Social LGBTQIA+

Aether · Sep 25, 2024

Not to distract from above but update on this:

Gays will be able to officially marry in Thailand in January (BBC)

Vivaan12 · Sep 25, 2024

1)Ok! I sincerely apologise. Please forgive me for having rude opinion, i was not aware.
2) As you can see, in my post, i have referred to sex as "biological gender". I feel weird using the word "sex" because I have used the word gender since childhood (remember i grew up in an anti-LGBTQ environment). If referring to gender and sex as the same thing offends y'all, i am happy to change my way of speaking. Id make sure to differ these two words now

Vivaan12 · Sep 25, 2024

Ok guys, i feel like I want to "leave" this thread. I just came here tell my story about losing homophobia n transphobia as a straight person, hear the opinions of people who are different than me; so I could better accept change, and live life as a more acceptable person.
I really hope discrimination against LGBTQ+ stops. Bye bye!

wind · Sep 27, 2024

It's been a little over 2 years since I left smogon. As I've slowly been trying to join again, I've reflected on growing up, and how I went through so many changes being a child while being in the forums. I recently re-discovered this thread and I thought it would be the perfect chance to make a post looking back on my experiences with sexuality, exploring who I was, and how coming out of the closet has changed me, especially still being a minor. Here goes nothing!

Ever since I was a kid, I remember being queer. Queer and fem. It was painfully obvious, yet I didn't know what it was, or that it wasn't "the norm". I remember sneaking my mom's purses or my sister's dolls in my bedroom and playing with them. I remember looking at men in TV, ads, or even clothes shops (the famous "underwear hall" experience) and feeling something, but I never talked about it. I just knew that's how I felt. And so, for many years, I didn't pay mind to it. I didn't know men were allowed to love men, or that men could be feminine.

My parents, on the other hand, always tried to suppress it. They always told me I had "to be a man" when I didn't know what that meant; always made me believe I wanted to "have a wife" and "three children"; asked me if there was "a cute girl at school". To a small degree I've forgiven them, because I know they never meant ill will, but to say it didn't hurt me, looking back, is a lie. A lot of my childhood was shaped the way my parents wanted it to be, and living in a mostly homophobic, third world country, that felt like living in the 1900s, only contributed to feeling helpless about it. Sometimes I wonder how growing up would've been if I knew that the way I felt was completely normal; if I didn't keep asking what was wrong with me for not finding women attractive, or why did the other boys bully me for mannerisms I couldn't control. And so, for many years, I kept gaining conscience about it, and therefore, feeling like I was a mistake.

I think the first time it fully hit me in the face was when a girl confessed she was in love with me, to me, in front of everyone at school - I was so embarrassed. For rejecting her, for not liking her back, for not liking girls at all. I wouldn't say it was traumatic, but it raised the question, for once and for all: "Why have I never liked any girls?" And for the next years, I would only keep going down that rabbit hole.

The earth won't stop spinning and we all gotta move on and keep growing. By this point I was 10 or 11, about to graduate from primary. I've always been oddly self-aware, and this included me acknowledging step by step all of the internalized homophobia I had grown up with. It was only until I met my current best friend that I could slowly let so many things go, one by one. Being exposed to someone who was older, wiser, and in a very clear track for their own sexuality and identity was, to say the least, life changing. To this day I'm insanely thankful for having her in my life; without her, I don't know where I'd be today. She showed me so many things, taught me so many concepts, and got me to open up to her. I remember perfectly the night when I admitted that I could be gay, because I finally knew what it was. It wasn't easy to accept but she was always by my side.

For many years, I felt safe growing with her. We supported each other, shared our small experiences or thoughts, and kept on exploring what seemed like something that was forbidden for many years. I had gained what felt like liberty from my parents to express myself the way I wanted and simply be "the real me", if that makes sense. With it also came a chunk of conscience as a result of being on the internet and not being afraid of finding an answer to my questions. One of my happiest memories, as stupid as it sounds, was creating a gmail account without my mom, because I could make the profile picture a queer fanart I had seen and fell in love with. I felt happy with myself.

This was, of course, until my mom found out.

I've never been the type of person to drown in my feelings or feel depressed, but this is the closest I got to it. My mom went through my discord dms with my best friend, and she knew all about it. What triggered her the most was reading that I had a small "crush" on a boy in my class. It sparked something in her that felt like a mix of fear, anger, disappointment, and sadness. When she told me that she knew, we were in a car trip to a restaurant, because she (and I wish this was a joke) wanted to show me a gay bartender getting harassed in their workplace. She pulled all the cards. "I don't want this life for you", "you're confused and this is just a phase", "you were brainwashed", "this can't be, you like girls", "our family won't approve of this" and many more. We sat in her car for 3 hours as she tried to brainwash me, once again, into thinking I was a mistake and that this, my found identity, was not what I wanted. She forbid me to ever talk to my friend OR the boy ever again and banned discord, showdown, and all social media in the house "until I accepted that it was all a lie", and this was the type of toxic environment I lived in for at least the next 3 years. She thought "the internet made me gay".

Middle school rolled in and it was... weird? This is where the interesting part of my journey begins as I navigated middle and high school. Although I was the youngest in a catholic school in a homophobic town full of bullies that wouldn't hesitate to make fun of me, they never did. Which, being a queer, short, skinny, nerdy, freshman dude, was very surprising. And for that I'm very thankful, because I know not many people had it like me. However, I didn't need any bullies around me; I already had enough problems on my own. Academic pressure was eating me alive, settling in the new environment was as hard as ever, self-esteem at the lowest it had ever been, and even a lack of friends. The cherry on top was, at the end of the day, trying to find happiness and the person I knew I was. I never fully believed my mom; but living in a house where you don't feel safe, don't have privacy, and you can't be yourself is hell on its own. I vividly remember acting "masculine" and "straight" to be able to see my best friend for at least 15 minutes. I felt like a completely different person.

Cue the pandemic. In the weirdest turn of events, things started getting slightly better. I could spend all day locked in my bedroom with my laptop, and no one could tell me to do otherwise as long as homework was done. For the first time in what felt like eternity I had a breakout from all I had went through. I reconnected with all I had lost. So many friends, chatrooms, even dumb stuff like Wattpad or movies I finally picked up again. I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted as long as she didn't knew. And so, for once and for all, I reconnected with myself.

It was odd, to say the least. To think that, finally, it all came to me one day. I was queer. I was a gay man. I was feminine. So what about it? It was a slap in the face in the best way possible. I realized no one would ever be able to take that away. And for as long as the pandemic was in, I felt like myself. It was the real me, at least on the internet. But after so many years, I felt happy about it again.

They say good things don't last forever, but maybe, just maybe, they do. Maybe they get even better.

Once the lockdown was lifted and we returned to school I felt confident, finally. Those years were enough for me to flesh out who I was and what I wanted from life. I learned that no one could take it away; that it wasn't a phase; and to not care about what others would say. "Be happy and be yourself as long as you don't hurt others" was (and is) my motto.

As I mentioned before, though, my experience with school was very interesting. Freshman year was when I learned, people apparently respected me. Looking back, it all made sense: I was the prodigy kid in school ever since I joined back in 2nd grade. Valedictorian, class president, school representative: You name it, I had the charge. Not only this, but my mom was also a sort of "micro-celebrity" in town. So between that and the people that "looked up to me" for "being smart", I guess I was a "popular" kid. It's so weird to talk about it, but it had such a heavy influence in my life that it's impossible not to mention. Nonetheless, this time, finally, I knew there was nothing to lose.

Even though I wasn't open about my sexuality (I had never told anyone about it), I think it was very obvious. And even then, never saw any backlash. Not from my teachers, nor from the classmates. For the next 3 years, not one joke was made. I felt joy. This was the Asdrúbal I wanted to present to the world for so long, and to see that people liked me for who I was and showed support no matter what was, I think, one of the best moments in my life. But all that goes up must come down.

Hands down worst experience I've went through in my life. This one will go down in history books. A lot of who I am today was born from this moment onwards.

To make things simple, I went to a birthday party with my parents, in which one of my friends (who was drunk) ended up kissing me. My parents were humiliated, mad, disappointed... whatever it was, it was enough for them to leave instantly. I didn't wanna go home that night, but I had to. The morning after was probably the worst day ever. We yelled, fought, discussed, and almost got physical for the entirety of that day. I was called slurs, told that I wasn't a member of the family anymore, that I should leave the house, that I should get r*ped, and so many awful things that I can't even list. It hurt immensely to hear it from the people that are supposed to love you the most. My parents fully thought that I was "straight" after so many years, and they were so frustrated that it wasn't true that it became a contest for who could hurt me the most. I got homophobic and transphobic (who knows why) remarks for simply replying back. It hurts having to remember all of it and type it here. This was roughly two years ago now.

For the next week or so, I ran away from home at least twice. And when I came back, I'd lock myself up in my room (most literally) and would only go out to pick up my meal and then instantly go back into it, because being seen for at least 2 seconds was enough for the yelling and fights to pick up again. At one point I felt like I really didn't wanna live anymore. I was wishing that I wouldn't wake up the next day. It was the lowest low ever.

And as much as I'd like to say things got better... Well, they did because it couldn't get worse. A month or so later I sat down with my mom and had a civil conversation for once. She accepted that I was gay (or pretended she did), and I had to explain to her that I, in fact, wouldn't get married or have kids (because of the lack of gay rights in Venezuela). It felt like I owed something to her, because I was raised to believe I did. It was weeks, months of guilt tripping, discussing, and simply not looking at each other.

I fought for it. I fought for myself and for I knew it was worth it. I fought even if it only meant changing the way my parents perceived me, even though the rest of the world would still be the same before or after. Did I ever succeed? Well, 2 years later, it's hard to say. We reached an agreement: They were "okay" with it as long as I didn't a) talk about the subject, b) behave "like a (slur)" at home, and c) bring any boys anywhere near them. So, really, they aren't okay with it, but it is what it is.

Losing even the smallest bit of respect for my parents was definitely the hardest part of this experience, and all of this journey as a whole. I hate living in a home with people that would ditch me for another son without hesitating. I hate not being able to love or see my parents for who they are because of the way they see and treat me. To this day I can't be in the same room as my father for longer than a minute. We don't ever talk. And living like a ghost in your own home with your OWN family is what hurts the most. I still lock myself in my room most, if not, all day. When you're seen as the one that caused all the trouble, and they see themselves as the victims, it's impossible for me to hold any relation with them. I think the "I wish you weren't a part of our family" back then really sealed it. But it's so hard to remain firm and keep my boundary set when I know these are the people that gave birth to me, and to this day, go out every day to pay my bills and feed me. It's such a tough pill to swallow, but what can I do?

The year is 2024, and luckily, things are as good as ever for me. May marked the 2 year benchmark after "officially" coming out to everyone (i.e being public about my sexuality on social media, with my classmates/friends, on public, etc). And to look back on all of these things that happened since I was just a little kid is crazy to me. It's been a hard journey, but I'm most proud of myself for pulling through and still be able to smile.

Coming out was a huge step forward for me to do what I love the most: Raise my voice, fight for justice, and stand up for what's right. Living in the environment I do, I'm as proud as ever to be able to represent the queer community for all the other kids and young people here who feel lost or underrepresented, and even for the people that might've not had a presence during their times. Doing something as small as wearing a gay flag pin to school and educating the people that asked helped a lot, and to know that I could have such an impact on the spaces I live in is like a dream come true.

High school was very sweet. It's when I most felt comfortable with sharing who I was. The fem, queer, nerd, short dude that was still there all the time, but that had nothing to fear now. Not even his own parents. Graduating and preparing for the next big phase of my life, college, is as exciting as ever, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for me, especially moving to a bigger, brand new city.

Of course not everything is perfect, though. I'll still stumble upon an idiot or two that will shout a slur and run or who thinks I'm just a "queer" and nothing else. But, at the end of the day, if so, what's the problem? I had to fight my way up to be where I'm at right now, and I'm so proud of being who I am and standing strong after so many things. The opinion of someone who believes all I am is a gay person doesn't matter. They won't pay my bills after all!!!

I've learned so much about myself in this process. I had questionings, moments to explore, days where I didn't even recognize myself... but at the end of the day, it's still me. And while I still don't know myself from top to bottom, 100%, I'll strive to keep working on myself and building my own best version for the little queer kid that didn't know he would be able of reaching greatness... or at least the point he's at right now.

This ended up being way longer than I thought it'd be. I guess I really had a lot to unpack here. If you read all of this, thank you so much!! I never expected to see myself opening up in such a big platform, but for me, this is a point of closure for another chapter of the journey. It's been a wild ride, and I'm sure it won't slow down anytime soon. Have a nice day

Irys · Oct 3, 2024

I’ve noticed this thread was around and felt as if it was a safe space to join in and meet you lovely people. If you don’t know me hello I’m Elvira, I’m the “monotype main” as some know me as. I’ve been around Smogon/Showdown for a little over a decade it feels like.

Recently, I’ve experienced a lot of confusion regarding my gender and orientation. For all I’ve known for years I’ve been addressing myself as TransFeminine. I didn’t think on the subject, I just felt and saw my presence as a friendly face who prefers to be addressed by feminine pronunciations thoroughly.

As of recent I’ve struggled again. Dating back to almost two months ago. And with the week that just passed I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. One I never thought was there. Through months and maybe even years of Gender Dysphoria and many depressive time frames of just flat out questioning who I am and who I wanted to be, I’ve reached my conclusion.

I am a transgender woman. And I feel so happy to finally be able to live my truth and start my journey.

Account Namr · Oct 11, 2024

So my fellow trans/nonbinary friends how did you pick your chosen name? Personally I really love Robin from One Piece so that's why I picked her!

Stories · Oct 11, 2024

It started out as a bit where everyone in my groupchat changed their usernames to "basic white girl names" like Emily and Sarah (no offense Emily and Sarah) and I just never changed my name from Ashley after that.

BIG ASHLEY · Oct 11, 2024

fym basic

Jumpheart · Oct 11, 2024

I picked a name that honestly just felt right. One I clicked with. One that felt like me.

Then I realized after picking it that, oh, this is just the name of my favorite character from a game I played in 2015-16, when I was first figuring out my gender identity. I subconsciously associated this character with me being trans. So not only am I a stereotype (named after a fictional character), I fucking Pavlov'd myself into picking my name.

(i still like the name the background is just too funny not to tell)

woodgoldtwo · Oct 12, 2024

I was just thinking of various names lying in bed trying to sleep one night and when I was considering Emily the name Evelyn popped into my head and I instantly took a liking to it, I just feel like it really fits me

Style_Dota · Oct 12, 2024

I really loved the nickname “Mika”, and was originally going to go with that for a while. When talking to my parents, I asked them “if I had the correct gender marker at brith, what would you have named me”? And they responded with “probably Michaela, since you’d have still been named after your grandfather”. I didn’t want my dead name in my new name, and I loved my nickname, so I decided to go with “Mikayla”, which is what felt the most right!

jawsome274 · Oct 12, 2024

have a few diff name stories

before i was rose and was still experimenting with names i actually went by phione. i think we all know what phione is

then i picked rose - no particular reason, seemed pretty

ppl started calling me rosie so i added that as well

i liked botw so i picked mipha as well because i also wanted a unique name to balance out the kinda basic ones

theres a bunch of other names i added that id soon ditch and i would eventually drop rosie as well

next name iirc would be serena, this was picked because of me hyperfixating on the xy anime for a bit there and like she just like me (this ones unused enough that it may be on the chopping block however)

after this i chose violet, no reason, really, again just a pretty name

then because my username on most things was now shadowspussy, i chose the name shadow because i liked it. oddly people dont call me this one more

then someone called me "pussy" and i figured "well if he likes it i have no qualms abt just going by pussy now"

then i dropped mipha cuz ppl hadnt used it in years

Bella · Oct 14, 2024

So, flashback to sixth grade for me. It was my first day and my science teacher was beginning to assign seats to everyone. The thing with this classroom was that it was two people per table and it was going to be your tablemate for the entire semester, so this was something I was paying attention to.

Now, the person I sat next to was a girl. And her name? Bella. She was this short half mexican half white girl, and I remember me not liking her much since I found her pretty annoying and not a good worker when it came to group assignments and the like. But, despite that, the name Bella just kind of attached to me in a way. This was before I began to present as a girl online or even really knew what being trans meant, so I did not really know why at the time but even then I thought in my head "wow, Bella is a really really cute name!" (Remember: I did not like this girl at ALL. I just thought the name Bella was cute.)

Fast forward to a few years ago when I came out after like a year of denial, I needed a name to pick for myself. The name Bella came to mind again, and I was like.. wait... thats cute. I like that. I eventually went with it with the plans of it only being a temporary name, but it just has stuck since. At this point, my mind defaults to Bella instead of my deadname now, which I think is a good indicator that its a name thats here to stay.

April · Oct 14, 2024

uppa · Oct 14, 2024

ngl i genuinely have no recollection of picking my name. it feels like i woke up like a matrix pod person and was just May

Zcarlett · Oct 14, 2024

baby names site

cheru · Oct 14, 2024

After years of denial, I figured I finally was trans. Was struggling with a name, but I knew my mother like the name Jasmine. I looked at what the name meant (gift from god) and that’s exactaly what I wanted.

ryo yamada2001 · Oct 15, 2024

same experience verbatim down to the name

Ren · Oct 15, 2024

I missed the conversation on growing out of homophobia while it was happening but I did want to share that as a kid I was raised to be a homophobe and now I'm a raging guy kisser who has a private twitter with 5 of my closest friends chronicling every single thing the guy I've liked on and off for 4 years does. Growth

Speaking of which (and some of you may already know this)...

homoromantic* turns out I was also a victim of comphet (compulsive heterosexuality for any lurkers who don't know what the term means and may be too shy to ask) as a kid. Still asexual, though.

For the longest time I was afraid to "change" my labels - I felt like once I picked something, I had to stick to it or else I'd be accused of lying? Or people would be like "oh so you can't decide" or something?

In my case it wasn't really changing labels, but rather discovering more about who I've been all along. There were times where I'd say I thought an actress looked pretty which was purely me admiring her style with absolutely no attraction present whatsoever, and that'd be used as a case of me liking a girl. At the time, it'd confuse me a lot because I didn't actually experience any attraction - I just genuinely did think the actress looked good, but I thought that was the case for everyone else because it'd be presented to me as such. And, well, it'd be the case for actors as well and there'd still be absolutely no sexual attraction there. I don't find them hot, I find them beautiful. I think their style looks good, but I'm not attracted to them. I wouldn't wanna date them solely because of their looks, but I'd be open to grabbing a coffee with them so we can talk about life or going to the mall so we can talk wardrobes. But if I talked to someone and they seemed nice, I'd absolutely be open to pursuing a romantic relationship with them (although it's unlikely, considering how long I've liked this one guy for).

Just because that was the case for me doesn't mean it has to be the case for you. Just because learning that I was still seeing my life through a comphet lens doesn't mean that's the only reason that exists for changing labels - sexuality is fluid, and I want to tell anyone who's reading this that if you feel like your attraction has changed, then you're valid for that. And if you don't feel like your attraction has changed, that's cool too. Labels are labels, and they can be immensely helpful for us to describe ourselves, but we define our labels - they don't define us. Your journey's your own, and someone changing their labels three times in a month is just as valid as someone who's known who they are all along. I'm putting this here both as a disclaimer that my story doesn't have to speak for anyone else's experience, but also because I feel like both people who are queer and people who are allys can often (unintentionally) influence someone into thinking a label fits them when it doesn't. After all, it's what happened with me. And that isn't always done with ill intent - I don't hold any grudges against the people who helped me figure out who I was, because they're good people and we're all growing up in a world where comphet is very much a thing that influences all of our ways of thinking and existing. But no matter how long it takes for you to figure out what labels you prefer, or if you prefer labels at all (unlabelled homies I see you and love you), you're valid.

Anyway, tl;dr: hi Smogon! I'm Ren and I'm from this country.

Robyn · Oct 15, 2024

i mean you all will probably never guess mine………. totally….

i was like. Shit. need a name i guess. this one works. a little over 5 years later and it’s on my IDs now. still works. I wanted something that didnt end with an “ee” sound, wasn’t stereotypical, would feel fine when im 35, and didnt have a million dumb nicknames. that’s my advice to the people in this thread, think about the future too.

Wesleyy · Oct 15, 2024

emily is a sick name

Chlora · Oct 15, 2024

its kinda embarassing but there was someone i used to talk to who i really looked up to whose name was based on a certain mineral, so after i kind of had made peace w my thoughts and resolutions some time after we stopped talking, which sparked it i think, i decided to name myself with a similar inspiration to signify my growth (but i kind of was already looking for something else to go by)... i just page hopped wikipedia until i found a mineral of the same family whose name would feel right. i arrived at chlorapathite, and really liked it :)
i've never really been able to describe it, but i've always thought it was kinda corny to do... and kind of arrogant? whatever, it's been many years now, i really like the name except when People Ask Questions (namely irl)

Maris Bonibell · Oct 16, 2024

When I figured out for sure that I am a woman, I had two names in mind for myself and couldn't decide on either, so I told all of my friends to use either Maris or Bonibelle depending on which one they liked more. And Maris won by a LOT.

I have no idea where I got the name Maris from. I just remembered one of my characters had the name, so when i thought about her i went "this name is literally just me" and took it for myself. I just knew! Bonibelle I just took from the adventure time lesbian, teehee

I ended up deciding to use Maris for my first name and Bonibelle as the second name, so i truly ended up with both of them in the end. To this day, 3 years later i still love my own name. So much euphoria comes to me when i hear people using it. I wouldn't change it for anything.

Leeto64 · Oct 16, 2024

Can I say that i second this? i've been looking at baby name websites and so far none have particularly clicked intensely with me so far, only very subtly or slightly as "yes this could be nice maybe". I'm grateful this topic is growing a bit here, this made me think of someting and I hope it's not too derailing.

How important you all would say that the name you choose matches your ethnicity or culture? I ask this not for me but my good friend who has for a long time struggled to find a good given name for themself, they're deep into the nonbinary spectrum and I think would prefer gender neutral to very slightly masculine names, and they once brought up that they wouldn't feel good taking names that match a culture or country they lack ancestry from, while their actual ancestries (Brazilian and italian) both have a severe lack of gender neutral names.

I agree that it'd be awkward if not potentially "culturally apropriating" to, say, be a south american with a japanese name when you have no connection to asian ethnicity at all, but I don't particularly feel it'd be too awful to pick a name from a country that I have only slight "ancestrality" to (I'm part spanish, but i personally don't think i'd relate to either typical portuguese or spanish names at all)

zinnias · Oct 18, 2024

Stole it from someone on discord that I had an argument with

Social LGBTQIA+

Aether

Vivaan12

Vivaan12

wind

no mary, all madonna

Irys

formerly Elvira

Account Namr

Stories

you my orange soda shawty

BIG ASHLEY

brain like a hurricane

Jumpheart

solomods apologist

woodgoldtwo

Style_Dota

Bloo Wannabe

jawsome274

Bella

I'm so awful

April

Bury the dead where they're found

uppa

clippy profile pic

Zcarlett

If you start walking, then I'll start walking

cheru

xxxnoneya

ryo yamada2001

ryo yamada2001

Ren

and, baby, that’s show business for you.

Robyn

Wesleyy

Chlora

Maris Bonibell

Leeto64

zinnias

Formerly down, but now I’m up