do it to people they don’t know personally such as you but they don’t treat people they know such as their friends and family this way or do they likely do it to their friends and family too?
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Do people who borrow money from you and manipulate you into falsely thinking they will pay you back (cont)
- Thread starter Chinchou1984
- Start date
I don’t lend money to people whenever or not i know them but people such as these guys have lent money to family in most cases not getting it back so what’s the difference in how much you know someone if they can stab you in the back any time they like or they’re paying you back at first so they can gain your trust
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I feel like this was asked in earnest so I'll give you an earnest response lol
Everyone's got different levels of closeness to people around them, and in most relationships the level of closeness each person feels to the other is different. Not always, best friends obviously exist and that only happens when you're mutual top priorities for each other, but in most other relationships one person feels closer to the other than the inverse. And that can vary based on what happens, relationship dynamics are fluid.
If person A is the one who asks for money all the time and person B is the one who's asked for that money, then these serial "can I have money" relationships usually (not always) emerge when person A realises that person B feels closer to them than person A feels towards person B. This puts person A into the position of power where they know person B is likely to say yes, particularly initially, because they view the other as a good friend and want to help them out. And/or they view person A as someone who they want to be a good friend, and think that helping them out will make person A feel the same way about person B more because they can identify that they're not as high a priority for person A as they'd like to be. That's the more manipulative angle.
Either way, when person B eventually stops giving them money person A doesn't really care because they've already got their inner circle who they haven't milked for cash. Person A's social life is unchanged, person B gets screwed over, but it's all too common. Person B might get paid back later if person A's inner circle breaks up and they start feeling socially isolated and realise that they burned a bridge with a good friend, or person B might never get paid back, people aren't robots so there's a lot of variables at play.
I think this is phrased terribly maybe it makes sense, but it's something to always bear in mind. If you're asked for money, it's up to you to identify whether you're mutual best friends or not. If you're not, you're usually not being paid back, but they can be just a friend who's got moral upstanding and will pay you back, judge their character. If possible, cover the need the person is asking for money for directly instead of giving them the money itself -- if they're asking for money to cover a bill, pay the bill directly, etc. etc..
Generosity's a virtue but being taken for a mug's a flaw. I'm generous but I've always been paid back because I'm a good judge of character, while some of my friends are frequently taken for mugs and have to wait a year+ to get the money back if ever because they're not so good at judging these social dynamics. If unsure, lean on the side of caution. A request isn't a demand and you don't owe people anything -- and the more demanding the other person is in asking you, the likelier it is they have no intention of paying you back.
Everyone's got different levels of closeness to people around them, and in most relationships the level of closeness each person feels to the other is different. Not always, best friends obviously exist and that only happens when you're mutual top priorities for each other, but in most other relationships one person feels closer to the other than the inverse. And that can vary based on what happens, relationship dynamics are fluid.
If person A is the one who asks for money all the time and person B is the one who's asked for that money, then these serial "can I have money" relationships usually (not always) emerge when person A realises that person B feels closer to them than person A feels towards person B. This puts person A into the position of power where they know person B is likely to say yes, particularly initially, because they view the other as a good friend and want to help them out. And/or they view person A as someone who they want to be a good friend, and think that helping them out will make person A feel the same way about person B more because they can identify that they're not as high a priority for person A as they'd like to be. That's the more manipulative angle.
Either way, when person B eventually stops giving them money person A doesn't really care because they've already got their inner circle who they haven't milked for cash. Person A's social life is unchanged, person B gets screwed over, but it's all too common. Person B might get paid back later if person A's inner circle breaks up and they start feeling socially isolated and realise that they burned a bridge with a good friend, or person B might never get paid back, people aren't robots so there's a lot of variables at play.
I think this is phrased terribly maybe it makes sense, but it's something to always bear in mind. If you're asked for money, it's up to you to identify whether you're mutual best friends or not. If you're not, you're usually not being paid back, but they can be just a friend who's got moral upstanding and will pay you back, judge their character. If possible, cover the need the person is asking for money for directly instead of giving them the money itself -- if they're asking for money to cover a bill, pay the bill directly, etc. etc..
Generosity's a virtue but being taken for a mug's a flaw. I'm generous but I've always been paid back because I'm a good judge of character, while some of my friends are frequently taken for mugs and have to wait a year+ to get the money back if ever because they're not so good at judging these social dynamics. If unsure, lean on the side of caution. A request isn't a demand and you don't owe people anything -- and the more demanding the other person is in asking you, the likelier it is they have no intention of paying you back.
Couldn’t people you know personally and you decide you are mutual best friends with them having known them since childhood or something decide randomly they want to stab you in the back?
And wouldn’t directly paying for rent, bills and whatnot make them continue to ask you for favors either way?
“Person A's social life is unchanged, person B gets screwed over, but it's all too common.” was why I asked this question, as I thought person A doesn’t see the consequences of their actions because they don’t treat their social circle this way unless their social circle cuts them out of their life as a result of them ruining their relationship with person B.
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