wait, so did you list it as 2/2 already? i'm seeing about four errors/things i don't like at first glance, so that's probably a tad few for a third check, but idk...
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Lumari
Lumari
all those are things you introduced though :x so i'd probably rather cms them, would verge on a public callout otherwise and i don't like that
Empress
Glad it doesn't need a 3rd. What errors did I introduce though?
Lumari
-the restructuring of the list of ice beam targets (specifically having "without having to fear a hydro pump miss" in the first item; it could be a legit error on parallelism/equivalency grounds, not sure on that one, but in any case it does make the first item "not equivalent" to the others and make it feel really disjoint from / overshadow them; i guess putting the without fearing bit in parentheses would solve that but then you have to wonder if that's really better than the original. structurewise the original was fine, and if it was the repetition of "threaten" that bugged you, you could have just changed one of them to a synonym)
-ohkoes threats such as tyranitar is fine, "an example being tyranitar" works for plural too, it's just "or" that's incorrect with a category in plural because that implies the two alternatives are from different categories of threats as opposed to a singular one (or something along those lines). not really an error introduced, whoops, but still an incorrect reasoning :[
-ohkoes threats such as tyranitar is fine, "an example being tyranitar" works for plural too, it's just "or" that's incorrect with a category in plural because that implies the two alternatives are from different categories of threats as opposed to a singular one (or something along those lines). not really an error introduced, whoops, but still an incorrect reasoning :[
Lumari
-the protect bit in usage tips should stay imo because that's the move that's used and that isn't immediately apparent, regardless of whether everything runs it, not to mention you can't put "as" there in the first place because there's no causal link (the writer isn't saying greninja must scout those while in the lead position, it can do so at any point)
-with abomasnow, "as such" is wrong because there's nothing that corresponds to "such". (i'm your sergeant; as such, <i.e. "your sergeant"> i demand your respect). it's a pretty lax rule so you'll rarely have to make that change (something like "greninja has trouble ohkoing its targets; as such, it appreciates entry hazard support" is fine afaik because "such" can refer to "having trouble ohkoing its targets"), and obviously as such / therefore are 100% interchangeable nearly all the time, but this is one of those cases where as such is actually wrong :[
-with abomasnow, "as such" is wrong because there's nothing that corresponds to "such". (i'm your sergeant; as such, <i.e. "your sergeant"> i demand your respect). it's a pretty lax rule so you'll rarely have to make that change (something like "greninja has trouble ohkoing its targets; as such, it appreciates entry hazard support" is fine afaik because "such" can refer to "having trouble ohkoing its targets"), and obviously as such / therefore are 100% interchangeable nearly all the time, but this is one of those cases where as such is actually wrong :[
Empress
Alrighty- thanks so much for pointing those out. I'll keep a more careful eye on those next time.
To clarify a couple things, though, in addition to the repetition of "threaten," I wasn't a fan of how "without the miss chance of Hydro Pump" sounded. Even if that phrasing sounded fine to me, I didn't like seeing it in the middle of the sentence. I also didn't want to move that to the end because then it'd sound like Hydro Pump is also used to hit Grass- and Dragon-types. Not to mention Ice Beam hits Lando-T harder than Hydro Pump anyway.
As for "as such" vs. "therefore," it was mostly out of habit, as I wholeheartedly prefer "as such" to "therefore." Didn't know they weren't completely interchangeable!
To clarify a couple things, though, in addition to the repetition of "threaten," I wasn't a fan of how "without the miss chance of Hydro Pump" sounded. Even if that phrasing sounded fine to me, I didn't like seeing it in the middle of the sentence. I also didn't want to move that to the end because then it'd sound like Hydro Pump is also used to hit Grass- and Dragon-types. Not to mention Ice Beam hits Lando-T harder than Hydro Pump anyway.
As for "as such" vs. "therefore," it was mostly out of habit, as I wholeheartedly prefer "as such" to "therefore." Didn't know they weren't completely interchangeable!
P Squared
We also both let "Safety Googles" go, oops haha