a warstory from the beat within...

G-Beast

Beast* for the thread title
really really close... i enjoyed this battle very much
my thoughts in green


G-Beast vs. kiwikomix

My(G-Beast) Team:


Mesprit(Lead), Aerodactyl, Heatran, Salamence, Lucario, Azelf

His/Her(kiwikomix) Team:

Hippowdon(Lead), Shuckle, Heatran, Cacturne, Cradily, Aerodactyl

Rules: Ladder Match, Sleep Clause, Freeze Clause, OHKO Clause, Evasion Clause, Species Clause, Strict Damage Clause
kiwikomix sent out Hippowdon (lvl 100 Hippowdon ?).
G-Beast sent out Mesprit (lvl 100 Mesprit).
Hippowdon's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm!
A sandstorm brewed!


kiwikomix switched in Shuckle (lvl 100 Shuckle ?).
Mesprit used Ice Beam.
Shuckle lost 11% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Mesprit's leftovers restored its health a little!
Mesprit restored 6% of its health.
Shuckle's leftovers restored its health a little!
Shuckle restored 6% of its health.

..Shuckle? interesting. clearly, Mesprit cant do shit to Shuckle.
i was thinking about my Heatran, but sandstorms sp def bonus will make his specs useless, so i went for physical.


G-Beast switched in Aerodactyl (lvl 100 Aerodactyl ?).
Aerodactyl is exerting its pressure!
Shuckle used Stealth Rock.
Pointed stones float in the air around your foe's team!
The sandstorm rages.
Shuckle's leftovers restored its health a little!
Shuckle restored 5% of its health.

satisfied with this, i almost used stone edge, but i remembers his hippowdon, so i played some mischiefmaker myself.


kiwikomix switched in Hippowdon (lvl 100 Hippowdon ?).
Hippowdon's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm!
Aerodactyl used Stealth Rock.
The sandstorm rages.

Not surprising at all. so far everything was working well, time for aero to retreat


G-Beast switched in Heatran (lvl 100 Heatran ?).
Pointed stones dug into Heatran.
Heatran lost 12% of its health.
Hippowdon used Ice Fang.
It's not very effective...
Heatran lost 4% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.

i figured Heatran could take on the mammoth hippo, so i stayed in.


Heatran used Magma Storm.
Heatran's attack missed!
Hippowdon used Earthquake.
It's super effective!
Heatran lost 83% of its health.
G-Beast's Heatran fainted.
The sandstorm rages.
(5-6 for him)

---

..crap, sometimes i shoot myself for choosing magma storm, for the DoT and trap 'n such.
G-Beast switched in Azelf (lvl 100 Azelf).
Pointed stones dug into Azelf.
Azelf lost 12% of its health.
kiwikomix switched in Cradily (lvl 100 Cradily ?).
Pointed stones dug into Cradily.
Cradily lost 12% of its health.
Azelf used Psychic.
A critical hit!
Cradily lost 41% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Azelf is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Azelf lost 6% of its health.
Cradily's leftovers restored its health a little!
Cradily restored 6% of its health.

before i say anything else, i HATE Cradily!!! i figured that this one, like the other ones i have faced, was a wall, but just to be sure i hit him, and only 41% from a crit means yes.

---
Azelf used Nasty Plot.
Azelf's special attack was sharply raised.
Cradily used Recover.
Cradily restored 48% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Azelf is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Azelf lost 6% of its health.

so i decide to stat up. as far as i knew things were going well.

---
Azelf used Nasty Plot.
Azelf's special attack was sharply raised.
Cradily used Swords Dance.
Cradily's attack was sharply raised.
The sandstorm rages.
Azelf is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Azelf lost 6% of its health.
never ever seen SD on a bulky cradily like that. kinda threw me off, i had to think for a sec.

---
Azelf used Psychic.
Cradily lost 65% of its health.
Cradily used Rock Slide.
Azelf lost 69% of its health.
G-Beast's Azelf fainted.
The sandstorm rages.
Cradily's leftovers restored its health a little!
Cradily restored 6% of its health.
(4-6) for him

ultimatly i stayed in, doing an unsatisfactory amount of damage... and cost me my blue pixie



---
G-Beast switched in Lucario (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
Pointed stones dug into Lucario.
Lucario lost 3% of its health.
kiwikomix switched in Hippowdon (lvl 100 Hippowdon ?).
Hippowdon's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm!
Pointed stones dug into Hippowdon.
Hippowdon lost 6% of its health.
Lucario used Ice Punch.
It's super effective!
Hippowdon lost 30% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Hippowdon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hippowdon restored 6% of its health.

seen it coming, again. but being a scarfer i just punched him one to try and do SOME damage. hippo scared off my Lucario though.

---
G-Beast switched in Mesprit (lvl 100 Mesprit).
Pointed stones dug into Mesprit.
Mesprit lost 12% of its health.
Hippowdon used Ice Fang.
Mesprit lost 12% of its health.
Mesprit was frozen solid!
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Mesprit's leftovers restored its health a little!
Mesprit restored 6% of its health.
Hippowdon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hippowdon restored 6% of its health.

i wasent impressed, as you can tell by the chat below. but lucky freezes happen, i get them too.

---
G-Beast: ..
kiwikomix: sorry
kiwikomix switched in Cacturne (lvl 100 Cacturne ?).
Pointed stones dug into Cacturne.
Cacturne lost 12% of its health.
Mesprit is frozen solid!
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Mesprit's leftovers restored its health a little!
Mesprit restored 6% of its health.

this surprised me. knowing Cacturne has 115 base in both offenses i was wary, but Mesprit can take a hit from him i figured.

---
Mesprit was defrosted!
Mesprit used Ice Beam.
Mesprit's attack missed!
Cacturne used Substitute.
Cacturne lost 25% of its health.
Cacturne made a substitute!
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Mesprit's leftovers restored its health a little!
Mesprit restored 6% of its health.

sub in the face and a missed ice beam to boot. good turn for him, bad for me. at that point i knew Mesprit didnt stand a chance

---
G-Beast: shit happens
G-Beast: ive gotten lucky freezes too
G-Beast switched in Aerodactyl (lvl 100 Aerodactyl ?).
Aerodactyl is exerting its pressure!
Pointed stones dug into Aerodactyl.
Aerodactyl lost 25% of its health.
Cacturne used Sucker Punch.
But it failed!
The sandstorm rages.

so returns my Aero, i was thinking i could break the sub and then KO him.

---
Aerodactyl used Ice Fang.
It's super effective!
The substitute took damage for Cacturne!
Cacturne's substitute faded!
Cacturne used Leech Seed.
Aerodactyl was seeded!
The sandstorm rages.
Aerodactyl's health was sapped by leech seed!
Aerodactyl lost 12% of its health.
Cacturne regained health!
Cacturne restored 14% of its health.

Not fun, leech seed and i arent great friends to say the least.

---
Cacturne used Sucker Punch.
Aerodactyl lost 63% of its health.
G-Beast's Aerodactyl fainted.
The sandstorm rages.
(3-6) for him (3 lead does not mean game over)
dang i knew about 115 base atk, but that strong of a sucker punch.. owwie.

---
G-Beast switched in Lucario (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
Pointed stones dug into Lucario.
Lucario lost 3% of its health.
kiwikomix switched in Hippowdon (lvl 100 Hippowdon ?).
Hippowdon's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm!
Pointed stones dug into Hippowdon.
Hippowdon lost 6% of its health.
Lucario used Close Combat.
Hippowdon lost 33% of its health.
Lucario's defence was lowered.
Lucario's special defence was lowered.
The sandstorm rages.
Hippowdon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hippowdon restored 6% of its health.

i took a risk i really shouldnt have here, hippo was at ~60% at this point, so i threw a CC at him.

---
Lucario used Close Combat.
Hippowdon lost 37% of its health.
Lucario's defence was lowered.
Lucario's special defence was lowered.
Hippowdon used Slack Off.
Hippowdon restored 50% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Hippowdon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hippowdon restored 6% of its health.

simply hopeless so out goes Luccy

---
G-Beast switched in Mesprit (lvl 100 Mesprit).
Pointed stones dug into Mesprit.
Mesprit lost 12% of its health.
Hippowdon used Slack Off.
Hippowdon restored 37% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Mesprit's leftovers restored its health a little!
Mesprit restored 6% of its health.

hippo is now at full HP, i know mesprit can take him on, and i questioned whether or not he'd bring his squirmy turtly back in, with SR up on his side.

---
kiwikomix switched in Shuckle (lvl 100 Shuckle ?).
Pointed stones dug into Shuckle.
Shuckle lost 25% of its health.
Mesprit used Ice Beam.
Shuckle lost 11% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Mesprit's leftovers restored its health a little!
Mesprit restored 6% of its health.
Shuckle's leftovers restored its health a little!
Shuckle restored 6% of its health.

sure enough he did, SR did a nice bit, but my ice beam did not, however

---
Mesprit used Psychic.
Shuckle lost 15% of its health.
Shuckle used Toxic.
Mesprit was badly poisoned!
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Mesprit's leftovers restored its health a little!
Mesprit restored 6% of its health.
Mesprit is hurt by poison!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Shuckle's leftovers restored its health a little!
Shuckle restored 6% of its health.

i really have no idea why i stayed in, shuckle's HP is dropping into the danger zone for him at this point(~50%)

---
G-Beast switched in Salamence (lvl 100 Salamence ?).
Salamence's intimidate cut Shuckle's attack!
Pointed stones dug into Salamence.
Salamence lost 25% of its health.
Shuckle used Encore.
But it failed!
The sandstorm rages.
Salamence is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Salamence lost 6% of its health.
Shuckle's leftovers restored its health a little!
Shuckle restored 6% of its health.

i just revealed my mence, and since he is rather mixed, i figure i ca ndent hippo if he comes around.

---
Salamence used Rock Slide.
Salamence's attack missed!
Shuckle used Encore.
Salamence got an encore!
The sandstorm rages.
Salamence is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Salamence lost 6% of its health.
Shuckle's leftovers restored its health a little!
Shuckle restored 6% of its health.

wanting more accuracy then stone edge, but didnt get enough it seems. and i wasent entirely expecting encore.. not being familiar with shucky.

---
kiwikomix switched in Hippowdon (lvl 100 Hippowdon ?).
Hippowdon's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm!
Pointed stones dug into Hippowdon.
Hippowdon lost 6% of its health.
Salamence used Rock Slide.
It's not very effective...
Hippowdon lost 7% of its health.
Salamence lost 10% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Salamence is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Salamence lost 6% of its health.
Hippowdon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hippowdon restored 6% of its health.

in all honesty, i saw it coming, but idk why i didnt switch to mesprit...

---
G-Beast switched in Mesprit (lvl 100 Mesprit).
Pointed stones dug into Mesprit.
Mesprit lost 12% of its health.
Hippowdon used Ice Fang.
Mesprit lost 14% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Mesprit's leftovers restored its health a little!
Mesprit restored 6% of its health.
Mesprit is hurt by poison!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Hippowdon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hippowdon restored 6% of its health.

...before now.

---
Mesprit used Psychic.
Hippowdon lost 34% of its health.
Hippowdon used Ice Fang.
Mesprit lost 12% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 6% of its health.
Mesprit's leftovers restored its health a little!
Mesprit restored 6% of its health.
Mesprit is hurt by poison!
Mesprit lost 12% of its health.
Hippowdon's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hippowdon restored 6% of its health.

holy moly he stayed in, i guess he was fearing for his shuckle? thats the only reason i used psychic

---
Mesprit used Ice Beam.
It's super effective!
A critical hit!
Hippowdon lost 72% of its health.
kiwikomix's Hippowdon fainted.
The sandstorm rages.
Mesprit is buffetted by the sandstorm!
Mesprit lost 1% of its health.
G-Beast's Mesprit fainted.
(2-5) for him

finally, an opposing pokemon down.... though it cost my other Pixie
---
kiwikomix switched in Aerodactyl (lvl 100 Aerodactyl ?).
G-Beast switched in Salamence (lvl 100 Salamence ?).
Aerodactyl is exerting its pressure!
Pointed stones dug into Aerodactyl.
Aerodactyl lost 25% of its health.
Salamence's intimidate cut Aerodactyl's attack!
Pointed stones dug into Salamence.
Salamence lost 25% of its health.
Aerodactyl used Rock Slide.
It's super effective!
Salamence lost 22% of its health.
G-Beast's Salamence fainted.
Aerodactyl lost 10% of its health.
The sandstorm rages.
(1-5) for him
guess on his switch in, this is when he revealed his Aero... since Mence was at 22%, he will die from SR next time he comes in so i didnt bother switching


---
G-Beast switched in Lucario (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
Pointed stones dug into Lucario.
Lucario lost 3% of its health.
Lucario used Close Combat.
Aerodactyl lost 65% of its health.
kiwikomix's Aerodactyl fainted.
Lucario's defence was lowered.
Lucario's special defence was lowered.
The sandstorm rages.
(1-4) for him
My last chance lies in the Aura Jackal, Lucario... i knew i had a vague chance of winning because of my choice scarf, but the thing is i had to OHKO EVERY one of his remaining pokemon with it... for if i do not, close combat will have no PP left.

---
kiwikomix switched in Heatran (lvl 100 Heatran ?).
Pointed stones dug into Heatran.
Heatran lost 12% of its health.
Lucario used Close Combat.
It's super effective!
Heatran lost 88% of its health.
kiwikomix's Heatran fainted.
Lucario's defence was lowered.
Lucario's special defence was lowered.
The sandstorm rages.
(1-3) him
no problem here. Lucario>Heatran

---
kiwikomix switched in Shuckle (lvl 100 Shuckle ?).
Pointed stones dug into Shuckle.
Shuckle lost 25% of its health.
Lucario used Close Combat.
A critical hit!
Shuckle lost 48% of its health.
kiwikomix's Shuckle fainted.
Lucario's defence was lowered.
Lucario's special defence was lowered.
The sandstorm rages.
(1-2) him
Now im not sure if this was luck or not, Shuckle has 22% left.. i think he woulda been OHKOed anyway though?

---
kiwikomix switched in Cradily (lvl 100 Cradily ?).
Pointed stones dug into Cradily.
Cradily lost 12% of its health.
Lucario used Close Combat.
It's super effective!
Cradily lost 28% of its health.
kiwikomix's Cradily fainted.
Lucario's defence was lowered.
Lucario's special defence was lowered.
The sandstorm rages.
(1-1) tied now.
Im very thankful this was not an Armaldo

---
kiwikomix switched in Cacturne (lvl 100 Cacturne ?).
Pointed stones dug into Cacturne.
Cacturne lost 12% of its health.
G-Beast: ..rofl(me realizing i had won)
Cacturne used Sucker Punch.
It's not very effective...
Lucario lost 49% of its health.
Lucario used Close Combat.
It's super effective!
Cacturne lost 64% of its health.
kiwikomix's Cacturne fainted.
G-Beast wins!

phew... closest battle i ever had!


kiwikomix: awww
G-Beast: that was my last CC
G-Beast: very gg
kiwikomix: i had hoped that would lower your defenses enough
kiwikomix: gg

GG kiwikomix, that was anyones game. you were right in your instinct to get cacturne in last for a sucker punch, its a good thing Lucario is x4 resistant to dark though =)




 
Comments were really lacking and there wasn't really much prediction in the game.

The fact that your opponent had no fighting resist (and 3 weak to fighting) really helped you win.

Pictures also help add visual interest.
 
I saw Magma Storm and kind of lost interest (especially because you tried to use it on a Hippowdon)...However I had nothing else to do and regrettably continued on. Most (if not all) of your comments were just battle log, and the format needs to be more presentable.
 
So, just some pointers. Always ALWAYS try to make comments 3-4 sentences. You'll sometimes find that you could write an essay on what you can do. Show us your thought pattern.

bolding the battle text makes it more visually appealing. Pictures to show what your team was and what your opponents team was is also great.
Props and Slops at the end helps recap a match and show who did what.
You can remove pointless things like Leftovers and Sandstream if you want, cuts down on the battle log.

Leftovers will be removed
My pokemon: Mespirit
Opponents pokemon: Shuckle, Cradily and Hippowdon.
Sand Stream will be removed.
Posting the score in a noticeable colour after each KO helps us keep track. Red is the most common used one a do believe.

Edit: If you want some pointers feel free to PM me
 
This was certainly a close match! You pulled off some key predictions quite nicely, especially with Lucario. However, you really played Heatran horribly. The sweep at the end was really exciting, especially when I realized that your opponent was going to save their Cacturne's Sucker Punch to try to win (but ultimately failed thanks to Lucario's resists!).

However, the quality of the spelling and grammar used here does make it tedious to read through, along with the lack of any appealing visual aids. Like Towlie and Gen. Empoleon pointed out, expanding your thoughts on the match would discernably improve this war story.
 
Formatting is one thing, but that's just aesthetics. Dress this up with fancy colors and pictures and it still wouldn't be very good.

For one, the comments are quite short and shallow, and I never really got into the battle. Obviously, you can't write a novel for every move, and some just are "I did this because it's the obvious move to make" (especially early on when overprediction can hurt you more than help and it's usually better to scout the opponent's reaction and use that against them later than to actually try and think 5 steps ahead), but in any good battle there should be at least a few moves where you really need to think.

However, the one thing you're really missing is order. In a good warstory, you put your predictions and thoughts about making a move BEFORE the actual move is made.

Turn happens..

I did this and this because....
Click to expand...
Isn't very good. It's better to have...
This is the situation. I think he will do this, this, or this. If I do this and he does that, it would be bad, but if I do this and he does those...etc

Turn happens.

Okay, he did that. Now he will probably do this, so I'll do that.
Click to expand...
And so on and so forth.

A warstory should not read like a third party narrating it, if should be what goes on inside your head as the battle is going. You usually think before you make a move, right? Or do you live in the Matrix?
 
G-Beast said:
yes i do live in the matrix
Click to expand...

Don't deflect constructive criticism with jokes that you think are witty. Take what we have said and improve on your writing and how you tell a warstory. Look at the archive, that's what a Warstory should look like and should read like.
 
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