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A serious response to "RBY OU - Patching 1/256 + Recoveries Misses" in Policy Review

phoopes

phoopes

I did it again
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Heroic Troller

What the fuck did you just fucking say about RBY, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Battling 101, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Serebii, and I have over 300 confirmed tournament wins. I am trained in stall warfare and I’m the top ladder player in the entire US. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before (256/256) on Pokemon Showdown, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about RBY over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of tournament directors across the USA and your teams are being Pokepasted right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your battling career. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can battle anywhere, anytime (no johns), and I can hax you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just in RBY OU. Not only am I extensively trained in Pokemon battles, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the RBY Council's teams and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this website, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking meme'd, kiddo.
 
Heroic Troller said:
:fukyu::puff:
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Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plague von Karma The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the newgenners would tell you. It’s a genwunner legend. Darth Plague von Karma was a Dark Lord of the genwunners, so powerful and so wise she could use hax to influence the RNG to create critical hits… She had such a knowledge of the RBY disassembly that she could even keep the Pokemon she cared about from fainting. The RBY disassembly is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. She became so powerful… the only thing she was afraid of was losing her power, which eventually, of course, she did. Unfortunately, she taught her apprentice everything she knew, then her apprentice OHKOed her in her sleep. Ironic. She could save others from fainting, but not herself.
 
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand RBY. The game is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of the mechanics most of the match will go over a typical player's head. There's also Hipmonlee's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from the Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these mechanics, to realize that they're not just broken- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike RBY truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Hip's existencial catchphrase "oh fuck my Explosion 1/256 missed," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Satoshi Tajiri's genius unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools... how I pity them. And yes by the way, I DO have an RBY tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.
 
I sexually Identify as a RBY Whiner. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over Kanto dropping hot sticky 100% accurate moves on disgusting genwunners. People say to me that a person being a whiner is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install modern gen mechanics, 30 mm tear cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire keyboards on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Little Bitch Boy” and respect my right to hit every SelfDestruct I click and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re an accuracyphobe and need to check your uncompetitive privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
 
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