Best Friends

[Chou Toshio]

Oh, but I'm not saying it's completely impossible to control those feelings, or to have a mature conversation about it. But why should one even go through all this trouble when it's a lot easier to just have a completely nonsexual friendship with another guy?

I really get different things from the two. While elbow-bumping, a clang of beer bottles or man hugs are some of the greatest gifts a friend can give in this world, there are some great things to be experienced in friendship with women-- (admittedly, I can't say solid examples without making this post sound really mushy).

 

[FlareBlitz]

From the posts I quoted in my first post we can deduce that all 3 of you thought that every single opposite gender friendship forged since the beginning of time had some sort of sexual tension or physical attraction, which isn't the case. It's certainly possible for platonic friendship to lead to a relationship (and most of the time we get our girlfriend/boyfriend from our friends, because we spend so much time with them anyway and know them well), but to simply write off that a platonic friendship with no physical attraction between the two persons involved is impossible seems a bit stupid to me.

I think it's fairly implicit within the confines of a consensual relationship that both parties find the other attractive (and I am not necessarily referring to just physical attraction here). Obviously if there's a friendship where one party does not want a relationship due to finding the other party unattractive, it will stay a friendship (the infamous "friend zone"...) or eventually dissolve.

Just because I find one of my straight male friends attractive doesn't mean I want to fuck all of them, and just because one of my straight lady friends finds me attractive doesn't mean I'm going to avoid all straight females.

If you find someone attractive, then that means by definition that you would be willing to fuck them. In this case, extenuating circumstances are present that prevent you from acting on that attraction...but you can't tell me that if a gorgeous straight friend of yours suddenly came out of the closet that you could maintain a purely platonic friendship devoid of sexual tension for much longer. It's just now how it works; human beings are hardwired to view all attractive individuals as possible mates, and a friendship will merely deepen that connection to the point where, if nothing else is in the way, romantic feelings will bloom.

But to say that platonic friendships should be avoided from the opposite gender is a bit silly and in my experience and from what I've observed, it's 100% possible.

My point is, if both parties are attracted to each other, then the relationship simply will not stay platonic for very long. I mean I know I'm painting with a pretty broad brush here, but I can confidently say that in 95% of cases where two members in a friendship find each other attractive without any other circumstances preventing the expression of that attraction, there will always be sexual tension in that friendship.

Edit: Chou, you're right in that female friends definitely make for different types of friends than male friends. It's a lot easier to be comfortable around them because there's no sense of friendly competition that's pervasive in male groups of friends, and they're a lot "softer" as far as companionship goes. There's nothing mushy about that.

The idea is not that female friends should be avoided...but that anyone who is willing to tapdance in that particular minefield is fully aware of the complications that they are risking.

 

[mewtral]

To look at this way, when someone says "best" friend, what I believe they mean is that they are a real friend. Someone you can rely on. Friends support each other, making life more bare-able. Real friends make life livable.

Is it bad that they are "this" gender? No. Can it be uncomfortable at times? Yes, but so can having the same gender friends.

Whenever the "next" form of relationship presents itself, it should be handled with care. Because this person wants to rely on you more. Like a pillar to their temple. If your not careful, you could collapse them. Either way, there is nothing wrong with having this human as a close friend.

 

[Chou Toshio]

It's hard for me to imagine being the girl in the friendship, considering that I am a guy and am much more clear on social interaction as a guy.

Therefore, I will just go ahead and say this: If you are in a guy-girl friendship where it becomes obvious to you that she wants more, and is seeing you as a man instead of as just a friend-- no matter how strong a girl she is, it becomes increasingly awkward and painful should you try to ignore her feelings, especially if you also are attracted to her. In a way, I almost think it is cruel.

Rather than floundering around or forcefully trying to stay "just friends," it's much more courageous and manly to answer her feelings and take the next step forward into the relationship. Even if the friendship should be lost, "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." That's what I believe.

. . . that said, I don't have a "best female friend" anymore. :/

 

[McGrrr]

A best friend is a best friend is a best friend. Gender only becomes an issue if you have ulterior motives. If you are attracted to that person and part (if not all) of the reason for your friendship is because at some point in the future, you would like to date him/her; then you are asking for trouble.

However, if you are genuinely happy to be friends, then it can be a rewarding position to be in. Having a mixed gender friendship circle is the easiest way of meeting/dating new people, especially after university when potential suitors become more savvy and picky. This is particularly true for men, because if you hang out with girls, not only can you learn how to deal with them, but you are automatically seen as being less creepy/sleazy.

 

[Thund91]

If you find someone attractive, then that means by definition that you would be willing to fuck them. In this case, extenuating circumstances are present that prevent you from acting on that attraction...but you can't tell me that if a gorgeous straight friend of yours suddenly came out of the closet that you could maintain a purely platonic friendship devoid of sexual tension for much longer. It's just now how it works; human beings are hardwired to view all attractive individuals as possible mates, and a friendship will merely deepen that connection to the point where, if nothing else is in the way, romantic feelings will bloom.

Well that depends on quite a few factors. If he was a douche bag I'd still say fuck no. But my point was originally that just because I may find one of my straight (or even gay) friends attractive doesn't mean I should avoid befriending any others beyond that point.

My point is, if both parties are attracted to each other, then the relationship simply will not stay platonic for very long. I mean I know I'm painting with a pretty broad brush here, but I can confidently say that in 95% of cases where two members in a friendship find each other attractive without any other circumstances preventing the expression of that attraction, there will always be sexual tension in that friendship.

This is the second time I'm going to say I agree with you and I hope you don't respond again telling me what I already know lol. You're saying "if both people are attracted to each other they're obviously gonna fuck the others brains out." Yes, we know this lol. What I'm trying to say is that in some cases that attraction (physical) just isn't there, not for just one but both people involved. That's ALL I'm trying to say lmao.

A best friend is a best friend is a best friend. Gender only becomes an issue if you have ulterior motives. If you are attracted to that person and part (if not all) of the reason for your friendship is because at some point in the future, you would like to date him/her; then you are asking for trouble.

However, if you are genuinely happy to be friends, then it can be a rewarding position to be in. Having a mixed gender friendship circle is the easiest way of meeting/dating new people, especially after university when potential suitors become more savvy and picky. This is particularly true for men, because if you hang out with girls, not only can you learn how to deal with them, but you are automatically seen as being less creepy/sleazy.

I like this post.