***
It happens every year.
***
*locks the doors*
***
They come out in droves.
***
*Climbs into a dumpster with a terrified look on his face*
***
They prowl the streets, hunting any poor soul who couldn't find a place to hide...
***
*Runs into an alley, gasping for breath as shadows appear behind him*
***
And when they catch you...
***
*Finds himself backed against the alley wall, abject horror on his face as the shadows appear before him*
***
They will make an offer you can't refuse.
***
Hi there! I represent Vendeur Brand Purses. With Valentine's day around the corner, wouldn't it be just swell to give your sweetheart one of-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!
***
*crowdsurfs across the horde of salesmen*
***
JOHNNY YONG BOSCH
DISCLAIMER: Not appearing in this film, because we ran out of money
***
*Also crowdsurfs across the horde*
***
YURI LOWENTHAL
DISCLAIMER: Also not appearing in this film, for the same reason
***
*Also also crowdsurfs across the horde*
***
THE GHOST OF
PAT MORITA
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, a freak accident caused the souls of the casting agency's entire necromancy department to get devoured, so this guy won't be showing up either.
***
*Also...you know what? Fuck it.*
***
AND
WEENA MERCATOR
AS THE HOPPING WOMAN
DISCLAIMER: Okay, this one we didn't drop the ball on.
IN...
***
*A tidal wave of salesmen is about to crash into ASB arena*
***
THE
SELF-PROCLAIMED DISTANT RELATIVE
WHO IS
PROBABLY JUST A SCAMMER
TRYING TO GET THE INHERITANCE OF
VENDEUR BRAND PURSES
THIS TIME, IT'S PURSE-ONAL
***
And then the last thing they'll say...is that the price is negotiable.
***
ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE, YET AGAIN
THIS VALENTINE'S DAY
