Jealousy

Kristy Haruka

I know everyone has experienced this emotion... but I think its like taking over me these past few days. I always had a crush on this boy at my school. He's literally perfect in every single way... He's good at sports, he's the top of our class, everything! So, like everyone does, I decide to talk to him.

Well, that was a year ago, and we are still close friends (I don't think we could be anything more since I was the ex gf of his old friend)... and I still have a crush on him. The bad news is... He keeps telling me about this girl who happens to be one of my best friends that he likes her. He thinks that she's perfect in everyway and I am sick of him talking about her all the time.

My jealousy finally took over and I became extremely mean to her these past few days. I don't know why... I'm such an evil person! Just looking at her makes me watch to punch her... What should I do to solve my problem? Has anyone ever experienced this or done anything like this?
 
A crush over a year? I think you need to be more aggressive if you really want to be with this guy. He sounds like a good catch and I am sure you are not the only girl thinking this.

The jealousy is only natural but it should never have to overwhelm you. Maybe its time you do something about the boy?
 
Ike and Tina said:
A crush over a year? I think you need to be more aggressive if you really want to be with this guy. He sounds like a good catch and I am sure you are not the only girl thinking this.

The jealousy is only natural but it should never have to overwhelm you. Maybe its time you do something about the boy?
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Trust me I'm one in a hundred! XD I can't be aggressive because like I said I don't think he thinks of me anymore than another friend.

And I don't know why I feel this way... I am not a bad person its just that her being my best friend just makes me so angry...
 
The only thing you can really do is stop being passive about it and confront him about it. It sounds really stupid and somewhat cliche, but trust me, guys like it better if you just use the direct method.

You'll also find out quicker instead of drawing it out.

(A year...?)

edit
np: hey jealousy- gin blossoms :P
 
Just a case of "girl can't get boy so girl goes crazy until she gets boy then forgets boy".

I say, grow up, this is tweenie bs.

Good at sports and the top of the class? Doesn't sound like he would do a damn thing to help in the kitchen to me. Certainly wouldn't be making no toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich for you, he'd be too egotistical.

Girls seriously don't know how to pick dudes. They totally ignore and neglect the majority and go after the most academic, or the strongest, or the richest, etc.

Can't think past their own face.


Edit:

And yes, guys love the direct method. I am a very direct person, as you can see. The last thing I want is whining, flailing, whailing, or bailing. Basically, no petty mind games.
 
TrainerSJ said:
Good at sports and the top of the class? Doesn't sound like he would do a damn thing to help in the kitchen to me. Certainly wouldn't be making no toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich for you, he'd be too egotistical.
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Harsh. If you're going to be all cynical like that, you may as well pull a 4chan and tell OP to get back in the kitchen... =/

OP needs help, and if you're not going to help, you may as well get the fuck out of the thread.
 
SirRaven said:
Harsh. If you're going to be all cynical like that, you may as well pull a 4chan and tell OP to get back in the kitchen... =/

OP needs help, and if you're not going to help, you may as well get the fuck out of the thread.
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It is a suggestion, imagine if she thought about someone else with these feelings and didn't concern herself with someone that doesn't care for her? She wouldn't be in this situation, don't be a troll.

Besides, most of the time the game is just a chasing game anyway. When she goes off and finds interest in something else or no one at all and just is happy day to day with herself, maybe said *dude* will want to be with her instead of this other chick. Maybe the *dude* likes the other chick because she isn't freaking out about him but instead playing the little game I just mentioned? Running, chasing, thats all it is.

This is just hindsight from personal experience with relationships. When you chase someone, they run, when you run, they chase you. Or if the situation and the pair just isn't right, both parties run either direction, very quickly.
 
TrainerSJ said:
It is a suggestion, imagine if she thought about someone else with these feelings and didn't concern herself with someone that doesn't care for her? She wouldn't be in this situation, don't be a troll.

Besides, most of the time the game is just a chasing game anyway. When she goes off and finds interest in something else or no one at all and just is happy day to day with herself, maybe said *dude* will want to be with her instead of this other chick. Maybe the *dude* likes the other chick because she isn't freaking out about him but instead playing the little game I just mentioned? Running, chasing, thats all it is.

This is just hindsight from personal experience with relationships. When you chase someone, they run, when you run, they chase you. Or if the situation and the pair just isn't right, both parties run either direction, very quickly.
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See, you could have just said that in the first place.

And I wasn't trolling lol, just trying to keep the thread from getting infested by actual trolls.
 
Talk to your best friend.
Don't let a guy come between you and her.
My two cents.
By the way, does she know how you feel about the dude?
 
Well I never am a troll I am just a very dark and soured person. Many bad experiences in this state that I live in. So yes, I may come off very direct and not very sympathetic (for anything relating to earthlings). I try to help, but usually get flamed in the process.

But yeah I know what it is like when you try to tell someone not to let chicks (or guys - for the girls) to get in the way of friendships, then those people you told backstab you to go get the action without you.
 
I suggest you get him drunk and aim him towards the bedroom (any flat surface will do). not a joke, it's my pulling technique. worked EVERY TIME.
 
TrainerSJ said:
Girls seriously don't know how to pick dudes. They totally ignore and neglect the majority and go after the most academic, or the strongest, or the richest, etc.
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Of course people are going to go for the best. Why would someone want mediocre if they believe they can get better? That's the whole point of being the best!
 
Well, it sounds harsh, but since everyone is going for him I think you should just tell him in a private place. Not over the phone, not over shitty MSN or E-mail, just tell him.
The other way:
Because of our nature, humans are more likely to agree to something when you ask for small favors. So, start simple. For example, if I wanted somebody to do something ridiculous, in this case, wear a goofy costume for advertising Broadway, I would start by asking them to wear a cap, advertising Broadway. If the person agrees to that, tomorrow, or maybe even immediately afterwards, I would ask them to wear a T-shirt, advertising Broadway. Now, I can ask them to wear the goofy costume!
Basically, start with small favors, and get bigger, until you ask him out. He will think it is OK because you were friends for a while now. He is available!
 
Kristy Haruka said:
I know everyone has experienced this emotion... but I think its like taking over me these past few days. I always had a crush on this boy at my school. He's literally perfect in every single way... He's good at sports, he's the top of our class, everything! So, like everyone does, I decide to talk to him.

Well, that was a year ago, and we are still close friends (I don't think we could be anything more since I was the ex gf of his old friend)... and I still have a crush on him. The bad news is... He keeps telling me about this girl who happens to be one of my best friends that he likes her. He thinks that she's perfect in everyway and I am sick of him talking about her all the time.

My jealousy finally took over and I became extremely mean to her these past few days. I don't know why... I'm such an evil person! Just looking at her makes me watch to punch her... What should I do to solve my problem? Has anyone ever experienced this or done anything like this?
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You need to grow the fuck up and not be such a self-centered little bitch. You cannot be jealous of something that you are too scared to happen. You have a "crush" on him. It means nothing to him. You are only doing this for yourself, you are not even considering how he feels. The only reason you could be jealous is because you are a spoiled little brat.

And look up the Ladder Theory.

<3 Janenmori

p.s. if you are offended and deny this, you are proving my point.
 
akuchi said:
I suggest you get him drunk and aim him towards the bedroom (any flat surface will do). not a joke, it's my pulling technique. worked EVERY TIME.
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Meh, actually when you really love someone is not because you want to have a screw with them. Your tip won't help her, since it will make the boy run away from her (even if they get laid he will feel bad after it).

The way I see it, you should give it a shoot. Try to make him mad about you, and if he refuses you, then I'm sorry (you have at least tried). But don't be mean to your friend, because you may also lose her.
 
Spaniard said:
Meh, actually when you really love someone is not because you want to have a screw with them. Your tip won't help her, since it will make the boy run away from her (even if they get laid he will feel bad after it).

The way I see it, you should give it a shoot. Try to make him mad about you, and if he refuses you, then I'm sorry (you have at least tried). But don't be mean to your friend, because you may also lose her.
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How is he gonna feel bad after it? unless he can't last or other shit there's no reason to feel bad.
 
oh, I'm not saying "get drunk and screw" (though go for it by all means), I'm saying "get drunk, lie down and have a cuddle with them, and tell them how you feel". in vino veritas, my dears..
 
From my personal experience:

I've been with a few girls for just a night, and of course it was great. But the next day you feel like you have used them simply to have fun, and that kills you relationship with that person 100%. But I've never ever felt better than those times I've had relationships were I got really interested in a girl.

That's very special, because you don't rush things, you discover the other person, you learn to love them, you share magic, you enjoy every second, and when you are ready and only then, the first kiss you share with that person will be grand, much better than sex.
 
Spaniard said:
the first kiss you share with that person will be grand, much better than sex.
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Rofl

Anywho, I've put up with this sort of shit and the best thing for you to do, Kristy, is to try let it go. I'm sure you'll find someone else and forget him in no time flat. If you try to win him over you'll most likely fuck up your relationship with your friend and this dude.

Oh, and don't tell him lies and shit like "she has clamidia" or something. You'll get the urge to, but trust me, don't.
 
If you don't tell him he's never going to know...and judging by your post, Kristy, you aren't even hinting. While guys are a bit more oblivious to this sort of stuff than girls it's not like they don't have their own bag of tricks. The easiest thing to get girls to like you (even girls you don't particularly care about being in a relationship with) is to talk about other girls. Not that I'm saying your "perfect guy" is doing that but it is a possibility. Unless, you're his absolute best friend (or best person he can confide in) and he is completely devoted to your friend he wouldn't have told you that he liked her. Unless he lacks a lot of confidence and wants your help...though that does not really seem like something that would happen to said "perfect guy". Well at least that's how it works for most of us.

I'm with Spaniard on this one though to be sure I'm being way optimistic. For any guy to have not made a move by now they are either not interested or have very low self esteem. I'm betting on the former, from your description of him, but you'll never know if you don't try.

Further, think about if it is possible for you to just be friends with him. If that's a no then you've really got no choice but to tell him. Do it with style obviously. Though on a side note...most guys can't be very good friends with a girl they are even remotely physically attracted to without at least entertaining the idea of going further. If you read through all of this you may have realized I'm not actually taking much of a stand...figure out where you fall and make your decision, the people replying obviously don't have enough information to make a very educated call and no matter how much you post they won't ever have nearly as much information as you do. You should remember that the current quality of your and his relationship isn't going to go down if you tell him you like him...after all you're not quite satisfied with just being his friend right?

Edit: On the subject of your best friend...is she aware he likes her? Also, how old are you?
 
Firstly, Talk to your friend about it. Don't let some guy get between you and your best friend. So your best bet would be to probably ask her about the guy and see her feelings about him.

If she does like him... Well, it's time you moved on from this guy. Settle for being friends, and find someone else. Would you destroy someone else's happiness because you didn't get your own "happy ending"? If he doesn't have the same feelings for you, and she doesn't like him... Well, there is nothing any of you can really do.

He probably doesn't have feelings for you (sorry?) so, move on to someone else, and let him be happy.
 
lol i know the feeling. i've had many crushes, many longer than a year. let me tell you though, you can't let that jealousy take hold of you. it's not your friend's fault, in fact, no one's done anything wrong. if it's gonna happen, it'll happen just don't sacrifice a friendship for it. it's not worth it. stay logical ya know?
 
Thanks for the replies guys! I really like husk and Spaniards... but I just don't think he likes me... and wouldn't it be awkward to tell him even when he likes my friend (btw I can't tell her either because they are both my friends and I don't tell my secrets)? I think you guys are right that I should account for his feelings, though. I'm sure I'll get over him if he turns out to like my friend.. XD;

And I've had a boyfriend before and it lasted really long, but I ended up using him a lot and he got really mad at me. I don't want that to happen again and maybe I should develop more relationship skills (as in not making him make me his princess)...

@akuchi: Sorry I'm underrage. O_O

Oh, and I'm 16. o.o;
 
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