Hey Vi. I can definitely relate to the coarser trans experience that doesn't match what we see on TV, and I share your frustrations with the trans experiences out there in media. I'll talk about these in sequence.
For lack of a better word, I am slow to make major life changes. I learned I was trans in high school, and, from an out-facing point of view, all I did from then till the end of college was tell a small handful of family members, pick my name, and take one sociological course about womanhood in society. However, lots of gears were turning in the background, as I believe they are for you too. Now, after six years, I've progressed to using my trans name, making some easier adjustments to my physical presentation, and telling people to use she/her in most contexts, but still no HRT or surgery. Partially due to my slow pace, partially due to incomplete support from others. People around me, and you, may think I'm real confident for rolling out there without truly trying to pass, and that's kind of true? I'm still insecure about how I present and am referred to, I dread shaving, I cringe if I realized I missed a few hairs on my arm, I don't always manage to correct people when they default to he/him, all that stuff. We're here with you on the shape of your worries. I'm invited to women-only events and I go, and I'm real grateful to the support of people around me, and I (usually) manage to get myself there, but it's hard not to feel anxious about it (read: I do feel anxious about it) every time. I have a vague interest in establishing a fashion/style for myself but, let's just say, I'm at the point of putting something presentable on and not doing 95% of that stuff.
I don't think your thoughts on our media are banal at all–I've spent enough years in TRANS HQ of this site and its sister, and it's something I almost
never hear people talk about, which is unfortunate because it really matters. I don't really connect to trans experiences in media–even the miss in my avatar, it's more about non-gender stuff anyway. (This will be funny when I change my avatar in 3 months.) I'm actively averse to one popular trans character and not a personal fan of many cultural trends–you've probably figured out I am not an "UwU" or "OwO" type. OwO. I don't have recommendations for you, sorry, but I do have an alternative approach you can try. Something that's helped me a lot overall is understanding and accepting my other insecurities, and those generally have better representation. Related insecurities like gender non-conformity and transformations are one place to look, but I mean to cast a really big net. A really, really big one. Whether it's other physical traits or identities, or personality traits, or parts of my psychology, or even just
the idea of being insecure, whatever the context, there are many I can relate to. And that lifts me up and makes me stronger as a person, which helps with the trans stuff too – it all ends up being connected for me, one way or another, and it revolves around my (incomplete and fluctuating!!! to be clear!) willingness to make myself vulnerable to see, understand, connect with, and live as myself.
Rooting for you, as always.
