Insider Sword & Shield DLC Leaks: Straight from the Playground

By TheMantyke. Released: 2020/02/01.
« Previous Article Next Article »

The Scoop

Insider SS DLC Leaks

Art by LifeisDANK.

It's been a while.

Do you remember me? Your good old leaking buddy with the hottest info on the new games? No? Good. Best everyone forgets me. Then, maybe Uncle Pikachu will forget me and stop the hunts. The last few years have been rough. There's a reason why people haven't seen me. I tried to feed you guys legit information, Big Pika's suits found out. Seems they didn't take too kindly to leaking the existence of Mega Charizard X or Cosmog. They wanted compensation for the potential loss of profits. In my blood.

It's been tough surviving. I used to get a month or so before the Pikachu found me. Now, it's only a week tops. They're vicious. They're relentless. Shelter is luxury. A stable Wi-Fi signal is a miracle. I should be spending this valuable time connected to the web to let my family know I'm still alive. I can't do that though, there's something more important than that now. I've got the stuff.

Leaks. Juicy, succulent, leaks. Leaks so sweet, they make your mouth go YouTuber thumbnail-shaped. I found another source. After trespassing on countless elementary school playgrounds, I finally found a fresh wellspring of knowledge. Jerry. "Mr. Jerry Mewtwo" as the other 4th graders called him. He's a direct line to the mother brain. He said it himself. "His dad works for Nintendo". In just five minutes of conversation, I learned everything there is to know about the upcoming Switch+ and the Nintendo Direct schedule for the next 2 years. It was beautiful. I started weeping uncontrollably underneath the slides. Ah, but that was child's play compared to what came next. Sword and Shield DLC info. All of it. He saw the guidebook ahead of time. He had it on his Switch! His mom didn't let him have his Switch at school, but as someone who knows the field, I knew I could trust him.

I sat there for all of recess learning as many succulent secret about the new expansions as I could. Sadly, I couldn't learn everything. They arrived. They wanted to stop the lone leak in the whole container from spewing anything more. Fortunately, thanks to some extremely generous, remarkably shuriken-absorbent children, I was able to escape. I don't have much time now. Listen close.

Let's begin.

The Facts

The End

Cherish this information well, friend. I can't type for much longer. The barbed tips of the ninja stars are starting to cause too much blood loss. A lot of people have lost their homes, jobs, and lives to give you slightly more information about a product coming out in six months. Spread the word.

HTML by Kris.
« Previous Article Next Article »