Grammar-Prose Workshop v7

[xonks]

Kingambit

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Black Glasses and Tera Dark should exclusively be used with Kowtow Cleave, (AC) as these enhance Kingambit's offensive pressure; with 5 five Supreme Overlord boosts, Kingambit can reach feats like 2HKOing Dondozo with Kowtow Cleave and 1HKOing Walking-Wake along with OHKOing Walking Wake and, (AC) at +2, (AC) Dragonite through Multiscale with Sucker Punch. Air Balloon allows Kingambit to setup set up on would be would-be checks in Landorus-T and most Great Tusks (RC); (ASC) become a sturdy switch in switch-in to offense offensive threats like Kyurem, Roaring Moon, and Dragonite who that rely on their Ground-type coverage to hit it (RC); (ASC) and gain an immunity to Spikes that limits limit Kingambit before it gets going. Kingambits Kingambit's potential and defensive utility in the late game late-game make it a nearly near staple on offensive archetypes from bulky to hyper offense while still fitting on balance. Physical Physically offensive teammates like Ogerpon-Wellspring Ogerpon-W, Zamazenta, and Swords Dance Iron Valiant can overwhelm shared checks like Zanazenta Zamazenta, Landorus-Therian Landorus-T, and Dondozo. Dark Type Dark-type offensive threat threats in Darkrai (RC) and Samurott-Hisui Hisuian Samurott form a Darkspam Dark-type spam core with Kingambit to overwhelm Dark resists Dark-type resistant foes like Zamazenta and Tera Fairy users like Gholdemgo Gholdengo and Moltres together.

 

[Ascension Evermore]

xonks

Kingambit

Nice work here!

Black Glasses and Tera Dark should exclusively be used with Kowtow Cleave, (AC) as these enhance Kingambit's offensive pressure; with 5 five Supreme Overlord boosts, Kingambit can reach feats like 2HKOing Dondozo with Kowtow Cleave and 1HKOing Walking-Wake along with OHKOing Walking Wake and, (AC) at +2, (AC) Dragonite through Multiscale with Sucker Punch.

Click to collapse...

Perfect! No notes.

Air Balloon allows Kingambit to setup set up on would be would-be checks in Landorus-T and most Great Tusks (RC); (ASC) become a sturdy switch in switch-in to offense offensive threats like Kyurem, Roaring Moon, and Dragonite who that rely on their Ground-type coverage to hit it (RC); (ASC) and gain an immunity to Spikes that limits limit Kingambit before it gets going.

Click to collapse...

• You shouldn't use "in" as a substitute for "like" or "such as" when introducing examples; "in" should only be used when you're listing every example of something. For example, if Landorus-T were the best check to non-Air Balloon Kingambit, you could say, "...set up on its best would-be check in Landorus-T..." because there are no examples of "its best would-be check" other than Landorus-T. There are other "would-be checks" than Landorus-T and Great Tusk, though, so "in" isn't appropriate here.
• From the Spelling and Grammar Standards: "The plural of a Pokemon is identical to the singular of that Pokemon. One Blissey, two Blissey. Never two Blisseys." So "Great Tusks" is incorrect and should be "Great Tusk" (or perhaps "Great Tusk sets").
• The correct word here was actually "limits" rather than "limit." The subject corresponding to this verb is "an immunity to Spikes," which is a singular noun, so we should use "limits" (by the way, the move "Spikes" is also singular because it refers to the move itself, so even if Spikes was the subject, we'd still use "limits" and not "limit).

Kingambits Kingambit's potential and defensive utility in the late game late-game make it a nearly near staple on offensive archetypes from bulky to hyper offense while still fitting on balance.

Click to collapse...

• Changing "a nearly staple" is good, but "near-staple" should actually be hyphenated to emphasize that "near" modifies "staple."

Physical Physically offensive teammates like Ogerpon-Wellspring Ogerpon-W, Zamazenta, and Swords Dance Iron Valiant can overwhelm shared checks like Zanazenta Zamazenta, Landorus-Therian Landorus-T, and Dondozo.

Click to collapse...

• Sometimes, when a Pokemon is both recommended as a teammate and talked about as a potential foe, particularly within the same sentence, it can be a bit confusing for the reader. This is the case with Zamazenta in this sentence, so it could help to specify "opposing Zamazenta" there for clarity.

Dark Type Dark-type offensive threat threats in Darkrai (RC) and Samurott-Hisui Hisuian Samurott form a Darkspam Dark-type spam core with Kingambit to overwhelm Dark resists Dark-type resistant foes like Zamazenta and Tera Fairy users like Gholdemgo Gholdengo and Moltres together.

Click to collapse...

• Same comment here about using "in" rather than "like" or "such as."
• When talking about resistances like this, we say "Dark-resistant" rather than "Dark-type resistant."
• Since "Dark-type spam core" is already mentioned, it's implied that everything that comes after is being done together by the core, so there's no need to say "together" at the end, as it is redundant. It's also so far removed from what it's describing (Kingambit and its Dark-type teammate) that it's a bit confusing what it refers to at first glance.

Good work overall on this tough check! We think you are ready for the tutoring process! You can go ahead and sign up here; make sure to fill out the application, and we'll assign you!

 

[LilOu]

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cloyster beginner workshop trial

Cloyster is a strong late game late-game presence on hyper offense teams with powerful wall breakers wallbreakers and set up setup sweepers. It Since it struggles to break through bulky Water types Water-types and other Ice Ice-type resists since it lacks due to lack of coverage (RSC), (AC) Serperior OHKOs works as a great teammate that can OHKO them with super-effective STABs super effective STAB moves, while pressuring other opponents foes with its boosted Special Attack. Cloyster also has a bad matchup into Infernape and Breloom, (AC) as they have access to super-effective priortiy super effective priority moves such as Vacuum Wave and Mach Punch. Defoggers like Altaria-Mega Mega Altaria, Hydreigon or and Gliscor help Cloyster as it is relied on to switch in often and it cannot do so due to its vulnerability to multiple times by removing Stealth Rocks.

 

[Ascension Evermore]

LilOu

Cloyster

Good work here! I noticed that your punctuation comments are in the add color rather than the comment color. We'd prefer that they be in the comment color because it's clearer for the writer if the only things in the add color are actually things that need to be added (rather than comments). You can fix this by changing the settings under "Formatting" on the tool's interface to this:

Now, for your feedback:

Cloyster is a strong late game late-game presence on hyper offense teams with powerful wall breakers wallbreakers and set up setup sweepers.

Click to collapse...

This is perfect, nice work!

It Since it struggles to break through bulky Water types Water-types and other Ice Ice-type resists since it lacks due to lack of coverage (RSC), (AC) Serperior OHKOs works as a great teammate that can OHKO them with super-effective STABs super effective STAB moves, while pressuring other opponents foes with its boosted Special Attack.

Click to collapse...

• I get why you made the change to the fundamental sentence structure here - without any other context, bringing up Serperior might feel pretty abrupt. However, keep in mind that this paragraph would be appearing as the second paragraph under the set comments for a Cloyster set, and that second paragraph is typically dedicated to discussing potential teammate options for the set in question. Because of that, it's pretty standard to sometimes not explicitly say "teammate" or "partner" or something along those lines when mentioning one.
  • Given that, I would classify the sentence structure change (i.e. adding "since" to the beginning, changing "since it lacks" -> "due to lack of," and changing the semicolon to a comma) and adding "works as a great teammate" as lateral changes, which are changes from one correct word or phrase to a different correct word or phrase without a specific prose justification. Lateral changes should be avoided because we want to preserve the writer's original voice as much as possible.

As for the rest of the changes in the sentence: "It struggles to break through bulky Water types and other Ice resists since it lacks coverage; Serperior OHKOs them with super-effective STABs, while pressuring other opponents with its boosted special attack."

• You're right to change "Ice resists" because that's not accepted phrasing, but "Ice-type resists" is actually not accepted, either. Instead, you should say "Ice-resistant Pokemon" or "Ice-resistant foes" or something along those lines.
• Commas should always be used before "as" or "since" when they are used to mean the same thing as "because." Here, in "since it lacks coverage," the word "since" means the same thing as "because," so a comma should be used before it.
• "OHKOs" is the plural noun, whereas "OHKOes" is the verb, so it should be "Serperior OHKOes them."
• Commas are only used before "while" when it is used to show contrast. If "while" means "at the same time as," then a comma should not be used before it. Here, "pressuring other foes with its boosted Special Attack" is not used in contrast with "Serperior OHKOes them with super effective STAB moves," so a comma should not be used before "while."

Looks like you caught the other errors in this sentence!

Cloyster also has a bad matchup into Infernape and Breloom, (AC) as they have access to super-effective priortiy super effective priority moves such as Vacuum Wave and Mach Punch.

Click to collapse...

• The words "into" and "against" are not synonyms. When talking about matchups, you should always use "against," so "Cloyster also has a bad matchup against Infernape and Breloom."

Defoggers like Altaria-Mega Mega Altaria, Hydreigon or and Gliscor help Cloyster as it is relied on to switch in often and it cannot do so due to its vulnerability to multiple times by removing Stealth Rocks.

Click to collapse...

• Smogon uses the Oxford comma, also known as the serial comma. This is the comma that comes between the conjunction (usually "and," but sometimes also "or"; you were right to change "or" -> "and" in this case, though) and the penultimate item of a list. So in this case, it should be "Mega Altaria, Hydreigon, and Gliscor."
• "...help Cloyster switch in multiple times by removing Stealth Rock" is a grammatically correct way to end this sentence, but the parts you removed contain some information that is now lost. Remember, we always want to keep as much of the writer's original voice as possible. Lateral and content changes don't accomplish that. It's not just that Cloyster can switch in more often thanks to Defoggers, but it is relied on to do so, and saying that emphasizes how important it is for these Defoggers to remove hazards for Cloyster.
• In the original ending of the sentence ("...help Cloyster as it is relied on to switch in often and it cannot do so due to its vulnerability to Stealth Rocks"), there are a couple more errors:
  • The move is "Stealth Rock," not "Stealth Rocks." The entry hazard itself is referred to by the same name, so it should be made singular.
  • Like I mentioned earlier, commas should always be used before "as" or "since" when they are used to mean "because." That's the case with "as it is relied on to switch in often," so there should be a comma before that.
  • Whenever you use a FANBOYS ("for," "and," "nor," "but," "or," "yet," "so") conjunction to separate two independent clauses, there should be a comma before the conjunction. Since "it is relied on to switch in often" and "it cannot do so due to its vulnerability to Stealth Rock" are both independent clauses, and they are separated by a FANBOYS conjunction ("and"), there should be a comma before that conjunction.

Nice job with your first attempt! Be sure to go through this feedback and let me know if you have any questions! Each of these points also have corresponding sections in the Spelling and Grammar Standards and GP Beginner Notes document (both linked in the OP of this thread), so you can also read through those for some more information. Otherwise, feel free to try another Beginner exercise when you get the time!

 

[LilOu]

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ceruledge

Ceruledge is an exceptional early game early-game breaker on Fire-teams Fire teams, (AC) as it has access to strong STABs (RC) STAB moves and priority. Swords Dance allows it to setup set up quickly, enabling it to break through opponents who would otherwise take many hits comfortably, (AC) like Toxapex or Goodra-Hisui and Hisuian Goodra. Poltergeist is essential for Ceruledge to hit Fire resists Fire-resistant foes like Gouging-Fire Gouging Fire, Toxapex, Skeledirge, (AC) and Heatran, (AC) as it is otehrwise otherwise has a bad matchup into against them. Weak Armor, (AC) paired with Focus Sash, (AC) provides a Speed boost to Ceruledge (RC) while; (ASC) and the latter also preventing prevents it from being OHKOd OHKOed if there are no entry hazards.

 

[Ascension Evermore]

LilOu

Ceruledge

Hey, nice work here! Quick note - appreciate the creative flair, but we generally try to keep the add color to be some shade of blue (with the remove color being some shade of red and the comment color being any other color that is clearly distinguishable from your add and remove colors) for consistency's sake so that writers aren't as confused when seeing checks from different GPers. Feel free to customize the specific shades as much as you like, though (as long as the shades are clearly visible on the forums)!

Ceruledge is an exceptional early game early-game breaker on Fire-teams Fire teams, (AC) as it has access to strong STABs (RC) STAB moves and priority.

Click to collapse...

• On its own, "breaker" isn't an accepted term. You should use "wallbreaker" or "stallbreaker" instead. By default, you should use "wallbreaker," but you can say "stallbreaker" if beating stall as an archetype is specifically mentioned. In this case, there's nothing like that, so you should use "wallbreaker."

Swords Dance allows it to setup set up quickly, enabling it to break through opponents who would otherwise take many hits comfortably, (AC) like Toxapex or Goodra-Hisui and Hisuian Goodra.

Click to collapse...

• We use "opponent" to refer to the opposing human player and "foe" to refer to the opposing Pokemon. Ceruledge is breaking through the Pokemon, not the player, so it should be "foes" rather than "opponents."
• You shouldn't use the pronouns "who," "he," and "she" to refer to Pokemon; use "which," "that," and "it" instead. Here, "that" is the best option instead of "who." If you want to know why "that" is preferred over "which" here, read through the section of the Beginner Notes document that talks about "that" vs. "which" (and let me know if you have questions, of course).
• Changing "take hits" -> "take many hits comfortably" is a content change. In general, it's quite rare in Pokemon for something to be able to take "many" hits from a dedicated attacker in the same usage tier. That's likely why the original sentence didn't use a word like that, and using that word changes the meaning of the sentence, so it should be avoided. The same goes for "comfortably."

Poltergeist is essential for Ceruledge to hit Fire resists Fire-resistant foes like Gouging-Fire Gouging Fire, Toxapex, Skeledirge, (AC) and Heatran, (AC) as it is otehrwise otherwise has a bad matchup into against them.

Click to collapse...

Perfect! No notes. Good work incorporating some of my previous feedback here!

Weak Armor, (AC) paired with Focus Sash, (AC) provides a Speed boost to Ceruledge (RC) while; (ASC) and the latter also preventing prevents it from being OHKOd OHKOed if there are no entry hazards.

Click to collapse...

• You actually don't need to have commas around "paired with Focus Sash." It wouldn't be grammatically wrong to have those commas if the writer had chosen to use them, but they're not needed either. Using those commas turns "paired with Focus Sash" into a less important aside that is not crucial to the core meaning of the sentence. Determinations like this are generally left to the writer's discretion, and we stick with what the writer chose. So, if they chose not to use commas, we should follow suit.
• Since the subject is "Weak Armor paired with Focus Sash," i.e. a combination of the two, the original sentence structure with "while" was acceptable. Weak Armor paired with Focus Sash does the thing that Weak Armor does while also doing the thing that Focus Sash does. If the subject was just "Weak Armor" on its own, then it wouldn't work because Weak Armor doesn't prevent Ceruledge from being OHKOed if there are no entry hazards, but that's not the case here.
  • So, it was fine to say "...while also preventing it from being OHKOed if there are no entry hazards."
  • Also, in your version, the semicolon doesn't quite work. When using semicolons to separate clauses like this, both clauses need to be independent, and there shouldn't be a conjunction connecting them like there would be when using a comma. So, if you wanted to use a semicolon, you shouldn't use "and" as well.
• With that said, if you kept the original "while also" phrasing, the comma before "while" should be removed. We only use commas before "while" when it is used to show contrast, not when it is used to mean "at the same time as." This sentence is the latter case, so no comma should be used.

Good work overall! There were no repeated mistakes from your first workshop, which is a good sign. A good way to try and mitigate your lateral / content changes is: every time you want to make a change, ask yourself, "what specifically is wrong with the current version? can I put into words what is wrong and match it up with an error listed in the Spelling and Grammar Standards or GP Beginner Notes document?" If you're unable to match it up with something in those resources, then that change might not be appropriate.

In any case, let me know if you have any questions about any of this, and feel free to try another Beginner exercise when you can!

 

[LilOu]

Ascension Evermore thank you much! here is the next one. hope the new color shades are right. at least to my eyes, the "add" color i chose is a shade of blue, and the "remove" one is a shade of red. also, the intensity of the "comment" color to make it more readable over the forum's grey background while also standing out less than the other two

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crobat

Brave Bird hits threatening Grass- Types and Fighting Types Fighting-types such as Amoonguss, Celebi, (AC) and or Infernape super-effectively (RC) super effectively while also having the ability to revenge-kill weakneed revenge kill weakened, (AC) slower opponents foes. Z-Brave Bird OHKOs Supersonic Skystrike OHKOes Latias and Hydreigon after Stealth Rocks Rock, (AC) but running it means Crobat cannot run Black Sludge. U-Turn allows Crobat to utilise its high Speed to pivot out of Flying resists Flying-resistant foes that it has a bad match up into (RC) against while keeping up momentum for its team. Taunt is essential as it shuts down defensive Pokemon such as Alomomola, and prevents opponents foes such as Hippowdon from being able to setup set up entry hazards .

 

[autumn]

LilOu

Crobat

Nice wok here!

U-Turn allows Crobat to utilise its high Speed to pivot out of Flying resists Flying-resistant foes that it has a bad match up into (RC) against while keeping up momentum for its team.

Click to collapse...

• The 't' in 'U-turn' should not be capitalised; to check move formatting, you can use the dex or the PS teambuilder.
• 'Utilise' is British English spelling; Smogon uses American English spelling, so this should be changed to 'utilize'.
• 'Matchup' should be one word when being used as a noun.

Taunt is essential as it shuts down defensive Pokemon such as Alomomola, and prevents opponents foes such as Hippowdon from being able to setup set up entry hazards .

Click to collapse...

• There needs to be a comma before 'as' here. Commas should be used before 'as' and 'since' when those words are being used to mean 'because'. Essentially, if you can switch out as/since and replace it with because and the sentence still makes sense, then you need to use a comma.
• The comma before 'and prevents' is incorrect here. Commas before 'and' 'but' 'or' should be used when the clause after that word is independent.
  • An independent clause is a part of a sentence that independently makes sense on its own as a sentence without depending on any other part, such as "Taunt prevents foes from setting up entry hazards"
  • An independent clause needs a subject (what the sentence is referring to), so "Pikachu can use Thunderbolt" is independent (Pikachu is the subject), whereas "can use Thunderbolt" is not independent.
  • A dependent clause/clause that is not independent is the opposite; it does not make sense on its own without the rest of the sentence. In this case "prevents foes from being able to set up entry hazards" is not independent because this part of the sentence is missing a subject/information about what prevents foes from doing this.
  • A good way to test for this is to take the entire portion after 'and', copy/paste it separately, and then read it to see if it makes sense as an independent sentence. If it doesn't, you shouldn't use a comma.

Overall good work, especially picking up on Pokemon-specific errors. For comma errors, I would recommend using the GP Beginner Notes document, where the first section covers these rules. Section 4 is also key: it has a guide to using ctrl + f for proofreading, which is a huge help in catching smaller points like U-turn capitalisation consistently without having to remember each time.

Feel free to try another Beginner exercise, and if you would like to look at comma rules specifically, we can share some exercises.

 

[LilOu]

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tsareena

Tsareena's Grass-typing Grass typing and powerful STABs STAB moves let it threaten staples (RC) and break Defensive down defensive Pokemon such as Swampert, Hippowdon, (AC) and or Suicune. Its ability to force out most Stealth Rocks Rock setters helps it keep entry hazards off the field (RC) while also having a strong offensive presence. Tsareena is easily revenge-killed revenge killed by faster opponents who foes that offensively pressure it such as Infernape, Aerodactyl-Mega Mega Aerodactyl, (AC) and Nihilego. Therefore, it appreciates bulky Fire- and Rock resists Rock-resistant teammates, (AC) as they can safely switch into strong attacks.

and yes, please, share comma-related excercises autumn (and thank you)

 

[earthfromthefuture]

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tsareena

Tsareena's Grass-typing Grass typing and powerful STABs STAB moves let it threaten staples (RC) and break Defensive down defensive Pokemon such as Swampert, Hippowdon, (AC) and or Suicune. Its ability to force out most Stealth Rocks Rock setters helps it keep entry hazards off the field (RC) while also having a strong offensive presence. Tsareena is easily revenge-killed revenge killed by faster opponents who foes that offensively pressure it such as Infernape, Aerodactyl-Mega Mega Aerodactyl, (AC) and Nihilego. Therefore, it appreciates bulky Fire- and Rock resists Rock-resistant teammates, (AC) as they can safely switch into strong attacks.

and yes, please, share comma-related excercises autumn (and thank you)

Click to collapse...

Good work, there's no errors remaining in this workshop exercise!
Feel free to move onto the Intermediate samples; you seem to be fine with commas after being provided with the Beginner resources, so it doesn't seem necessary to provide those exercises. It'd be better to work on your GP know-how rather than focus specifically on commas, as you're picking up the comma-related work very well so far.

 

[LilOu]

Good work, there's no errors remaining in this workshop exercise!
Feel free to move onto the Intermediate samples; you seem to be fine with commas after being provided with the Beginner resources, so it doesn't seem necessary to provide those exercises. It'd be better to work on your GP know-how rather than focus specifically on commas, as you're picking up the comma-related work very well so far.

Click to collapse...

holyyyy, i thought the beginner exercises were never gonna end haha. thanks!! here i go with my first intermediate.

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slither wing intermediate

Slither-WingSlither Wing is a niche defensive pivot which that uses it's its interesting type, serviceable bulk, (AC) and reliable recovery in Morning Sun to check attackers like Great Tusk, Breloom, (AC) and or Kingambit. U-turn generates momentum for Slither-Wing's its team against mons Pokemon such as Flutter Mane and Skeledirge, (AC) and it importantly allows Slither-Wing Slither Wing to avoid being trapped by Gothitelle. Close Combat OHKOs OHKOes Iron Bundle and Chi-Yu, (AC) as well as 2HKOing and 2HKOs Miraidon, (AC) which Body Press cannot do. Will-o-Wisp's Burn Will-O-Wisp unnecessary fluff stops the Pokemon Slither-Wing Slither Wing's checks from using it as set up setup fodder (RC) it and also punishes opponents foes such as Toxapex or and Corviknight for switching in. Morning Sun heals Slither-Wing for 50% of its health, helping it to helps Slither Wing consistently switch into Great Tusk removed unecessary dex info about morning sun. Tera Water provides a resistance to Fire type Fire-type attacks from Koraidon and Chi-Yu, and Water type Water-type attacks from Iron Bundle and Palafin, (AC) allowing for a last ditch counterattack. 168 Speed EVs out speed adamant let it outspeed Adamant Breloom and the rest are dumped into physical bulk.

after removing the dex info about morning sun, the sentence feels quite short. is that a bad thing?

also, i'm kinda unsure about the comma after "chi-yu" in the penultimate sentence. decided to keep it because there already was an "and" between koraidon and chi-yu, which could cause confusion because of its proximity to the "and" after chi-yu.

 

[earthfromthefuture]

LilOu

Slither Wing

Slither-WingSlither Wing is a niche defensive pivot which that uses it's its interesting type, serviceable bulk, (AC) and reliable recovery in Morning Sun to check attackers like Great Tusk, Breloom, (AC) and or Kingambit.

Click to collapse...

- Good work, no issues.

U-turn generates momentum for Slither-Wing's its team against mons Pokemon such as Flutter Mane and Skeledirge, (AC) and it importantly allows Slither-Wing Slither Wing to avoid being trapped by Gothitelle.
->
U-turn generates momentum for its Slither Wing's team against Pokemon such as Flutter Mane and Skeledirge, and it importantly allows Slither Wing to avoid being trapped by Gothitelle.

Click to collapse...

- By changing "Slither-Wing" to "its" here, you created a double it reference error. "U-turn generates momentum for its team" doesn't work because "its" is not a Pokemon and cannot generate momentum on its own, similar to how EVs do not outspeed opposing Pokemon on their own.

Close Combat OHKOs OHKOes Iron Bundle and Chi-Yu, (AC) as well as 2HKOing and 2HKOs Miraidon, (AC) which Body Press cannot do.
->
Close Combat OHKOes Iron Bundle and Chi-Yu (RC) as well as 2HKOing 2HKOes Miraidon, which Body Press cannot do.

Click to collapse...

- While there is repetition of "and" in "Iron Bundle and Chi-Yu and 2HKOs Miraidon", adding the comma before "as well as" places "2HKOes Miraidon" in secondary priority to "OHKOes Iron Bundle and Chi-Yu", which wasn't the author's original intent.
- "2HKOing" needs to be "2HKOes" in order to be parallel with the prior "OHKOes".

Will-o-Wisp's Burn Will-O-Wisp unnecessary fluff stops the Pokemon Slither-Wing Slither Wing's checks from using it as set up setup fodder (RC) it and also punishes opponents foes such as Toxapex or and Corviknight for switching in.
->
Will-O-Wisp stops Slither Wing's checks from using it as setup fodder (RC) and also punishes while also punishing foes such as Toxapex and Corviknight for switching in.

Click to collapse...

- Good work getting rid of the double "it" here, but "and also" is redundant because the two mean the same thing.
- There's a few fixes for "it also", like "while also punishing" or "additionally punishing"

Morning Sun heals Slither-Wing for 50% of its health, helping it to helps Slither Wing consistently switch into Great Tusk removed unecessary dex info about morning sun.

Click to collapse...

- This is perfect. No need to worry about sentence length.

Tera Water provides a resistance to Fire type Fire-type attacks from Koraidon and Chi-Yu, and Water type Water-type attacks from Iron Bundle and Palafin, (AC) allowing for a last ditch counterattack.
->
Tera Water provides a resistance to Fire-type attacks from Koraidon and Chi-Yu (RC) and as well as Water-type attacks from Iron Bundle and Palafin, allowing for a last ditch last-ditch counterattack.

Click to collapse...

- There's a triple repetition of "and" between "Koraidon and Chi-Yu and... Iron Bundle and Palafin", which can be dealt with by changing the middle "and" to "as well as".
- "last ditch" should be hyphenated to "last-ditch".

168 Speed EVs out speed adamant let it outspeed Adamant Breloom and the rest are dumped into physical bulk.
->
168 Speed EVs let it Slither Wing outspeed Adamant Breloom, (AC) and the rest are dumped into physical bulk.
OR
168 Speed EVs let it Slither Wing outspeed Adamant Breloom, (AC) and the rest are dumped into physical bulk. As it stands, "and the rest are physical bulk" is dex info; does this extra bulk do anything in specific? If it's just general, cut this information.

Click to collapse...

- "it" doesn't work here. The last time Slither Wing was mentioned as the primary topic of a sentence was two sentences ago, so "it" is referring to Tera Water right now; naturally, Tera Water doesn't outspeed Adamant Breloom.
- "and the rest are dumped into physical bulk" can either have a comma placed before it or be removed entirely. While the author put it in there, there is no sentence talking about what the physical bulk does, so it's useless dex info to the reader. When that happens, I personally recommend leaving a comment to the writer, as they often mean something by having that information present, it's just not detailed.

 

[LilOu]

intermediate: cinccino

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Thanks to Tidy Up, (AC) Cinccino is the main enabler of hyper offense teams, letting them run many powerful hazard weak entry hazard-weak Pokemon such as Oricorio-Pa'u Oricorio-P, Arcanine, and Ninetales-Alola Alolan Ninetales. Knock Off lets Cinccino hit Ghost Types Ghost-types like Chandelure (RC) as well as Bronzong, an otherwise problematic wall. Encore allows Cincinno Cinccino to capitalize on passive foes which setup that set up hazards, boost their stats, or heal up, (AC) such as Gligar, Registeel, and Sylveon. Teammates like Diancie, Toxtricity, (AC) and Scyther can work alongside Cinccino to overwhelm shared checks that are Steel-type checks "shared Steel-type checks" could be interpreted as checks to Steel-type Pokemon, which is not intended by the author like Copperajah and Bronzong (RC); (ASC) however, (AC) Fire- Fires and Fightings Fighting-types such as Chandelure, Tauros-Paldea-Aqua Paldean Tauros-W, and Heracross that easily beat these same Steel-types work as well. Grassy Terrain teams also heavily benefit from Cinccinos Cinccino's presence, (AC) since it lets Oricorio forms formes, Grafaiai, and Arcanine switch-in switch in without having to take chip damage from hazards.

letting them run many powerful hazard weak entry hazard-weak Pokemon

Click to collapse...

i almost proposed "entry-hazard-weak Pokemon" to ensure that the 3 words were read as a whole, but it didn't seem right. "entry hazard-weak" looks better, but isn't it kinda ambiguous? like, it could be interpreted as the -weak sufix is only affecting "hazard" and not "entry hazard". what's the logic behind this topic?

 

[Ascension Evermore]

LilOu

Cinccino

Great work here going up a level! This was really good, I only have a couple notes.

i almost proposed "entry-hazard-weak Pokemon" to ensure that the 3 words were read as a whole, but it didn't seem right. "entry hazard-weak" looks better, but isn't it kinda ambiguous? like, it could be interpreted as the -weak sufix is only affecting "hazard" and not "entry hazard". what's the logic behind this topic?

Click to collapse...

Since "entry hazard" normally doesn't have a hyphen, you don't give it a hyphen when combining it with "weak." It's the same as something like "Choice Band-boosted" (which is not "Choice-Band-Boosted"). The ambiguity could be present in a vacuum, I suppose, but if you were to read "entry" as being separate from "hazard-weak," the sentence wouldn't make any sense, so in the context of the sentence, there isn't ambiguity.

Teammates like Diancie, Toxtricity, (AC) and Scyther can work alongside Cinccino to overwhelm shared checks that are Steel-type checks "shared Steel-type checks" could be interpreted as checks to Steel-type Pokemon, which is not intended by the author like Copperajah and Bronzong (RC); (ASC) however, (AC) Fire- Fires and Fightings Fighting-types such as Chandelure, Tauros-Paldea-Aqua Paldean Tauros-W, and Heracross that easily beat these same Steel-types work as well.

Click to collapse...

• "Steel-type checks" might be ambiguous in a vacuum, but "shared Steel-type checks" is not, and certainly not in the context of this sentence. If you were to interpret this to mean "checks to Steel-type Pokemon," you couldn't really justify the usage of "shared" in any way, since it wouldn't be doing anything in the sentence. Instead, "shared" makes it explicit that these are checks to both Cinccino and the potential teammates listed at the beginning of the sentence, not Steel-types.
  • Also, in general, it's very important to consider the context of a sentence when deciding whether or not something is ambiguous. If a phrase on its own could theoretically be ambiguous, but one interpretation is clearly favored based on the rest of the sentence, that is usually not something that needs to be changed.
  • For example (s/o Lumari for this example): "Skarmory frustrates Excadrill by reliably keeping its entry hazards off the field." In a vacuum, the "its" in this sentence could mean "Skarmory's" or "Excadrill's" (or maybe even "the field's"). In context, though, "its" is not ambiguous because "Skarmory reliably keeps Skarmory's entry hazards off the field" doesn't make sense, so it's clear that "its" refers to "Excadrill's."

Grassy Terrain teams also heavily benefit from Cinccinos Cinccino's presence, (AC) since it lets Oricorio forms formes, Grafaiai, and Arcanine switch-in switch in without having to take chip damage from hazards.

Click to collapse...

• Saying "Oricorio formes" without "the" preceding it makes it unclear whether the sentence is referring to all of the Oricorio formes, or just some of them. If you say "the Oricorio formes" (so, "since it lets the Oricorio formes, Grafaiai, and Arcanine switch in"), it's clear that you're referring to all of them, which is presumably the intention.

Great job on this one! We think you're ready to move on to the Advanced exercises! As always, though, let me know if you have any questions!

 

[LilOu]

thank you Ascension Evermore :)

i must say this advanced excercise was a pain in the ass.

advanced: kingambit

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Black Glasses and Tera Dark should exclusively be used with Kowtow Cleave, (AC) as these enhance Kingambit's offensive pressure (RSC). (AP) With 5 five Supreme Overlord boosts, Kingambit can reach feats like 2HKOing Dondozo with Kowtow Cleave and 1HKOing Walking-Wake and at +2 as well as OHKOing Walking Wake and Dragonite through Multiscale with Sucker Punch at +0 and +2 Attack respectively. after running some calcs, i'm assuming your intention is to say that kowtow cleave is used for dondozo, while sucker punch is for walking wake and dnite, as both are faster than kingambit. if that is not the case, please make it clearer Air Balloon allows Kingambit to setup set up on would be would-be checks in like Landorus-T and most Great Tusks (RC) Tusk; (ASC) become a sturdy switch in switch-in to offense threats like Kyurem, Roaring Moon, and Dragonite who that rely on their Ground-type coverage to hit it (RC); (ASC) and gain an immunity to Spikes that limits Kingambit before it gets going. Kingambits Kingambit's offensive potential? potential and defensive utility in the late game late-game make it nearly a nearly staple on offensive archetypes from bulky to hyper offense while still fitting on balance. Physical Physically offensive teammates like Ogerpon-Wellspring Ogerpon-W, Zamazenta, and Swords Dance Iron Valiant can overwhelm shared checks like Zanazenta opposing Zamazenta, Landorus-Therian Landorus-T, and Dondozo. Dark Type offensive threat in Offensive threats like Darkrai (RC) and Samurott-Hisui Hisuian Samurott form a Darkspam Dark-type spam core with Kingambit to overwhelm Dark resists foes that resist the type, (AC) like Zamazenta and Tera Fairy users like Gholdemgo Gholdengo and Moltres together. what do you mean with "together" here? sounds like it's not really needed, but i might be wrong

 

[autumn]

LilOu

Kingambit

Nice work here! I'd recommend that you take a look at signing up for our tutoring program now, where you'll be paired with GPers who will work with you directly on checks.

Black Glasses and Tera Dark should exclusively be used with Kowtow Cleave, (AC) as these enhance Kingambit's offensive pressure (RSC). (AP) With 5 five Supreme Overlord boosts, Kingambit can reach feats like 2HKOing Dondozo with Kowtow Cleave and 1HKOing Walking-Wake and at +2 as well as OHKOing Walking Wake and Dragonite through Multiscale with Sucker Punch at +0 and +2 Attack respectively. after running some calcs, i'm assuming your intention is to say that kowtow cleave is used for dondozo, while sucker punch is for walking wake and dnite, as both are faster than kingambit. if that is not the case, please make it clearer

Click to collapse...

• Using a semicolon in this sentence was fine, so it's a lateral edit to change it to a period. Semicolons are used to connect two independent clauses (without a connective like 'and' 'but' 'or') that are linked together; in this case, the ideas of Black Glasses and Tera Dark as well as the damage calcs for it are linked. Semicolons can also be used in lists as you change later.
• 'Respectively' should always be written surrounded by commas (eg 'xxx, respectively, xxx). If it's the last word in a sentence like here, you only need the comma before it.

Air Balloon allows Kingambit to setup set up on would be would-be checks in like Landorus-T and most Great Tusks (RC) Tusk; (ASC) become a sturdy switch in switch-in to offense threats like Kyurem, Roaring Moon, and Dragonite who that rely on their Ground-type coverage to hit it (RC); (ASC) and gain an immunity to Spikes that limits Kingambit before it gets going.

Click to collapse...

• Nice change with the semicolon list!
• Changing 'in' to 'like' changes the nuance of the sentence slightly; using 'like' or 'such as' for examples implies that there are more examples that meet the criteria, and the list written is just naming a few. Using 'in' has the opposite implication: the examples introduced with 'in' are the only ones that apply.

Kingambits Kingambit's offensive potential? potential and defensive utility in the late game late-game make it nearly a nearly staple on offensive archetypes from bulky to hyper offense while still fitting on balance.

Click to collapse...

• Saying 'potential' is fine here; if 'offensive potential' was added, it would create repetition with 'offensive archetypes' later on in the sentence.
• 'Late-game' 'early-game' etc should be used as terms on their own, without saying 'in the' before it. This is something that the ctrl + f list in section 4 of beginner notes helps check for, so I'd highly recommend keeping that in mind.
• The writer was likely going for 'near-staple on offensive archetypes' here.

Physical Physically offensive teammates like Ogerpon-Wellspring Ogerpon-W, Zamazenta, and Swords Dance Iron Valiant can overwhelm shared checks like Zanazenta opposing Zamazenta, Landorus-Therian Landorus-T, and Dondozo.

Click to collapse...

• Using physical/special to mean physically/specially offensive is accepted, so there's no need to change this.
• Adding 'opposing' before Zamazenta also isn't required for clarity; while the sentence does mention your Zamazenta previously, the next part of it talks about overwhelming shared checks like xyz, so a reader knows that something introduced after that would be a check (opposing) and not a teammate (on your side).

Dark Type offensive threat in Offensive threats like Darkrai (RC) and Samurott-Hisui Hisuian Samurott form a Darkspam Dark-type spam core with Kingambit to overwhelm Dark resists foes that resist the type, (AC) like Zamazenta and Tera Fairy users like Gholdemgo Gholdengo and Moltres together. what do you mean with "together" here? sounds like it's not really needed, but i might be wrong

Click to collapse...

• Great work handling repetition of Dark-types!
• Similarly to above, changing 'in' to 'like' changes the meaning slightly, going from the original implying only Darkrai/Hisuian Samurott do this to a change implying there are other examples.
• Because you add a comma before 'like' here, that means you've opened up an aside clause. This needs to be closed with another comma after 'Moltres'.
  • Think about aside clauses like parentheses/brackets. You can either have 0 brackets or 2 brackets (one open and one close), but not 1.
  • If you changed commas for brackets here for visibility, you would have: 'overwhelm foes that resist the type (like Zamazenta and Tera Fairy users together' - opened but not closed. The 'together' isn't part of the examples list, so with brackets it should look like 'overwhelm foes that resist the type (like Zamazenta and Tera Fairy users) together'.
  • In the sentence, you'd add a comma after Tera Fairy users.
  • Aside clauses must also be removable with the main sentence still making sense.
• The use of 'together' here makes more sense when you remove the aside: 'a Dark-type spam core to overwhelm Pokemon that resist the type together' - it's saying that the core does the overwhelming together.