but opposable thumbs.
I´d be inclined to look the other way and ignore the thumb less zombie parade, but these bungling poor sports have the adesety to hate on us,
the gamers who play games, for GAME PLAY.
And so we are subjected to the endless abuses of idiotic whiners,
"rusher (BAN ME PLEASE)" "haxxor" "no life loser" "IMBALANCE"
But the truth is, the only "imbalance" here is coming from your under developed inner ear you uncoordinated ball of ghey.
I'm truly sorry you had your clumsy ass kicked around in gym class like a hacky-sack in the 1980s.
But thats no reason to be a sandy-crouch vagina while I'm kicking your virtual ass in Super Smash Brothers BRAWL.
Even more infuriating then the consuming zombie-noobs are the noobs whose jobs involving playing video games and critiquing them for mass public consumption.
These champions of mob-mentality shouldn't´t bother me since I'm grown rather acustomed to unqualified nitwits
pre forming undeserved jobs.
Except that within gaming media circles, being a noob seems to have become some kind of fucking prerequisite.
I know going through life with a lack of a pin script can be frustrating but calling a 3 hour, single player experience the hight of game design and comparing the dialog in GTA 4 to that of the godfather
is nothing less then absolutely RETARDED.
Here´s the unpleasant truth.
Your teachers lied to you when they said that anyone, even you, could become an astronaut.
Some people are just naturally better at certain things then others, there´s something called TALENT.
No matter how hard I try, i´d never paint the Mona lisa or invent the quantum computer.
No matter how hard you try you will never finish contra without cheating.
Many people have a general desire to challenge themselves to be better.
This does make them alien, or cruel and certainly not "rusher (BAN ME PLEASE)", it just makes them UBER-Gamers.
It´s no reason to resent them, at least no more then you resent John Holmes for his enormous cock.
So the next time you think "I can beat all the pro gamers if i´d just played as much as them"
THINK AGAIN
That belief is as pathetic as the Swedish accent I'm talking in right now.
All the basketball training in the world wont help your pudgy 5foot4 dimple bottom make the NBA.
Just like all the starcraft training in the world couldn't´t prevent p0xon-jun from sticking his golden mouse up your ass.
Overtime it seams many people have forgotten the most important ingridient to a good gaming experience
The good game.
A by game, I'm not referring to shader effects, high polygon count,
compelling story or any of the irrelevant nonsense I don't give a submarinien phoque about.
I mean the actual GAME PLAY, the part where you control stuff,
have it interact with other stuff, and then your brain generates FUN
If I wanted a compelling story i´d read a book, there are only a few million of them already in existence
the mayority which are written by people which talents compared to the best
video game writers is the same was as coby Brian penis might compare to that of a poorly undoubted titmouse.
If enduring 90 minutes of CGI cut scenes dubbed with pornography-grade voice acting sounds exciting to you,
I suggest u imidietly navigate your web browser to the neighborhood torrent site and start downloading something called a movie.
Any of them really, cause apparently your very easily satisfied,
Perhaps I'm romanticizing the past here
but I remember a time when most games were about
being challenged to explore new game play mechanics, about learning and solving new puzzles, about improving your skill
against all types of adversaries
and about feeling proud over your acomplishment, now the mostly shiny particle effected vessels,
guiding any soccer-mom caliber gamer through a generic 3rd grade level story, where anyone with a brain
the size of a steroid shrunk testicle, can pretend to be a hero and maintain a fantasy of not sucking balls at video games
"but but , Gammal I need a reason for what I'm doing and motivation for my character, a back story"
Would you really need a back story to play donkeykong you twat? How about football? Or poker?
If the process of playing a game isn't fun for you, then maybe your NOT A GAMER?
Of course not to sound apriciative to all my free kills in COD4 but lately i´ve been rather miffed over the
notion that this overwhelming number of noobs have negatively influenced the direction of video game design for ever.
Instead of humanity pursuing the development of the next chess,
we have an endless supply of hour long interactive B-movie experiences at 60 dollars a pop with unimaginably re skinned sequels anounced exactly three seconds after the current product is launched.
Congratulations NOOBS you´ve effectively raised an army of consumer gaming zombies who continently seam to lack not only artistic standards but opposable thumbs.
I´d be inclined to look the other way and ignore the thumb less zombie parade, but these bungling poor sports have the adesety to hate on us,
the gamers who play games, for GAME PLAY.
And so we are subjected to the endless abuses of idiotic whiners,
"rusher (BAN ME PLEASE)" "haxxor" "no life loser" "IMBALANCE"
But the truth is, the only "imbalance" here is coming from your under developed inner ear you uncoordinated ball of ghey.
I'm truly sorry you had your clumsy ass kicked around in gym class like a hacky-sack in the 1980s.
But thats no reason to be a sandy-crouch vagina while I'm kicking your virtual ass in Super Smash Brothers BRAWL.
Even more infuriating then the consuming zombie-noobs are the noobs whose jobs involving playing video games and critiquing them for mass public consumption.
These champions of mob-mentality shouldn't´t bother me since I'm grown rather acustomed to unqualified nitwits
pre forming undeserved jobs.
Except that within gaming media circles, being a noob seems to have become some kind of fucking prerequisite.
I know going through life with a lack of a pin script can be frustrating but calling a 3 hour, single player experience the hight of game design and comparing the dialog in GTA 4 to that of the godfather
is nothing less then absolutely RETARDED.
Here´s the unpleasant truth.
Your teachers lied to you when they said that anyone, even you, could become an astronaut.
Some people are just naturally better at certain things then others, there´s something called TALENT.
No matter how hard I try, i´d never paint the Mona lisa or invent the quantum computer.
No matter how hard you try you will never finish contra without cheating.
Many people have a general desire to challenge themselves to be better.
This does make them alien, or cruel and certainly not "rusher (BAN ME PLEASE)", it just makes them UBER-Gamers.
It´s no reason to resent them, at least no more then you resent John Holmes for his enormous cock.
So the next time you think "I can beat all the pro gamers if i´d just played as much as them"
THINK AGAIN
That belief is as pathetic as the Swedish accent I'm talking in right now.
All the basketball training in the world wont help your pudgy 5foot4 dimple bottom make the NBA.
Just like all the starcraft training in the world couldn't´t prevent p0xon-jun from sticking his golden mouse up your ass.
