Hit or Stand

[az]

i cock my head at sijih, insouciantly taking us onto page two

"well, i don't know about playin' fer all o' these folks. i'm a lone ranger, frog-marchin' to the beat of my own humdrum. ain't nobody's hero, jus' a feller from nowhere goin' anywhere, takin' the positives with the double negatives"

i adjust the seat of my trusty twenty-one shoo

ter on my hip, and take a look around at the watchful denizens of smogoff

"what i do know is i've been all the way up and down the length o' the road to el dorito. i've seen folks post themselves half to death just to make a livin'. '05ers with their faces black, still workin' every day in the post mines. i've travelled the iseebebe river, seen boys pannin' fer likes all day long"

for a brief moment, a piercing high-pitched squeal in my brain gives me pause. visions of chocolate-smeared anime girl trading cards flash before my eyes. i pinch at the bridge of my nose (weight limit ten tons) and blink them away

"what i'm tryin' ter say is i reckon ordinary folks is the same everywhere you post, and everybody needs to see a li'l somethin' special once in a while. fer these folks? well, i guess tonight is the night, and i'm as good a feller as the next one. it's time to dance with lady luck, and squeeze her ass some, too

"so yeah, reckon i'm sure. let's play bonus mode"

 

[Sijih]

you don't want to play for the whole town? you don't have a choice... the bonus round is something that all of smogoff sees. like spectators watching the roman triumph of a victorious general - or like spectators watching the defeat of a gladiator in the colosseum.

because if you win the hit or stand bonus round - then that means that anyone can win it. but noone's won it yet.

i walk into the back. the house uses... special packs of cards for bonus rounds. i go up to the keypad. i punch in the code - "coolcow" - and the door slides open. despite the fact that the door is made of solid steel 3 feet thick, it opens easily. it was well made - a shame that the only person in this part of the world who knows how to install these had to disappear so shortly after working on ours.

we have a lot of cards in here. but i know which pack i need. the house special pack. it's next to another pack, one with much more crude imagery. the other pack is covered in chocolate stains, and the special pack has a chocolate stain on the box. that's strange. i don't remember eating any chocolate recently, and i'm the only one who can get in here...

but it doesn't matter. the cards themselves have no chocolate on them, and i know the outcome of the bonus round already.

i make a show of shuffling the cards. a farce.

bonus rounds work differently. i play first. cards face up. i'll deal out my first two.

im at 8. not a great way to start. i hit.

15. hit.

17. normally the house would make me stand here. but on bonus rounds, when i'm feeling lucky, i hit these.

exactly what i needed. looks like i got a 5 card 21.

21 is the second best hand in hit or stand. you can't get the best hand every time - too obvious. anyways, i could get a 7 every hand and still win.

now for you. i'll deal out one card from each hand.

3 kings. odds of that are pretty low. but i don't make the special decks, i just deal them.

well, here's the first card from each hand. all of them are the same - makes it simple for you. you don't strike me as the thinking type.

there's a way to win all of these hands, a way to push all of these hands, and a lot of ways to lose. oh, by the way, pushing counts as a loss. i must have forgotten to mention that. silly me.

it looks like you got the one hand you needed to beat mine. ace and a face card, the only thing higher than a 21. you need 3 more hands to win.

2 more.

i've seen the special deck give 3 away before. you can see glimmers of hope in some people's eyes, but equally many faces are bored. everyone knows what happens next.

one hand left to win.

...

...

...

...

...

i expected a ruckus. everyone is silent.

you won the bonus hand. congratulations. by the time you walk out of here, you'll find your horse's saddlebags filled with payment. jewels, gold, money. it will be there.

i lean closer. i whisper.

the house has a lot of people on payroll. and not just cardtenders. there are some more... dangerous fellows. and i've always heard that the best gamblers know when not to push their luck. you might want to get out of dodge with that haul, cowboy.

 

[az]

for each reveal, i'm mptionless — elbows on the table, hands clasped beneath my nose, and all of it beneath the wide brim of my heiffer-rustling hat

one, two, three, four hands

i can feel the mood in the room change well before the dealer comes on heavy. it isn't my first time cardslinging. when he makes his thinly-veiled threat i raise my head some, just enough to show the corner of a lop-sided smile

"way i understood it, hit or stand ain't a gamblin' game, anyhow. ain't that right?"

 

[Coeur7]

This is bad play. Against an inside straight draw, you 3hit AKs on the bleb pushing chocolate, then stand when villain iso donks fish. This blocks his combo range, freeing up a yomi layer. Then you ante to Contract for tempo and attack the dealer for the rake.