I asked Lasen for an autograph at a party. He squeezed my lips and said, “Shh. Not clutch." I apologized. He said, "remember that time in high school I farted in class?” I said, “oh yeah?” He gazed into the stars. He said, “that fart is still there, bro. It’s still fucking there.”
Lasen told me, "you're a prodigy and a tender young child." I was born in 1983 and was raised by Lasen after he killed my parents in a car crash. He told me “If it makes you feel better, I will win a trophy for you. You're not that good at Pokemon and your parents aren’t coming back.”
I met Lasen at a tattoo parlor. He wanted to get a tattoo on his brain, but the artist said that it would kill him. Lasen said “you don’t know shit about art” and slapped him on the ass. The artist started crying. Lasen said, "Please stop, you're ugly when you cry."