FML: An Ode to Smogon Bitching

Status
Not open for further replies.
Chou Toshio

Chou Toshio

Over9000
is an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Top Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
It's like the bitching thread, only funny.

So I am sure you are all aware of the website Fmylife: http://www.fmylife.com/

If you aren't, you'll understand what it's about just by going.

This thread is to point out/post up your favorites from the site, or post your own FMLs that would never get posted there because they are Smogon/Socialization Empire/Pokemon related. Or it could just be your own general FMLs-- as long as they are genuinely funny.

I'll start off with some gems I found on the site:

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML
Click to expand...

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Click to expand...

Today, as I was driving to work in the aftermath of a terrible blizzard that came through my area last night, a lady slid through an intersection and hit my car, totaling it. I called my boss and told her what happened, only to have her tell me that we were closed due bad roads. No one told me. FML
Click to expand...

So yeah guys, get too it :P
 
Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
Click to expand...

Always been one of my favs from the site.
 
You know, we've had threads for just about every fml spin off website, and yet we haven't had an actual fml thread.

Yesterday on the snowday I got drunk and stoned and this girl started freaking out and thought she was going to die because her heartbeat was too fast. It was pretty terrible, but I generally refrain from saying fml because my life is p good in general.
I dropped a beer on the floor and it shattered. fml.
 
Chou Toshio posted an uninspiring repeat thread of a bad internet meme. FML.
 
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Click to expand...

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Click to expand...

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
Click to expand...

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
Click to expand...

Edit: lmao @ Snorlaxe
 
Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML
Click to expand...

edit: I see PK brings in some of the highlights of "most recommended". Still funny to read on the 5th time.
 
PK Gaming, I don't even know what to say but those are amazing.

There are lots of US blizzard themed FMLs up now

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML
Click to expand...

Today, I parked three streets away despite the ungodly cold. I did this because in the past, on my street, I have had my car keyed, my tires slashed, and my side view mirror ripped off. When I went back out to my car, I found that someone had broken off my windshield wipers. FML
Click to expand...
 
9lclu.jpg


FML
 
Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a Moderator, instead, I got banned. FML
Click to expand...

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML
Click to expand...

Today, my mother machine-washed a suit I rented for a friends wedding, despite me informing her that it was dry-clean only, and that the store would take care of it. I now owe $1600 to replace the suit, and my mum is refusing to help pay, as she was "only trying to help." FML
Click to expand...

Today, I found out that my dad has been funneling money out of my account and into his. His reasoning behind this: "Back pay for having to raise your lazy ass". FML
Click to expand...
 
Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokemon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokemon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML
Click to expand...
 
Today, I ran out of gas. While waiting for help, I had to pee very badly. Being on a busy road, I opted for a cup on the floorboard rather than getting out of the car. About halfway done I realized the bottom of the cup was broken. Now my pants and the driver's seat are soaked. FML
Click to expand...

Like all great things on the Internet, this is one I find out about really late.

EDIT: Here comes another one:
Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML
Click to expand...
 
Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokemon game. FML
Click to expand...

Today, while I was driving my 27 year old boyfriend 8 hours to a Pokemon event, he realized he didn't bring his DS with him. He cried about it. FML
Click to expand...
 
Sigh..*raises hand*

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
Click to expand...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top