The following is something that happened to me recently:
The night before, I had spent many an hour drinking vodka and filling my time with women as most Russian men do in the Motherland. In Russia we play a drinking game called “Matryoshka Dolls” in which you line up the biggest woman to the smallest woman, and take a drink after each one.
Unfortunately due to the large quantities of vodka, I had crashed entirely and woke up sometime later. I was unsure of what day or time it was, as the party was too hard and the drink as well.
As I opened my eyes, I beheld what was a rather usual sight one would see after being drunk on life’s most fantastic experiences: a bear lying by my right arm and a naked woman lying by my left arm. I myself was half-naked. A giant fur coat, rabbit fur hat, and thick leather boots were all that covered my person. I automatically assumed that the bear was used as a prop for some shenanigans from the night before, so I got up and walked around the room.
Apparently I wasn’t even in my own house, so I took the liberty of going to the bathroom and relieving myself of the many stressful thoughts that were beginning to creep in my mind.
I went back to the room to see the bear had woken up and was sniffing the poor girl. She did not stir at all. My eyes opened wide when the bear swivelled its head towards me. I bolted. I did not give it a second thought. I ran towards the front door and tried to undo the locks. The bear was right behind me. I broke open the door and saw that I was actually in a rundown apartment complex. Taking the fastest route, I began to run down the stairway. I ran into no living soul as the bear clamored down after me.
Finally I reached the street. Seeing a taxicab sitting on the side of the road I opened the door and began to scream at the driver to go. His eyes grew wide at the sight of me half-naked. As he opened his mouth to say something, the bear bashed it’s head into the glass of the taxi. The glass cracked, and the taxi driver immediately slammed his foot on the gas pedal.
We managed to get away just in the nick of time: the bear smashed its paw against the side of the car, unable to stop us from moving. I twisted around to see what was going on behind us and nearly pissed myself in fright at what I saw: the bear was still chasing us. I screamed. The driver, hearing this began to take extreme driving measures, causing multiple crashes to occur behind us as we dove into the traffic in the city streets. Unfazed by what was going on around it, the bear still chased after us, running along the sidewalk. People would jump out of the way in fright of the lumbering bear. However, because of the speed of the taxi, eventually we were able to lose sight of the bear.
I told the taxi driver to double back to the apartment so I could grab my wallet to pay him. He looked at me funny but after I tried to explain it to him several times he finally nodded as if he understood and he drove me back. It took a little while to find where we came from but he managed to remember the street we started from. I was still very hungover, and it was too tough to think about what had happened the night before.
We reached the apartment complex and I thanked him and told him to wait. I flailed my arms around to try to get him to understand my situation and he sat quietly and nodded.
I got back to the room and began to dig around the bedroom to look for my pants. The girl was still asleep on the bed, unaware of what just happened. Suddenly I heard the door to the apartment open and shut. I walked out of the room, curious, when I saw the silhouette: the bear had followed me all the way back. I began to scream in terror and ran to the bathroom as the bear chased me. I ran in and locked the door to keep it from getting in.
Unfortunately the zipper to the coat got caught and the bear managed to open the door. It huffed and puffed, took off its mask and finally spoke up:
"Comrade. It is Viktor. Why you run? You forgot pants and wallet before leave apartment."
The night before, I had spent many an hour drinking vodka and filling my time with women as most Russian men do in the Motherland. In Russia we play a drinking game called “Matryoshka Dolls” in which you line up the biggest woman to the smallest woman, and take a drink after each one.
Unfortunately due to the large quantities of vodka, I had crashed entirely and woke up sometime later. I was unsure of what day or time it was, as the party was too hard and the drink as well.
As I opened my eyes, I beheld what was a rather usual sight one would see after being drunk on life’s most fantastic experiences: a bear lying by my right arm and a naked woman lying by my left arm. I myself was half-naked. A giant fur coat, rabbit fur hat, and thick leather boots were all that covered my person. I automatically assumed that the bear was used as a prop for some shenanigans from the night before, so I got up and walked around the room.
Apparently I wasn’t even in my own house, so I took the liberty of going to the bathroom and relieving myself of the many stressful thoughts that were beginning to creep in my mind.
I went back to the room to see the bear had woken up and was sniffing the poor girl. She did not stir at all. My eyes opened wide when the bear swivelled its head towards me. I bolted. I did not give it a second thought. I ran towards the front door and tried to undo the locks. The bear was right behind me. I broke open the door and saw that I was actually in a rundown apartment complex. Taking the fastest route, I began to run down the stairway. I ran into no living soul as the bear clamored down after me.
Finally I reached the street. Seeing a taxicab sitting on the side of the road I opened the door and began to scream at the driver to go. His eyes grew wide at the sight of me half-naked. As he opened his mouth to say something, the bear bashed it’s head into the glass of the taxi. The glass cracked, and the taxi driver immediately slammed his foot on the gas pedal.
We managed to get away just in the nick of time: the bear smashed its paw against the side of the car, unable to stop us from moving. I twisted around to see what was going on behind us and nearly pissed myself in fright at what I saw: the bear was still chasing us. I screamed. The driver, hearing this began to take extreme driving measures, causing multiple crashes to occur behind us as we dove into the traffic in the city streets. Unfazed by what was going on around it, the bear still chased after us, running along the sidewalk. People would jump out of the way in fright of the lumbering bear. However, because of the speed of the taxi, eventually we were able to lose sight of the bear.
I told the taxi driver to double back to the apartment so I could grab my wallet to pay him. He looked at me funny but after I tried to explain it to him several times he finally nodded as if he understood and he drove me back. It took a little while to find where we came from but he managed to remember the street we started from. I was still very hungover, and it was too tough to think about what had happened the night before.
We reached the apartment complex and I thanked him and told him to wait. I flailed my arms around to try to get him to understand my situation and he sat quietly and nodded.
I got back to the room and began to dig around the bedroom to look for my pants. The girl was still asleep on the bed, unaware of what just happened. Suddenly I heard the door to the apartment open and shut. I walked out of the room, curious, when I saw the silhouette: the bear had followed me all the way back. I began to scream in terror and ran to the bathroom as the bear chased me. I ran in and locked the door to keep it from getting in.
Unfortunately the zipper to the coat got caught and the bear managed to open the door. It huffed and puffed, took off its mask and finally spoke up:
"Comrade. It is Viktor. Why you run? You forgot pants and wallet before leave apartment."
