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KNIFE FIGHT (okay maybe some johns allowed) (insert knife emoji here)

KNIFE FIGHT KNIFE FIGHT KNIFE FIGHT
FINALS FINALS FINALS FINALS FINALS

The two most dangerous knife fighters remain.

phoopes vs Blizihguh
winner announcement here

no deadline but if you don't get this done in a timely manner (e.g. less than 10 months or whatever the last one was) I'm going to replace you two with clem and bestdatrix
if you do something that allows spectators then post the time of your battle in this thread

batalhar!
 
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phoopes We've already squared off in the SmogOFF DOOM thread so the natural conclusion is to take it to our other shared domain. This Wednesday's New Yorker daily crossword, fastest solve wins. They're free online and anyway it's the better NYC-based news outlet :psysly: Clicking the assist button is banned. In the event that there is no full-size puzzle on Wednesday for some reason we can do whatever the most recent one at that time is, presumably the Tuesday lol. It seems like they only do full-size from Monday to Wednesday which is weird but hey, I'm not the one publishing the magazine. I will record my completion for the enjoyment of the masses.
 
Blizihguh said:
phoopes We've already squared off in the SmogOFF DOOM thread so the natural conclusion is to take it to our other shared domain. This Wednesday's New Yorker daily crossword, fastest solve wins. They're free online and anyway it's the better NYC-based news outlet :psysly: Clicking the assist button is banned. In the event that there is no full-size puzzle on Wednesday for some reason we can do whatever the most recent one at that time is, presumably the Tuesday lol. It seems like they only do full-size from Monday to Wednesday which is weird but hey, I'm not the one publishing the magazine. I will record my completion for the enjoyment of the masses.
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I accept your terms. I’ll also break out the ‘ol OBS to record myself “for the enjoyment of the masses.”

May the best knife fighter win!
 
Hello knife fighters and knife fighting fans:

I have completed today's New Yorker crossword. I submitted to Sijih for review, and will post the video once Blizihguh confirms that he has also completed the crossword and sent it Sijih's way. Best of luck to my fellow finalist. You'll need it. :shots fired:
 
Screenshot_2023-05-04_at_1.15.12_PM-4038658023.jpg
 
THE COMPETITION HAS CONCLUDED - ONE REMAINS VICTORIOUS

47 stabbed. One alive but wounded. A bloody crossword puzzle is the final instrument of destruction. Who remains victorious in the knife fight?

Blizihguh
blizwin.png

​
Phoopes, in a remarkable display of mental acuity, polished off the crossword in 6 minutes and 25 seconds.

However, Blizihguh employed a very, how should I put this - thorough - strategy to finish the crossword in a blistering 3 minutes and 58 seconds.

With this breathtaking bout Blizihguh blocks the back-to-back and brings back the crown.

I'll leave you with some words from the winner that I found remarkably poetic:
I really enjoyed playing golf, crosswords, and dogs. I did NOT really enjoy putting fast food in a blender, but that's life sometimes.​
Click to expand...

Thank you everyone for playing, I really appreciate it.
I very much enjoyed seeing how creative many of these competitions were.
I hope you had fun participating in the knife fight, and I hope you think it was a worthy use of your irreplaceable time. I like knowing that people participate in stuff like this - we're not trapped in a world of 24/7 doomscrolling just yet.

Have a nice day,
Sijih
 
NO RULES IN A KNIFE FIGHT BABY

I'd like to thank all of my opponents for being good sports and generally engaging in fun and interesting battles where I had an advantage. Stabbing you all has been an honor and a privilege. I also want to apologize for any collateral damage done to a fairy 's dog's self esteem, and to my own nose after BP got me to blend a bunch of fast food. uppa and Dead by Daylight I don't know how you would have suffered collateral damage I enjoyed battling you both too so I'm going to ping you anyway.

phoopes seeing you put up a sub seven minute time is honestly so impressive and just underscores that I could never have beaten you without underhanded tactics. My inner CS nerd is wondering if the faster strategy would have been to go through, complete any clues I knew, and then mash the entire alphabet on any other boxes.

Finally, thanks again to Sijih for hosting a very fun, if extremely violent competition. Even though this is only the second iteration I already think Knife Fight is an excellent tradition, and proof positive that Smogoff has the best tournament scene on the site.
 
PS Phoopes you did say my name right. I was considering doing commentary on mine but I decided against in case Sijih was going to side by side them. Perhaps I should adopt your strategy of picking a custom title that heavily suggests how to pronounce my name...
 
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