Social LGBTQIA+

Im going to be honest, for a while I was, depending on your definition, a little transphobic. I didn't hate trans people, but I was against the concept of it. In my eyes, choosing to be one gender over another was inherently sexist. now, of course that is not what being trans means, but the concept wasn't well explained to me at the time. but I slowly realised that there was more to being trans that I was missing. eventually, I learned what dysphoria was, and the mental toll it takes on someone, and that was a turning point for me. I was no longer against the concept of transitioning. but I still didn't understand it. I didn't understand why being a certain gender could take such a toll on someone. in fact, I didn't understand gender at all. I didn't understand why someone would care about whether they were male or female. I knew dysphoria existed, but I didn't know what it meant. I personally would have no problem being percieved as female, so I didn't understand why anyone else would. I didn't have to understand it to tolerate it, but the idea of transitioning was still an enigma to me. I came to the conclusion that I must just be weird, and that not understanding it was a me problem.

eventually, I posted on this thread asking if I was nonbinary, explaining my situation, and someone mentioned that I might be agender. I had never heard this before, so I looked it up, and everything clicked. I didn't have a gender. and that was weird. it wasn't normal. and everything fell into place. I couldn't understand dysphoria, because I was special, and unlike most people, didn't have a gender. instead of assuming I was weird and didn't understand it, now I knew I was weird and didn't understand it. I had an explanation for why I couldnt understand gender, and I could stop worrying about it. to this day, I still don't understand gender, but now I know that it is something I will likely never understand, and in a way, that finally solved my personal confusion with it. I can stop questioning why people transition, as it is something I will never understand, and instead of wondering if maybe they are wrong, I now know that I am the one who doesnt understand, and that is ok. I dont understand a lot of things. I don't understand why the laws of the universe are the way they are, but that dosent mean it dosent exist. I always questioned everything, and wanted to know everything I could. and to this question, I finally got an answer, and that answer was "you will never know" and for once, I was happy with it. I could stop wondering what was wrong with me, as now I knew why I couldn't understand it. In figuring out I would never find that missing piece that answered everything, i could stop searching. gender is still a mystery to me, and for once, I don't feel like I have to solve the mystery. I know exactly what is happening. I wont be able to understand why people transition, so I could stop trying, and just accept that I was the one without the information in this scenario. my lack of understanding of transitioning doesnt make it any less valid, and I could finally rest, with a definitive answer on what I was missing.
 
Local Dog said:
I am like kinda bisexual I guess? I feel attraction to feminine men, but I don't know if I'd date another man, it's purely sexual attraction. And I like trans girls, there's some who'd say that's gay
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That's an interesting question. I personally wanna be straight for the rest of my life cuz it just fits my personality. Trans girls aren't that gay, but I do feel like liking feminine men or femboys is gay. Then again i don't want to hurt anyone's opinion, don't take this seriously, it's just my opinion.

Local Dog said:
The whole religion thing kinda confuses me now tbh. Like I see that the abrahamic religions are clearly homophobic, I think that comes from the yuck factor that men feel when they see two men be intimate, and I think it's political reasons, as the historic enemies of the old Hebrews, Christians and Muslims were openly practicing homosexuality

But there's also some weird statements about men in the scriptures saying that they love each other as they love their wives and there are odd historic exceptions for homosexuality across the histories of these religions. And there are alternatives interpretations, such as the Arabs killing trans people, but the Persians giving them gender affirming surgery

I think that goes for all religions on all kinds of topics, where over hundreds and thousands of years, the scriptures and practices change and leave a lot of interpretation for certain aspects. It's kinda why I became an agnostic despite liking going to church, I can't get a clear consent on what is right and what isn't through the scriptures and the practices. May just as well go my own way
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Well all religions have homophobic side, while also having one side that accepts homosexuality and transgender. For example, in my religion, it is said that Shakti(The feminine force) and Shiv(The masculine force) form the perfect union, which some might see as homophobic, yet, the Lord Krishna in our religion says that love can flourish between any two individuals. So that's that.
On the topic of transgender, i don't have proper info in this one but in the Indian subcontinent, we have a traditional transgender community that travels from place to place. Idk if they are associated with religion or not, but they definitely have there own culture. They are referred to by many names, but the one I know is Hijra. Hijras visit people's homes when someone is born or someone dies and they dance for a sum of money. If you give them money, they will bless you (maybe that's a religious aspect) and if you don't they will curse. We have a saying that a Hijra's curse is very strong and never goes away. And one final thing, Hijra is actually a slightly derogatory term (but only in some places), We use the word Hijra locally, so if it's offensive in your region, i am sorry.

Cancel cult said:
to this day, I still don't understand gender, I didn't understand why someone would care about whether they were male or female.
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Ahh gender, it's like a stuff that you don't think about but when you do, it goes very deep. It's simple when you think about it from biological standpoint. If you have male organs you're a male but if you have female organs you're a female. But when your start to look at the social, economic or mental side of gender it goes very deep. So deep that if I started writing, it would take me hours.
 
Hello, Smogon queers and allies! I've been lurking a bit around this thread, i got here by pure chance and have since been fascinated with the discussion happening here specially in recent days, I feel like dumping a lot of thoughts but will try to remain succint as possible, a lot of things are in my mind.

I have taken the month of June as an opportunity to declare myself non-binary and explore the boundaries and concept of gender and how it applied to me. From there onwards, i've shifted to accepting any pronouns, and now... i'm pretty certain i'd prefer to use feminine ones. Seeing myself as a girl is a comfortable feeling, the responses are impressive to see... it feels strangely amazing. From someone who was in denial about the "femboy" aesthetic years ago... First I accepted myself as bi, and from there, i've been looking at my own appearance, body goals... then I find myself questioning gender roles, until i'm finally realizing, "gender doesn't matter", which leads me into Non-binarism.

Accepting that side is something I am more than willing to do, only held back by fears of intolerance... and from a condition that has forever haunted me, Imposter Syndrome, I have just now been told it's also very common in trans persons and would like to ask if anyone here has similarly went through it, transition or not.
This, and also a bit of a worry of it being "too late", as only being able to learn this side of me at my 26 years old, nearly 27...

Outside of my self for a moment, i'd like to add some thoughts that have been rising in my mind seeing the recent religion discussion arising these days.

Vivaan12 said:
Well all religions have homophobic side, while also having one side that accepts homosexuality and transgender. For example, in my religion, it is said that Shakti(The feminine force) and Shiv(The masculine force) form the perfect union, which some might see as homophobic, yet, the Lord Krishna in our religion says that love can flourish between any two individuals. So that's that.
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While "finding myself" I've been taking to reading and studying texts for the chinese Taoism thought - historically both a religion and also a potential philosophy, as much as it's very spiritual too, I like it as a philosophy first, and potential religion (right now, I see myself as agnostic atheist) second. I would like to leave some thoughts while trying using my knowledge of the Tao as a lenses, I apologize if a bit misinformed or if I say something a bit... strange or inadequate.

The Dao, great, endless, all-encompassing and impossible to fully describe, has a similar notion of duality as you have brought up here - the "Yin and Yang", eternally defined by opposites that complete and define each other, including the concepts of female and male, but what really catches me here is how it presents that everything is defined by having an opposite.

Much like the coin which must be defined both by having a heads and tails, light and darkness, near and far, etc., and with neither concept being able to exist without the presence of the other, I personally have taken to seeing gender as "two-faceted", and as easily as you present yourself as "masculine", you can just as well be "feminine" as with having one of those elements, you inherently have both in you.

I don't see the idea of male and female coexisting as opposites as inherently sexist, homophobic or transphobic, by the contrary, assuming all living beings are made by or directly influenced by such forces, anyone can manifest "energy" or a "side" that represents either gender, much like something swapping between it's opposite states.

I'll have to agree with this last quote in the post too - "Gender, you don't usually think about it, but when you do, it goes deep".
 
I’ve been on HRT for roughly half a year, time which has mostly been spent feeding this increasingly unproductive delusion that involves waiting around until something changes dramatically, at which point I will absolutely, unequivocally start to actualize everything else that needs to happen by spending an inordinate amount of money that I most certainly do not have. The mood swings are definitely there, I yelp when people try to hug me (how the fuck do I deal with this by the way), I cry enough now that Saudi Arabia has tried to purchase me, but I still look like someone dug up the corpse of some extremely deceased Korean infantryman. It is certainly a process…

College has been good to me in the I had to get the fuck away from home kind of way, but an unfortunate byproduct of suddenly being around queer people all the time (which don’t get me wrong, has been great) is a torrent of a whole lot more self-alienating and self-destructive behavior, à la endless variations of “I’m not queer/trans enough” and an impressively unreal level of lethargic defeatism which neatly (read: chaotically) stacks on top of the already long established mental dumpster. People here present queer so openly/numerously/confidently that it’s hard not to develop a kind of inferiority complex about it despite how supportive everyone is. I never really identified with trans communities online, which was isolating in itself, but feeling like you’re in the margins of the margins in real-ass life is verifiably and unsurprisingly even less fun. I registered to take a trans history seminar and psyched myself out so hard about it I ended up not going through with it even though I’m sure it would have been great! It’s so easy to get demoralized and it's even easier to forget about the small victories (which I would appreciate being a little less rare by the way, if any mysterious wealthy benefactors are out here scanning for charity cases).

Incidentally, when I think back to most trans or femme presenting characters in the mass of junk I’ve read, they’ve known their whole lives, they’re conventionally attractive and pass easily, their family is lightly disapproving but it might be played for gags, they have the most chic and expensive wardrobe you’ve ever imagined, and so on and so forth - saccharine depictions often bordering on wish fulfillment brand escapism and the like. The alternative is usually some kind of fetish content. And, like, I get it, people still like this stuff, it sells, it's comfortable and palatable, but it's also pretty damn discouraging to see such a lack of experiential diversity in a genre(?) that you would expect to demand it. I’m also assuming that these thoughts are very banal and asinine for people who have been Consuming for a lot longer than I have, in which case I am kindly asking for recommendations. Obviously not begging to see my exact experience represented or whatever, just anything you think is worth engaging with. I can half-promise a very messy, disorganized pastebin when I’m done… Not totally sure where I was going with all this, but I’m definitely interested in hearing about what kind of queer works have influenced other people here (yeah I’ll take theory too…).

This is apparently a failed exercise in brevity and not a coming out post, though I guess since I barely recognize anyone here it might as well also be the latter
Something something insert applicable platitudes, have a good night and all that
 
Vivaan12 said:
That's an interesting question. I personally wanna be straight for the rest of my life cuz it just fits my personality. Trans girls aren't that gay, but I do feel like liking feminine men or femboys is gay. Then again i don't want to hurt anyone's opinion, don't take this seriously, it's just my opinion.

Ahh gender, it's like a stuff that you don't think about but when you do, it goes very deep. It's simple when you think about it from biological standpoint. If you have male organs you're a male but if you have female organs you're a female. But when your start to look at the social, economic or mental side of gender it goes very deep.
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1) your opinion is rude and dangerous. Liking trans women is not “that gay”. I have not had a single gay boy want to date me because I don’t look like a man. I’ve only been chased by men that identify as straight, bi, or some other category that includes being attracted to WOMEN. Trans women are women, period. Do not group us with feminine men or femboys, that is fetishizing.

2) Gender and sex are two different concepts. Gender is purely a social construct, while sex is a title that’s attached to certain biological traits.
 
cheru said:
CW: physical/verbal abuse, transphobia, suicidal thoughts, nsfw mentions

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Hi I’m cheru or Jasmine, a 19 year old trans girl from Illinois. I’ve already had a post before about my sexuality a few years ago, so I’ve know about being queer for the past few years. I recently came out as trans in late March to PokePride, and I have really felt at peace with myself knowing that I know my identity for myself after not knowing for nearly 7 years now. The problem as been that my parents have never been good about LGBTQ issues at all. In fact, my life and wellbeing has frankly been flipped up on its head for the past year or so, but it just went completely off the rails since July. These past 2 months have been the most stressful, anxious, and just plain depressing months of my life that I can remember. After being forcibly outed by my mom as being Jasmine to my father, it’s just been constant bombardments from my parents while feeling completely powerless even though I am legally an adult. Just a feeling of not knowing what to do, just being dictated by the will and emotions of my father and being a little puppet, wishing to have some sort of autonomy taken back into my life. Before I start off my whole confessional, I love you guys so much. Without you guys from PokePride. You wouldn’t be hearing from me at all if it weren’t around and would have given up on myself and life if I hadn’t had the knowledge that people actually care about people no matter how messed up their life seems to be. Major shoutout to my closest people I know/my gc that I was invited to. Amity Bella DerpySuX Glimmer Gimmicky Meister Rae Stories uppa Wifi. You guys are all such incredible people and I’m glad to have shared these past few months together before everything happened with me. Offering emotionally/financially even if I haven’t accepted yet. It’s just not in my control as of now, but please be willing to still be there for me. I can’t survive without the knowledge of knowing that you guys will be have my back no matter what, not expecting anything back. I can’t express how much you guys mean and how much I love every one of you. Also as well as my UU buddies haxlolo Slip Lily vivalospride avarice Bouff DAWNBUSTER BeeOrSomething Celebiii Estarossa frankjosh Monky25 spell Totomon thsnks for welcoming me into the community and letting me thrive with such great and funny people.

When I remember first playing video games, I don’t know why but I always felt like I liked the girl characters more. Obviously I’m just a kid and don’t know, but one memory has just stuck in my head. I was around 7 and my parents recently purchased an Xbox 360 as a family gaming thing so we could connect with me, my brother and parents. I was playing Kinect Adventures with my brother, and my mom noticed that I had picked the girl character. She was questioning myself as why I picked it. I couldn’t even explain it but I just felt like the girl character fit me. When I also first found out about anime through SAO, another thing that stuck with me was one guy picking a girl character even though it was just VR. It made me realize that I could actually still have myself look like a girl even though I wasn’t one. There I also increasingly found myself liking the female characters of the shows I’d watch. I guess I thought it was normal for myself to see the cool things in them but what cis guy even thinks like that LOL. Once I got a phone and had social media, I started using girl characters as pfps, and used the girl characters when I could in games like Fortnite, Smash and even picking the girl for the first time in a pokemon game. I liked that about me, even if people thought it was weird, which also socially isolated me. I’ve known I was at least bi in some sort since like 13, but I couldn’t be out cause I would be seen as weird to basically everyone around me, so it just kept me stuck. Speaking of being socially isolated, I have really felt like that since 6th grade. Elementary school was super fun since I was really easy to hang with and was just outgoing. The only problem was that i didn’t talk with those people outside of school, so that wasn’t as easy to deal with, and I started dealing with those consequences around middle school. There people were already having cliques with people I didn’t even know, and it was super hard to be outgoing to them. It didn’t help that they would start bullying me, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. This caused me to end up at a new, Christian, private school. There, it somehow was worse because of the small size. Like K-12 had like 50 students in total, so anything would spread around very quickly, and I was sadly at the short end of the stick. I wrote some love letter to a girl there, and made the mistake of writing my name on it. The girl found it and told basically the whole school, and they made fun of me for it. People would end up spreading rumors about me being a creep after, saying that I slapped the girl’s butt, when I never did anything, and they just stayed away from me. Even when I joined the basketball team, they made a separate gc without me and pretend to talk in there occasionally to pretend that they didn’t do it. I really internalized myself as the problem after it, starting to get really anxious and depressed afterwards. Thankfully, I didn’t have to go to that school for high school, but that meant moving again to a way bigger school, barely knowing anyone at all. I hardly remember my freshman year much, but I really only have one memory. I wrote some concerning note in English class, saying that I wanted to kill myself and got sent to the counselor. This was when I felt like I just kept everything to myself, not letting people know what was going on, cause it was too embarrassing for people to know that I’m not mentally stable. At least I made one irl that I still have to this day so I’m grateful for her. That sadly was also the Covid year too, so I wasn’t even close to anyone there, so I was just trapped in my house, completely losing myself cause I had no one essentially besides my family. I ballooned in weight, making me just hate myself more and more, as I just felt like a failure more and more. I ended up going to some hybrid instead of staying fully there during sophomore year, but in some classes I was literally the only guy there, so I was even more alone. During my last two years I kinda talked with more people, but my grades started to slip as I just wanted it all to be over. That was sadly a horrible mistake, cause that caused me to not end up going to college easily, cause my dad would no longer be willing to accept this. So I now basically had to work with his business that he didn’t even want me to join because he knew it sucked for any kid to join. But I ended up graduating, but on the final day of senior year, my grandma passed. She had been extremely sick for the past 12 years, and we knew it was coming, but it was literally the day after Mother’s Day, and my mother completely broke. She lost part of herself, and didn’t frankly know how to cope. That just ruined my entire connection that I had with her. I miss my Grema and I know she would have been on my side now.
Around Memorial Day, I made a mistake with my little brother, not fully closing the high chair and he fell. He was fine but my dad was yelling at me very badly and I panicked, just grabbing his leg so he couldn’t do anything to me, and he smacked me in the back of the head with an avocado oil bottle and I had to go to the ER. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but that was completely uncalled for, and I saw the two faced nature of himself. I guess it didn’t help that I was beginning to question my gender identity as well I started working with him shortly after, and it was just horrible. I had trouble understanding all the techniques he had spent 20+ years honing in, but he has no patience whatsoever, and just resorted to screaming in my face or smacking me. I ended up learning things eventually but he just wanted everything fully ready right away, and he’s still like this. At the end of August 2023, I finally told someone I was bi, but it was basically to the worst guy I could have, my dad. He was constantly questioning me and asking me degrading questions over and over again, and I just shut everything down. They eventually put me in some therapy, but my dad would constantly control what I said to the therapist, so I couldn’t open up truly, cause he constantly controlled it from the outside. Around last November, I made an alt on Discord that didn’t join any servers or have any friends on, but I made the display name as Jasmine with she/her pronouns. For some reason that gave me a little bit of euphoria, and a slight affirmation. The little mistake I did was charge my Chromebook downstairs to charge, and my mom went snooping through my account just because. She found it and started to question me on it. I somehow managed to avoid actually admitting anything through it, just saying it was some joke account. Finally I accepted myself as Jasmine in late March 2024, and a huge burden within myself was lifted off. I was talking with others more and actually talking with others on social media, but I was still closeted IRL. Fast forward to around July, my mom starts snooping through my discord to see that I was messaging one of my friends, talking about how she has gotten a lot more conservative lately, and that I called her “churchified.” She took that completely off the rails, because after my grandmother’s passing, she found the church as sort of a second home. They would now be the people she would talk with instead of her mom. And because I have my two younger brothers, she has been far more overprotective of them, not wanting any LGBTQ influence on them. Since then, she has been calling herself a failure for even giving me a phone at 13, and is blaming herself for my actions that I do even as an adult. She has said I will never be able to see my little brothers until they know what I am if I am to proceed with the transition fully, just having to say that I died or something, which is arguably even worse than just admitting that their older brother is now their sister. My mom wanted to tell my father, but my oldest brother was about to turn 17 and she didn’t want to ruin it. But on Friday 19th of July, I was outed to my dad and my life fell apart.
During the time my mom revealed, there was just a growing rage I saw in my dad’s eyes, then he snapped. He then started smacking me again and saying that what I felt was stupid and not even real, saying that being trans is a mental disability that can be fixed. He offered to pay my rent for 6 months if I didn’t want to stay in the house, but I felt gaslit to staying because I didn’t want my little brothers abandoned just yet. They decided to take my phone, going through messages that I said with friends. He found out the messages that my mom said, and told me that if he had found out the messages my mom was talking about. He said that if he found it earlier, he would have kicked me out if he found out earlier. He called all of my friends stupid, worms, pieces of shit, groomers, and basically everything I know they aren’t. They would even go and reply to others who even cared for me and respond for them. They would reply as me saying that “my parents appreciate me and are caring for me.” They would talk with one certain person and say that they want to show how one of my friends is broken and that me being away will somehow not make her trans (literally wtf). And the offer of finding a place for myself went away as well. I had my chance and it was gone as well. During that time, they decided to seek out any sort of therapy that would “help me.” But the catch is that they didn’t want any “gender affirming” ones because it was all a lie anyway according to them. They eventually found the “Christian Counseling Network” to show why being trans is wrong and whatnot. Instead of trying to understand me, they want to fix me at every opportunity they can, always that it’s not real and that the internet corrupted my brain. They eventually found some older guy who even gave my mother the book called “Irreversible Damage” which is just a blatantly anti-trans book, that he just takes word for word, and no my mother does. We eventually got in full contact with him, now saying that I got rapid-onset gender dysphoria, and apparently me watching p*rn is now the reason my brain was confused. We eventually saw him all the way in Florida. According to my dad it was to basically have him say that all that I think of is trans people and “the ideology was implanted into my brain by those idiot losers.” I somehow managed to talk him about how my depression and anxiety, and he feels my pain in my soul, but is basically just saying that I just need to follow with what God made me. God made my soul, but I know I am in the wrong body. It’s not something that I want to live with. After the weekend talking with him, my mom told me that she wanted me to work on myself for at least a year just staying as my deadname. I know she wants the best for me, but I don’t want to live as the lie that I am. Trying to force myself as not Jasmine isn’t gonna help me focus more on other things. I somehow got my phone back, but without discord and twitter, so I can’t access the people I knew. After I got back, my dad has just completely lost it. A few weeks ago, he literally flicked me off in front of the other workers and clients, because I messed up. He keeps talking down on why I don’t work on myself, but he keeps not only insulting me, but he keeps going onto my mother as he’s done for nearly 2 decades now, but even my 17 year old brother, which he has somehow pushed back again. He keeps blaming my mother for all the faults with me, but he doesn’t know how to criticize people without going straight to insults. I know what I need to do, but I don’t want to be homeless since he wants nothing to do with me anymore.
I frankly just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t deal with my father anymore, but abandoning my little brothers is something I don’t want for them or myself either. I just need to make sure I find the right person to tell and fully accept myself in. A new job would also help so much. I know I am not alone but it feels so hard when your entire wellbeing is trapped without money and good support in this world.
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I love you girly.
I also live in a super anti lgbt household and while I’m fortunate enough to have not been outed to my family yet, pretty constant tirades from my dad are still a thing I’ve had to deal with. I’d say if you can, try to get out and make friends irl who are accepting of you, and spend time with them whenever you can. Just please try to keep going, this world is a much better place with you in it.
 
Violet said:
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Hey Vi. I can definitely relate to the coarser trans experience that doesn't match what we see on TV, and I share your frustrations with the trans experiences out there in media. I'll talk about these in sequence.

For lack of a better word, I am slow to make major life changes. I learned I was trans in high school, and, from an out-facing point of view, all I did from then till the end of college was tell a small handful of family members, pick my name, and take one sociological course about womanhood in society. However, lots of gears were turning in the background, as I believe they are for you too. Now, after six years, I've progressed to using my trans name, making some easier adjustments to my physical presentation, and telling people to use she/her in most contexts, but still no HRT or surgery. Partially due to my slow pace, partially due to incomplete support from others. People around me, and you, may think I'm real confident for rolling out there without truly trying to pass, and that's kind of true? I'm still insecure about how I present and am referred to, I dread shaving, I cringe if I realized I missed a few hairs on my arm, I don't always manage to correct people when they default to he/him, all that stuff. We're here with you on the shape of your worries. I'm invited to women-only events and I go, and I'm real grateful to the support of people around me, and I (usually) manage to get myself there, but it's hard not to feel anxious about it (read: I do feel anxious about it) every time. I have a vague interest in establishing a fashion/style for myself but, let's just say, I'm at the point of putting something presentable on and not doing 95% of that stuff.

I don't think your thoughts on our media are banal at all–I've spent enough years in TRANS HQ of this site and its sister, and it's something I almost never hear people talk about, which is unfortunate because it really matters. I don't really connect to trans experiences in media–even the miss in my avatar, it's more about non-gender stuff anyway. (This will be funny when I change my avatar in 3 months.) I'm actively averse to one popular trans character and not a personal fan of many cultural trends–you've probably figured out I am not an "UwU" or "OwO" type. OwO. I don't have recommendations for you, sorry, but I do have an alternative approach you can try. Something that's helped me a lot overall is understanding and accepting my other insecurities, and those generally have better representation. Related insecurities like gender non-conformity and transformations are one place to look, but I mean to cast a really big net. A really, really big one. Whether it's other physical traits or identities, or personality traits, or parts of my psychology, or even just the idea of being insecure, whatever the context, there are many I can relate to. And that lifts me up and makes me stronger as a person, which helps with the trans stuff too – it all ends up being connected for me, one way or another, and it revolves around my (incomplete and fluctuating!!! to be clear!) willingness to make myself vulnerable to see, understand, connect with, and live as myself.

Rooting for you, as always.
 
i'm heading towards four years on HRT now. when i last posted here at the tail end of lockdown in australia, i had already changed my legal name, and since then it has been a pretty good feeling no longer needing to hide away and bullshit to people about who i am like i had to for over a decade. i feel like my relationships with the people i still talk to in real life are a lot more genuine now. with all the shit that has gone on in my life over the last couple of years, being able to more or less live as myself has been one of the only things keeping me going. i would probably not be here right now if i hadn't said "fuck it" in late 2020 and booked doctor's and specialist appointments, somehow without my dad noticing, to finally clear the path for me to start taking estradiol and the like. i also must extend my thanks to the innumerable people i have encountered, past and present, over the internet and in real life, who have supported me throughout. i wouldn't have gotten here without you.

so with every day that goes by, i continue to be amazed by the absolute refusal by anyone in my family to address me properly. i'm still being deadnamed and misgendered within my household. maybe it's hubristic of me to be surprised by this, i'm not sure. but this is the only environment where i am completely stuck in this sort of time loop. even my medical practice, which does everything it can to make things awkward for me when i go for pathology tests or need referrals, has to call me aurora. it doesn't matter how many times i bring this up and ask what the issue is, i get the same excuse every single time: "this will be too hard for your sister and i to process". it's at the point where i can't bring up anything that even tangentially relates to my identity without getting a filthy look or a deep sigh. i don't really know what else i can do to accommodate my family to help them "process" this. i already am obligated to dress like a 1980s sitcom teenage boy almost solely because the mere thought of any form of feminine dress that isn't a blouse makes my mum react really badly. maybe my mum still holds out the vain hope i'm eventually going to regret all of this and return to how i was before. who knows. she used to tell me that i transitioned too quickly and didn't give her any warning. i must have missed the part where i told her several times over the 11 years beforehand, with increasing desparation on each occasion, that i am trans.

every time i see extended family or am with my immediate family in public, i have to put up with everyone around the table pulling this shit for however many hours we're together. in the case of my extended family, it's gotten to the point where i pretty much just do not want to see them at all if i can help it. even my cousin, who was the first family member i felt like i was getting anywhere with back when i came out to her in 2016, toes the party line both in private and when we're all together. so i don't know what she thinks now. i really thought that my dad was the nexus of this problem and that his removal from our home and subsequent passing some time later would mean that there would be a shifting of attitudes within my family and that there would finally be some understanding, but i suppose i was wrong there.

leaving isn't an option, because i am basically forced to live at home for several reasons that i do not wish to divulge in this post. so outside of trying to negotiate with a concrete wall again, there isn't really much that i can do at this stage. maybe things will be different when i post in this thread again in another three years, but i'm not holding my breath.
 
aurora said:
i'm heading towards four years on HRT now. when i last posted here at the tail end of lockdown in australia, i had already changed my legal name, and since then it has been a pretty good feeling no longer needing to hide away and bullshit to people about who i am like i had to for over a decade. i feel like my relationships with the people i still talk to in real life are a lot more genuine now. with all the shit that has gone on in my life over the last couple of years, being able to more or less live as myself has been one of the only things keeping me going. i would probably not be here right now if i hadn't said "fuck it" in late 2020 and booked doctor's and specialist appointments, somehow without my dad noticing, to finally clear the path for me to start taking estradiol and the like. i also must extend my thanks to the innumerable people i have encountered, past and present, over the internet and in real life, who have supported me throughout. i wouldn't have gotten here without you.

so with every day that goes by, i continue to be amazed by the absolute refusal by anyone in my family to address me properly. i'm still being deadnamed and misgendered within my household. maybe it's hubristic of me to be surprised by this, i'm not sure. but this is the only environment where i am completely stuck in this sort of time loop. even my medical practice, which does everything it can to make things awkward for me when i go for pathology tests or need referrals, has to call me aurora. it doesn't matter how many times i bring this up and ask what the issue is, i get the same excuse every single time: "this will be too hard for your sister and i to process". it's at the point where i can't bring up anything that even tangentially relates to my identity without getting a filthy look or a deep sigh. i don't really know what else i can do to accommodate my family to help them "process" this. i already am obligated to dress like a 1980s sitcom teenage boy almost solely because the mere thought of any form of feminine dress that isn't a blouse makes my mum react really badly. maybe my mum still holds out the vain hope i'm eventually going to regret all of this and return to how i was before. who knows. she used to tell me that i transitioned too quickly and didn't give her any warning. i must have missed the part where i told her several times over the 11 years beforehand, with increasing desparation on each occasion, that i am trans.

every time i see extended family or am with my immediate family in public, i have to put up with everyone around the table pulling this shit for however many hours we're together. in the case of my extended family, it's gotten to the point where i pretty much just do not want to see them at all if i can help it. even my cousin, who was the first family member i felt like i was getting anywhere with back when i came out to her in 2016, toes the party line both in private and when we're all together. so i don't know what she thinks now. i really thought that my dad was the nexus of this problem and that his removal from our home and subsequent passing some time later would mean that there would be a shifting of attitudes within my family and that there would finally be some understanding, but i suppose i was wrong there.

leaving isn't an option, because i am basically forced to live at home for several reasons that i do not wish to divulge in this post. so outside of trying to negotiate with a concrete wall again, there isn't really much that i can do at this stage. maybe things will be different when i post in this thread again in another three years, but i'm not holding my breath.
Click to expand...

Sorry girl, that’s rough. Sending love and strength your way
 
Not to distract from above but update on this:
Aqua Jet said:
Was talking to a friend of mine and I have more good news for you, this time from Thailand
Briefly:
  • 400/415 members of the Lower House voted in favour of a bill that would recognize same-sex marriage
  • It would allow same-sex couples to adopt children, as well as gives them marital tax savings, the ability to inherit property, and the ability to make medical treatment consent
  • The bill needs approval from the Upper House, the Senate, and then needs Royal endorsement. It is expected to become law by the end of 2024.
    • If it becomes law, it would make Thailand the only southeast asian country to recognize same-sex marriage.
News source:
(I also heard some of what I wrote from said friend, so I'd recommend checking out the article + doing further reasearch because obviosuly "trust me bro" isn't a great source)
Click to expand...
Gays will be able to officially marry in Thailand in January (BBC)
 
Style_Dota said:
1) your opinion is rude and dangerous. Liking trans women is not “that gay”. I have not had a single gay boy want to date me because I don’t look like a man. I’ve only been chased by men that identify as straight, bi, or some other category that includes being attracted to WOMEN. Trans women are women, period. Do not group us with feminine men or femboys, that is fetishizing.

2) Gender and sex are two different concepts. Gender is purely a social construct, while sex is a title that’s attached to certain biological traits.
Click to expand...
1)Ok! I sincerely apologise. Please forgive me for having rude opinion, i was not aware.
2) As you can see, in my post, i have referred to sex as "biological gender". I feel weird using the word "sex" because I have used the word gender since childhood (remember i grew up in an anti-LGBTQ environment). If referring to gender and sex as the same thing offends y'all, i am happy to change my way of speaking. Id make sure to differ these two words now
 
Last edited:
Ok guys, i feel like I want to "leave" this thread. I just came here tell my story about losing homophobia n transphobia as a straight person, hear the opinions of people who are different than me; so I could better accept change, and live life as a more acceptable person.
I really hope discrimination against LGBTQ+ stops. Bye bye!
 
It's been a little over 2 years since I left smogon. As I've slowly been trying to join again, I've reflected on growing up, and how I went through so many changes being a child while being in the forums. I recently re-discovered this thread and I thought it would be the perfect chance to make a post looking back on my experiences with sexuality, exploring who I was, and how coming out of the closet has changed me, especially still being a minor. Here goes nothing!

Ever since I was a kid, I remember being queer. Queer and fem. It was painfully obvious, yet I didn't know what it was, or that it wasn't "the norm". I remember sneaking my mom's purses or my sister's dolls in my bedroom and playing with them. I remember looking at men in TV, ads, or even clothes shops (the famous "underwear hall" experience) and feeling something, but I never talked about it. I just knew that's how I felt. And so, for many years, I didn't pay mind to it. I didn't know men were allowed to love men, or that men could be feminine.

My parents, on the other hand, always tried to suppress it. They always told me I had "to be a man" when I didn't know what that meant; always made me believe I wanted to "have a wife" and "three children"; asked me if there was "a cute girl at school". To a small degree I've forgiven them, because I know they never meant ill will, but to say it didn't hurt me, looking back, is a lie. A lot of my childhood was shaped the way my parents wanted it to be, and living in a mostly homophobic, third world country, that felt like living in the 1900s, only contributed to feeling helpless about it. Sometimes I wonder how growing up would've been if I knew that the way I felt was completely normal; if I didn't keep asking what was wrong with me for not finding women attractive, or why did the other boys bully me for mannerisms I couldn't control. And so, for many years, I kept gaining conscience about it, and therefore, feeling like I was a mistake.

I think the first time it fully hit me in the face was when a girl confessed she was in love with me, to me, in front of everyone at school - I was so embarrassed. For rejecting her, for not liking her back, for not liking girls at all. I wouldn't say it was traumatic, but it raised the question, for once and for all: "Why have I never liked any girls?" And for the next years, I would only keep going down that rabbit hole.

The earth won't stop spinning and we all gotta move on and keep growing. By this point I was 10 or 11, about to graduate from primary. I've always been oddly self-aware, and this included me acknowledging step by step all of the internalized homophobia I had grown up with. It was only until I met my current best friend that I could slowly let so many things go, one by one. Being exposed to someone who was older, wiser, and in a very clear track for their own sexuality and identity was, to say the least, life changing. To this day I'm insanely thankful for having her in my life; without her, I don't know where I'd be today. She showed me so many things, taught me so many concepts, and got me to open up to her. I remember perfectly the night when I admitted that I could be gay, because I finally knew what it was. It wasn't easy to accept but she was always by my side.

For many years, I felt safe growing with her. We supported each other, shared our small experiences or thoughts, and kept on exploring what seemed like something that was forbidden for many years. I had gained what felt like liberty from my parents to express myself the way I wanted and simply be "the real me", if that makes sense. With it also came a chunk of conscience as a result of being on the internet and not being afraid of finding an answer to my questions. One of my happiest memories, as stupid as it sounds, was creating a gmail account without my mom, because I could make the profile picture a queer fanart I had seen and fell in love with. I felt happy with myself.

This was, of course, until my mom found out.

I've never been the type of person to drown in my feelings or feel depressed, but this is the closest I got to it. My mom went through my discord dms with my best friend, and she knew all about it. What triggered her the most was reading that I had a small "crush" on a boy in my class. It sparked something in her that felt like a mix of fear, anger, disappointment, and sadness. When she told me that she knew, we were in a car trip to a restaurant, because she (and I wish this was a joke) wanted to show me a gay bartender getting harassed in their workplace. She pulled all the cards. "I don't want this life for you", "you're confused and this is just a phase", "you were brainwashed", "this can't be, you like girls", "our family won't approve of this" and many more. We sat in her car for 3 hours as she tried to brainwash me, once again, into thinking I was a mistake and that this, my found identity, was not what I wanted. She forbid me to ever talk to my friend OR the boy ever again and banned discord, showdown, and all social media in the house "until I accepted that it was all a lie", and this was the type of toxic environment I lived in for at least the next 3 years. She thought "the internet made me gay".

Middle school rolled in and it was... weird? This is where the interesting part of my journey begins as I navigated middle and high school. Although I was the youngest in a catholic school in a homophobic town full of bullies that wouldn't hesitate to make fun of me, they never did. Which, being a queer, short, skinny, nerdy, freshman dude, was very surprising. And for that I'm very thankful, because I know not many people had it like me. However, I didn't need any bullies around me; I already had enough problems on my own. Academic pressure was eating me alive, settling in the new environment was as hard as ever, self-esteem at the lowest it had ever been, and even a lack of friends. The cherry on top was, at the end of the day, trying to find happiness and the person I knew I was. I never fully believed my mom; but living in a house where you don't feel safe, don't have privacy, and you can't be yourself is hell on its own. I vividly remember acting "masculine" and "straight" to be able to see my best friend for at least 15 minutes. I felt like a completely different person.

Cue the pandemic. In the weirdest turn of events, things started getting slightly better. I could spend all day locked in my bedroom with my laptop, and no one could tell me to do otherwise as long as homework was done. For the first time in what felt like eternity I had a breakout from all I had went through. I reconnected with all I had lost. So many friends, chatrooms, even dumb stuff like Wattpad or movies I finally picked up again. I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted as long as she didn't knew. And so, for once and for all, I reconnected with myself.

It was odd, to say the least. To think that, finally, it all came to me one day. I was queer. I was a gay man. I was feminine. So what about it? It was a slap in the face in the best way possible. I realized no one would ever be able to take that away. And for as long as the pandemic was in, I felt like myself. It was the real me, at least on the internet. But after so many years, I felt happy about it again.

They say good things don't last forever, but maybe, just maybe, they do. Maybe they get even better.

Once the lockdown was lifted and we returned to school I felt confident, finally. Those years were enough for me to flesh out who I was and what I wanted from life. I learned that no one could take it away; that it wasn't a phase; and to not care about what others would say. "Be happy and be yourself as long as you don't hurt others" was (and is) my motto.

As I mentioned before, though, my experience with school was very interesting. Freshman year was when I learned, people apparently respected me. Looking back, it all made sense: I was the prodigy kid in school ever since I joined back in 2nd grade. Valedictorian, class president, school representative: You name it, I had the charge. Not only this, but my mom was also a sort of "micro-celebrity" in town. So between that and the people that "looked up to me" for "being smart", I guess I was a "popular" kid. It's so weird to talk about it, but it had such a heavy influence in my life that it's impossible not to mention. Nonetheless, this time, finally, I knew there was nothing to lose.

Even though I wasn't open about my sexuality (I had never told anyone about it), I think it was very obvious. And even then, never saw any backlash. Not from my teachers, nor from the classmates. For the next 3 years, not one joke was made. I felt joy. This was the Asdrúbal I wanted to present to the world for so long, and to see that people liked me for who I was and showed support no matter what was, I think, one of the best moments in my life. But all that goes up must come down.

Hands down worst experience I've went through in my life. This one will go down in history books. A lot of who I am today was born from this moment onwards.

To make things simple, I went to a birthday party with my parents, in which one of my friends (who was drunk) ended up kissing me. My parents were humiliated, mad, disappointed... whatever it was, it was enough for them to leave instantly. I didn't wanna go home that night, but I had to. The morning after was probably the worst day ever. We yelled, fought, discussed, and almost got physical for the entirety of that day. I was called slurs, told that I wasn't a member of the family anymore, that I should leave the house, that I should get r*ped, and so many awful things that I can't even list. It hurt immensely to hear it from the people that are supposed to love you the most. My parents fully thought that I was "straight" after so many years, and they were so frustrated that it wasn't true that it became a contest for who could hurt me the most. I got homophobic and transphobic (who knows why) remarks for simply replying back. It hurts having to remember all of it and type it here. This was roughly two years ago now.

For the next week or so, I ran away from home at least twice. And when I came back, I'd lock myself up in my room (most literally) and would only go out to pick up my meal and then instantly go back into it, because being seen for at least 2 seconds was enough for the yelling and fights to pick up again. At one point I felt like I really didn't wanna live anymore. I was wishing that I wouldn't wake up the next day. It was the lowest low ever.

And as much as I'd like to say things got better... Well, they did because it couldn't get worse. A month or so later I sat down with my mom and had a civil conversation for once. She accepted that I was gay (or pretended she did), and I had to explain to her that I, in fact, wouldn't get married or have kids (because of the lack of gay rights in Venezuela). It felt like I owed something to her, because I was raised to believe I did. It was weeks, months of guilt tripping, discussing, and simply not looking at each other.

I fought for it. I fought for myself and for I knew it was worth it. I fought even if it only meant changing the way my parents perceived me, even though the rest of the world would still be the same before or after. Did I ever succeed? Well, 2 years later, it's hard to say. We reached an agreement: They were "okay" with it as long as I didn't a) talk about the subject, b) behave "like a (slur)" at home, and c) bring any boys anywhere near them. So, really, they aren't okay with it, but it is what it is.

Losing even the smallest bit of respect for my parents was definitely the hardest part of this experience, and all of this journey as a whole. I hate living in a home with people that would ditch me for another son without hesitating. I hate not being able to love or see my parents for who they are because of the way they see and treat me. To this day I can't be in the same room as my father for longer than a minute. We don't ever talk. And living like a ghost in your own home with your OWN family is what hurts the most. I still lock myself in my room most, if not, all day. When you're seen as the one that caused all the trouble, and they see themselves as the victims, it's impossible for me to hold any relation with them. I think the "I wish you weren't a part of our family" back then really sealed it. But it's so hard to remain firm and keep my boundary set when I know these are the people that gave birth to me, and to this day, go out every day to pay my bills and feed me. It's such a tough pill to swallow, but what can I do?

The year is 2024, and luckily, things are as good as ever for me. May marked the 2 year benchmark after "officially" coming out to everyone (i.e being public about my sexuality on social media, with my classmates/friends, on public, etc). And to look back on all of these things that happened since I was just a little kid is crazy to me. It's been a hard journey, but I'm most proud of myself for pulling through and still be able to smile.

Coming out was a huge step forward for me to do what I love the most: Raise my voice, fight for justice, and stand up for what's right. Living in the environment I do, I'm as proud as ever to be able to represent the queer community for all the other kids and young people here who feel lost or underrepresented, and even for the people that might've not had a presence during their times. Doing something as small as wearing a gay flag pin to school and educating the people that asked helped a lot, and to know that I could have such an impact on the spaces I live in is like a dream come true.

High school was very sweet. It's when I most felt comfortable with sharing who I was. The fem, queer, nerd, short dude that was still there all the time, but that had nothing to fear now. Not even his own parents. Graduating and preparing for the next big phase of my life, college, is as exciting as ever, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for me, especially moving to a bigger, brand new city.

Of course not everything is perfect, though. I'll still stumble upon an idiot or two that will shout a slur and run or who thinks I'm just a "queer" and nothing else. But, at the end of the day, if so, what's the problem? I had to fight my way up to be where I'm at right now, and I'm so proud of being who I am and standing strong after so many things. The opinion of someone who believes all I am is a gay person doesn't matter. They won't pay my bills after all!!!

I've learned so much about myself in this process. I had questionings, moments to explore, days where I didn't even recognize myself... but at the end of the day, it's still me. And while I still don't know myself from top to bottom, 100%, I'll strive to keep working on myself and building my own best version for the little queer kid that didn't know he would be able of reaching greatness... or at least the point he's at right now.

This ended up being way longer than I thought it'd be. I guess I really had a lot to unpack here. If you read all of this, thank you so much!! I never expected to see myself opening up in such a big platform, but for me, this is a point of closure for another chapter of the journey. It's been a wild ride, and I'm sure it won't slow down anytime soon. Have a nice day :heart:
 
:pmd/wigglytuff:


I’ve noticed this thread was around and felt as if it was a safe space to join in and meet you lovely people. If you don’t know me hello I’m Elvira, I’m the “monotype main” as some know me as. I’ve been around Smogon/Showdown for a little over a decade it feels like.


Recently, I’ve experienced a lot of confusion regarding my gender and orientation. For all I’ve known for years I’ve been addressing myself as TransFeminine. I didn’t think on the subject, I just felt and saw my presence as a friendly face who prefers to be addressed by feminine pronunciations thoroughly.


As of recent I’ve struggled again. Dating back to almost two months ago. And with the week that just passed I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. One I never thought was there. Through months and maybe even years of Gender Dysphoria and many depressive time frames of just flat out questioning who I am and who I wanted to be, I’ve reached my conclusion.

I am a transgender woman. And I feel so happy to finally be able to live my truth and start my journey.
 
dhelmise said:
View attachment 111863

Queer Lunar Ho-Oh, by LifeisDANK ​

What is this thread for?
This thread is somewhere for people to talk about anything LGBTQIA+, or otherwise known as the Queer community. This can be coming out, asking for advice, or talking about Queer issues.

Note that this doesn't mean "no straight cis males/females allowed" but rather people should also be able to ask for advice regarding LGBTQIA+ friends or otherwise participate in the discussion within the thread.

Ground rules:
All site-wide and Cong-specific rules apply, but violations of these two especially will not be tolerated here.
  • No trolling, or flaming: This should be common sense, but these things are counterproductive to healthy discussion. If someone says something you take offense to or otherwise disagree with, respond calmly, control your anger, and don't flame them. Moderators will delete and/or infract people if the situation calls for it (regardless of what side of an argument it happens on).
  • No discrimination: Once again common sense, but people should be able to feel safe in this thread. Discussion about discrimination is fine, but if you start posting anything which actively discriminates against other users (targetted slurs etc.) you will be infracted for it.
  • No derailing with memes: While the occasional meme is alright within reason, steer clear of using them to derail the present discussion, as they tend to undermine the serious discussion that often goes on within this thread. Use Smogoff for posting completely unrelated material.

  • https://discord.gg/jh3GDQx (pride server ran by Eve, Kris)
Users restricted from this thread:
  • Kin+ak (✧∇✧)
Click to expand...
So my fellow trans/nonbinary friends how did you pick your chosen name? Personally I really love Robin from One Piece so that's why I picked her!
 
Account Namr said:
So my fellow trans/nonbinary friends how did you pick your chosen name? Personally I really love Robin from One Piece so that's why I picked her!
Click to expand...
It started out as a bit where everyone in my groupchat changed their usernames to "basic white girl names" like Emily and Sarah (no offense Emily and Sarah) and I just never changed my name from Ashley after that.
 
Account Namr said:
So my fellow trans/nonbinary friends how did you pick your chosen name? Personally I really love Robin from One Piece so that's why I picked her!
Click to expand...
I picked a name that honestly just felt right. One I clicked with. One that felt like me.

Then I realized after picking it that, oh, this is just the name of my favorite character from a game I played in 2015-16, when I was first figuring out my gender identity. I subconsciously associated this character with me being trans. So not only am I a stereotype (named after a fictional character), I fucking Pavlov'd myself into picking my name.

(i still like the name the background is just too funny not to tell)
 
Account Namr said:
So my fellow trans/nonbinary friends how did you pick your chosen name? Personally I really love Robin from One Piece so that's why I picked her!
Click to expand...

I really loved the nickname “Mika”, and was originally going to go with that for a while. When talking to my parents, I asked them “if I had the correct gender marker at brith, what would you have named me”? And they responded with “probably Michaela, since you’d have still been named after your grandfather”. I didn’t want my dead name in my new name, and I loved my nickname, so I decided to go with “Mikayla”, which is what felt the most right!
 
Account Namr said:
So my fellow trans/nonbinary friends how did you pick your chosen name? Personally I really love Robin from One Piece so that's why I picked her!
Click to expand...

have a few diff name stories

before i was rose and was still experimenting with names i actually went by phione. i think we all know what phione is

then i picked rose - no particular reason, seemed pretty

ppl started calling me rosie so i added that as well

i liked botw so i picked mipha as well because i also wanted a unique name to balance out the kinda basic ones

theres a bunch of other names i added that id soon ditch and i would eventually drop rosie as well

next name iirc would be serena, this was picked because of me hyperfixating on the xy anime for a bit there and like she just like me (this ones unused enough that it may be on the chopping block however)

after this i chose violet, no reason, really, again just a pretty name

then because my username on most things was now shadowspussy, i chose the name shadow because i liked it. oddly people dont call me this one more

then someone called me "pussy" and i figured "well if he likes it i have no qualms abt just going by pussy now"

then i dropped mipha cuz ppl hadnt used it in years
 
Account Namr said:
So my fellow trans/nonbinary friends how did you pick your chosen name? Personally I really love Robin from One Piece so that's why I picked her!
Click to expand...
So, flashback to sixth grade for me. It was my first day and my science teacher was beginning to assign seats to everyone. The thing with this classroom was that it was two people per table and it was going to be your tablemate for the entire semester, so this was something I was paying attention to.

Now, the person I sat next to was a girl. And her name? Bella. She was this short half mexican half white girl, and I remember me not liking her much since I found her pretty annoying and not a good worker when it came to group assignments and the like. But, despite that, the name Bella just kind of attached to me in a way. This was before I began to present as a girl online or even really knew what being trans meant, so I did not really know why at the time but even then I thought in my head "wow, Bella is a really really cute name!" (Remember: I did not like this girl at ALL. I just thought the name Bella was cute.)

Fast forward to a few years ago when I came out after like a year of denial, I needed a name to pick for myself. The name Bella came to mind again, and I was like.. wait... thats cute. I like that. I eventually went with it with the plans of it only being a temporary name, but it just has stuck since. At this point, my mind defaults to Bella instead of my deadname now, which I think is a good indicator that its a name thats here to stay.
 
Account Namr said:
So my fellow trans/nonbinary friends how did you pick your chosen name? Personally I really love Robin from One Piece so that's why I picked her!
Click to expand...
1000005041.jpg
 
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