Sincerity x Offense

[Mimas]

"Be honest with yourself, reflect on yourself and what you think, see if you understand the world and what it builds."

I believe that all or most of the people I know, and perhaps the whole world, prefer that we be truthful and sincere with them about everything. Me, for example, rely on sincerity with my opinions about a friend's clothing, about my opinion of someone, about Smogon for example, saying what is good and what is bad for you, does not make you a monster. Often too much sincerity can become an offense to anyone who will receive criticism, after all, if you are a real friend, you would never want to leave someone near you sad, even more so by something you said.
Me, through this thread, would like to discuss this question: how much longer should we be honest so that there is no offense to someone?

Sorry my English, a long of time that I didn't practice or talked with someone in English! :')

 

[Flare]

I have always believed that, when someone who's been knowing you for a while and cares about you, suddenly comes with something that for you might be too much to digest or that might be shocking, is probably because that someone is showing you how much you mean to them by trying to make you reflect upon something that could be harmful to you, to other people, or both. In the end, it's up to the person who receives said advice or criticism to decide if what they are being told is good or bad to them.

This is just a very very brief thinking that I have, it can go way deeper than that.

 

[Mimas]

I have always believed that, when someone who's been knowing you for a while and cares about you, suddenly comes with something that for you might be too much to digest or that might be shocking, is probably because that someone is showing you how much you mean to them by trying to make you reflect upon something that could be harmful to you, to other people, or both. In the end, it's up to the person who receives said advice or criticism to decide if what they are being told is good or bad to them.

This is just a very very brief thinking that I have, it can go way deeper than that.

I understood your positioning. I just believe the most important thing would not be the message, but the way it was said or shown. We can say something offensive in a less aggressive way, so this shock you mentioned isn't so big.

 

[Machoke]

I think this topic is pretty interesting and there could be a lot of good discussions from it. There are a lot of variables to this so I'll put in some of my two cents.
I think in general it's good practice to be honest as much as possible, and I try to do that with all interactions I have with people. Honesty goes a long way, and is more productive than lying, even if it hurts sometimes.
That said, I think it is good to try and minimize hurting others in the interactions you have with them. This comes a lot with how you deliver your message.
I'll use a pokemon example since this is, after all, a pokemon forum. Let's say I 6 - 0 my friend in a pokemon battle and her team could use a lot of work. When she asks for advice, I decide to tell her the truth - her team indeed needs work. But how I choose to do this will be a factor in determining how hurt she is. If I say "Lol your team sucks. Get good." she will probably be more hurt than if I say "Well, your team is lacking synergy because of XYZ" and lead her in the right direction.

Also, it's good to choose the times when we must be truthful and it will hurt people.
For example: My friend Mark's grandmother just died but he doesn't know. By telling him the truth, he will inevitably be hurt. I choose to do so, however, because he has a right to know.
This is a more vital situation than let's say insulting someone because you do not like their shirt. Not liking someone's shirt is an opinion and it's not really important for you to tell the truth in that situation most likely.

Something I find is that if you enter conversations with good faith and a desire to understand and be understood, you will rarely offend others. The most offense I see is when people intentionally try to offend others by saying inflammatory, non-constructive things in the guise of "brutal honesty."

Brutal honesty is lazy. For the best communication to occur, I think we need to communicate with good intentions, respect, and think about what we say before we speak. We can still say the truth, just in the best possible way.

 

[Ashaebi]

Obviously you need to look at the situation in order to find the optimal balance between how to be honest with your wordings without accidentally 'offending' someone but the term 'offending' itself as of 2019 to me has completely lost its meaning because in an extremely politically correct environment even here in Australia it is almost impossible to say something without accidentally 'offending' someone which is extremely ridiculous and cringy if you ask me.

My answer is when communicating with others regardless to whom it may be, be direct on what you are trying to communicate without trying to 'water down' your point of view for the sake of your point being easier to 'swallow' if you know what I mean. If the opposition doesn't have the emotional quotient to tolerate it, swallow it or digest it and they get extremely irritated/offended to the point they want to cut ties with you, let them go. If there's one thing God taught me (or nature/life if you're not a theist) is the correct people will come into your life because whom you are, what principles and values you hold and that you don't have to deliberately speak your words in a way that is better for others to hear.

Good Luck with your future endeavours in life. God Bless

 

[Mimas]

I think this topic is pretty interesting and there could be a lot of good discussions from it. There are a lot of variables to this so I'll put in some of my two cents.
I think in general it's good practice to be honest as much as possible, and I try to do that with all interactions I have with people. Honesty goes a long way, and is more productive than lying, even if it hurts sometimes.
That said, I think it is good to try and minimize hurting others in the interactions you have with them. This comes a lot with how you deliver your message.
I'll use a pokemon example since this is, after all, a pokemon forum. Let's say I 6 - 0 my friend in a pokemon battle and her team could use a lot of work. When she asks for advice, I decide to tell her the truth - her team indeed needs work. But how I choose to do this will be a factor in determining how hurt she is. If I say "Lol your team sucks. Get good." she will probably be more hurt than if I say "Well, your team is lacking synergy because of XYZ" and lead her in the right direction.

Also, it's good to choose the times when we must be truthful and it will hurt people.
For example: My friend Mark's grandmother just died but he doesn't know. By telling him the truth, he will inevitably be hurt. I choose to do so, however, because he has a right to know.
This is a more vital situation than let's say insulting someone because you do not like their shirt. Not liking someone's shirt is an opinion and it's not really important for you to tell the truth in that situation most likely.

Something I find is that if you enter conversations with good faith and a desire to understand and be understood, you will rarely offend others. The most offense I see is when people intentionally try to offend others by saying inflammatory, non-constructive things in the guise of "brutal honesty."

Brutal honesty is lazy. For the best communication to occur, I think we need to communicate with good intentions, respect, and think about what we say before we speak. We can still say the truth, just in the best possible way.

You had an incredible argument! I really agree with your comment. Well, the people need to take care about their personalities also and take a control with the jokes, they way you tell your opinion to others. These small things get bigger and the respect will continue present.

 

[Mimas]

Obviously you need to look at the situation in order to find the optimal balance between how to be honest with your wordings without accidentally 'offending' someone but the term 'offending' itself as of 2019 to me has completely lost its meaning because in an extremely politically correct environment even here in Australia it is almost impossible to say something without accidentally 'offending' someone which is extremely ridiculous and cringy if you ask me.

My answer is when communicating with others regardless to whom it may be, be direct on what you are trying to communicate without trying to 'water down' your point of view for the sake of your point being easier to 'swallow' if you know what I mean. If the opposition doesn't have the emotional quotient to tolerate it, swallow it or digest it and they get extremely irritated/offended to the point they want to cut ties with you, let them go. If there's one thing God taught me (or nature/life if you're not a theist) is the correct people will come into your life because whom you are, what principles and values you hold and that you don't have to deliberately speak your words in a way that is better for others to hear.

Good Luck with your future endeavours in life. God Bless

Yes! It still has the question that some people have a greater sensitivity and a more fragile emotional, I am one of these people. Often for those who gave the opinion there was no rudeness on their part, but other people can see otherwise.

 

[Princess Bubblegum]

Humans are annoying creatures, if you are blunt with them they can tune you out completely in defense, or you can hurt them, and if you are too careful, you can fail to really communicate with them and come off as patronizing. Its one of those areas where you need to fuck up 100 times socially to get a vague understanding of how humans work and be ok, you have to get use to failure or else you will never improve.

For me, I got stuck in a trap a while back where I realized I was hurting people with bluntness, but I also need to constantly socially engage or else I loose the momentum of human social interaction and it all alludes me (and my mental health goes down the toilet), its part of the strife of existence, all you can do is try you best.

 

[Ashaebi]

Yes! It still has the question that some people have a greater sensitivity and a more fragile emotional, I am one of these people. Often for those who gave the opinion there was no rudeness on their part, but other people can see otherwise.

I believe often times people have a false expectation of their surroundings that what you here will always be the words you want to hear or something that you can easily tolerant or swallow but this couldn't be further from the truth. You WILL bump into people that have different views, principles and beliefs regarding various topics especially political ones and without doubt some will hold views that you simply loathe with a fiery passion. You WILL receive criticism regardless if you feel they are justified or not sooner or later regardless if it is in the workplace, with family, in school or some other community/society. Earth unfortunately isn't heaven, it's a brutal and merciless planet we live on.

Despite all of this I do sincerely believe there is a way to increase the emotional tolerance threshold and ultimately a higher emotional quotient is this - be grateful and thankful to those who give you a sincere positive complement (and not just downright flattery) as frequently as possible and understand that you are NOT ENTITLED to receive any. That way people will understand that all the things you agree with or the positive complements/feedback you receive are a kind of 'blessing' and thus cherish those moments and not take them for granted. That way when you do hear views and words you don't want to hear including criticism, you'd understand that they too are simply a part of life and not something you can truly avoid no matter how hard you try. That way, you are a lot less likely to take 'offense' to them.

 

[internet]

Call a damn ambulance im having a stroke aaaaaaaa

 

[Mimas]

Humans are annoying creatures, if you are blunt with them they can tune you out completely in defense, or you can hurt them, and if you are too careful, you can fail to really communicate with them and come off as patronizing. Its one of those areas where you need to fuck up 100 times socially to get a vague understanding of how humans work and be ok, you have to get use to failure or else you will never improve.

For me, I got stuck in a trap a while back where I realized I was hurting people with bluntness, but I also need to constantly socially engage or else I loose the momentum of human social interaction and it all alludes me (and my mental health goes down the toilet), its part of the strife of existence, all you can do is try you best.

Yes, exactly. Also, everyone have a different personality, and we need to change the way we talk with the people because of that. It's quite delicated.