Computer "experts"

junkgamer

WARNING: THIS TOPIC IS RATED "R" for excessive ranting.




In this little rant im going to talk about a person I know. All of you probably know someone like this. The computer "expert". This is kind of person doesn't know the first thing about computers, but they think they do. Since im bored and have nothing better to do, im going to tell all of you good people about some of the antics i put up with on a daily basis.

Im no expert on computers, nor do i pretend to be. Thats why i always consult some sort of reference, but thats too simple and requires far too much thought/reading to be a plausible solution, no its much better to follow the advice of some random asshole you met while playing cards on yahoo.

Game/website/anything that is mine is a VIRUS!!
 Nevermind the fact that such assumptions are pure stupidity, Anytime that the computer lags or runs slowly it is always a virus. It couldn't be the fact that said person didn't wait for the computer to start up fully before opening half a dozen webpages full of images that are currently raping the little weakling 56k modem a new asshole, and then opening some bullshit program thats supposed to clean garbage files from the computer but doesn't really do anything I can notice other than waste a couple megabytes of hard disc space. No doing this isnt whats causing the computer to bleed from its digital bunghole, it has to be a virus that I "downloaded into the computer" because obviously i go around searching for risky files/programs to download so i can hear endless bitching.

Also games like shoddy battle/netbattle/runescape/ anything that isnt cards/childish flash games are havens for viruses to watch and wait to implant themselves into your computer, It couldn't possibly be one of the countless porno sites said person is visiting nightly spewing the adware into the computer, no ovbviously the folks at netbattle are to blame.

Computer needs more RAM/Better Processor/More Cowbell etc.
The lag experienced while browsing webpages can't be due to the older than the dinosaurs dial up internet service, no obviously you need to buy $150 worth of ram chips and download 5 or 6 useless programs that are supposed to enhance performance but in reality, make the piece of wal mart shit slower than it ever was.

Share your similar experiences, please tell me i am not alone.




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i dont really know anybody like that, but then again i am a real computer expert!
 
i'm a computer expert, too. and i know a shitload of people like that. it's mostly adults or bosses at your workplace. fuck them.
 
"Leaving your hard drive on overnight will reduce your hard drive's lifespan, stop treating it like a server and turn it off at night."

Would you believe that 90% of all hard drive failures occur during the boot cycle? So, booting my hard drive 30 times per month is supposed to make it last longer than booting it once a month? Never mind the fact that my enclosure has perfectly adequate cooling and that I keep it in an environment completely devoid of dust. I'm just paying a flat monthly fee for my Internet service, and this guy will be damned if he's going to let me use as much of it as possible. I'm pretty sure that he works for my ISP, because I can't imagine what other motivation he could have for telling me to curtail my bandwidth usage.

"LCD > CRT"

Has it ever occurred to you that not everyone wants to spend $500 every time they buy a monitor? Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, when I'm playing games I might care more about color rendition and pixel responsiveness than the space that my monitor is occupying?

"If you want to avoid getting viruses, stop downloading.

I guess that means I should stop downloading those HTML files that are fed through my browser whenever I visit a web page.

"Fast browser = better browser"

Maybe I'd rather have better CSS compatibility and plug-in support than a ten millisecond boost in response time. In fact, the time that I save by not downloading ads probably makes them even in terms of speed. Also, the Opera logo is ugly.

"Your operating system lacks DirectX 10 compatibility"

And your market lacks any DirectX 10 compatible software. Oh, and in case you don't know, DirectX 10 isn't going to be a minimum requirement any time in the near future. In fact, there are plenty of people who are still using DX7. I doubt that any software distributor would be stupid enough to limit their market by making DX10 a minimum requirement, as it essentially reduces their potential consumer base to a tenth of what it might be. Oh, and by the way, now that you've spent $400 on your DX10 compatible OS, how about spending $500 on the video card to use it? Sure, there are budget DX10 cards out there, but if you pay any less than $500, chances are that you're not even going to be able to tell the difference from DX9. Oh, and enjoy the higher resource requirements that come with your DX10 compatible OS.

"You should take a computer programming class (like I did)"

I really have nothing against those use programming classes to familiarize themselves with a language. But you will never truly learn how to use a language in the classroom environment, because the exercises that you do won't mean anything to you. The only way you're going to get better at writing real code is to write real code. The thing is, people usually expect computer code to be pretty. It isn't. Your first real program isn't going to be a game that you can play with your friends, or be an executable that draws differently-colored shapes on your screen. Chances are that your first real program is going to be doing something incredibly menial that took you less than an hour to write for the purpose of changing the encoding a batch of files. That's a real program that solved a very real problem for you. The sooner that you start writing code that has immediate practical application and stop relying on textbook examples to teach you how to hack, the sooner that you'll be able to start learning from what you write, because your brain will remember useful code a lot better than it will remember what you learned in week two of some class at the community college.

The only reason Macs don't get viruses is because nobody writes viruses for Macs!

I can't believe how prevalent this notion has become, and it's really sad how easily people are willing to accept it. Since most people can more easily relate to browsers than operating systems, I'll provide an analogy. Firefox isn't safer than IE simply because it's less targeted, but because it's not built on autonomy with the assumption that the average user has the computer literacy of a wombat. Thus, Firefox is able to leave out a lot of otherwise easily-exploitable holes. Microsoft sucks in terms of security, and you'd be crazy not to believe that a Mac's Unix underpinnings don't affect integrity in any way. There are about as many viruses and exploits for OS X as there are for Linux. It's sad that because people are accustomed to an environment where a computer is defined as a Windows machine, everyone has the preconceived notion that computers will inevitably get viruses.
 
Kikuichimonji said:
The only reason Macs don't get viruses is because nobody writes viruses for Macs!

I can't believe how prevalent this notion has become, and it's really sad how easily people are willing to accept it. Since most people can more easily relate to browsers than operating systems, I'll provide an analogy. Firefox isn't safer than IE simply because it's less targeted, but because it's not built on autonomy with the assumption that the average user has the computer literacy of a wombat. Thus, Firefox is able to leave out a lot of otherwise easily-exploitable holes. Microsoft sucks in terms of security, and you'd be crazy not to believe that a Mac's Unix underpinnings don't affect integrity in any way. There are about as many viruses and exploits for OS X as there are for Linux. It's sad that because people are accustomed to an environment where a computer is defined as a Windows machine, everyone has the preconceived notion that computers will inevitably get viruses.
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You're my hero for saying that. Whenever I am told to list the advantages of Macs over Windows that argument comes up every time I say that Macs have less viruses. I'm definitely not a computer expert, but I can get by with decent knowledge.
 
I have a friend who thinks he's an 'expert', but atleast he admits he's wrong at times and has stopped giving me his shitty advice after he learned that I know what I'm doing!
I know other people who do this too, and I must say, it's fun shooting them down!
 
Lol I have a couple of friends that think they're the shit when it comes to computer knowledge. They'll do random shit like yell NO NO NO! when someone compares XP and Vista, or just say shit without actually saying why they think that. It's pretty funny when you ask them where do they get their info from.
 
I know a few friends who are computer genius. I am not that smart about computers, but I know the basics and stuff. However when I fix a simple problem, my friends (mainly the girls) go "omg your so smart in computers, you should open a shop lolololol" and stuff.

Another thing, I hate it when I say I am a computer science major and ppl go "Oh, so you know everything about computer hardware then?"...sigh...
 
blackshellbowser said:
I know a few friends who are computer genius. I am not that smart about computers, but I know the basics and stuff. However when I fix a simple problem, my friends (mainly the girls) go "omg your so smart in computers, you should open a shop lolololol" and stuff.
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People are like that to my brother and I, it gets really aggravating when you install a browser like Firefox and then they think I 'created' it. It's really stupid. Or people that think they're smart by using the 'Run' command correctly.
 
Juuka said:
People are like that to my brother and I, it gets really aggravating when you install a browser like Firefox and then they think I 'created' it. It's really stupid. Or people that think they're smart by using the 'Run' command correctly.
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My case is a little more...complex. It involves cleaning out viruses, or figuring out why things like speakers don't emit sound. Not something the every day person can do alone, but still.
 
I really don't know the technical terms for all this computer stuff, but I like to compare the different softward provided by Windows and Apple.

Here is what I have come up with:
  • Windows Vista is easier to understand
  • Windows DVD Maker is better than iDVD
  • Windows Movie Maker is NOT as good as iMovie
  • Windows Photo Gallery is better than iPhoto
  • Windows Media Player is easier to understand than iTunes
  • Internet Explorer 7 is better than Safari
I say that Windows Vista is better because I have a prejudice against iMacs. Windows DVD Maker is better than iDVD because it is a lot easier to understand and provides me with more options for customizing the DVD menus and options. Windows Movie Maker is lacking the "second audio bar" department. In iMovie, there are 2 bars of audio so you can have music playing while you are narrating the movie. Windows Photo Gallery is better because I can preview the picture before I double click it. It gives me more options and the slideshow option is more easily accessable. I really don't know what makes Windows Media Player better than iTunes. I just don't like the way iTunes makes you pay for songs and Windows Media player lets you download mp3 style songs. And, for the last thing. Internet Explorer 7 really isn't any different than Safari besides Internet Explorer 7 being prettier on Windows Vista.

Yeah, I know that my logic made no sense. But thanks for reading it.
 
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